


All the Way (Kylo Ren x Reader)

by Fledderer



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Comedy, Drama, Eventual Relationships, Eventual Romance, F/M, Force-Sensitive Reader, Language, Light Angst, Medical Procedures, Medical Trauma, Reader-Insert, Romance, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, The Dark Side of the Force, The Force, its like really slow, seriously it takes like forever for anything to happen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-17
Updated: 2020-07-10
Packaged: 2021-02-26 16:53:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 42
Words: 155,836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21831643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fledderer/pseuds/Fledderer
Summary: After finishing medical school you decide to join the first order as one of their medics. A routine assignment does not go as planned and it's on you to take care of the supreme leader.
Relationships: Ben Solo | Kylo Ren/You, Kylo Ren/Reader, Kylo Ren/You
Comments: 522
Kudos: 970





	1. Desert

The fight against the resistance fighters had been going on for a few days. In the beginning the First Order had been carpet bombing the bland, desert surface of the planet, eliminating large groups of the rebellious natives and collapsing tunnel entrances. The large net of caves and ravines beneath the stone desert served as a great hideout, providing not only many ways to trap attacking enemies but also many places to hide.  
Normally the First Order did not employ many medics. Stormtroopers, and even the mountain troopers which made up a great part of the army on Eks, were mostly expendable and anyone that got hit was anyway a failure. Right now it was different though, given there were many non combat units, including officers, engineers and various experts of different jobs present.

It was a race against time and either of the specialised teams had to be brought inside the planet to do their respective jobs. Your job was to make sure they survived, if they or their personal guard got wounded.  
It was not easy but you loved it, no, you lived for it. Being on the battlefield, the blaster shots flying over your head, patching up wounds, cauterizing them and stopping the bleeding put you in some sort of meditative state.  
It was similar to when you first learned how to shoot a gun, or to be precise a sniper rifle. The wait for the perfect moment and patching up people on the battlefield was very similar in that regard. The only things that existed for you then was either the target or the wound. Nothing else.  
It was what you wanted out of working for the First Order, exactly how you envisioned it. Not many of your fellow graduates chose to work for them, percentage wise, not numbers wise. For you it had always been a dream, joining them, working for them and with them. You could not exactly tell why? Perhaps the black and white uniforms made you feel safe, given they had liberated your planet from raiders and ensured its protection, perhaps it was simply the power that came with being part of such a great, uniformed organisation. It did not matter why you had joined them, the only thing that mattered to you now was making sure you made them as glad you were part of their organisation as you were glad to be part of it.

Even though you were theoretically not a proper stormtrooper, given you had joined afterwards and had only received minimal combat training, you still wore their armour. It was mostly the same, apart from the blue shoulder pad and the text on your back saying: "Medic", written in big black letters. You noticed the usually bright orange medical bag, which was now dusty and an unhealthy pale brown colour. Same for the rest of your armour, a thin layer of brown dust stuck to it, clumping together and hiding the blood underneath. It bothered you. Not because it was dirt per se, you did not mind the blood sticking to your uniform any more than the dust, but because it was a sign of how easy it was to contaminate wounds in this environment.

You scoffed slightly and barely managed to pull one of the unsuspecting officers with you behind some cover. Less than a millisecond later there was blaster fire where the man had just stood. You waited and shot back into the direction it was coming from, not really trying to hit anything, just wanting to ensure that you had long enough to pass the gap to catch up with the rest of the group.  
Just in time as well, both of you were grabbed by stormtroopers and shoved behind some more cover while they eliminated whomever had been shooting at you.  
"Follow us.", one of them said and the officer, two engineers and you continued your way through the tunnels.

It did not take you long until you had reached a bigger cave, it was secured by a bunch of mountain- and stormtroopers. The team you entered with immediately went to work. You were not exactly sure what exactly they were doing, you knew that the rebels were hiding something valuable somewhere. Kyber crystals? You had heard something about that earlier, you had also heard something about them wanting to train force sensitives here. You weren't exactly sure, and it was not your place to ask anyway.  
You admired the huge structures built inside the cave. A loud crack could be heard and part of the ceiling opened slowly. One of the engineers close to you cheered quietly. You got out of the way for the incoming ships.  
The door opened and out stepped two figures you expected to see the least on such a barren planet. Both General Hux and Supreme leader Kylo Ren appeared. You had not seen either of them this close before, General Hux was one thing. His eyes were ice cold, scanning the room for the next highest ranking officer, who appeared almost immediately. His pale skin and ginger hair made him seem even colder. While you were intimidated it was nothing compared to Kylo Ren standing next to him. His presence seemed to fill out the room completely, as if someone had just placed a weight on you.

You stared at them for a short while longer before forcing yourself to snap out of whatever trance you were in. With a few quick steps you made your way over to one of the stormtrooper officers.  
"Do we have any injured patients, Sir?", you asked and he pointed to a corner of the room.  
"Over there. We do have additional medical supplies if you need them?"  
"I think I will, thank you, Sir.", you said and made your way over.  
You did not have to determine which of the people needed your help the most, as it was pretty evident by one of the stormtroopers pressing a bandage onto the leg of a small woman. You cauterized, disinfected and closed the wound quickly. The woman was pale and had seemingly lost alot of blood. You had barely started administering her some fluids via IV as you heard a stern voice behind you.

"How serious is it? Can she still work?", you turned around only to see the general standing behind you. His pale orange hair almost resembled your dirty orange medpack, but you quickly shoved that out of your mind.  
You looked at her again and slowly stood up, "That depends on her, Sir. She has lost alot of blood and I can give her something against the pain but it might cloud her-"  
"I can", she said weakly.  
"Good. Get her to the control panel over there, we need her."  
You just nodded and lifted her up, she was small and you were relatively tall for a woman, tall enough that most did not even know you were in fact one. You carried her over to her position, the general following you, and gave her some painkillers.  
General Hux watching you carefully made you uncomfortable, you did your best to hide it. It had always been a talent of yours, hiding that is. You just imagined yourself fading into nothing and people around you seemed to notice you less. You prefered it that way, it was easier to work when no one was bothering you.  
The woman got to work and you did as well, leaving the general with a nod. As you got back two more medics had arrived and together you started treating the rest of the patients.  
Quarter to half an hour later a stormtrooper tapped your shoulder.  
"MD-2442?"  
"Yes, Sir.", you said, quickly standing up.  
"Your help is requested. Follow me."

You made your way across the hall reaching an exit, currently still locked by metal doors. General Hux, the woman and a few stormtroopers stood in front of it. The woman being held up by one of the soldiers.  
"Can you stabilize her enough?", General Hux asked in the same stern and cold voice from before.  
You just nodded.  
"Great, you have 5 min, then we have to be ready to go inside."  
You immediately got to work and splinted her leg, gave her some mild painkillers and a blood bag, which you quickly taped to her. It was not the best solution but for now it would work.

The same strong presence you had felt earlier got heavier and closer. You did not even have to look up to know that Kylo Ren was coming. You got up, told two Stormtroopers what the best way was to hold the woman and stayed a bit behind, watching the tall man and leader of the First Order just stand a mere three meters in front of you. His presence was so prevalent that all you wanted to do was hide, his whole being took up so much room that there was barely any left for you to breathe.  
The woman fell forward and you quickly caught her from hitting the floor. The weight that had been on you was completely lifted and you were once again in that concentrating, meditative state where nothing apart from you and the patient existed. You lifted her back up and checked her vitals. She was weak, no doubt about that, but she was present and she was not going to give up easily.

"Lift her back up.", you said, anger rising up in your voice, "Listen. I told you how to hold her, and to watch out. Did something hit your heads or something? Do I have to carry her myself? Or do you think you are capable of doing that?", you hissed.  
The Stormtroopers looked at each other and then apologized.  
"Yes, Sir.", one said. You did not even care to bother to correct them. It had happened alot, with your height and the helmet distorting your voice slightly it was no wonder they took you for a man. Not that you cared. If anything they did show you more respect.  
The woman smiled weakly, enough to get you to relax a bit. However the moment you did you could feel the same presence again, only this time it was stronger. You turned around and saw both General Hux and Kylo Ren staring at you.  
Without saying anything you took a step back again, standing a bit more behind and awaiting further instructions. Trying, once again, to make yourself as small and insignificant as possible.

General Hux looked at the team and then nodded towards one of the engineers. The metal door opened and the stormtroopers entered the tunnel. Kylo got in the middle, after him the woman, you and the rest of the engineers. Your backs guarded by a few more stormtroopers.  
You made your way through the tunnels, swiftly eliminating everyone who stood in your way until you finally reached another control room. The non combat unit got to work while the rest waited. A few things beeped, something must have happened, even though you were not exactly sure what and then chaos broke loose.  
A round of blaster fired killed the noncombat unit more or less instantly and you quickly hid behind a crate, using your own blaster to eliminate the attacking rebels. Kylo Ren shouted loudly, dismembering multiple rebels who were foolish enough to stand in his way and signaled the rest of you to make your way through a different tunnel. You quickly sprinted towards it. Kylo after you and after him the rest of the remaining stormtroopers.

The tunnels all looked the same, the same metal, a virtual labyrinth for anyone not familiar with them. You could not even tell if you were running in circles because every tunnel looked like any other.  
After a while of running, hiding and shooting at rebels, they finally seemed to stop attacking you. Kylo Ren stopped and looked at the rest of the troop. You entered with roughly two dozen stormtroopers plus the engineers. Now you were reduced to less than half.  
Kylo Ren talked to General Hux using his helmet, atleast you suspected it had to be General Hux. Your ears were ringing too much from the blasters as that you could make out every word. Apparently they had gotten what they had been searching for and the only thing left to do now as leave. Kylo nodded and signaled the rest of you to follow him.

You made your way through the tunnels again, unsure of how Kylo found his way through, given they all looked the same...but he did. It was odd being so close to him. You would have never thought that you would once be fighting side by side with the Supreme Leader of the First Order himself. His whole demeanor and attire was impressive. He towered over every other stormtrooper, his broad shoulders only making him seem even taller than he already was. His reflexes were far quicker than what you had seen with elite soldiers, and theirs were already impressive on their own. His distorted voice from under his helmet would have sent shivers down your spine if you would not have put your utter and complete trust into him.

You eventually reached a hangar, the doors were open and rebels were leaving on their speeders.  
Even though he did not speak you could hear his voice inside your head, resonating, invading your mind in a way that you had not wanted anyone to ever speak to you. Still, it served its purpose, each of you knew what to do.  
You swiftly made your way over to the speeders, Kylo Ren using the force to set other vehicles aflame by knocking over some gas.  
'Fuck' It was all you could think as you saw that the only available seat on the speeders was on the Supreme leader's. You did not even know if he'd wanted anyone on his seat at all, but there were no more left. You swallowed it down and got on the back, you had not properly sat down as he already flew out of the hangar. Leaving the screams of both pain and anger behind you. You were not entirely sure if they had realized what had happened, but you did not care to stay to find it out. Instead you readied your blaster, held onto the back in an awkward position, not wanting to get closer than you had to to your unconventional pilot.

Kylo sped up and him taking a sharp turn through one of the ravines almost caused you to fall off.  
'Just hold on properly', you heard him speak in your mind, startling you almost as much as the quick turn.  
Hell no, you were not going to hold on! This was the Supreme Leader, you were not just going to hold onto him like he was one of your comrades! There was no way tha-  
He grabbed your arm and put it around his waist. You could feel the heat rise up to your cheeks, but it did not stay long as a blaster shot hit one of the other stormtroopers from his bike.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. This was not good. You turned around as much as you could, holding on properly this time without thinking about it.  
You could count atleast five more speeders behind you, you raised your blaster and waited. You felt a similar pressure to before, but this time it was different. Impatient. You ignored it and waited. Then you finally shot, hitting one of the rebel pilots straight in the head, the speeder crashed into another one and they both hit the stone walls of the ravine.

'Two down.', you thought and once again took your sweet time to aim at the pilot of the next. Another shot. You had hit the bike, but not the pilot. Kylo took another sharp turn and you almost fell off, being abruptly torn back into reality, where time seemed to pass so much faster than when you aimed at something. You pulled yourself closer and shot again, the drive was far too wild now to properly concentrate. The first shot had been lucky, now it was not possible to take those extra seconds to hit someone. You opted for just shooting normally like the others. That was definitely not one of your strong suits however and instead of hitting any vital parts you seemed to hit their bikes and especially the walls behind them far more often.

The ravines got narrower and curvier. Shooting was almost impossible for you now if you did not want to hit your own men, holding on also got more difficult, so you finally put your other arm around Kylo's waist in order not to fall off.  
It still felt weird but the adrenaline rushing through your body kept you from worrying or thinking about it too much.  
You heard a sirring noise and before you had time to process what was happening something exploded on your right side. Your ears started ringing and the only thing you could see was a huge shrapnel sticking out of the side of Kylo Ren's abdomen.  
He barely avoided the stone walls on your side, almost crashing both of you into them.  
You opened your medpack and got a syringe out of it, stabbed his leg and immediately felt the intense anger from your pilot swell up. Your throat closed and you started to feel lightheaded before it wore off.

You had not thought about whom you were administering adrenaline to. It was a reflex. You had seen that he was in pain and close to crashing the speeder that he, and you, were on. The thoughts circled in your head over and over again. Kylo moved the speeder up a slope and left the ravine, the temporary push from the adrenaline was enough to keep him going now but from his demeanor it did not look good. He barely managed to drive into a cave, you quickly got off and almost collapsed under his weight as he fell onto you. You sat him down carefully, you were wrong. As far as you could tell there were atleast three big and lots of smaller shrapnel shards that had penetrated his armour and abdomen. You cursed yourself for not having seen it incoming.

"MD-2442 here. Kylo Ren is with me. He has sustained multiple puncture wounds. Requesting immediate medical assistance. Transmitting coordinates now. Over."


	2. Medbay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You finally get evacuated and can take care of your patient.

Kylo was rested against the stone wall. He kept his head up but from how he nodded it to the sides you could easily see the pain it caused him. You grabbed his hand, removed the glove and took his pulse. Too high.  
You cursed quietly and grabbed a knife from your medbag, you swiftly cut his clothes open, carefully avoiding any of the shrapnels stuck in him. His hand moved towards them and you quickly grabbed his wrist, stopping him from touching them.  
"Don't remove them, Sir, they might be blocking arteries.", you held onto his wrist a tad longer making sure he had understood.  
A deep groan came from under his helmet and you continued to cut away his clothing. There was one wound where there was no shard anymore. It was bleeding heavily. The colour was dark, indicating that it had not hit an artery. You looked up at the helmet, you could have stared at the wall next to it just as well, there was no difference in expression.

You grabbed some sterile bandages and pressed it on the wound, he did not make much of a sound the adrenaline was still heavily present in his system and most certainly keeping him from feeling the full extent of the pain.  
"Please press onto this, Sir.", you said, grabbing his hand and pushing it onto his own wound before examining the rest of his body for further perhaps heavier bleeding wounds.  
In the distance you could hear the familiar sound of a ship coming closer, it could be one of yours. It could also be the enemy and you did not want to give up your position if it was the latter.  
You took your blaster and after a brief look outside you saw the familiar white armour of First Order Stormtroopers making their way towards you.  
Kylo did not look great. You had a feeling that he would have looked less vulnerable and miserable without his helmet on, even though you did not know what he did look like below it.  
You kneeled down next to him and pressed onto the wound again.

"You're gonna be fine, Sir. You're gonna be fine. Backup is coming.", you said quietly, more to yourself than to him. You looked at your own hands, now tainted red with his blood. If you would not be pressing them this tightly onto his wound right now they would most certainly tremble. You were not exactly sure why and took a few deep breaths to calm yourself down as much as you could.  
Kylo moved his helmet slightly, as if he was looking at you, but it was hard to tell where exactly he was focusing. You tried to get back into your own trance, focusing on only the wound but you were unable to. It bothered you immensely that you could not get back to concentrating properly. It couldn’t be the adrenaline, or could it? Going by logic you should have just as much adrenaline in your body when working on the battlefield. You pressed your jaw together in an attempt to focus again.

Before you could worry about it even further the approaching stormtroopers entered the cave. You heaved his body up a stretcher with the help of a soldier and together you made your way towards the ship.

"Out of the way!", You shouted towards everyone blocking the entrance. They quickly shuffled away, clearing the space. The medbay had already been cleared and the stormtroopers helped get your patient onto the bed. They left and you immediately stripped off the armour on yourself. It looked horrible. Part of it had been broken off, you did not even understand how it had happened. So much blood as well. And dirt. You kicked it into a corner and grabbed yourself some scrubs which you just threw over the tight black shirt and pants you wore underneath the armor usually. You disinfected your hands, put on a surgical mask and gloves and could finally help the poor bastard lying in front of you.

Your hands were still trembling and you clenched your fists for a moment in a desperate attempt to calm yourself down.  
"Okay, okay, okay...this could be worse.", you mumbled while grabbing everything necessary for a blood transfusion. You held the blood bag up to show Kylo what you were about to do.  
"Do you want painkillers?", you asked. He briefly lifted up his head, shook it and then let it fall down onto the bed again. Alright, it was up to him. You had the feeling that you would not be able to convince him either. You could relate to it quite well, you avoided taking pain killers like the plague.  
From your experience there were really only two types of doctors. The ones that took painkillers at the mildest of headaches, went to take antibiotics if they had a small scratch and the ones that no matter how bad a situation got did not dare to see another doctor. You belonged to the latter. It had not always been a good idea either, but you still prefered it that way. 

You started working on the wound that was already open, cauterizing the broken vein and sewing it back up before moving onto the next wound. A quick scan showed you that neither of the shards had penetrated any big arteries, a few small ones, yes but nothing that would be life endangering the moment you would pluck them out.  
The door opened and in came two stormtroopers shoving in an old medical droid. Perfect! He was a bit outdated but made well enough so that he would be able to properly assist you.

The next big shrapnel was no problem, Kylo groaned loudly but endured it. You could feel that he was on edge. Barely containing himself, so you opted for removing a few of the smaller shrapnels first before tackling the last big one.

The moment you touched it you flew through the air against a wall. You had fast enough reflexes to shield your head and it only crashed against your right arm. The way down onto the ground felt painfully slow however. Not as painful as your whole right side felt though. You sat on the floor for a few seconds, processing what just had happened. A loud groan escaped your lips as you slowly stood up and leaned against the wall.

Why was the wall wet? You turned your head to see the gigantic smear of blood. Frantically you checked yourself to see what had caused it. Your entire leg was bloody. Oh great. Lovely. Absolutely lovely. On the other hand… atleast you finally understood why your armour was broken. Filling out the report and request for a new one would now be a lot easier to explain! You anyway despised bureaucracy, having ‘unknown reason’ written in a form was only cause for more pain! Perhaps not necessarily more than what you were enduring now…  
You had been sure that Kylo was the only one that had been affected by the explosion. It seemed like you had been wrong. Again. Today really was not your day. What was next? Not being able to do the simplest forms of math anymore? You started counting in your head. Alright, you had probably skipped a few numbers, but it’s not like that did not always happen. 

You changed your gloves, got an IV for yourself, changed them again and continued. That dreaded shrapnel that had caused you to take flight lessons, was going to stay where it was. For now atleast.

There was really no choice for you. You could help the Supreme Leader first and after you were done you could help yourself, or you could do it the other way round. Theoretically. Practically though, if you did do it the other way round and he died...then you'd be executed. He did not even have to die, what mattered was that you had to put his needs above your own. Frankly, the chances of your survival were far greater if you first helped your patient.  
Apart from that, finally knowing why you yourself had so much adrenaline in your veins gave you your sense of calmness back and the rest of the work was done far quicker and more accurate than the beginning.  
Something about the pain made you concentrate more. Helped you get back into that headspace of yours. 

You had cleaned and sewn up the rest of the wounds. Only one missing now. You stared at it angrily, fully aware that touching it might just send you flying again.  
"Sir, I still have to remove the shrapnel.", you said, his head turning slightly towards you. "I'd appreciate you not throwing me away again.", you tried to keep your voice firm, but it broke halfway through, not necessarily helping your point.  
He nodded and grabbed the table, holding onto it. You in turn grabbed the shrapnel with both hands, another nod from him and you finally pulled it out. He groaned loudly, barely managing to stop himself from screaming. You put the shrapnel away, hands once again trembling.

"Well done. It's over soon, Sir.", your voice was quiet and you fixed up the last wound. The stitches were neat and would be able to drain. He was gonna be fine. You hoped. An infection might be the only thing that could harm him now, but you did disinfect it with some UV rays before.

You opened the door to find two men, dressed in similar attire to Kylo’s standing in front of the door. Neither of them were as tall or intimidating as Kylo, they still had a similar sort of ‘aura’ if you wanted to call it that. Still. Nothing as heavy and able to take as much space as the supreme leader’s. You stepped out of the way, clearing the path for them.

"I'm done. He should be fine."  
They entered and exchanged a few quiet words. You did not care to listen, instead you changed your gloves once again and sat down in a chair in the corner. You inspected the shrapnel. The scan said...something, you could not properly read it, but given there was a green arrow somewhere in the corner...it should be fine.  
You bit on a bandage and quickly pulled out the shrapnel. Your breathing was heavy and rapid but you were proud of yourself for not having screamed, the loud groan that escaped your lips could be ignored. You stared at the shrapnel between your fingers and threw it onto your armour.  
"Bloody bastard.", you said quietly and raised your head to see one of the men looking over in your direction. You ignored it and sewed the wounds up. It's not like they needed many stitches.

You cleaned up your tools, hoping it would be enough to get the two to leave, but they did not really intend to. There was still talk, parts of it about the mission and that they had in fact found both the kyber crystals and the few force sensitives that were hiding there. Eventually you just decided to throw them out.  
"I'm sorry, but you have to leave. Give him some rest, please."  
"We'll leave. We'll be guarding the door."

You just nodded and made sure that Kylo was doing alright. The moment they left he seemed to relax more, you grabbed a blanket and put it over him. It should have been hard to tell what he was feeling, given he was still wearing the helmet. Helmets were not really known for being very expressive either. Still, somehow you understood him. Not necessarily everything and it was much harder to tell than it had been before. You knew that he was fine with having a blanket over him, and you also knew that he was everything but fine with having his helmet removed. It’s not like it was necessary either, he did not have a head trauma after all.  
You changed his IV bag and removed your own. You got a small field bed out, prepared it and finally were able to lie down. You had not really realized how much you needed sleep, or just a chance to rest your feet up to now.  
Within mere minutes drifted off into sleep's warm embrace.


	3. Base

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You finally arrive at the base and are shown your new temporary living quarters.

The quiet hissing sound from the doors opening woke you up. You hadn't really slept properly, getting up every so often to check on your patient, still quietly sleeping on his bed. You were not really sure if you had just gotten used to it, if it was because he was asleep or hurt that you could not feel his presence as much as when you had first met him.

The two men from before were still standing guard as General Hux entered the room. You quickly got up and patted the scrubs down you had slept in. Did you really forget to change after you checked on him last? You were certain you had gotten new ones BEFORE checking on him but after....you apparently just fell asleep in them. Gross. Atleast there was not any blood on them, or was there?  
Even the face mask and hairnet were still relatively in place. Marvelous.  
Atleast it was better than standing in front of the second in command in the black suit you worn under armour, right? You were not really sure about that...but it was not like you could change anything about it now.

"Sir.", you said and stood as straight as your wound allowed you to.  
General Hux mustered you from top to bottom. He was most certainly wondering if he had encountered you before, you could even see the moment he realized that he in fact did. Perhaps he just had not really thought you were a woman. It did not matter.  
"How is he?", Hux asked and walked over to Kylo.  
"It's good for the situation he was in, Sir. He lost a lot of blood, but he is out of the worst."  
Hux nodded and attempted to lift up the blanket to see the damage.  
"Sir, please don't. Please let him sleep. He needs it.", your voice was firm but quickly lost it and got more quiet towards the end. General Hux's displeasure with you 'ordering' him around was more than clear. If it would have been anyone other than his superior lying there on the medbed...you did not even want to imagine.  
"You don't look so much better yourself.", he said, his voice icecold.  
"Then be glad half of my face is hidden.", you shot back, it was a far better option than replying with 'atleast I don't look like this 24/7', which you had only barely managed to swallow down.  
He squinted his eyes slightly.  
"We'll be landing soon, prepare him for moving."

A sigh escaped you as the doors closed behind him. You changed your scrubs again. Apart from those there was no other 'medical suited clothing'. No tunics, no different pants. It bothered you. You could not wait to get back to a proper equipped hospital setting where you would not have to sleep and work in sweaty, bloody, dusty and especially contaminated armour underwear.

You walked over towards Kylo and did what Hux had wanted to do: lift up his blanket. You did not do it for the sake of seeing the wounds though, well not just...after all you did have to clean up the drainage. With some careful and light pats you soaked up the liquid that had been draining out of them.

"You're gonna be well soon again, Sir. No worries. As long as the General does not decide to bother you any further.", you whispered quietly, mainly to yourself.  
Kylo made an odd sound that sounded like a pained, distorted chuckle. Or breathing problems. You hoped it was the first.  
He turned his head towards you and probably? He probably looked at you? It was hard to tell.

"I'm sorry, Sir, I did not know you were awake.", in fact you still did not know properly. He could just be dreaming.  
"I am awake.", he said quietly, turning his head back upwards towards the ceiling.  
"Did you sleep at all, Sir?", you continued your work. A bit more careful this time as the memory of getting thrown around the room was still all too vividly present in your mind.  
"A bit."  
You nodded, "You're gonna be sleeping in a proper bed soon, it's gonna be much better.", you were not sure if you were saying that to yourself or to him.

Kylo sat up on his own, the rest of his armour hanging off of him in black fabric strands. You were quite sorry that you had to cut it apart but it had been the only way.  
You removed the IV from his arm, "I hope they bring a proper stretcher to get you inside, Sir. I'm just gonna ask them really quick-", he grabbed your arm to stop you from leaving.  
"Don't. I can walk on my own."  
He was determined to not get any help. It was most certainly useless to try to convince him otherwise.  
"Alright. Do you want me to get you some untorn clothing then? Or your coat, Sir? To cover the bandages and stitches up?"  
"The coat is enough."  
You quickly got it and attached it to his armour. Patting it down a bit and moving it slightly so it would cover the torn parts better.

You took a step back, putting your hands on your hips and nodded slightly.  
"Great! I think you are good to go... Sir.", you quickly added the 'Sir', realizing that your patient was after all not just anyone. He still looked intimidating, even though he was slightly hunched over, subconsciously trying to relieve the pressure on his wounds.  
You nodded again, "Good, good, good...uhm...", you did not want to stare at him for too long and instead turned around awkwardly, looking in which corner you had thrown your uniform before.

"I'm gonna be right back myself, Sir.", you grabbed your armour and disappeared into the bathroom to change. Getting it on was not as much of a trouble as you had anticipated. The moment you looked into the mirror however...it was bad. There was the obvious part that was just broken out of the side, with blood and dust still smeared over it. Cleaning it off was not much of a problem, it took you a good five minutes to quickly wipe off the worst....your face however... There was no wiping the bags under your eyes away. No fixing the tiredness and exhaustion so clearly written all over it.

Your hair was everywhere but where it was supposed to be. The braids you had put it in had only barely protected it, strands sticking out to all sides. It almost seemed as if your hair itself tried to hide your face. Well that was useless. You had your helmet for that. Or a facemask. Easily fixed, thanks for nothing, hair.  
If atleast that one would have stayed in place. One thing that could have stayed proper...but no. It had to do...whatever it had done. What exactly it had tried was not clear...other than not stay in place.  
You sighed and put your helmet on. Much better.

Kylo was standing in the room, reattaching his lightsaber to his belt. He seemed preoccupied but you could not shake the feeling off that he'd just been looking at the door to the bathroom while you were changing.  
The two stormtrooper entering stopped you from thinking further about it. Their stares at your damaged uniform were a bit too long for your taste, so was Kylo’s.  
"You'll need a new armour.", he said in a monotone voice.  
"So do you, Sir.", your voice was almost as quiet as the sound that came from under Kylo's mask. By now you were 90% certain that it was in fact a chuckle and not in fact respiratory issues.

You left the vessel you had arrived with and went towards the on-board hospital. Atleast, that was what you assumed. After you took several wrong turns and two elevators that you had never used before you realized that it was probably NOT going to be the medical wing.  
The hallways were still similar, if not identical. Of course, the numbering was different. Many people did get lost on these massive ships, but after you had figured out the way they numbered everything...it made sense and finding your way around was not incredibly hard. And if all else failed you could always ask your data pad.

You entered a room which was essentially a fully equipped mini hospital just for one person. After putting your bag down by the door, you looked at it in awe. Amazing. The assistant droids they had for surgeries were top notch, the newest of the newest and definitely the most expensive!  
It did make sense, the First Order had quite enough money to finance all of this...but still! It was a dream come true, only one person...less risk of cross contamination and being able to work completely alone!

General Hux entered shortly after you.  
"I see you can already walk again, Supreme Leader?", it was obvious they could not stand each other, but you were unsure why.  
Kylo ignored him and opened a door to a different room. Halfway through it he turned around to Hux.  
"Show her around."  
The anger rising up in Hux's face was even more obvious than their hatred for each other. Marvelous. And you were in the middle of it as well! Now that could not have gone better!

Hux scoffed loudly and pointed towards a door, opposite to the one Kylo had just vanished through.  
"There is a bedroom and bathroom behind that. You'll be staying here until the Supreme Leader does not require your services anymore.", he more or less spat the words out.  
"Thank you, Sir.", you said and without hesitation went towards your designated sleeping spot.

You removed your armour and got out of the black suit underneath. It was a hassle. The dried blood from your abdomen had glued skin and cloth together. The dust and sweat only making matters worse. You peeled yourself out of it, as careful as possible but still managed to tear open a few scratches and minor cuts you had sustained in battle.

You combed out your hair, untangling the tiny knots and got out of your proper underwear before finally being able to take the shower you had been craving for the past hours.  
The hot water on your face was incredible. It washed away the dirt and sweat and took part of your exhaustion with it. Until it reached your wounds. It burned. It burned so intensely that you were forced to sit down. You legs were weaker than before and everything felt like it was going to crush down on you.

The past days on the battlefield suddenly reappeared in your mind. Every death you had witnessed, every death you had failed to prevent and every death you had caused. Like a flash. You pulled your knees to your body and hugged them.

Death...it was odd. You could not care less for all the resistance fighters that had lost their lives, in fact...you were happy about it! Of course you were! They were the enemy after all! Yes, they probably had families and people that cared and now mourned for them...but it was the same for stormtroopers. Perhaps no families...but you all did have each other. You cared for each other, watched out for each other and developed trust in each other. A trust you had never had in anyone else. You doubted that you'd ever have it with anyone else either.

The deaths of your comrades hurt you, especially the ones you were unable to save or had to watch die. Some of them were just plain incompetent, standing in the open and practically begging to get shot. But others...it was just plain bad luck for others.  
You lifted your head up, letting the water rain down on your face. You were overwhelmed. You had not slept, you were injured and the stress of fighting for your own life and others' finally got the better of you.

You pulled yourself up and carefully continued washing all the dirt and debris away. Your legs trembled ever so often and you had to support yourself to not fall over.  
After getting out you found yourself a tunic and some loose pants. Finally a proper medical gown you could be wearing. No matter how much you liked being on the battlefield, the unsanitary conditions were a massive bother.

As you wanted to take away your armour for cleaning you noticed that you had gotten a notification on your data pad.  
'You are expected in Hallway P37 at 2030'  
Alright. You took a look at the clock, a bit more than three hours. You could still get some sleep in and you were also able to bring your armour away, given it was on the way!


	4. P37

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You are sent down to take care of the wounded prisoners.

The siren like sound of your alarm clock tore you out of your sleep. It took you a couple of seconds to realize where you were and recall the events of the last days.  
Groaning quietly you got up from your bed in a painfully slow matter.  
You changed into your medical gown, putting on a facemask and a surgical cap. It was better to hide your current state, as it was everything but nice to look at. Even like this it was not hard to see the exhaustion and tiredness still stuck to you. Those two and a half hours of sleep did not really help either.

No matter. You had an appointment in the prison wing after all. You had a feeling of what it might be about and prepared a portable medbag. Some part of you wondered whether or not wearing the stormtrooper's uniform would be better compared to the typical doctor's. It did not matter anyway given your current armour first had to be replaced. The state it was in was everything but acceptable.

You made your way through the hallways, only taking a short detour to give away your uniform and request a new one. They were rather lenient and did not ask many questions after seeing it.

The elevator made a faint ringing sound and the doors opened to the corridors to the prison wing. A part of you was a bit surprised that it looked just like any of the other corridors. Yes, there were far more guards present but other than that...pretty much the same.

Two stormtroopers went up to you, "MD-2442?"  
"That's me."  
One of them nodded and started walking further into the hallway, you followed them.  
"We have a few people in need of your care. They are all prisoners, but we'll be here watching that they don't hurt you."  
"Thank you. May I ask about the type of injuries they have sustained?"  
"The usual, blaster shots, cuts and stuff. Anything normal that you'd get during battle."  
"Are they from the recent mission?"  
"Yes, they are, Ma'am."

You did not want to ask any further but you did not like that. Hux and Kylo had talked about the prisoners they took. Something about force sensitivity? You knew about the force, you knew what force sensitive meant and you did know about the dark and light side. However, you were not really sure WHAT they could do.  
You'd seen Kylo, and you...also felt what he could do as he threw you around the room. That still did not mean that you understood every aspect, and you really did not like it. You preferred to know, so you'd be able to prepare.

But there was no way to change that now, was there? You just had to go with it. It was your job after all, even if taking care of injured prisoners was not something you'd usually do.  
Had Hux or Kylo transferred you from ER to down here? If so...why exactly would they have done that? You'd liked your job, even if you did prefer to go into battle and serve as an active medic there.

They stopped and opened a door for you.  
"He's in the worst condition as far as we know, he has a blaster wound on his leg."  
"Thank you. I will still want to assess every prisoner myself. I'll also need additional security clearance to document their medical status."  
"That should have already been taken care off."  
You had a look at your data pad and swiped around a bit, searching for the right section. It was.  
"That's lovely. Thank you."

You finally entered the room and started examining the prisoner's wound. Another combat medic had stopped the bleeding and done some very rough, if you were fully honest...bad stitching. It did not look like the wound was especially clean either.  
Alright. Reopening, cleaning...easily done.

A groan from the man made you look up. He stared at you. His mood and emotions were not very hard to tell, it was pure hatred. Whether he disliked you or the stormtroopers more was not clear, perhaps his hate was directed at anyone that was part of the First Order.

"Don't worry, I feel the same way about you.", you said with an ice cold voice. The Resistance might think of themselves as heroes, their only goal being to liberate the galaxy from evil organisations such as the First Order. You could not disagree more. The Resistance and the First Order were incredibly alike, each of them wanted their own version of a government. Their methods were both enforced by violence. Neither of them were tolerant towards different opinions.

If you'd try to count the similarities between them using your fingers you would not have enough. But there was one major difference. The Resistance did all of those atrocities while still believing they were the 'good guys'. Hypocrisy.

Each of them had their benefits, with the First Order taking good care of its subjects by protecting their cities and significantly lowering the crime rates with their constant presence. The Resistance might also have benefits, but you did not really care about them. You'd already chosen your side and as stubborn as you were you'd not change it.

The man was still staring at you, his disgust increasing by each passing second.  
"Aren't you going to introduce yourself?", he finally said, his voice was course and not very pleasant to your ears.

"Why?", you asked, getting a pair of scissors and starting to cut the horribly botched stitches open.

"It's good to know the names of your captors. Let me start. Mine's Raddal. I'm a Resistance pilot upon this beautiful ship.", his voice was friendly but the rest of his demeanor was not.

"My identification number is of no interest to you.", truth be told you were unsure whether or not you were even ALLOWED to tell him your number.

"Number? I thought only stormtroopers had those. You'd think that for joining the First Order voluntarily", he spat the last word out as if it was poison, "you'd atleast get to keep your names."

"It depends on where we are working. I am no chief resident, or a senior staff member.", you shook your head. The wound was incredibly dirty, the bleeding had been stopped but whoever had done this awful job had never heard anything about disinfection. A sigh escaped you as you got to working on it.

The rest of your examination and treatment with him went quiet. He was in pain and trying to keep himself together and you were cleaning and stitching.  
You checked upon the others, neither of them had any bad wounds that needed stitching. A bit of antibacterial cream here and there, some bandages...it was fine.

As you got to the last one your examination was interrupted by screaming and shouting coming from a room further down the hall.  
You looked at the stormtroopers, trying to see whether or not they'd give an explanation but they were just staring at each other. They were uncomfortable. No, not just that, afraid.  
Throwing the gloves away you stuck your head out of the door. The room where the noise was coming from was illuminated in a bright red light, you immediately knew the source off. Why was Kylo Ren using his lightsaber in there? On a prisoner?

You looked at the stormtrooper to your right, tilting your head sideways. He shook his head from side to side, barely enough to notice. You nodded.  
That was enough wordless conversation. Each of you perfectly understood and you went back, finishing up your patient.  
He was no pilot and unlike some others not very talkative. He constantly stared at you, making you more uncomfortable than some of the others' comments. It was also almost impossible to ignore.  
You wanted to say something to him when a door opened and you could hear Kylo Ren stomp outside. There it was again, that presence of his just weighing you down.

"What the-", your patient suddenly said, moving backwards against the wall.

"Room 57 needs your attention. Now."

You immediately got up and stormed past the Supreme Leader. Almost running into him, if it would not have been for Kylo turning instinctively to the side.

He was right. The room certainly needed attention, not just the prisoner. Kylo had completely destroyed the walls with his lightsaber, parts of the metal were still glowing orange.  
The prisoner, not glowing orange, was hanging in his restraints while is arms and legs were jerking abnormally. A seizure. How great.

"Release him!", you shouted towards the stormtroopers and the man fell onto you, throwing you both to the ground. One of the stormtroopers pulled you out from under him. Waiting for the man on the floor to stop moving you started to count.

It did not take that long, just around half a minute. You walked over to him and turned him towards his side, making sure that he would not suffocate on his tongue or saliva. He was fine, mostly. The only big injury being on the back of his head. From the bruising around it looked to be a few days old.

"We're gonna wait for him to wake up, I'm gonna take another look and then I think you can get him back to his cell. Do any of the other prisoners know him?"

You could hear a distorted, cold laugh from Kylo Ren's direction.  
"They do. I doubt they'll talk."

"Does not matter.", you stepped out of the way as he got carried to his cell, "I am pretty certain it's because of a concussion. It seemed to have been a pretty bad one...that, stress...lack of sleep and...", you pointed towards the lightsaber now peacefully attached to Kylo Ren's belt, "flashes of light...all coming together...it was bound to happen."

The Supreme leader's anger was still lingering in the air but you ignored it as much as possible. Something else had caught your attention.

"Oh come on.", your voice was quiet with a hint of anger. With a few quick steps you were by Kylo Ren's side. Him staring down at you, still slightly trembling from his outburst a mere minute ago would have usually gotten you to stay as far away as possible and hide. Not now though. Blood on black clothing was not very easy to tell, but with the light shining a certain way you could see the fresh, wet stains.

"Sir.", you looked up towards him, again that feeling of just wanting to disappear, "Sir you have torn open your stitches. You should be resting! Not...not...", you stepped back and waved your arms, helplessly pointing at the destroyed walls, "Not doing whatever you were doing there! Don't do that with fresh wounds!"

His anger was still all too present, if not getting worse. The two stormtroopers were nowhere to be found either. Great.

You stared at Kylo, who was currently trying to stop his hands from trembling by clenching them into fists. No, no, no, no, no! You remembered the fear the stormtroopers had felt earlier. This was Kylo Ren, the most feared man of the galaxy and you had just raised your voice at him...while he was angry. Atleast death by lightsaber was over quick?

Looking over at the destroyed wall you took a deep breath to calm yourself down first. Slowly you turned back around and walked over to him.

"I am sorry for raising my voice.", you started, "I am just concerned. You...you are important. You are the most important man of the First Order, without you...we'd be nothing. You got us this far in the first place...but...that's why you should be watching out more for yourself, Sir. We need you. Please don't hurt yourself again.", your voice was almost pleading. You meant every word of what you’d said. You cared for him, not just as your superior or what he stood for. He was your patient and apart from him being reckless and throwing you against things he’d been one of the best. 

He stared down at you, his hands now resting by his side. No fists anymore, good. His anger had disappeared mostly as well. Finally, after what felt like hours he nodded and turned to walk back to the elevator.  
A sigh of relief escaped you and immediately after a quiet wince of pain. The prisoner falling down on you certainly hadn't helped your own recovery.

"Are you coming?", Kylo Ren's robotic voice sounded from a few meters before you.  
"What? Yes, of course, Sir.", you said quickly and ran behind him, only barely able to keep up with his large steps.

When you got back to his personal medbay he once again went through the door on the left, "Get what you need. I'll be waiting.", he was already gone before you could even reply with your usual: 'Yes, Sir'  
You quickly grabbed your stuff and joined him.

The door opened, revealing a bedroom. It was sterile. The only personal belongings were his destroyed robes thrown carelessly onto a chair. From the few times you had to care for officers you knew that this one was not much different. It was bigger, by a lot. It also seemed to have a few additional rooms towards the sides...but other than that? Nothing, the same. Perhaps even less personal than the ones inhabited by staff.  
Kylo's mask was sitting on a huge table in the middle of the room. But where was its owner? You looked around. Nope, not present. Shrugging your shoulders you went over towards said table and prepared your stuff.

You could see some movement out of the corner of your eye and turned around quickly. Kylo was standing next to his bed, shock and confusion written over his face. His face that you could finally see. You'd have appreciated it far more if it was not for you suddenly not being able to move anymore. Only now you noticed his stretched out hand, directed at you.  
He lowered it quickly and stepped over towards you just as fast.

"Why did you sneak up on me?", the familiar sound of his robotic voice was gone, now replaced with a quite pleasant deep one.

"I-I-I didn't, Sir!", you got out and instinctively stepped backwards, crashing against the table. His presence weighed you down even more than usual, only worsened by him towering over you.  
He stared down at you, confused by...something, but you could not tell what exactly. Atleast now you could finally read his facial expressions. You would have admired his handsome face if it would not have been for the fear making you just as motionless as Kylo had done a few seconds before.

He eventually stepped back and walked over towards the bed, taking a seat. You bit your tongue to stop your teeth from clattering. You might have startled him by just entering his room but he had certainly scared you more.

"Calm down. I won't throw you across the room again.", his words broke the uncomfortable silence between you two. He started to get rid of his shirt.  
"Yes, Sir...I will, Sir.", you said quietly. He was struggling to get out of it, hindered by his injuries and you stepped over to help him.  
You carefully removed it, making sure not to hurt him in the process, your hands slightly trembling.  
You folded his shirt neatly and placed it next to him before walking back to the table to get new bandages and gloves.

His dark eyes were following your every move, alternating between your working hands and face. Was he trying to make sure that you would not startle him again? No matter what he was doing, it did not help you. If anything, it hindered you from working properly. It was anyway odd for you, a mere combat medic to get to see the face behind the infamous mask. While you felt proud and quite flattered...you always put your work before personal matters, looking at someone's face just for the sake of doing so was definitely one of them.

As you uncovered his wounds you finally managed to ignore him. The fluid draining out of them was stained red, not just pink, no...it was red. Bloody. Just how it should not be. You sighed loudly and carefully cleaned it away to get a better look. A few of the stitches had been ripped out, just as you had suspected. You stared up into those jet black eyes.  
"I'm going to have to stitch those together again, Sir."  
He groaned and let himself fall down on the bed, now half lying on it.  
"Do it then."  
"On...your bed?"  
"Yes."  
You blinked slowly and shrugged. His decision, not yours. Also his eventual blood stains.

Neither of you talked while you fixed his stitches, he did not seem like the talkative kind and you did not know whether or not it would be appropriate to start some small talk with the Supreme Leader. What would it be about anyway? The weather in space? Oh how lovely the stars were last night! Did you see those? Oh, yes, sure there was a massive sandstorm on that one planet that is only visible with binoculars from sector 6's window. Yes, I know it was not as impressive as this big stone in the shape of a duck passing last night.  
You peeked over at his face. He was just staring at the ceiling. Was he even the type to notice duck shaped stones? He probably didn't. He probably only noticed lightsaber shaped ones. Or Stardestroyer shaped ones. Or-

"I can sense your amusement. Is there something on my face?"  
You in turn now resembled a ripe tomato. How glad you were that your facemask hid atleast half of your head.  
"No, nothing Sir, I am sorry.", you said quickly and fumbled around with the medbag to get a sterile bandage.

"Is it my whole face then, what amused you?"

"No, Sir, of course not, Sir. I just thought of something funny. It was unrelated to you.", you stopped, "I mean, it was unrelated to your face. Forgive me, Sir."

"But not to me?"

You took a short look at his face. He did not seem to be angry at you 'having fun' while patching him up. On the contrary, he seemed to be rather amused by your cheerful attitude. An attitude that you were sure you had not displayed outwardly. Starting to bandage his freshly stitched wounds you took a deep breath.  
"I was just thinking of something silly, Sir. Something about duck shaped asteroids."

He nodded, "Asteroids? It is hard to read you…?", he looked at you, expecting you to state your name.

"MD-2442.", what did he mean with 'read you'? How read? Your knowledge in the force was not nearly enough to understand everything it was capable of doing. Had he read your thoughts? He’d said that he’d only felt your amusement, not...not everything. And if he’d fully read your thoughts he for sure would not have enquired further, would he?

"Your identification number? I guess that is sufficient, I would have preferred your name, I'm just going to call you 'Doc' then.", he said, somehow satisfied with his, if you were fully honest, lacking creativity.

"Could you sit up, please, Sir?", you asked, "I'm almost done, just have to bandage you up."  
He did as you said and you finished everything. You took your stuff from his bed and stood up, placing your hands on your hips.

"Do not strain yourself anymore. It's really not good if you rip those open. I do not want you to get infected wounds, or for it to take longer than it already does. Please?"

He looked up to you from his seat on the bed. Something about it made him look like a stubborn teenager. A handsome stubborn teenager, but still a teenager.  
"Sir? Don't strain yourself. Please.", you said again, smiling under your mask before realizing he could not in fact see it.

"Fine. I will. You are dismissed for today, Doc. I'll need you tomorrow with the prisoners again. I don't want them to die." 

"Of course, Sir."

Annotation:  
I realized the other chapters were a bit short, so I made this one a bit longer :3


	5. Interrogation Room

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You continue taking care of the prisoners.

Once again the blaring sound of your alarm clock woke you. Was there a way to make it more quiet? Perhaps a bit less...heart attack inducing? You sighed and stared at the ceiling for a moment. The events of yesterday rushed through your head and you instinctively covered your head with the pillow. You just wanted to scream into it.

You, YOU, a low life combat medic that was not even part of the First Order for longer than...what...was it a year? It did not matter. You had raised your voice at Kylo fucking Ren. The Supreme Leader of said organisation you had only briefly been part of so far. And it was not like it was a private security company. Oh no. On the contrary. A fuse must have snapped when you were hit by that shrapnel because whatever you had been doing these past hours was NOT what any sane person should have been doing. You scolded him. Twice! Once you had managed to calm him down but you still...you had STILL told him to be more careful. As if you were ordering him around!

"Stupid. Stupid. Stupid", you repeated, pressing the pillow harder onto your face. On the more positive side of things....he had accepted it. Somehow he had not reacted badly in any way. He could have had you fired for insubordination many times, or worse...killed. But no, instead he had tolerated you shouting at him. Had he noticed your genuine concern over his safety and health? He had after all sensed you thinking about duck shaped stones floating through space. Even that he had tolerated. You still did not know how much he could 'sense' and/or 'read' from your thoughts. 

Sitting up carefully you grabbed your own medical supplies and started to take care of your wound. You were already late so the bare minimum of cleaning the drainage and rebandaging it had to do now. It was going to be fine. The constant pain kept you concentrated better, even if it overwhelmed you at times. So far you had managed to mask every single one of those times by taking some extra time with a stitch or searching for a specific bandage a bit longer. You were hard to take down, a stubborn person and certainly determined not to show any signs of weakness around anyone. Ever.

You got ready for the day and opened the door. Kylo Ren was already standing in front of it and both of you got equally startled at each other, even though you were the only one letting out a small shriek.

He stared down at you, in the same way he always did.  
"You're awake."

"Yes, Sir.", you said and only a moment later your stomach growled loudly. You pressed your hand on it. Where was that comfortable face mask of yours that hid your emotional state and blushing so conveniently? Not on your face. Sadly, it was not on your face.

"When was the last time you ate?", he asked and stepped back.

"Uhhhh...", you looked at your data pad and the time, "it's 6:30 now...a bit more than 24 hours ago.", the amount of things that had happened recently almost seemed too much to fit into a mere 24 hours. Somehow they still had.

"Why haven't you?" he asked with the obliviosity that only a child could have.

"I had to work and I prioritized sleep over a walk to the cafeteria, Sir." you were still fine. When working in the ER or on the battlefield you only managed to get some energy bars and drinks in.

"Go eat. I'll expect you in P37 in 45 minutes." he put his helmet back on and gave you a small nod before leaving.

You did as he said and finally went to eat. The mush they served today had a slight red tint with an additional piece of frozen fish. Or you presumed it was fish. It tasted like it, but there were all sorts of weird creatures in the galaxy...which type this one was you did not know.  
It was great! Perhaps only so because you had been starving but to you, in your current state...it was great!

One of the ER nurses sitting next to you watched you with a grin on her face.  
"You just came back from a mission?", she asked while playing around with her mush.

"Yes, yesterday actually but I did not have time to eat." your mouth was half full, but you couldn't care less right now.

"Really?" she sighed, "I don't know how you do it. I just work in ER and it's already stressful, I can't imagine working on the battlefield."

"It's better. In my opinion atleast...more exciting..."

"If you mean more deadly, then yes it is!" she stared at you for a bit, "Don't you help in ER? Your number, I think I remember it."

You nodded and swallowed down the last bit of your meal, "I know, people always remember me by my number. But yes, I have. I am temporarily transferred. How bad is it?"

"Transferred? Where to? But yes it is bad...all hands on deck..."

"It's confidential." you smiled at each other. You knew her, she was friendly, very outgoing and competent. Also from what you remembered, she was not one to complain much either, it really had to be bad down in ER. You sighed, already knowing that you would regret your next words, "If I get some time, I'll go come down and help you out."

Her eyes lit up and if you would not be sitting across from each other, she probably would have hugged you, "Really! Oh man! That is great! I'm MN-4585. You can call me Rosie though!"

"I know. I'll come by, you work with...Doctor Fench, don't you?" she was confused that you'd known who she was but she nodded. Doctor Fench, Rosie and their whole team only worked in ER, neither of them stepped out on the battlefield. It was one of the reasons they used actual names and not identification numbers for each other.

There was a surprisingly little amount of combat medics that were actual doctors. Most were just stormtroopers that had taken some additional classes. You and the rest of your colleagues that went into battles were randomly distributed to different ER doctors whenever you were actually present on ships. You frequently changed ships as well, never really having an established team you'd be working together with. It was probably one of the reasons why people only remembered you vaguely.

You took a look at the clock, "Okay, Rosie, I gotta go. I'll come by as soon as I can."

___________

"Identification?", the stormtrooper asked as you stepped out of the elevator to P37.  
"MD-2442."  
"What's your business?" he asked, staring down at a data pad as if he'd be writing down all the answers.  
"She’s with me.", Kylo Ren said from a few meters behind him. The stormtrooper quickly put away the data pad and nodded.  
"Yes, Sir.", he said and let you through.  
"I first want to continue the interrogation from yesterday.", Kylo informed you and lead you towards the cell of said prisoner.

He wasn't in bad shape, on the contrary, he seemed to be doing fine. You talked with him a bit, informing him of what had happened and that it would most certainly not happen again. If he'd slept well, how he was feeling...as if he would be any of your normal patients, if you ignored any remarks about how evil the First Order was. Or Kylo. Or you yourself.

Kylo eventually came back to your cell and took the prisoner and you with him to the interrogation room. You weren't exactly keen on witnessing, given what had happened yesterday but you did as you were told. If he'd have another seizure, it was after all best that you'd be present.

In the end it turned out to be rather interesting. Kylo got into peoples' heads by merely moving his hand. You stood in the corner watching the whole ordeal take place. It fascinated you immensely. When the stormtroopers had taken the prisoner back to his cell Kylo turned around towards you.

"I can sense your fascination.", he simply said.

"It is...it is amazing. I did not know the force was able to do these things!" you continued bubbling on about what you had seen." It is such a great way to get to someone! Old fashioned interrogating is nothing against this. Not even any of those fancy psychological tricks! You know, the ones where you guilt someone into admitting something? Anyone serving a cause and believing in it is not the type to simply give up and reveal everything, but...but with this you can get into their heads. So efficient, so clean! How do you do it, Sir? Imagine if I could get into someone's head to figure out their medical problems! Can you do that to anyone? Why did he scream though, does it hurt or is he just trying to concentrate on keeping you out?", your rambling continued on and on until Kylo eventually shut you up by raising his hand.

"Oh, I am sorry, Sir! I am!", you quickly added before actually keeping your mouth shut. The same distorted chuckle you had heard before came from under his mask again. Perhaps it was just not designed to convey laughter?

"It's fine. It's interesting to see someone this amazed by something so simple." you could not shake the feeling off that he really enjoyed people admiring him, it was probably why he even let you talk for that long, "I'll come back once you have taken care off the rest of the prisoners. Send my assistant a message."

You nodded quickly. His assistant? Great. You had no idea whom he was talking about. As if you'd know every single person serving in the first order.  
He was already out of the door though, so you quickly sprinted after him.

"Sir. Who's your assistant?" you asked, breathing heavily. Not because of the short run but because of how much your wound hurt.

He looked at you briefly, "Send it to General Hux."

You nodded again and once he was out of sight you leaned against the wall, pressing a hand on your wound. Hux? That was the...general. Not some assistant. Hux was already everything but fond of you. The Supreme Leader seemed to take every opportunity he got to make Hux do jobs that were way below his rank. Whether or not you were just one of many or the only one that ended up in the crossfire, you did not know.

"Are you alright?", one of the stormtroopers from yesterday asked. You quickly got up, pretending that nothing happened.

"Yes. With whom do I start?", you straightened your gown.

"Are you sure, you seem to-"

You cut him off, "I said. I am fine.", you hissed and walked over to the closest cell. Help was not something you ever had appreciated or wanted. That had not changed. You weren't exactly sure why you behaved this way either. Perhaps you just did not want to be a bother to anyone. Or the center of attention.

You briefly checked up on the Raddal, the pilot with the blaster wound. He was doing fine, he talked and talked and talked… and you pretended to listen. It was mostly rambling about how he was not comfortable, when he could go home and when he'd get proper food. You ignored him and excused yourself rather quickly from his cell.

The other prisoners did not really need much of a checkup either. Neither of them had needed extensive medical treatment and neither of them needed it now either.  
The only peculiar one was Mr. Stares, why he’d gotten that nickname was obvious. He eyed you suspiciously when you entered the cell and practically shoved himself into the wall as you got closer. He had dark brown hair and small pig-like eyes that would have made you uncomfortable enough without him also watching your every move.

His weird behaviour did not go unnoticed by the two stormtroopers either. They laughed quietly beneath their helmets whenever your movement caused him to press himself against the wall harder.  
You started as you had with the others.

"Good morning, how are you? Is anything bothering you, do you feel any worse than yesterday?", your voice was monotone, bored by the same questions you had asked over a dozen times today already.  
He did not answer at first, still staring at you. You looked up from your data pad and he stiffened up. The quiet laughter from the stormtroopers behind you only making it worse.

"I am fine. I feel fine. Same as yesterday.", he quickly said and you did not fail to notice the similarity between you two. Neither wanted any help whatsoever. Just that in his case it was probably not because he was a stubborn idiot that was far too proud to ask for it...he seemed genuinely afraid of you. Why?

You shrugged it off, there were many people afraid of doctors. You understood him, they were scary. That's why you avoided going to them after all. Nothing good ever came from visiting a doctor, they always told you stuff that you did not want to hear...like 'How dare you move while you are hurt, it's going to make things worse!' or 'You have to keep it low for once' or the worst one: 'Burying yourself in work is not relaxing or a way to recover!'

Every child knew that instinctively. There was no need to say it out loud though! You prefered shoving away any problems you had. Most of the time they disappeared on their own, the moment you brought attention to them however...it got worse.

"Alright. I'll leave you to yourself." you did not want to annoy him any further.  
Now. Onto telling Kylo that you were done. You opened the messaging feature of your data pad and typed in General Hux's name.  
What were you supposed to write? 'Hey, MD-2442 here, tell my friend Kylo that I am done looking after the prisoners' or would a simple 'done' be sufficient? You shook your head and leaned against the wall, thinking about it for a minute.

You mentally cursed Kylo Ren for pulling him into whatever fight they were having. Why you? Did he think it was funny? Well it certainly was not! You sighed and started typing.  
'Esteemed General Hux, the Supreme Leader told me to tell-' you deleted everything again. This was too formal. After trying around a bunch of options you eventually came up with:  
'General Hux, I was instructed to alert you when I finished with the prisoners. Please inform the Supreme Leader that I am done. - MD-2442.', you hit send before you could think about it any further.

You did not get a reply back but Kylo Ren appeared a good fifteen minutes later. He seemed amused. Sick bastard pulling you into fights that were not your own.  
He nodded a silent greeting towards you and waited for the two stormtrooper to escort Mr. Stares to the interrogation room.

"Do you want to watch, Doc?", Kylo Ren asked as he went past you.

"Really? I mean, of course I want to, Sir. Just..." you looked at poor Mr. Stares who had no idea what was coming, "I fear I am going to stress out the prisoner more. He really dislikes me."

One of the nearby stormtroopers nodded at your remark, but otherwise stayed silent. Kylo Ren mustered you, "Odd. You are so...unremarkable."

Wow. Well, thanks? That was always something anyone would like to hear about themselves. Especially from their superior. Atleast your work was top notch, otherwise he for sure would have not allowed you to take care of the prisoners. Or would he?

You did not let him know much about what you were thinking and instead crossed your arms and raised your eyebrows. So much for thinking that you were special for being allowed to see the Supreme Leader this close. You were everything BUT that apparently. Just another worker. You felt foolish for believing otherwise, even if it had only been subconscious. You wanted to disappear into the floor again, or find some other way to distract yourself. Why was there no medical emergency? Anything?

Kylo Ren went into the interrogation room, signaling you to follow him. You sighed quietly and quickly did as you were told. The moment you entered Mr. Stares' field of vision he stiffened up and tried to move away. Which was not possible because of the restraints keeping him in place. Poor soul.  
Kylo looked at Mr. Stares then at you, then back at him.

"Is she going to be here all the time?" he asked, his voice already high pitched.

"Yes.", Kylo simply said and raised his hand up to the prisoner's head. Finally Mr. Stares stopped looking at you. Not for long however because the next time you moved ever so slightly his eyes were right back at you. Suddenly he screamed out loudly, focusing on Kylo again.

Their own staring contest went on for a few seconds. By the end the prisoner was sweating and trembling. You instinctively went over towards him. He shouted a loud 'NO'. You stepped back, raising your arms up defensively.

Kylo crossed his arms and eyed you the same way Mr. Stares was. Not the exact way of course, you weren't able to read his facial expressions after all. Still, everyone, as in the two people present in the room, were staring at you. One scared and the other one just interested? You felt the need to back up and hide. As you could not do that, you went back into your corner and just waited for something, anything to happen so they would stop looking at you.

Eventually Kylo turned back around again, raising his hand up in the same fashion as before. Mr. Stares screamed again and fainted shortly after. The two stormtroopers entered and brought the prisoner back to his cell. You could feel Kylo's eyes on your back as you left to check on Mr. Stares.  
You took his pulse and placed him on his side. Feeling a shiver running down your spine you immediately knew that Kylo was standing in the doorframe.

"What did you do to him?" he asked and you turned around.

"Nothing, Sir. Nothing at all." Kylo nodded and then went away without saying another word. You sighed and left P37 yourself, making your way to the emergency department.


	6. Emergency Room

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You spend your spare time in the ER instead of recovering.

The all too familiar hectic of the emergency department greeted you. The last injured stormtroopers were arriving from the recent fight on Eks and you quickly made your way to where you assumed Rosie to be. You stuck your head into one of the rooms and searched for the familiar brown locks. There she was!

"I am here. As promised!"  
She turned around towards you, already smiling over both ears. Her eye bags were an accurate measurement for her exhaustion and from what you, an expert on the topic, could tell she probably had not been getting more than 4 hours of sleep last night.

"2442! Oh man, I am so glad to see you.", you both left the room and she guided you towards the changing rooms, "I think...this...", she pulled out another medical gown, "Should be your size. It's plain white and not the...", she waved her hand around, clearly searching for the word.

"Blueish, greenish colour?", you were articulate today, weren't you?

"Yes, blue green thing you are wearing. I mean it looks great on you, honestly. It gives you a bit more colour and all...but you know the rules.", you nodded and took the white gown from her hands.  
You quickly changed while Rosie continued on talking, clearly enjoying the few minutes she did not have to work.

"You said it was confidential before, but if it really would be confidential why did they make you wear this colour? You stand out immediately with everyone else wearing white...", she stopped talking about your blue/green tunic (You still did not really know how it was called, turquoise? No, not really) only to talk about the blue/green colour of your bruises, "Oh all those bruises! How well they fit with your tunic though...Look at them! How'd you even get them! You know what, you really shouldn't be helping me, you should go to bed and just relax and recover!"

"Haha." you said as dry as possible, "What is relaxing? Rosie, calm down. I am fine."

"You are even bandaged up! You-"

"Teal. The colour is called teal." You smiled triumphantly and went past her, "Where am I needed?"

The rest of the day in ER went by as any would. You cleaned and stitched up wounds, took care of burns and applied antibacterial cream to various abrasions. There weren't many really bad cases, given most of them had probably already died on the battlefield. It still did not make it less stressful and by the end of the day there was nothing you'd wanted more than a shower and your bed.  
You changed back into your teal coloured gowns and were on your way out when Rosie stopped you and handed you a small plastic bag.

You took it and tilted your head in question. It was warm.  
"Here's some food. I made it yesterday. As a thank you for helping out."

You looked inside, it smelled delicious.  
"Rosie...that was really not necessary! I have the time right now, my official duties only take me three hours tops.", you smiled.

"Exactly! It's your free time and you spend it working here...I'm telling you, I wouldn't spend MY free time helping out!” she laughed and walked you out of the department. You did not know how else to spend your free time currently. There was only so much to do with the prisoners and you couldn't spend it like you'd usually would. Normally you'd go down to the training levels, do some workout and shoot a few rounds or get a stormtrooper to teach you hand to hand combat. With your wound you didn't want to risk it.

You took a look at the clock, it was half past seven. Still enough time to get back and eat before you had to take care of your personal patient.  
You excused yourself and thanked her again for the food before walking back to your temporary living quarters.

You entered the medbay and immediately opened the food container. Rosie's meal smelled delicious, it was some sort of curry and gone within a few minutes. You didn't really know where you'd change Kylo Ren's bandages so you opted for waiting in the medbay. Taking a seat on one of the chairs you started to look through the prisoners' records again.  
You changed a few errors in the documentation and clarified things you had thrown in a very chaotic manner.  
At five past eight, the doors to Kylo Ren's room opened, you immediately sprung up from your chair.  
He looked at you and turned back around to where he came from, you took it as a sign to follow him.

The sterile grey, black and white of his room still surprised you. What surprised you more, however, was the huge window opposite of his bed. Either you hadn't noticed it previously or his wall had been replaced. Or...he just had some high tech blinds that looked like walls. That was also an option. It was also the one that was most likely, given that the walls just moved in front of it.

"Come to my quarters at eight in the future.", Kylo said and you nodded.

While helping him out of his shirt you noticed that he was not really comfortable so you did your best to do it as quick and casual as possible. With any other patient you wouldn't have minded, but he wasn't any other patient now, was he?

You carefully removed the bandage and took a look at the wound. Still draining, but this time only clear fluid.  
"It's looking good, Sir. I'll be cleaning it up and then rebandage it."  
He made a sound that you interpreted as a 'yes' and you got your stuff while Kylo lied down on the bed.  
Taking a seat next to him, you looked at him briefly. His long strands of black hair were partially covering his face and the scar on his left side. Some part of you wondered how he'd gotten it, but not a single part of you was willing to ask.  
He turned his head towards you and you quickly looked away, back at his wound.

"Thank you for allowing me to see the interrogation, Sir", you eventually said, trying to break the silence between you two. You'd spent the whole day talking to patients about all sorts of irrelevant stuff, you could atleast try to have an actual conversation for once. Most of you doubted that the rather quiet Supreme Leader was the one you were going to have a proper conversation with but you could still try.  
"I hope I did not hinder you from getting information from Mr. Stares. You know, because he reacts weird to me and all.", you only realized that you'd used your nickname for him by Kylo's raised eyebrows.

"A fitting name." he turned his head again and looked at the ceiling, "No, it was easier to get into his mind when he was staring at you."

"Oh really? I don't get him, I mean, I really dislike doctors but I ain't afraid of them."

"Aren't you a doctor yourself?" he asked, eyeing you.

"Yes, I still don't want to visit them."

"Mhhh", was all you heard from him for a while. It hadn't really been a long talk, but it was better than perhaps 80% of the discussions you'd had today.  
It didn't take that long until you were finished, given you just had to wipe it off and rebandage it.

The next few days were uneventful. Like the days before, you checked on the prisoners in the early morning and then went to eat early lunch because you had skipped breakfast. Afterwards you went back to the ER and helped out. It was stressful, but only because of the sheer amount of work. At eight in the evening you changed Kylo Ren's bandages. You exchanged probably less than a dozen words over those few days but it did not bother you much, given how tired you usually were by the end of the day. You still enjoyed it, he was a great patient that did not complain and stayed down as still as possible when you cleaned his wounds.  
Depending on how bad it was in ER you stood up earlier or went to bed later. You enjoyed the bit of social interaction you got.

Your day today probably wouldn't have been any different if not for Dr. Fench getting a message about some incoming patients. First Order officers which apparently got ambushed by Resistance fighters while trying to work out contracts with the local residents.

From then on it was pure chaos. IVs were given, blood bags thrown around the room to get them to the respective patients and Rosie was panicking because she had broken a nail.  
You shut everyone out of your head and fixed up what you could fix.

From how bad some of their situations were, you knew that you'd come back at night to help out. Usually there was the same amount of people working all around the clock, it was after all a giant ship in space. There was no dedicated day or nighttime.

Two of them needed emergency surgery. Dr. Fench did most of the work but you helped him out. You were specifically trained to take care of trauma, be it on the battlefield or in an ER setting while Dr. Fench was more of a Jack-of-all-trades when it came to the ER. You didn't really know how to handle sicknesses, heart attacks or strokes. What you were specifically trained for was taking care of wounds of any sort, blaster, puncture or stab wound. Which one did not matter.

Given that you did not spend most of your time in the operating theatre though, you prefered to let Dr. Fench take the lead. It was common practice with combat medics, unless they knew they were going to be stationed on a ship for longer they'd mostly assist during surgeries.

You had to leave midway through the second surgery because of your appointment with the Supreme Leader.  
The pain in your abdomen was nearly unbearable as you ran to his room. You grabbed everything you needed, made sure it was eight o'clock, sharp and went in.

Kylo was standing in front of a table, arms crossed and angrily staring at General Hux. They were arguing and both turned to face you as you entered.

"Oh, I am sorry, I did not know you were occupied, Sir." you said and nodded towards his guest, "General Hux."

Kylo waved his hand dismissively, "I am done here anyway. Inform the Resistance of my decision, General."

"But-", Hux started, his hands went up to his throat as struggled to breathe.

"I said: Inform the Resistance of my decision. The discussion is over."

"Yes.", Hux said, his hands still up at his throat.

"Yes?"

"Yes, Supreme Leader", he managed to say. Kylo turned towards you and Hux was able to breathe normally again. He quickly left the room, but not before throwing an angry look in your direction.  
Did you have to address Kylo with 'Supreme Leader' in the future? It was certainly much longer to say. It probably got annoying quickly too.

Kylo removed his shirt, by now he was able to do it alone and sat down on the edge of his bed. His elbows were on his knees and he massaged his temples.  
You took a seat next to him and unpacked your stuff.  
"Rough day, Sir?" you asked. He hadn't yet lied down as he did usually, it was usually your cue for being allowed to start so you did not want to remove his bandage while he was still sitting.

He nodded and groaned, looking over towards you.  
"You don't look much better.", he noticed, still not making any effort to move. What was it with him and those odd comments about your appearance? You had a tough skin but that did not mean you liked receiving them!

"We had some officers come in today, I was in the OR with them until a few minutes ago."

He raised his eyebrows, "You tell me to rest but you help in ER?", he shook his head, "I had the same problem.", he finally laid down and you removed his bandage.

"You were helping out with a surgery?", you joked and he looked at you sideways.

"Obviously not. The Resistance took prisoners. I was discussing their release with Hux."

You stopped and looked at Kylo, "Do you plan to trade them in? You know, against our prisoners?"  
He looked back at you, mustering you as if he figured out whether or not he trusted you enough to tell you his answer. He turned his head back up to the ceiling.

He didn't say anything further and you started rebandaging his wound. You understood, those were matters of politics and you frankly did not know anything about it. You didn't really WANT to know anything about it either. You presumed it was like bureaucracy. Horribly dry and incredibly boring.  
It reminded you of all the documentation that you still had to do for today. You were not looking forward to it. Not at all. Perhaps you could get Dr. Fench to do it? As a thank you for helping out?

You could feel Kylo looking at you again, "You are not a fan of paperwork?", he suddenly said. Why was it even still called paperwork? You'd seen paper perhaps once in your life. Regardless of that, how'd he known you were thinking about it now?

"You are correct, Sir. I don't like paperwork.", you finished bandaging him up and you looked at each other for a short while.  
"Sir, if you don't mind me asking..."

"I can hear your thoughts." he looked back up at the ceiling. You crossed your arms and raised your eyebrows. Well now that was not good, was it? Especially now that you knew it. The duck shaped stones in space were no longer a secret. He knew about them. Or did he? How much could he hear? Could he hear complete nonsense? How did he hear it? If you would be singing in your head, would he be able to hear that? Could you bother him enough by singing horribly inside your mind?

He turned his head back to you, a slightly annoyed look on his face.  
"Yes. Don't."

"Then don't listen, Sir! Now I have to watch my thoughts...", you sighed and looked down in defeat.

He chuckled quietly, "Don't worry. You aren't exactly easy to read."

"That certainly makes me feel better." you said sarcastically, "Do you hear them constantly? As in everyone's voice, all the time?"

"No. Only if I want to.", he sat up, resting his elbows on his knees again.

"Now why would anyone want to know what I am thinking..." you mumbled and stood up, normally you would have kept that thought to yourself, but...your thoughts weren't really your own anymore, were they?

"Lying in my bed gets boring."

You stared at him in disbelief. There was always the option of talking? Or counting sheep? Or counting backwards from 1000 in sevens. That was actually a marvelous way to concentrate. Shit, he was able to hear that too, wasn't he?

"Yes."

Unfair. Sir.

He looked up at you, you didn't need to read his thoughts to know that it was time to leave.  
"Good night, Sir." you said, he just nodded and stayed on the edge of his bed. He looked genuinely worried. Your small conversation hadn’t really helped to get him to think about something else.

You left the medbay as fast as you could and ran back down to the ER.

The rest of the night and early morning went by in a blur. Another one of the officers needed emergency surgery and because Dr. Fench was still busy you had to do it. There weren't any complications and you were positive the officer was going to make it through the night and recover.  
You only got an hour of sleep before you had to take care of the prisoners. That hour was essentially useless though, your circadian rhythm gave you a boost of energy in the morning, keeping you working.

Right before you wanted to get a bite at the cafeteria you got a call from Rosie. They had to reanimate one of the officers but the other one wasn't looking too good either, so she asked for your help.  
You rushed back, just in time to start CPR. It was useless. He still passed away, and so did the woman Dr. Fench had been taken care of.

Rosie took it hard, it was the first time someone had died under her care. She hadn't yet developed any ways to separate clinical from personal stuff. Apparently this was only her third month on the ship as well and apart from the battle on Eks and the officers there hadn't really been any incidents. It overwhelmed her and you had to console her in the locker rooms, trying to get her to calm back down. You weren't exactly good at comforting anyone so you opted for what had always worked so far: holding them and letting them cry into your shirt.

It still made you incredibly uncomfortable so you offered to do the rest of the shift for her. She gladly took the offer and left the emergency department soon after.  
You concentrated on your work, trying to ignore the anger from losing two officers and the pain from your abdomen.  
Rosie's, and in turn now your shift was over at eight, but Dr. Fench let you go earlier, after all you still had to go to Kylo.

Carrying your med bag under your arm you went into Kylo Ren's room. He was already waiting for you, a quick look at the clock said that you were a minute early, you were fine, no need to worry about that.  
He seemed even less willing to talk today than he did the other days. Fine by you, you were too tired to think straight, let alone talk.

"Good evening, Sir." he nodded as a greeting, undressed and took a seat on the bed again. Not the bed. It was soft and a trap. You knew that secretly all it wanted to do was lure you in and the moment you touched it, it would swallow you. The alarm clock in the morning would be the only thing that would manage to pull you out of its sleepy grasp. There was no way around it now though. You sighed and sat next to him.

Kylo Ren did not seem to know about the dangers of beds though and just lied back down. You removed his bandage.  
"You are healing fast, Sir. I don't think you'll need me tomorrow. I think every other day or every two days is enough. I won't rebandage it now either, it needs to breathe a bit.", you ran over the now closed wounds with your gloved finger. Fascinating. Normal people did not heal this fast.  
You shook your head as you could practically feel Kylo's confused looks.

Standing up quickly, you dropped your stuff on the floor.  
"Dammit." you mumbled quietly and started picking it back up, "I'm sorry, Sir.", you shook your head again. You definitely needed sleep. Kylo handed you the last pair of scissors you had dropped, you took it but he didn't let go.

"What's that?" he asked and nodded towards your abdomen. Lifting your arm you tried to see what he meant.

"Blood, Sir." you said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

He had that annoyed look on his face again, "And whose?"

You stared at it for a short while and eventually made a long 'ohhhh' sound. "Mine, Sir" You almost sounded triumphant for having solved the riddle. You raised your head, Kylo, out of some unexplainable reason did not seem as happy that you figured out the culprit.

He finally let go of the scissors he had been holding on to and you packed them away. Your brain probably resembled the cafeteria mush they served daily right now and you wanted nothing more than to get sleep.

"When was the last time you slept?", Kylo asked and stood up, his crossed arms and the way he towered over you would usually have intimidated you.  
You took a deep breath, trying to remember.

"Last night, Sir." it was true, you had slept for a good hour in the early morning, but effectively you had been awake for something over fifty.

"Don't lie to me" he growled. Right. He could do that. You had forgotten about it.

"I'm sorry, Sir.", you held onto your med bag and looked for any sign on his face that allowed you to leave. He eventually just nodded towards the door and you scurried away.

"Go fix your wound."

"Of course, Sir.", you left his room and got your own medical supplies. Fixing the wound now...why...all you wanted was sleep, the few more hours didn't matter...did they? You massaged your temples as if that'd help you concentrate.  
If you were honest with yourself, you wouldn't have taken a look at it, if it would not have been a direct order from a superior.

You took a seat on the bed in the medbay. Grabbing the edge of your shirt with your teeth you could see the bandage better. It was stained in an unhealthy yellow colour and the dark red of your blood made for a nice contrast. You cut it away but when you wanted to remove it, you noticed that it was stuck to your skin. Marvelous. Who knew that sweat and blood made for such good glue?

You took some saline solution and carefully dabbed it on the stuck gauze, in the hopes of unsticking it atleast a bit. It didn't do much so you just opted for soaking it properly and waiting. You lied down on the bed, Kylo was right. This was definitely comfortable.

Somewhere in between soaking and the doors to Kylo's chambers opening you had fallen asleep. The tall, dark haired man went over towards you, half frowning half disappointed.  
You wanted to sit up but winced at the pain. From how wet the gauze was it could not have been more than five minutes though. Atleast that.

You lifted your head so you could get a better look at Kylo's face. Seeing the disappointment and anger on it just made you want to disappear into the floor though.  
"I'm sorry, Sir." you said quietly and got up, clenching your teeth together to not make any sounds. You rubbed your eyes, trying to get yourself a bit more awake.

"Lie down. This is painful to watch." he put on some gloves of his own and pushed you back down onto the bed. You would have protested, you hated people helping you but right now that really was not your top priority. Instead you turned your head to watch his movements. Mesmerized by how careful he could remove the stuck gauze with hands that were probably twice the size of yours.

"What can you not do?" you asked him, half asleep from your extremely comfortable position as he was wiping away the blood, "I thought that was the only thing I could do better than you. Doctoring around but...", you waved your hand in the air, temporarily distracted by your own movement, "look at yourself." Much to your disappointment he did not look at himself. You did it for him though.

"Why are you even doing this? You are the Supreme Leader of the First Order. The Supreme Leader. Why would you even look at me? I am a mere combat medic. A tiny gear in the First Order's cause...you...you are the fuel...or something...", you looked up towards the ceiling.

"Shut up, Doc, you are embarrassing yourself." he replied but you did not fail to notice the slight hint of a smile.

You shrugged, "It does not matter. Getting help from someone else is already the worst embarrassment imaginable...for me atleast.", turning your head towards Kylo again you continued speaking, "Apart from that, I have an excuse. Lack of sleep works similar to alcohol on the brain."

"That is no excuse. You should have been sleeping.", Kylo's voice was low and incredibly pleasant to your ears.

"I should have...but I didn't want to, I had to take care of those officers...", you took a deep breath, "It was useless though. We lost two. I am sorry, Sir."

He turned his head towards you, "Stop saying sorry for everything.", he stood up and threw his gloves into the trash, "I'm done. Now get some sleep."

You got up and gave Kylo a weak smile, "Thank you, Sir."  
He shook his head and left the room. You stared at the door he’d just left through for a bit longer before tidying up after yourself.  
You could feel the pull of your bed even from the room next to yours. It didn’t take you long to fall asleep.

Annotation: This chapter is quite a bit longer, but I thought it's better to have one long instead of two short ones.


	7. Upsilon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You help Kylo with one of the prisoners.

Roughly twelve hours later you woke up, by yourself. Not because of the horrible sound your alarm made each morning, no. You weren't exactly sure if you had slept through it or if you had just forget to set it. You had a look at your data pad. There was a message from Kylo: 'Come down to P37 whenever you are ready.'

Oh, well that was nice. You looked at your alarm clock and saw that it had been disabled, not by you either. Of course he would have admin rights over every person's data pad on board. He invaded your head and now he was deleting your alarms?  
"Tsk, tsk, tsk." you made and shook your head slightly. It didn't really bother you much. You trusted him enough to not abuse his power. That he got in your head...that was a different subject and you hadn't really decided what your opinion was on it.

You lifted up your shirt to take a look at the bandage Kylo had put on you the day before. It was well done, very similar to your own technique. You tried your best not to think about the fact that he had helped you. He could take a look at your thoughts, delete your alarm clocks but...you did not want any help from him. Not just from him, from anyone for that matter. It hurt your pride more than you would have wanted to admit.  
Deep down you knew that you had needed his help yesterday, even if you did not want to accept it.

The doors to the elevator opened and the two stormtroopers standing guard greeted you. Over the past week you had been getting closer with them, getting to know them better. They were twins going by the identification numbers 'PK-2333' and 'PK-2334'. They were nice to have around, joking whenever no superior was present and always at your side when one of the prisoners tried to do anything funny.  
From their serious behaviour you knew that Kylo was nearby.

"Good morning, Sir." you said and Kylo turned around quickly, seemingly startled by your sudden appearance.

"You are sneaking up on me again, Doc." he noted and went towards Mr. Stares' cell.

"I didn't mean to, Sir. I thought you'd have...heard me or sensed me or something."

He mustered you. It was mean, he could read your thoughts to know what you were thinking but you couldn't even read his facial expression through his mask.  
"I normally do." he added and typed in the code for Mr. Stares' cell.

Mr. Stares did what he always did, first he was unbothered until he saw you. You gave him a small wave from behind Kylo's broad shoulders and grinned in the most obnoxious way possible.

Kylo looked at you and you immediately stopped smiling, standing as straight as possible. Hands behind your back. Military position.  
Both of you stepped back so 2333 and 2334 could get him out.

"I thought you were done with the prisoners, Sir." you said while you waited for Mr. Stares to be brought into the interrogation room.

"Some new information came up." he looked down on you, his crossed arms making him even more intimidating, "I'll need you to get close towards him. I'll tell you when."

You nodded, somehow getting nervous about your new 'job'. Why did you have to get closer? Come to think of it, he did mention that it was easier to get inside his mind when you were around.

The interrogation started like it had last time, Kylo did his...thing whatever it was exactly and Stares started screaming, presumably out of pain. By the way his face was distorted it was definitely out of pain. Ouch. Atleast Kylo simply reading your mind did not hurt.

Kylo stepped aside and you forward. Mr. Stares' eyes widened in fear. You weren't exactly sure what you had to do, so you just stood there. Sweat was dripping down his brown hair, down onto his nose and on the floor. You quickly turned your head to look at Kylo. He had his arms crossed again, you didn't know what exactly he wanted from you. What were you supposed to do? Just stand there?

You couldn't even think about it for too long as the door opened and an officer entered.  
"You aske-", he started but was cut off by the Supreme Leader.

"NOT NOW." he shouted and the poor dude found himself hanging in the air by his throat.

"Sir!", you said and immediately put your hands on your mouth to keep yourself from talking any further. The short look he gave you before letting the officer down made you take a step back. You felt your whole body tense up. Barely breathing you wished you could conceal yourself from the angry presence of the Supreme Leader.

You couldn't though, he raised his hand towards Mr. Stares' temples. He screamed loudly and fainted perhaps half a minute later. You wished you would have fainted, there was just something about Kylo that constantly made you feel as if the air pressure had increased.  
Sometimes it reassured you and made you feel safe, but other times it was at the brink of destroying you.

2333 and 2334 went and got the lifeless body of Mr. Stares. The moment they had left Kylo went over towards you and placed his hands on your shoulders. You were still standing there, stiff as a stick and staring at the black mask in front of you like a deer in the headlights.

"Doc, calm down. You did well.", his grip on your shoulders was tight, but not so much that it hurt you. Calm down? Easier said than done when you felt as if you were ten meter underwater. It was not like you did not want to breathe normally, you COULD not! Your chest was restricted and did not allow you to inhale properly.

"You did well, Doc. I got what I needed."  
You nodded and closed your eyes for a short while. It was fine. You knew Kylo better by now. He wouldn't do that to you....you opened your eyes and stared at the black mask. That was not the problem, you weren't afraid of Kylo, you trusted him. He'd gotten you away from Eks. His behaviour was not the cause for you not being able to breathe properly right now. You couldn't quite pinpoint what exactly had caused your rather obvious distress.  
You nodded again, signaling that you were in fact fine and he let you go. Patting your shoulder before taking a few steps back.

You eyed him suspiciously, trying to figure out what about him was what made you so...afraid? You didn't really know what exactly had happened to you either.

"I'll explain at some point." Kylo replied to your thoughts.  
Thanks for reading them? You were still not used to it, but you damn well hoped that he'd explain. You didn't like being left in the dark about things affecting you this specifically.

You wanted to ask him about Mr. Stares and his odd relationship with you. Not just that, there were many more things you wanted to know, most of them related to whatever just happened but also some about the force...you did not ask though. There was no interrogating and questioning the Supreme Leader. No matter how much you wanted to.

"I'll explain." Kylo repeated, obviously listening to your thoughts. You just nodded and both of you started heading out the interrogation room.

"Do you still need me, Sir? Otherwise I'll go down to the ER and check on the officers."

Kylo just shook his head.  
"After yesterday?"

You didn't need him to elaborate on what exactly he meant. It was far too clear and far too unpleasant to think of.  
"Don't remind me, please." you mumbled. He let out a chuckle. His mask still did not convey it properly and you got scared that he had choked on something before realizing the issue.

You spotted 2333 and 2334 a bit further down the hallway. Right. You almost forgot about that.  
"I'll check on your wounds again tomorrow, Sir. Is that alright for you?"  
Kylo nodded and headed off into a different hallway while you went over to the twins.

"Do you have time tonight?", 2333 asked you after Kylo was out of earshot.

"Yes, so...eight in the training hall?", they nodded simultaneously. "Lovely. I'll see you then."

The officers in ER had made it through the worst. They were all stable but their situation overall did not look good. There was one, who was now missing a leg. Two with major concussions and countless blaster wounds that had partially disintegrated bones.

For lunch you all went to the cafeteria together. It was nice to have some social interaction with your colleagues outside of the emergency department for once.  
Rosie talked and talked about anything that came to her hyperactive mind. First she talked about her family, a topic you quite frankly were not especially interested in. Then she switched to talking about her homeplanet, you weren’t interested in it either. It was mostly about how much she missed the sun, the beaches and the oceans. You made the grave mistake of saying you disliked all of it. She almost looked disgusted.

"What do you mean you don't like beaches and oceans?", her usually tied up brown locks were hanging loosely over her shoulder. You hadn't been on the ship for long but you already knew atleast five guys interested in her. It was understandable. She was gorgeous. You could see the effects her homeplanet had had on her. Her skin was a beautiful olive colour and her dark brown eyes were just dreamy.

"I just don't like them. There is not much to say about that." you replied, chewing on the yellow coloured mush that you got served today.

"Nonononono. You can't just say you don't like it!"

"I don't like it. There. I said it." you grinned at your incredibly bad joke, obviously finding it way more funny than anyone else on the table.

She scoffed, "No. Come on, the rays of sunshine dancing on your skin, warming you up..."

"No."

"No? Why don't you like it? Why don't you want to lie on a beach, or go for a swim in the ocean?", her voice got more high pitched with every word she spoke.

You shrugged, "I have never been on a beach or went swimming in the oc-"

"AHA! How can you say you don't like it then!"

"Or went for a swim in the ocean just to relax. I have been on beaches but only because there was a fight.", you continued as if she hadn't interrupted you.

"Oh."

"Also I prefer the cold. I love it when it is cold outside and I can sit in front of a beautiful fire. I also don't like beaches because everything is so...flat."

"Flat?! Your reason for not liking beaches is because they are flat?" she scoffed and crossed her arms in front of her, not flat, chest.

Dr. Fench interrupted your discussion, "I really like swamps be-"

"Oh shut up. Now that is so stupid. You are literally living in mud." Rosie said and Dr. Fench looked a little insulted. You had to agree with her though, swamps were really not great.

The discussion ended abruptly with Dr. Fench getting a message on his data pad.  
"We have some more soldiers coming in." he read through the rest of the notification and looked over towards you, "I know you are still...recovering and all...but would you be willing to take the officers? You know their situation best from any of the other doctors present."

You took a deep breath and put the fork down, "Sure. You do know that I theoretically could be called away any time though? I mean, not now, given that I am still wounded but this is not a permanent solution."

"Yes, I am well aware.", he adjusted his glasses, "Thank you. I appreciate it."

Taking care of the officers was a rather new experience to you, given your job description. Leading a non-combat team was not something you had ever done before and it took you a few days to adjust. It also took your nurses a few days to adjust to the way you talked to them and ordered them around. It wasn't that difficult, given that they were used to working on a military ship.

In the evening you went to the training rooms and spent some time with the twins. You couldn't work on your hand to hand combat techniques or anything that required much physical activity but you could use the time to work on your shooting skills. You struggled with shooting at multiple moving targets from a close distance, you preferred to take your time or just stay so far away they didn't even know you were there.

Because you only had to check on Kylo's wounds every three days, you moved back down to your own quarters. It was far closer to ER and allowed you to jump in in case of emergencies. The meetings with the Supreme leader were brief, given how much he had to do lately. And before you knew it two weeks had passed.

Sitting at the small table in your apartment you were reading through some medical papers. They were mind-bogglingly boring though and you frequently found yourself drifting off. It still had to be done, so your brains unwillingness to focus pissed you off quite a bit.  
"3.2.1. Focus.", you repeated like you had done so many times before already and read through the same passage again.

The doorbell rang and you jumped up from your chair, almost knocking it over. Who the fuck wanted to visit you? Did you forget anything in the locker room and Rosie wanted to take it to you? It was probably the wrong apartment.

You pressed a button and the doors slid open with a familiar mechanical hiss. From the height and the fact that the person standing behind it was wearing all black you figured that it was not in fact Rosie.

"Sir! Good evening." you said and grabbed your data pad, searching when you would have the next meeting with him, "Did I forget to come visit you tonight, Sir? I am so sorry, I did no-"

"No. You didn't.", he stepped in, only now you noticed that he was carrying something. He turned to take a look at your apartment. It was tiny, perhaps five by three meters plus the bathroom to the side. Barely enough for one person, let alone two, especially if one of them was as tall and broad as the Supreme Leader was.

He placed what he had been carrying on the bed. Whatever it was, it was wrapped in white cloth. He nodded towards it and you stepped closer to open it.  
It was your armour. New armour. Not the destroyed one from before.  
"Thank you, Sir. I completely forgot about that."

"No need to thank me. Put it on."

"Now, Sir?", you asked, dumbfounded.

"Yes.", he turned around, facing the door and you quickly got yourself the stuff you usually wore under your armour.  
"We'll be leaving as soon as you are done. You remember those officers?"

Of course you remembered them, given that you had been their primary caretaker for the past two weeks.  
"Yes, Sir....Sorry, could you step aside?", he turned around and took a step back so you could grab your armour. He mustered you, now standing there in only your skin tight bodysuit.

"Those officers, Sir?" you asked, reminding him of the sentence he had started.

"Right. You know the Resistance holds more captive. We want to get them back, I need you as our medic." he said it as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

You raised your eyebrows. "Me, Sir?"

"Yes."

Alright then. If he saw you fit then you would not complain. On the contrary you felt quite honored to be chosen by him.  
"Thank you, Sir.", you finished putting on your armour and grabbed your helmet from the bed. "Done."

You followed Kylo to the hangar. His steps were huge, and you quietly thanked your parents for giving you long legs, otherwise you would have had to run behind him.  
Wearing your armour again made you feel great. It gave you that sense of purpose and unity back. Working with the nurses and other doctors was great as well but it didn't give you the same kick you got out of wearing stormtrooper armour and joining the battles.

An Upsilon-class command shuttle was already waiting for you. It was the first time you were allowed to fly in one as they were usually reserved for high-ranking military members. You grinned like an idiot under your helmet. Never would you have thought that one day you'd be flying in one of them. At the side of the Supreme Leader himself. Actually accompanying him into battle, because he had WANTED you there.

You tried to hide your excitement as much as possible, you could grin but you stopped yourself from jumping or inspecting every single detail about the ship. Even if you didn't know anything about them, other than their names.

Two knights of Ren, three officers, Hux and two pilots were already on board. You were the only stormtrooper present. You'd seen one of the knights before. He'd been with you on the ship as you left Eks. It was the one carrying an axe while the other had his arm more or less weaponized. You wondered whether or not it was actually a prosthetic or if he just had his arm within the monster sized canon-blaster-whatever mix. A few grenades were strapped to his chest and on the side of his belt was a blaster. A great combination. And probably an even greater companion to have on your side in battle.

You felt out of place. The pilots were probably one of the most skilled of the First Order. The officers weren't just any either. One was a major, the other two were captains. You didn't even want to talk about Hux. Then, of course, there were the Knight of Ren. Avid users of the Dark side of the Force and other than that incredibly skilled fighters. The Supreme Leader himself was there, of course, and then...then there were you. A combat medic that had joined the First Order a little over a year ago.  
You were the only one present in stormtrooper armour and theoretically not even allowed to speak to the officers. You were the black sheep of the Upsilon-class shuttle, and ironically the only one dressed in white.

Apart from any of that...you felt cornered. As if the three force users took up all the space around you. You started counting backwards in sevens in your head. It kept you occupied, breathing normally, stopped you from worrying about the upcoming mission and most importantly...if any of them decided to read your mind they wouldn't find anything weird.

You made your way to your destination, temporarily landing on a Maxima-A class heavy cruiser for transport to a different planetary system. Kylo went out of the shuttle, leaving you alone with the rest.  
Not really knowing anything about the mission you suspected that you were the only one who hadn't been briefed on it. Why was that? Theoretically not telling you increased your chance of mission success in case they had force users. You just hoped it was that and not a lack of trust from Kylo's side.

How long exactly it took to get to the designated planet you couldn't tell. A few hours for sure, but whether it was two, three or four? No idea.  
The shuttle door opened and everyone apart from the pilots left. Two more ships of the same type had landed. They were each transporting stormtroopers, another high ranking officer and prisoners, whos' heads had been covered by hoods.

Atleast you weren't the only stormtrooper around anymore. You instantly felt a bit less lost.  
You still couldn't see Kylo, nor did you recognize any of the other stormtroopers. Great. The only other people you had actually seen before were a Knight of Ren, that made you uncomfortable to just be around and General Hux. Whom you made uncomfortable when you were around. And the prisoners. By now you had seen them often enough to know who they were even if their heads were covered.  
Mr. Stares wasn't present though. Odd.

The city you entered was probably on neutral ground. Neither the Resistance nor the First Order would have agreed to meet anywhere else.  
The locals didn't really mind almost two dozen stormtroopers and the rest of your group making it through the city. They stopped and looked at you, but they didn't seem scared or anyhow concerned.

You entered a building, most of the stormtroopers stayed outside and you wanted to as well, if it wouldn't have been for the Axe-Knight you had already met. His hand signaling told you enough.

The Resistance representatives were already present and waiting. They had brought prisoners as well, you didn't need to get much closer to tell that they were in quite a bad shape.

"General.", a tall pink haired woman said to Hux.

"Vice Admiral.", he replied, "Let's skip the pleasantries and get down to business."

"There is nothing pleasant about this visit anyway." she replied, "I hope you brought all the prisoners?"

"Not yet. One of them is in bad shape, we are keeping him on life support. We will give him to you once we get all of ours." General Hux answered. Was it Mr. Stares? If it was him then either something had happened since this morning or the dear General was lying.

The pink haired lady nodded, suspicious about Hux’s behaviour. Their hair colours were a horrible combination. A true eyesore. If you were honest, any Resistance fighter was an eyesore to you. Their logo alone pissed you off. Their behaviour was a totally different question. You didn't even want to think about it.

"Doctor.", Hux eventually said after some more discussion about prisoners and exchanging insults with the Vice Admiral.  
You stepped forward and towards the officers. Checking them briefly and scanning them.

"They are in a bad shape, General, but they'll make the transport." you went back again and one of the officers handed you a data pad so you could tell the doctors upon the Maxima-A class about their status. You transmitted the scanner's data and added in a few additional details that you thought were needed.

The Resistance sent their own doctor, you eyeing him suspiciously. You had been taking very good care of your prisoners. If he'd say anything other than that you'd give him a taste of your not so good care.  
He just nodded and went back to the Vice Admiral, quietly telling her about them.

They discussed how they'd deliver Mr. Stares for far too long in your opinion. Atleast you were occupied with informing the other doctors. Each of the sides eventually transported all their prisoners away, while the two heads were still talking and talking. That was the reason you did not want to get into politics. Ever. Too much talk about nothing and everything at the same time and not enough actually DOING anything.

Then without a forewarning there was a single shot from outside. Screaming, shouting and more shots. Within the blink of an eye there was only chaos.


	8. Maxima-A

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The battle goes on. I also suck at writing chapter summaries, I hope it does not bother anyone. Does anyone even read this?

You stayed as close as possible to General Hux and the knights but you got separated quickly. Both of you now alone in a building neither of you knew.  
You grabbed him by the collar and pulled him in a room, waiting for a few Resistance fighters to pass. When you arrived, you had tried to get a look in every room. They might have closed them quickly but you still remembered where you could find what you were searching for.

"Stay, Sir. I'll be right back." he wanted to complain but you were out of the door before he could open his mouth. You shot two Resistance fighters in the back and ran into the chamber behind them. It was a small room with a few beds. Nothing interesting apart from one thing. You grabbed the slender suitcase leaning against the wall and ran back to the General.

Surprisingly he had listened to you. You threw him a blaster from one of the dead fighters and left the room together.  
You ran through the building’s hallways, taking cover behind lockers, inside rooms and around corners. Training with 2333 and 2334 had really helped you when it came to shooting close combat. You still weren't necessarily GOOD at it but it was enough. For now atleast. The main battle was going on outside and both of you managed to avoid most Resistance fighters.

You lead General Hux up a staircase and onto the building's roof. He helped you barricade the door with some crates, but you suspected it wouldn't hold longer than half a minute if they wanted to break through.  
You climbed on top of a nearby rooftop that did not have any ladder or staircase leading up to it. The others around were flat and there was only one tower taller than the building you were on. Perfect.  
Hux gave you a thick piece of cloth that had been lying around. That'd be very useful.

You sat down next to a ventilation duct and pulled Hux with you, so both of you would be out of line of sight. A quick search through your med bag later and you had found what you needed. You handed Hux the datapad from before, a flare and some binoculars. They were old but small and sufficient for what you had planned.

"Do not use the flare yet. We'll need it when our fighters arrive. Tell them that you are alive, do not say where we are. We don't know if they are intercepting our transmission. Once you have done that..." you removed the black plastic protecting the binoculars, "Look through the area. I'll tell you what I need from you."

You couldn't care less right now about addressing your superior properly. He started writing while you opened the slender suitcase from before. You were right.  
It wasn't your prefered type but the sniper configuration of the A-180 Blaster would still do its job quite fine.

You laid down at the edge of the roof between the ventilation duct and the edge, pulling the piece of cloth over you. Hux joined you shortly after.

You closed your eyes and waited for a bit, just concentrating on inhaling and exhaling. You imagined yourself fading into the landscape, trying to reduce your being to essentially nothing. It took you a good thirty seconds before you opened your eyes again.

A quick look through the scope and you could see three Resistance fighters a bit further away, they'd cross some escaping officers soon.  
You took your first shot. The silencer on the muzzle muffled the sound from the blaster. The fighters turned around, frantically looking where it had come from. Another shot. The last one took cover behind a crate, but given he hadn't seen where it came from he just exposed his back to you and looked in the wrong direction.  
Lovely. He dropped dead.

Hux surprised you by not being utterly useless, "To your right, 3 o'clock. A Resistance pilot is trying to escape."

You moved your scope but by the time you had adjusted your position the pilot was already missing his torso. One of the Knight’s merit.  
"Oh.", made General Hux.

"See if you can find the other Knight, or the prisoners.", you stayed on the knight. It was the one with the axe, the one you had already met previously. You wanted to help him, but he was quite fine by himself. You still got one or two before they managed to shoot at him.

"There. I found the prisoners."  
You could hear him grinding his teeth together, "They are not our officers though. Just the Resistance fighters we had."

"It does not matter.", you moved slightly and examined them. You did not know much about them, but you did know which ones Kylo had interrogated the most. You reloaded and took your first shot. He moved in the last second, as if he had known your bullet was coming.

"Hide." you said quietly and Hux pressed himself on the roof while you placed your hand on the scope to not have the sun shining on it and revealing your position. You counted backwards from thirty before you moved again. They were looking around. Good. It didn't seem like they knew where exactly you were shooting from. You did know whom to eliminate now though. That pesky prisoner was that had known where you shot from.

You exhaled again, slowly. Your father had shown you this technique when you were small and on the hunt for Vornskr. A few decades ago someone had let them lose and since then they had plagued the cities on your homeplanet. Your father, and his father before him had always been hunters. More or less specializing in killing the black canines.

It was an almost meditative state. You imagined yourself fading from existence, eliminating every piece of presence you usually showed. Then you took your shot.  
"Yes!", Hux cheered quietly, you hadn't even noticed him coming out of hiding already.

You eliminated a few more of your ex-patients. It did not bother you. While they were under your care you would have protected them as much as you could. But now...they were the enemy. A black and white distinction had to be made.

"They will arrive in roughly fifteen minutes.", Hux told you. Good, fifteen minutes. That was survivable. You nodded and stopped shooting, you did not want to reveal your position any more than you already had.  
You opted for scanning the area with your scope instead. It didn't seem like any of them had spotted you. Yet.

Time seemed to pass incredibly slow. Every second felt like a minute and every minute like an hour. Then someone tried to get through the door you had barricaded and time could not have passed any faster.  
You shoved Hux down and moved behind one of the air ducts. A quick look over to the General, he was fully covered by the piece of cloth, if you were lucky they wouldn't notice you either.

The door opened and two fighters squeezed themselves through the door. They started searching the rooftop. Only two. There were only two. You looked over at the General. Was it worth the risk? Was it? You weren't good at shooting close range.

The non thinking part of you peeked out from behind the air duct and shot. Missing. They turned around and time passed even slower than. Shots were fired and you went back into cover, exchanging shots. One of them dropped dead, even though you had not fired. Hux was definitely a better shot than you. Exchanging a look you started shooting again, this time not even trying to hit. Just occupying him for long enough so General Hux could kill him.

Why did you shoot? Why the fuck did you shoot? They could have just gone back. Now you had alerted everyone else in the area. You cursed under your helmet.

A second later and he was dead. You nodded towards Hux, but stayed where you were. No need to risk anything more. You had already been stupid enough.  
You heard more shouting from the staircase's direction. More Resistance fighters stormed upon the roof. They immediately took cover as they saw their dead comrades but were killed with a marvelous shot to the head. You didn't like Hux and it was a mutual feeling, but you had to give it to him...he was amazing with a blaster.

Similarly to before you kept them occupied while the General did the actual work. Your tactic did not work flawlessly as they started to notice Hux. The poor fellow was only hiding under a piece of cloth.  
Without thinking you jumped up and behind the air duct closest to him. It was enough to get them focused back on you. You felt the impact of a blaster shot on your shoulder. Then on your leg and the side of your abdomen. It knocked the air out of your lungs and for a brief moment you could only see darkness.

As far as you could tell none of the shots had penetrated your armour. Atleast that. It hurt just as much as if you had actually been shot, but apart from the massive bruises it wouldn't do any lasting damage. You weren't at the risk of bleeding out either, so...that was lucky?

There were still fighters and the amount of shots fired did not decrease. In fact, it got worse. You wouldn't be able to hold your position much longer. The air got knocked out of your lungs again and you fell forward, hitting your head on the rooftop.  
Time didn't seem to pass at all and you slowly got up. You didn't know whether the ringing in your ears was so loud you just stopped hearing it or if you just weren't able to hear anything at all. Perhaps someone had just stuffed cotton in your helmet, because everything felt so foggy?

As you got back to your senses, Hux was standing in plain sight. That fucking moron. You jumped up and threw him down onto the piece of cloth. He was shouting something and tried to get you off of him, but you couldn't hear him.

He shoved you down and you rolled towards the side.  
"Go get yourself killed, you bloody idiot." you cursed, quiet in your opinion but given his reaction he must have heard it. He kicked your abdomen and you winced in pain, rolling yourself into a ball.  
A rather familiar distorted cough sounded from the rooftop below you. No. It wasn't a cough. It wasn't even a robotic one, more like laughter that had been filtered through a bad voice changer. It probably was.

Hux jumped down and you slowly got up, stumbling towards the edge of the rooftop. There it was. That beautiful black mask hiding the even better looking face.  
"Good day to you, Sir. You are late." you said incredibly happy to see him. It didn't matter that you could still hear the screams and shots from below. He was here and that was all you needed. You trusted him to get you out of this mess.

"I don't think so." he turned around, the fighters were chopped to bits.

"Yes, you are correct. You were right on time, Sir." You turned around and grabbed your blaster. The ventilation duct looked like a cheese grater by now and your armour was most certainly stained black by the shots.

You sat on the edge and stared down. Kylo went over and raised his arms.

"Come on, Doc."  
You jumped into his arms and he set you down. More help? Horrible. You'd really have to get used to it. He patted your shoulder.

"We are not done with them...but please. Don't talk. You are practically screaming."  
You quickly put your hand in front of your mouth, or well, helmet, and nodded. Well that was great, was it not? Screaming at the Supreme Leader, not only revealing your position but ALSO loudly calling the General of the First Order an idiot. You had truly outdone yourself today.

At the end of the staircase waited the two Knights and a few stormtroopers. Finally some backup. They took you and the General in the middle. You immediately handed your blaster to Hux. It was completely useless for you to even try hitting anything now. You were more likely to hit your own men. He looked perplexed and handed you your binoculars back.

"Thanks." you whispered, hoping that it would sound as if you were talking normally. The way back was quick. The knights eliminated Resistance fighters swiftly and soon there weren't any more that actually WANTED to fight you.

Multiple Upsilon class shuttles were already waiting for you. The stormtroopers distributed themselves among them while Hux, the Knights and Kylo went into another one. You just followed the herd of white armour like a sheep.

"Doc...", you heard Kylo say a few meters in front of you. He hadn't even turned around. How had he known? Was he listening to your thoughts again?  
You entered his shuttle. It was filled to the brim. With the knights, Kylo and Hux now present all the seats were taken by officers.

The officers certainly looked at you weird. Once again you were the only one dressed in white. The door to the shuttle closed and you took off, almost throwing you off balance.  
Well wasn't this a wonderful situation? A shuttle full of people you were theoretically not even allowed to speak to. Atleast not while you were in your stormtrooper uniform. Marvelous.

One of them was holding his arm and you quickly stepped over, kneeling in front of him. Looking down from above was certainly not an option, so you had to.  
Scanning his arm revealed that it was broken twice. Could have been worse. You carefully moved it and put on a temporary splint. It'd do for now.

You went to each of the officers and fixed what you could. Most of them only had abrasions and bruises but there were two more who had broken bones. In general it looked well, perhaps the truly hurt ones had already been transported away. Or they had died. The prisoners had been evacuated earlier, before the whole chaos happened.

After you were done you went over to Kylo. You tilted your head slightly, more or less asking him if he was hurt. He waved his hand dismissively and you went to the back of the ship. Standing close to the wall while waiting to land. You shifted the weight more towards your left side to make both your leg and abdomen hurt a bit less.

It wasn't really how you'd expected your first mission, theoretically second, with Kylo Ren to go. It could have gone a lot worse, though. You didn't die. You didn't lose any limbs. You had been shot, but none of them had penetrated your armour so overall you were satisfied. If you ignored calling the General an idiot.

"MD-2442!", it suddenly sounded through the ship. That annoying voice could only belong to one person. Hux.

"Yes, Sir!", you said, standing straight.

"Come here."  
You did as he said, ignoring the odd looks the present officers were giving you. Hux stood up and handed you your blaster back. Right. You almost forgot about that.

"Your fighting skills leave a lot to be desired." he said while you attached the blaster to your belt. Thanks. That was nice. You weren't a proper stormtrooper that was trained from birth. So what the hell did he expect? An officer was grinning at that remark. If he'd get a heart attack now, you would certainly forget that you were a medic.  
"However..." Hux continued, "Your skill with a rifle is one of the best I have seen."

"Thank you, Sir.", the stupid officer had stopped smiling. What was he even capable of doing, eh? He was a major. Those were utterly useless. What did anyone need battle tactics for, charging in and eliminating everything in your path was far easier. And if you couldn't defeat them you could atleast drown them in your own blood. That was something that should be taught. And he should go right in front.

"I will forget your...remark from before." What a blatant lie. Neither of you would forget that, "You saved many officers after all."

"Thank you, Sir.", you repeated.

"Where did you learn how to shoot like that?"  
Was he bored? Why was he asking you questions now? Did he have to ask them in front of the Supreme Leader, two Knights and a whole bunch of officers? It made you uncomfortable, this was your personal life.

"From my Father, Sir.", you kept it to a bare minimum, hoping that he'd just dismiss you. It felt like everyone was staring at you. Their eyes practically drilled themselves into your armour. You wished you would faint. Just falling over backwards, the world turning black and if they would actually pay any mind...you wouldn't know of it atleast.  
But...you didn't. Instead you just had to stand there. One of the Knights turned towards Kylo and whispered something. Then they both looked at you again, Kylo nodded.  
Oh how great. More staring. And talking behind your back in front of you.

"You are dismissed.", Kylo said. Hux didn't seem happy about it, you were though and quickly marched back.  
Over the rest of the flight the Knights and Kylo were talking to each other. Looking over to you a bit more often than you'd have wanted.  
Because of that you counted backwards from 1000 in sevens again. Kept you occupied and concealed any odd thoughts you might have.

As you finally arrived back on the Maxima-A your whole body was sore. Standing for a good...what was it hour? One and a half? It didn't matter. It had been most uncomfortable, but your pride hadn't allowed you to even consider taking a seat. You doubted that anyone would have complained but it had still been out of the question.  
Given you had the lowest rank, it was only fit for you to stand and not take a seat.

In the hangar nurses and doctors were already waiting and you quickly instructed them about what to do.

"You look horrible, are you hurt?", one of the nurses asked you as you wanted to hand the annoying Major over to her.  
You laughed, "No, just bruised all over. The armour stopped the blasters from actually hitting me."

"You should clean it." the major said and you stared down on him, straightening your back to increase your height a bit more.

"Right.", you turned back to the nurse, ignoring him completely, "Could you take care of him for me? He is horribly hurt. I hope you stacked up on bandaids?"  
He merely had a few scratches. He didn't need to go to the ER. The nurse smiled at you, clearly understanding your situation. But given you had already insulted a General today you didn't need to openly call the Major a dumbass, even if you wanted to.

"Doc?"  
The nurse almost jumped out of her own skin, she turned as white as a sheet of paper.

"Yes, Sir?", you turned around. Similar to how you had towered over the Major before he was now towering over you. It was even worse for the poor woman. The nurse was tiny, perhaps one and a half meters tall.

"I expect you back here in three hours. We are going back on the Finalizer."

"Yes, Sir.", you saluted him and he left. If you wouldn't have been in your stormtrooper uniform you wouldn't have. It was odd for a doctor to do it, but it was rude for a stormtrooper to not do it.

The nurse was staring into his direction. You placed a hand on her shoulder.  
"Calm down." you wanted your voice to sound friendly, but the distorter made it sound more like a command. Now she was looking at YOU in fear. Great. Weren't you talented?

If you were already at it though...  
"Where are the stormtrooper barracks? As much as I hate to admit it, I do need to clean myself up. This is unacceptable."  
She nodded quickly and led you out of the hangar.

It took you two hours to get the black stains out of your armour and the blaster shots were still visible. They had partially melted it but none had actually gotten through. Amazing.

You talked a bit to the other stormtroopers, mostly trying to figure out how many had gotten hurt. The imprisoned officers had all made it. That was good, if any of them would have died on the transport it might have had repercussions for you, given you gave the okay for their transfer.  
You would have visited them and if it wouldn’t have been for Kylo telling you to get on the Finalizer you would have probably stayed.

Half an hour before your designated take-off you were already waiting in the hangar. Close enough to get a good look at the shuttle, in case Kylo should be early but not too close either so it didn't look awkward.  
Some technicians were looking at you from a bit further away, probably wondering why that lonely looking combat medic was leaning on a crate.

You ignored them and instead searched through your datapad. Five messages. Odd, usually you got a maximum of one. The one you had been expecting was a patient report for the officers. As far as you could tell, nothing had changed.

Then there were four messages from Rosie. One asking where you were. One that you should atleast answer the call. One about answering the door and the last one was a lengthy apology letter because she didn't know you were on a mission.  
You sighed and wrote back a simple: 'It's fine. Don't worry. I'll be back tomorrow.' You preferred exaggerating the time it took you to get back on the Finalizer to setting a time and being late.

You swiftly walked over towards the Upsilon-class. It seemed like the air pressure was once again increasing, so you suspected that Kylo was rather close. You were right. Well, almost, because it wasn't just Kylo. It was also Hux and four Knights of Ren. Oh how lovely that was! Sitting in a small command shuttle with all of those? It would be as if someone had placed a boulder on your chest.

The ride itself was far more pleasant than you had imagined. Partially because you fell asleep. It wasn't for longer than perhaps five minutes though. None of them noticed either, instead they were still sitting there. Hux and Kylo being the only ones talking to each other. It was some Resistance strategy stuff that you weren't interested in.

After getting back on the Finalizer you just followed the Supreme Leader and the others. He was still discussing something with Hux, even though discussing was far too nice of a word for it. Discussing would mean that they each listened and had constructive criticism. They didn't, and you got the feeling that no matter what one said the other had to go against it.

You took the elevator up to the second highest level. You'd never been this high up, as far as you knew there were mostly strategy and command rooms. The doors opened and the pressure hit you in the face as if you had opened the hatch of a submarine.  
You didn't have to get out to know that the rest of the Knights of Ren were around somewhere.

Hux stayed inside, riding up to the top most level while you followed Kylo. They went into one of the rooms.  
"Wait here."

"Yes, Sir."


	9. Conference Rooms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo's POV on the Doctor.

Kylo's POV

"Supreme Leader! We just received a message from the Resistance. It's about their prisoners."

Kylo turned around towards the small woman that had just delivered the message.  
"Go on."

"They agreed. They sent us the coordinates, it's a neutral city in the outer rims. They want the meeting to be in roughly 12 hours. It's doable, we are preparing a crew right now, but we need to leave within an hour."

Kylo raised his hand, "I want Cardo, Ap'lek and General Hux. The General can decide which officers." he stopped briefly and watched the woman alert them. He turned back around, his arms behind his back and looked outside into the black nothingness, "I want MD-2442 as the commanding doctor."

He could hear her fingers tapping on the datapad.  
"Sir, MD-2442 is just a combat medic. We would usually send a chief resident doctor."

"I trust her. Bring me one of the new stormtrooper armour. In her size. In the meanwhile brief Hux."

"Yes, Supreme Leader." The woman said and left the room, and so did the continuous tapping of her fingers on the datapad.

The dark endless depths of space were showing so much and so little at the same time. From this far away there was no way to see the planets orbiting the small glowing dots. So many of those planets had life on them, species were dying out and emerging to the top of the food chain. It was easy to get lost. It was even easier to feel small and insignificant.

How small and insignificant MD-2442 had been in the beginning. Just a combat medic that had been randomly assigned to follow him into the cave systems of Eks. She didn't stand out much at first. Somehow she had made it out of the caverns with him and the other stormtroopers. Her nervousness was almost unbearable as she got on the back of his speeder and what had been even more unbearable was how long she took to shoot.

Then he had gotten hit and she saved him. Not really anything unusual. What was unusual was her removing her own shrapnel shard by herself. At the time Kylo hadn't even noticed it, he had been too busy concentrating on the pain not getting any worse. Ap'lek had asked him whether or not he knew about it. Normally Kylo could easily tell the emotions of others, especially pain, with her he couldn't. He had not realized it until Ap'lek had pointed it out.

Her worry for him was what he had sensed mostly during the night. It had almost been protective, especially towards General Hux. Her work had been exceptional, one of the reasons he had kept her as his attending physician.  
She genuinely cared about him, and not because she was afraid of getting killed. Apart from worry, admiration and the occasional fear, the only other thing he had ever felt from her was trust. Blind trust. Foolish. But he still appreciated it.

He would be lying if he said that he didn't like being admired. It was genuine from her though. Most people were just intimidated or wanted to get on his good side. Outwardly they were the same but their thoughts and feelings showed otherwise.

That's why he had allowed her to join the interrogation with 'Mr. Stares'. Stares was one of the more adept force sensitives Kylo had captured and while he was mostly useless he displayed a highly developed force sense. Somehow the Doc disrupted him. It was what had gotten Mr. Stares so scared. Why exactly he didn't understand back then but now...

Then there was her ability to sneak up on him. He usually sensed every other being around him. Every single one. Every man. Every woman. Every fly. It did not matter. But he could not sense her. There were a few exceptions to the rule, but she was the only one capable of sneaking up on Kylo Ren.

It was even worse if she was concentrating on something, it almost seemed as if she just disappeared from existence. It made it extremely challenging for him to read her thoughts and as he finally got through it was like listening to a bad transmission. Only few words could actually be heard and those were hard to understand.

Her thoughts were interesting. If he managed to get to them. He eventually figured out a more reliable way but it took him quite a long time. It was rewarding, given that they were usually quite entertaining and made him enjoy the Doc's visits.

Kylo shook his head ever so slightly. He didn't even want to think about it for too long. Staring into literal space had the effect of getting completely and utterly lost in thoughts.  
Remembering the funny conversations she had in her mind was fine but he really did not want to dwell on the bandage topic or her reaction after he had taken her to 'Mr. Stares' the second time.

A lower ranking officer entered, carrying the new armour wrapped in cloth.  
"The new armour type. In the size you asked for, Supreme Leader."  
The man stepped back and Kylo grabbed the package on his way out.

Some part of Kylo was disappointed that the Doc had moved back down into her original apartment. Rationally he agreed that this was the better option, but it did not mean he liked it.  
He rang the doorbell and waited a few seconds.

"Sir! Good evening." she sounded confused and immediately asked whether or not she had forgotten their appointment.

"No. You didn't.", Kylo replied and stepped into the tiny apartment. Theoretically he knew what the nurses' and doctors' quarters looked like but he had never been to one. They were far smaller than he had imagined. Why did she move back down here again?

Kylo placed the package on the bed and nodded towards it.

"Thank you, Sir. I completely forgot about that." she said her voice getting slightly higher.

"No need to thank me. Put it on."

"Now, Sir?" she sounded about as confused as she looked.

"Yes.", was all Kylo replied before turning his back towards her. He felt a slight unease from her for having to change behind his back but he didn't care much. He needed her on the mission. "We'll be leaving as soon as you are done. You remember those officers?", Kylo continued, hoping to explain the situation a bit better.

"Yes, Sir....Sorry, could you step aside?", he could feel her touch his coat slightly and turned around. Was she already done? Well...almost. She was just in the skin tight bodysuit worn under armour. It suited her so much better than the medical tunics she usually wore.

"Those officers, Sir?" she asked. Kylo hadn't even noticed that he had stopped talking.

"Right.", he continued what he had wanted to tell her and they left for the hangar shortly after. The whole way towards the shuttle she was excited but the moment they entered it, it quickly faded. In fact, she seemed to fade just as quickly and he wasn't really able to feel her at all anymore.

Shortly after they landed on the Maxima-A, Kylo left. He had sent someone to a meeting with a smuggler on a planet nearby. Kylo hoped he had gotten what he was searching for.  
The respective officer was already waiting in a conference room.  
"Did you get it?", Kylo immediately asked and the officer handed him a small box, "You are dismissed."

The officer nodded and left. Kylo inserted the box into one of the computers to the side. A bunch of holographic texts appeared. They were written in Sith. He took his helmet off, he had gotten what he wanted. He started to read.

A while later an officer stormed in, completely out of breath.  
"Supreme Leader! It-it-", he was breathing heavily, "There is a fight. We have already evacuated our prisoners and sent reinforcements but General Hux an-"

"Ready my ship."  
Kylo hadn't even properly secured his helmet before he already stormed out of the room.  
"The stormtroopers might have video feeds, I want to know where each of our men went so we can evacuate them all."

There was no option to leave any behind. The reason they had wanted to exchange prisoners was because they did not want to let their men down. They trusted them, gave their life for them, there was no way he would leave officers in the enemy's hands.  
Stormtroopers were a different discussion usually. Mainly because they were Hux's pride and Kylo despised Hux. By extension he didn't really care much for them. It had happened more than once that he had 'accidentally' cut someone in half if they were incompetent.

By the time Kylo arrived they had already evacuated a great deal of their own men. Cardo was already waiting impatiently.  
"That took you long enough."

Kylo scoffed, "How many have we lost?", both of them marched inside the city.

"Very few officers. Stormtroopers though..."  
Cardo used his laser blaster to shoot at a few Resistance fighters in the distance before they had even realized the threat.

"I don't care about the Stormtroopers. Where is Hux?"

"Alive. We don't know where. He didn't say in case they were intercepting the transmission.", it was hard to understand him properly right now. His Laser blaster was not exactly quiet.

"Where is the medic?"

Cardo stopped shooting, "Didn't you say you don't care about Stormtroopers?"

"I don't. She is a medic."

"Almost the same. Why do you care?", his questioning pissed Kylo off.

"You don't understand yet. I'll tell you later. We need her alive."  
Cardo nodded and switched his arm cannon to a flamethrower. A few Resistance fighters were shooting at them, but Kylo deflected their shots easily.  
A severed hand landed in front of the Supreme Leader's feet and Ap'lek joined the other two Knights of Ren.

"Have you seen Hux? Or that combat medic?", Cardo asked him.

"I sensed him earlier. She might be with him, I think we left the room together but got separated.", Ap'lek replied.

"Let's head back to the building then."

There weren't many Resistance fighters that got in the way of the three Knights of Ren. And if they did their life expectancy was cut unusually short within seconds.  
There was a fight going on on the roof, from what Kylo's force sense told him it probably was where Hux was.

"Clear the building. I'll go to the roof.", Kylo shouted towards his allies and ran through the corridors towards where he suspected the staircase.  
Any Resistance fighter in his way was turned to minced meat. The ones on the roof were no exception. And neither of them were a challenge.

"Supreme Leader!", Hux shouted from a separate rooftop, elevated a bit above the one Kylo was currently standing on.

"Where is the medic?", Kylo just asked, closing his lightsaber. Hux's facial expression was perplexed.

"With me. She is absolutely useless at shooting close range. It's obvious she did not receive stormtrooper training."  
Of course, he was already complaining again and praising his stormtroopers. What else was that man doing all day apart from that? Kylo could feel the anger rise up in him again. Then suddenly the medic he had been searching for jumped out from behind an air duct and threw herself onto the General.

Hux let out a scream and started hitting her.  
"Let me go! Let me go! Can't you see we are not fighting anymore! For fuck's sake just get off me!"

Kylo was too perplexed at the absurdity of the situation to do anything else other than stare at Hux trying to get her off. He eventually managed and quickly stood up, dusting himself off.

"Go get yourself killed, you bloody idiot.", she cursed loudly. Hux's facial expressions were amazing. He first looked as if he had misheard her. He tried to process her words and then he got mad and kicked her.  
Kylo just started laughing. Completely ignoring the pissed of Hux jumping off and leaving the rooftop.  
A typical stormtrooper helmet appeared over the edge. An aura of excitement surrounded her.

"Good day to you, Sir. You are late.", she noted, talking in a VERY loud voice.

"I don't think so.", Kylo said and looked at the bits and pieces of Resistance fighters neatly distributed around the crates.

"Yes, you are correct. You were right on time, Sir.", she picked her blaster up and sat on the edge. Her right side had been shot by blasters multiple times. Kylo was glad he had gotten her the new prototype and not the one she would have usually received. It had most certainly saved her life.

Kylo raised his arms up, "Come on, Doc."  
She didn't hesitate and he caught her easily, carefully placing her back on the ground. Kylo knew how much she hated getting help and didn't even need to read her thoughts to know about it.

He patted her shoulder, "We are not done with them...but please. Don't talk. You are practically screaming.", Kylo said and she immediately covered her mouth.

He got into her head on the way back. She was definitely not hearing properly and thoughts were foggy. As they reached the shuttles, she wanted to go with the stormtroopers but Kylo called her back.  
She didn't hesitate to take care of the on-board officers. She didn't talk to them either, staying within the protocol.

General Hux stood up and called her over after she was done. First he insulted her skill on shooting close range. Something Kylo had to agree with sadly. She was everything but good at it. What surprised him was that Hux actually praised her shooting when it came to long range.

"So that was her...", Ap'lek whispered and moved his elbow slightly to tap Kylo's side, "I've seen it. Of course, it's not on Kuruk's level...she couldn't get there either, it's not like she's force sensitive. But she is incredibly good and I couldn't actually make out where she was shooting from."

"I see.", Kylo said quietly and raised his voice, "You are dismissed."  
Kylo didn't ignore Hux's angry stare, instead he cherished it. The Doc was obviously uncomfortable, understandable if she was the only one of her rank around. Apart from that he had to discuss some things with his other Knights.

Cardo leaned over, "You are saying she is good with a rifle, Ap'lek."

"Very. She took care of a bunch of Resistance fighters that were shooting at me."

Cardo laughed quietly, "That's what you get for just fighting melee. It's useless.", he tapped his arm cannon, "This. This beauty is what it's all about."

"Can you shut up talking about your weapons for once?", Hux threw in, he had been listening to the conversation, "But yes, Supreme Leader, I was surprised myself but she killed many of our ex-prisoners", he spat the word out. Hux had not been okay with trading and he made sure to let Kylo know every chance he got, "Even number 7."

"Number 7! You don't say! I can't believe you are-", Cardo lowered his voice from the fake surprised one to an annoyed one, "I can't believe you assume that everyone knows the prisoners by numbers."

Hux scoffed, "The Supreme Leader knows. It does not concern you."

"Oh?", Cardo tilted his head, "It does not? Tell me again...General", he was sarcastic, "Why are you-"

"Enough.", Kylo said, fed up with their constant fighting and completely oblivious that it was the same for him, "General, alert the rest of the Knights. I want them all on the Finalizer."

"Yes, Supreme Leader.", Hux replied in between clenched teeth. He was not his personal secretary and yet that's the way the Supreme Leader treated him.

The rest of the flight went by smoothly and the moment the doors opened the Doc was outside with the on-board nurses and doctors.  
"Trudgen and Ushar are on the Maxima-A, Kuruk and Vicrul are already on board the Finalizer.", Hux said and left the Upsilon-class.

Kylo could hear the Doc making fun of one of the officers without directly saying so. She was pissed off by one in particular and did not make any attempts to hide it.  
"Doc?", Kylo asked, standing behind her. The nurse she had just talked was now perfectly camouflaged for a snowy terrain.

"Yes, Sir?", 2442 was not a small woman compared to most people, still to Kylo Ren though.

"I expect you back here in three hours. We are going back on the Finalizer."

She replied with her usual, "Yes, Sir." and Kylo quickly left with his two knights.

They parted ways shortly after as Kylo still wanted to read through the rest of the texts he had purchased from the smuggler. They were incredibly old and reported on Vitiate, detailing mostly his immortality and the rituals he performed in order to maintain it.

There were some more files he had gotten from various archives around the galaxy. None of them were especially long or detailed and Kylo quickly skimmed through them.  
Then there was the second text purchased from the smuggler, also written in Sith. None of these texts were much on their own, interesting but merely speculation...but together. Together it finally made sense.

He called an officer into the room, "Bring me every file we have on MD-2442. If you can, find out more about her background as well."

"Yes, Supreme Leader.", the young woman tapped around on her datapad. It was the same one from before, she had incredibly fast fingers. A projection of the Doc's most basic files opened.

Identification number: MD-2442  
Born: 13ABY on Chirna  
Status: Alive

The rest just detailed her current job as a combat medic, missions she had been part of and her security clearance. It was surprisingly high for someone of such low status, but was because Kylo had assigned her to take care of the prisoners.

The officer opened another projection, files about medical school. Boring.

"The planet. Chirna.", Kylo said and within seconds the officer had pulled up information on it. A mountainous planet somewhere in the outer rims. The First Order had protected it from Raids a few years back and shortly after eliminated Resistance forces that had taken refuge on it.

"See if you can find MD-2442 appearing anywhere."

"Yes, Supreme Leader.", the woman opened and closed mission reports, read through them and sorted them, "There is not much but it appears that her father was killed by Resistance forces. He shows up in the casualty lists."

Kylo nodded, "Anything else?"

"Yes, the stormtroopers reported that some locals helped them with eliminating the Resistance. They didn't get any names, but the description matches her."

Kylo did not reply. Instead he enlarged the picture they had of her.  
"Take a look. Do you notice anything?"

The officer looked a bit surprised but still did as he said, "She has bright blue eyes, it's remarkable."

Kylo exhaled triumphantly. His suspicions had been confirmed.

Annotation: Oh man, I hope I got Kylo's personality atleast a bit. It's hard to write as him. I hope all the repitions don't bother you too much.  
The next chapter is still going to be from his POV.


	10. Pressure Chamber

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You find out a bit about yourself.

After Ushar and Trudgen had finally arrived they all went to the hangar together.  
"What's so urgent?", Ushar asked.

"Some woman of Kylo's.", Cardo said and he was immediately thrown against the next wall.

"She is NOT my woman.", Kylo growled and lifted him up by his throat. "You are pissing me off. I told you, you didn't understand.", he let him fall to the floor.

"I am sorry." he said and immediately was back up in the air.

"I am sorry, what?"

"I am sorry, Supreme Leader."  
Kylo let him back down again. The rest of the Knights did not dare to open their mouths.

"I will explain once all of us are present on the Finalizer."  
The discussion ended. Neither of them asked any other questions as they went to the Upsilon-class.

The Doc was already waiting. The Knights paid a lot of attention to her. It was no surprise, given Kylo's outburst.  
She fell asleep almost immediately, hard to notice for anyone but Kylo.

"She is very weak.", Trudgen whispered after staring at her for a good five minutes.

"Not when it comes to sniping. She killed a few before I got to them.", Ap'lek noted.

"Kuruk is not gonna like that.", Trudgen replied, leaning back against the wall.

Ap'lek shrugged, "Perhaps. Do you even know what Kuruk likes?"

Cardo laughed, "Does anyone know what Kuruk likes?"

"It is clear that you don't. You don't know much yourself.", Ushar added and Cardo immediately turned his head towards him. They were talking quietly, not knowing that the Doc was in fact asleep. Kylo crossed his arms, leaned back and watched her. She was sitting so still. Of course, they couldn't know.

Hux stayed quiet throughout most of the ride, he was clearly uncomfortable being around this many of Kylo's men. To the end Hux moved next to Kylo and started working through some sort of 'to do list' of his.

Again, it was the same spiel. Kylo said one thing, Hux suggested the other. Slowly he was getting the feeling that Hux would do just about anything to see him fail. His suggestions were outright ridiculous. Eventually it drifted off into a discussion about whether or not he was actually still fit for the job. A discussion that still went on even as they arrived on the Finalizer and went towards the elevator.

They left the elevator and went into one of the conference rooms.  
"Wait here.", Kylo said to the Doc and the doors closed behind them.

The Knights took their seats while their Leader kept standing.  
"We have something or rather, someone, to discuss", Kylo started.

"The Stormtrooper?", Vicrul asked.

"It's a medic. Not like there is of a much difference but Kylo is a bit sensi-"

Kylo did not even need to use the force to shut Cardo up. Looking into his direction was enough.  
"A medic. Yes. But not just that.", he turned towards Trudgen, "You said she was weak, didn't you?"

"Yes. Incredibly weak."

"Especially her life force, as if she was already dead. Or dying atleast. Why are you interested in her?", Ap'lek asked.

Kylo laughed quietly.

"Do you want to replace Kuruk?", Cardo joked.

"I am no spare part, unlike you. I am not replaceable.", Kuruk replied in an utterly bored voice.

"From what Hux and Ap'lek are saying she is a better shot than you."

Ap'luk sighed, "I never said that. She is not bad. That's all.", he sounded about as fed up with Cardo as Kuruk had.

Kuruk shifted slightly in his seat, a bit more interested in the topic at hand now. He turned his head towards Kylo, encouraging him to speak without saying anything out loud. Kylo inserted the small box from before into a computer again. Projections of the old Sith texts appeared.  
"At first I thought she was just weak.", Kylo started as he searched through the texts for the right one.

"I can't even sense her right now.", Vicrul threw in and Kylo laughed quietly again.

"Yes. You can't sense her. Neither can I."  
The Knights looked at each other in surprise as he told them. There was a reason he was the leader of the Knights of Ren, after all he was the strongest. And if he was not able to sense her either...

"So what you are saying is that there is no one WEAKER with the force than her?", Ap'lek asked, clearly surprised and slightly insulted that that was the reason he was interested.

"Not exactly.", Kylo had found what he had been looking for and increased the size of a specific Sith text, "She's a force void. Or atleast able to create one."

"Bullshit.", Cardo exclaimed.

Trudgen looked at Cardo, back at Kylo and then turned his head back to Cardo again, "Void? What?"

"Normally the Force flows through everything, but you are saying that that...stormtrooper medic girl can create a force blank? Just make the Force disappear?", Vicrul asked, pointing towards the door and clearly not believing Kylo.

"Yes."

"How do you know that she is just not really fucking weak?", Cardo asked.

"I have spent enough time around her. She is not just weak with the Force."

"Enough time? Oh, do tell us mo-"

"You might be right.", Ushar suddenly threw in, "If she was the one that took care of your wounds."

"She was."

"I remember her. Or in fact...I don't. I know that there was a female medic taking care. The rest is..."

"Exactly.", Kylo pulled up a different Sith text and Ushar started skimming through it.

"They are really hard to remember.", he said after he had finished reading it. He pointed out the passage, "I was confused because I had seen her in the room but I could not feel her. She seemed so ordinary. Boring, almost."

Kylo pulled up the Doc's picture, "She is not unremarkable though."  
The quiet murmurs he got back from the Knights were enough to confirm it.

"It was the same for me. Face wise and how I sensed her.", Ap'lek added, "She pulled out that shrapnel and I could not even sense any pain. I could also not tell where she had shot from."

"It's also like really hard to read her thoughts. I thought that there was nothing in her head."

"She is not like you, Cardo.", Kuruk threw in.

"So...what do we do with that information?", Ap'lek finally asked, interrupting the constant bickering.

"She is useful. A weapon.", Kylo crossed his arms, "I used her void to interrogate a prisoner."

"That's how she was able to shoot that famous Nr. 7 then?", Cardo asked, for once it was actually something constructive. Surprising, really.

Kylo nodded, "I've suspected it for a while by now."

"A while, so there...", Cardo shut himself up before any of the others could.

"These texts confirm it.", Kylo had waited with his revelation until he had gotten his hands on the old Sith texts. He didn't like to speculate but now he had proof.

"So how do you plan to use this new 'weapon' of yours?", Kuruk's voice was only slightly less bored than it usually was.

"I plan to train her."

"Sounds fair, why do you need us?", Ushar asked, crossing his arms.

"To train her."

"She can not join the Knights of Ren, you know that?", Ap'lek added, the rest nodded.

"I am well aware."

"So you want to train her. For...joining us on missions? What else? Killing Force Sensitives?"

"Effectively."

"It could backfire."

"Holding a blaster the wrong way is just as dangerous, I say we go have a look. You want us to do anything?", Kuruk noted, fed up with how long everything took.

"Don't try to get into her head.", Kylo pressed a button and the door slid open.

Doc's POV

The door you had been waiting in front off for the past fifteen minutes finally opened. If someone would have told you that you were in some sort of pressure chamber right now you would have certainly believed it.

You stepped in and waited right in front of the doors. They closed behind you and you were locked in with seven force users. Something you easily sensed. They all stared at you, mustering you and you would probably have felt less exposed if you were standing naked in the middle of a town square.

"Sir?", you finally said, trying to break the silence or just have anything happen at all other than those...other than those stares.

"That's her?", one of the Knights asked. You hadn't seen him before. He was wearing a mask that somewhat resembled a grenade.

"Yeah. It's your replacement, Kuruk.", the one with the weaponized hand joked. He had his feet on the table and was playing around with his arm-weapon.  
The one, whom you presumed to be Kuruk scoffed, but didn't say anything. He seemed so utterly bored with the situation. You weren't. You really were everything but bored. Prey that was about to be hunted and killed wasn't bored either after all.

A huge burly one stood up and walked over. He got up close, mustering you. Even though inspecting was probably a better word. He looked over to the axe wielding one you had already met and shook his head before turning it back to you.  
He raised his hand, almost touching your arm before suddenly taking a step back and crossing his arms.

"You are sure she's not just dying?", his voice was deep, even deeper than Kylo's was. But unlike his it wasn't really pleasant to listen to.

"Excuse me, Sir. I am pretty sure I am not dying.", you said, utterly perplexed at the assumption. Normally you would not speak unless spoken to but this...this was just too absurd. Was this a joke? A prank?

"Are you? You are weak. And frail.", he poked your shoulder.

"Perhaps, Sir.", it took all your will to not shoot an insult back. What was he thinking? Probably not at all, that's what it was.

"Trudgen. Stop.", Kylo finally said something, and turned back to you, "I've brought you here for a reason."

Well you damn well hoped it was for a good reason and not just to stand around and get stared at. You didn't like getting help from anyone but what was even worse than being in the center of attention. Especially if you did not know why. You were the reason they were here in the first place but instead of including you they excluded you.  
"Yes, Sir?"

"You have some abilities. Useful ones."

You pointed at yourself, "Me? You mean because I managed to hit a few people hiding in plain sight with a rifle? That's hardly an achievement.", you spoke fast, almost swallowing words.

The whole situation was getting to you. You could hardly breathe, everyone's attention was on you and from what Kylo said it sounded like a bad joke at your expense. All you wanted was to leave. To just run outside and keep running till you collapsed. Anything, anything would be better than staying in this room. Their faces were hidden and you couldn't really tell where exactly they were looking but you knew. You KNEW that they were all staring at you.

It reminded you of all the times you had to get up on a podium and speak. Their eyes, their eyes so fixated on you, judging you for every 'uhm' you spoke in between. It was no difference here. Only this time you didn't even have to speak to embarrass yourself, all you had to do was stand there.

They kept staring. Their cold, dead masks turned towards you. Saying nothing and everything at the same time. Not being able to tell anything at all about who was actually sitting there was even worse. Otherwise you could atleast read them. Tell what they were thinking about you. Not right now. Right now the only thing you saw were seven masks fixated on you.

You felt your heart pounding faster and you barely stopped yourself from hyperventilating. Closing your eyes behind your helmet you started to concentrate on your heartbeat. With every pump you imagined yourself disappearing into nothing. The cells breaking off into molecules and dispersing. Leaving nothing behind. It calmed you down and felt like you were pushing back against the immense pressure that had been building up.

As you opened your eyes back up again you saw that Trudgen had taken a step back. It almost seemed like he was the one feeling uncomfortable now. Not like you felt comfortable in your own skin, you merely felt like you weren't about to faint any second.

"No. Not because of your sniping skills. Because of this.", Kylo raised his hand as if he was presenting you to the rest. Great, had he stopped talking for so long intentionally to get you to feel this shitty? What was his deal? And what did he even mean with 'this'?!

"This?", you bit your tongue to not say anything inappropriate.

"You can create a force void.", he continued as if you'd actually understand everything he meant.

"Sir, I am sorry to be rude but you are not making much sense. I am not sure if that is because I fell on my head or because yo-", you stopped yourself, "I am sorry, Sir. I was out of line."

The one with the arm-cannon exhaled loudly, "Damn. Kylo you really must li-", he held his hands up towards his throat, unable to breathe. Kylo lowered his arm again.

"Cardo. Shut. Up.", he growled.

Another Knight chuckled quietly and Kylo quickly turned his head towards him. He was one of the two you had met when Kylo got hurt. His mask was incredibly ugly, somehow resembling an angry frog.  
"Ushar. Don't.", the grenade head said and Kylo finally turned back towards you.

"You know about the Force. You can create an area without it. A force void. That's why you could kill that prisoner. He can't sense an attack if you are virtually invisible to him.", that was probably the most sentences Kylo had ever said to you. You were amazed.  
"Do you understand?" he almost sounded worried that you hadn't and were still thinking that it was a bad joke.

You nodded slowly. You barely understood the Force and now you were supposed to have anything to do with it? If you were so nonexistent how come he had thrown you against the wall?  
"Yes, Sir...", you said nevertheless, just hoping it would end soon so you could think about it properly.  
"So he's like a Vornskr.", you added.

"A Vornskr?", one of the other Knights asked.

"Yes, they are black canines. My father always said they could sense people. He said that if-", you stopped yourself, "He taught me how to hide from them, Sir."

The Knight crossed his arms, "I guess we are all like your Vornskr then. We can't sense you either."

"I can sense you though.", you added, quietly.

"You can?", the Knight sounded genuinely surprised, "How? You are not Force Sensitive."

"I don't know, Sir.", all those questions did not exactly make you feel better. If you would just stand there and concentrate on what your father thought you, then it would be almost bearable. Not if you had to talk though. That was a different situation.

And then there was the other problem. The one with you being the sole center of attention to so many powerful men.  
Kylo took a deep breath and temporarily distracted you from falling down the panic spiral.  
"Your ability is very useful, Doc.", he wanted to continue but Cardo interrupted him.

"Doc?", from his demeanor you could tell that he wanted to say more. He stopped himself though.

"I will train you. Having you on missions will give us a huge advantage.", he looked around the room, "Ap'lek."

Ap'lek nodded and pointed towards grenade head,"This is Vicrul. Our newest member. The huge one close to you is Trudgen. Kuruk, our pilot and sniper."

"You'll replace him", Cardo added. Man, he really could not think of any new jokes to make, could he?

"The one that can't keep his mouth shut is Cardo.", Ap'lek pointed towards the arm-cannon guy.

"Don't ask Cardo about his weapons, if you know what's good for you.", the angry frog spoke.

"That's Ushar. He also can't keep his mouth shut, but unlike Cardo he is also lacking a brain.", Kuruk threw in.

"Thank you, Kuruk.", Ap'lek continued, "You met both me and Ushar when Kylo was injured. I'm Ap'lek."  
He looked over to Kylo.

"I think that is all for today, Doc. You are free to leave.", Kylo said and took a seat.

"Thank you, Sir.", you replied and left the room as quickly as possible without trying to make it look like you were fleeing. Even though that was exactly what you had wanted to do since you had entered.

You didn't go back to your apartment. Instead you went to the training halls. You knew that the only way for you to calm down in any proper way now was to do sports. Mindless repetitions that exhausted you. Or just anything, anything that used up so much energy there wouldn't be any left for your brain. That way it could not start overthinking. Or think normally. You did not even want to think normally.

What had he meant with train? This was just some trick your dad had taught you after all. A way to slow your heart rate and increase precision. Not...there wasn't actually something behind it, or was there? No. That couldn't be. That could just not be true. Vornskr were just animals and animals couldn't use the Force...or could they?

And missions. Going on missions with the Knights of Ren? What kind of absurdity was that? You didn't WANT to go on missions with them! You just wanted to do your job. All you had wanted from joining the First Order was to work as a combat medic. To rise up in ranks until you were a chief resident doctor or something. In charge of taking care of the First Order's officers.

But you were already in charge of taking care of the officers. You had thought you'd need years to reach this level of security clearance and responsibility. But all of it had happened within mere weeks! Within weeks because you were the slowest out of all the stormtroopers on Eks. Because you had to sit behind Kylo Ren on that one fucking speeder. Because you had some odd ability that you had thought was just a way to psych yourself up.

None of it made sense. Not a single thing. You loved having power, you loved being in charge of others. You were good at it! But you did not want to work with...you did not want to join the ranks of the Knights of Ren. That was not your position! Chief resident Doctor. That. That was the title you had wanted! If you were lucky and skilled you might have seen yourself as an assistant medical director! Or if it went into a different direction as a stormtrooper sergeant! And even then the maximum you had wanted or imagined yourself to reach was an officer! But those were just dreams! Small possibilities that were so absurd that you didn't even DARE to think about!

Now. Now you were supposed to train under the Supreme fucking Leader! So he could somehow get you to develop a mightier version of a small psych trick of yours. And what then? What then? Were you going to join the Knights? Really? There was no way. They were adept users of the Force. They were great soldiers. You were neither. In fact apparently you didn't even properly exist within the Force? What kind of bullshit was that? You existed! You existed just fine! Was he seriously telling you that you were some small, one in a billion mutation that did not exist within what everyone else existed in?

You finally reached the training halls and immediately went to run a few laps. It was the easiest way to burn energy. It worked fine. You had to concentrate heavily on breathing correctly so the pain from your bruised abdomen would not get any worse. Thinking about anything other than that...no, not possible.

A few hours later you went back to your apartment. Your whole body was sore and you just wanted to take a shower. Atleast it had made you forget the whole getting trained thing. Atleast that.

You got into the hallway where your apartment was and saw Rosie standing in front of your door. She was ringing the doorbell, "I know you are here! I looked up on which ship you were! Come on..." You made a 180° turn.

Great. Your only refuge was blocked. Where to go now? Knowing Rosie she would probably wait somewhere close by. Or just revisit you multiple times. You didn't want to go back to the training halls, no...by now you were far too exhausted and just walking around for some time was not something you had wanted to do either.

You sighed and went up to Kylo's chambers. If you were lucky you still had access to his personal medbay. And from what you knew...he couldn't actually sense you.  
You held your hand against the scanner and the doors opened. Great! Atleast there was one thing that went right today!

You threw your armour and underwear onto the bathroom floor and went into the shower. Taking a shower after a battle helped you to clear your thoughts. It always seemed to wash away all the negative emotions and the stress you had built up. It was no different now. Similar to how some doctors did specific gestures when they entered and left the hospital. It was a way to protect yourself. Because it signaled that it was over, and did not allow you to continue thinking about it.

You never really needed it for hospital settings, but you definitely needed it for battles. You still enjoyed being on the field, out there with the rest of the soldiers, but that did not mean that it didn't stress or upset you.

You left the shower after a good half an hour and looked into that dreaded mirror again. The first time you had been here you looked worse, now you just looked stressed. The norm, more or less. If it weren't for your right side, it was a lovely blue almost black in some parts. Sleeping on that side would not be possible. You shrugged, got your pyjamas and went to sit on the bed, braiding your freshly washed and dried hair.

You did not want to think about this whole situation. It was all too much for you right now. Why had he just...decided to train you. Couldn't he have asked you?! Then again, he was the Supreme Leader and you had signed a pretty tough contract. Which, admittedly, didn't say anything along the lines of: 'Should you have any obscure abilities you will be transferred to a different job.'

You let yourself fall backwards onto the bed. It was far more comfortable than the one you had in your apartment. Rosie was probably still waiting somewhere close by, or asked someone else to look. She could be very persistent. Should you go back down? She'd surely listen to you. After all you had listened to her complain about various, far less...life altering matters.

You grabbed the pillow and pressed it onto your head. No, that wasn't an option. That'd break security protocol. You weren’t even allowed to talk about Kylo Ren. Much less about...this force void, blank whatever thing.  
You took a deep breath and stood up. You straightened the knee-length pyjama pants and the t-shirt you were wearing and left the medbay. You wouldn't have to worry about security protocols if you just talked to the head of the First Order.

Annotation: This was a rollercoaster to write. I hope I managed to convey her emotions properly. I just wanted to thank all of you for the lovely comments you always leave under my chapters! Thank you so much for the support!


	11. Promotion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You discuss your new job with Kylo.

You marched over to Kylo's room. Unlike him, you were able to sense that he was home. The doors opened. It was dark. Almost pitch black. The windows were not closed and you could see the vast endlessness of space unfolding before you. How small you felt, everytime you looked outside. How...useless you felt. You were nothing, just a tiny speck of dust and your problems certainly did not matter to the black void.

Void...like whatever you were. Your problems might not matter to space, but they did matter to you. And you were not one to just let things unfold without your say in it. You walked over towards Kylo's bed, the soft sounds of your bare feet on the metal flooring did not wake him up. He was just lying there, softly snoring. He looked so peaceful...You crossed your arms and watched him for a while. You couldn't possibly wake the Supreme Leader up, could you?

You took a deep breath and wanted to leave again as Kylo's lightsaber flew throughout the room into his hand. The bright red light blinded you and you instinctively raised your arms up to protect yourself.  
"What the-", he took a deep breath and closed the lightsaber, throwing it onto his bed, "It's just you.", he fell back into bed.

You didn't say anything, you just stared at him and slowly lowered your hands.

"Why are you here?", he sat up. Surprisingly enough he didn't seem angry.

"We need to talk." It wasn't a question. You had to talk, you had far too many questions to sleep now.

"Now?"

"Yes.", you crossed your arms again, for once looking down on him and not the other way around, "Sir.", you added after far too long of a time.

He looked up at you, pulling his legs towards his body and hugging them. He looked exhausted and some part of you felt bad for it...but it was only a small part.  
"Fine."

You took him making space as an invitation to sit on his bed. You straightened your pyjama pants, as if they were a normal uniform and sat on the edge of his bed for a short while, not really sure how to start.

You took a deep breath and started talking, "Sir. This is all very confusing to me. You are saying that I have some...some odd power that no one else has. And now...and now I am just supposed to go on missions with you?"

"Yes.", he yawned halfway through and pulled the blanket up to his shoulders.

"But, Sir! I am just a combat medic! I am not...trained in any way, I will just be a burden to you!"

"That's why...I will train you.", Kylo said, confused what you were so upset about.

"No no no no. You don't understand. This is all just too much. I don't even know how I ended up here. It's so absurd and frankly, I am pretty certain you are just playing a prank on me."

"I am not." He was so oblivious to your confusion that you started to ask yourself why you came here in the first place.

You let yourself fall backwards onto the bed, "This is a huge step for me, Sir. I don't like it...if things are out of my control. To be honest, I just don't understand what this means for me. Do I stop being a combat medic now...do I have to sign a new contract? Do I have to wear all black and a mask?"

"Maybe.", he shuffled around a bit, "You will still be a medic. I will promote you to a higher position. I don't know about the contract.", he stopped and for the first time looked at you properly, "That's what you are worried about?", he was confused.

You sighed, "I don't even know what I am worried about, Sir. I think it was all just a bit much...and I always feel shitty when being around you..."

"Me?"

"Oh no, I am sorry, Sir. I did not mean you. I meant so many...so many force users.", you backpedaled and sat up again, "I am sorry, I did not mean you. I meant the Knig-"

He smiled, "I understand. It's fine." This was the first time you had seen him smile properly. Somehow it made you incredibly happy, just seeing the most feared man of the galaxy smile.

"I am sorry, Sir...", you scratched your head, thinking about the questions that couldn't leave it before and now seemed to have magically disappeared. "I guess I am just nervous. And overwhelmed. And I don't think I am the right person. This...force void. I don't understand it. What does it mean? I know you can throw me around with the Force. But you call me a void?"

"If you develop your power, I won't be."

You looked at him, perplexed, "Really? Now that hardly seems possible. I have seen what you can do!"

"No, you haven't.", Kylo looked at you. His eyes were half closed and he was blinking rather frequently, most certainly to stop himself from falling asleep. His hair, that was usually messy, was even more untamed right now, somehow sticking to his forehead and standing up at the same time. A rather amusing mess.

You started to feel bad about waking him up. It was not your right to just march into the Supreme Leader's room and wake him because you were confused about a new job offer. That just did not make any sense. Why did he even allow you to just walk in and wake him? He was patient with you. He was known for the tantrums he threw sometimes. Even as you had scolded him for not watching out he hadn't hurt you. Surprising, really. And yet you, a mere medic, had decided to wake up you boss at night because he gave you a promotion. Offered you to do something greater with your life.

"I should let you sleep, Sir. You are tired. My questions are not as important as your sleep.", you made an attempt to stand up but noticed that you couldn't move.

"You have not developed your power yet.", he lowered his hand again, allowing you to move, "I am already awake."

You pulled your own legs towards your body, the same way as him, "Thank you, Sir.", you said quietly, still watching him. You sorted through the questions in your head, trying to figure out the most important ones.  
"Am I the only one?", you eventually asked.

"Perhaps."

"Really? That sounds absurd. I mean my dad taught me, and his dad before him?", you stopped, "That answers a lot."  
You thought about it for a bit longer, turning your head towards the ceiling. If you would have known someone it would have made things easier, you could have asked about it. Like this you were just thrown into the unknown. It was a bit like going to the doctor with a variety of symptoms and instead of telling you a diagnosis they tell you to pick a name for the disease. So in short, not something you really wanted to experience.  
"How do you know how to train me then?"

"I don't."

You looked back at him, "You don't?" Surprising. To a degree.  
You bit your lower lip, trying to figure out how to ask the question that had bothered you the most about this whole ordeal.  
"What do you want to use me as?", you finally asked. It was the essential problem behind being trained in 'not existing where everyone else existed'. What did it mean for you personally?

Kylo's eyes were focused on your legs and you slowly pulled your pyjama pants more towards your knee.  
"So?"

He raised his head towards you, "A weapon."  
That's all? That's all he wanted? That was surprisingly easy. You definitely prefered being a weapon to some sort of specimen that would be exhibited and displayed to various force users. This was not that bad. You were already equipped with a weapon when you were on the battlefield, being the weapon yourself? Not that much different.

"I just hope I won't end up like the Starkiller base..."

He chuckled, "That was Hux's project, not mine."

"I'm your project then? Well I damn hope you are going to be successful."

"I always am." He yawned again.  
You grinned and looked away. He certainly had a healthy ego. Not that it bothered you, in fact your ego was probably much worse, at times.

"Are the Knights your project as well?", you rested your chin on your knee and watched him.

"No.", he just said and the way he pronounced it didn't make you want to continue asking, even though you were rather curious.

"But they are all Force-Sensitive, right?", you chuckled quietly, "One of the Knights...I think it was Vicrul? He was surprised that I could sense him...even though I ain't sensitive, I am more...immune. I guess."  
Kylo nodded and you continued, "So to be a Knight you have to be Force Sensitive? Anything else?"

"You have to follow the Dark side.", he was looking at your legs again. You ignored it.

"Mh. And I guess I ain't on a side. Because I am a void."

He shook his head, still not looking at your face, "No. Force Blank is a dark side ability."

You blinked a few times, not really understanding it. It didn't make much sense that it was a dark side ability, yet you weren't...force sensitive. Kylo must have either read your thoughts or your confused expression because he started to detail it more: "Theoretically followers of the Dark Side can learn it."

You nodded slowly. Most of your questions had been answered but Kylo had also solved another issue. If you were honest you were lonely. You were thrown on missions with such a high security clearance that you didn't even know anyone whom you could talk to about it. The only one that you could talk this to was him. Or theoretically the Knights. Theoretically. Practically though you didn't really want to talk to them.  
Kylo seemed like he understood it, after all he hadn't thrown you out. Yet. Out of some unexplainable reason.  
You got the feeling that he didn't necessarily have many people to talk to either. To be fair, he also didn't seem like the type that needed people to talk to.

"Thank you, Kylo. For listening.", you just said and realized that you had actually said it out loud.

"No problem."

You both sat in silence on the bed for a while. It wasn't an uncomfortable or awkward silence, more the opposite.  
Eventually you stood up and straightened your pyjamas, "I'll let you sleep now, Sir. I am really sorry for keeping you up. And waking you up in the first place...", you scratched your head, thinking of what else to say, "Good night."

"Night.", Kylo replied and you could hear him turning around in his bed as you left. You didn't necessarily want to think about keeping the Supreme Leader up, so you just went to sleep yourself. You'd probably overthink it in the morning anyway. And most certainly the day afterwards. It'd be one of those 'Hey, you know what? You didn't feel stupid for a while, so here is this memory:' experiences that your brain would use to torture you.

Then again, he hadn't been angry. Or impatient. He had listened. He also had actually talked. Today you had probably heard more words from him than all the previous times you'd met him combined. Which was nice on its own because he did have a lovely voice. The voice distorted one had its own charm, more of an intimidating and respecting one...but still somewhat charming.

You slowly drifted off into sleep. Your dreams were rather obscure. Vornskr were trying to hunt you, unable to spot you in the deep undergrowth of your homeplanet. All night you chased your father along, tried to get him to tell you more about this Force void. What it meant for you. But the only thing you found was your father chasing another man. You couldn't tell whether or not they looked the same, their body structure, the way they were running...that all fit but their faces. Their faces could have been anyone's. They looked so familiar yet so... unknown to you.

As you woke up in the morning you tried picturing your father, how you had remembered him, but you noticed that you couldn't picture his face. It seemed as if someone had just erased it, or brushed over it with his skin colour. It didn't surprise you much, it was how you had always seen him, even as he was still alive. You just noticed it now.

You slowly got up, got dressed in your usual teal coloured medical tunic and headed down to the emergency department.  
You hadn't even entered yet as a small creature, aka Rosie attacked you from behind. She hugged you and started blabbering.  
"You can't just leave like that! That's really not fair! Do you know how worried I was? I thought you were dead! And where were you yesterday?!"

"I told you that I'd get called on missions.", you said, carefully removing her arms from around your waist. She crossed them.

"Where were you on the Finalizer yesterday?"

"Confidental."

"You can't say that every single time I ask you a question about your personal life!", she was far more upset than you had anticipated and funnily enough more than Kylo had been yesterday as you woke him up.

"Rosie. It's confidential."

"How does a combat medic have so much confidental stuff going on in her life?"

"On that...I think I got a promotion.", you scratched your head, trying to remember what Kylo had said a few hours before.

"You THINK?! How do you not KNOW?!", she stared at you in disbelief while you shrugged.  
"Does that mean you are getting transferred?"  
You shrugged again.  
"Well what's your new title?"  
Another shrug.  
"How do you NOT KNOW ANYTHING?!"  
A few stormtroopers were looking over in your direction and you raised your hands up defensively to calm her down a bit.

"Rosie. Chill. It's..."

"Confidental?"

You didn't say anything.

She nodded, "I see. You are just horrible, you know that? You don't tell me anything, anything at all."

You opened your mouth but she continued talking before you.

"And don't you dare say it's confidential. Because it really does not seem like it. You know, over the past...I don't know...weeks? I thought we had become close. I love working night shifts with you, and I even asked Dr. Fench to transfer me, yet all you do it lock me out! You are my only proper friend here. Atleast that's what I thought. And then you just disappear and you don't tell me where you have been yesterday...if it was any other person other than you I'd think they have a lover. But you...I am pretty sure you are incapable of love."

"Ouch.", you said with the driest voice possible.

"It doesn't even bother you, does it?", she crossed her arms and just stared at you. Most certainly expecting you to apologize or justify your actions. You opened your mouth again and raised your arms, trying to find anything to say other than 'confidential'.

"MD-2442?", a voice suddenly sounded from behind you and you turned around to see an officer standing in front of you. A rescuer. A rescuer out of this awkward situation you had maneuvered yourself in.

"Yes, Sir?"

"General Hux wants to see you. If you would be so kind as to follow me."  
You nodded and left. What would Hux want now? You weren't exactly keen to see him. Atleast Rosie would accept you replying with 'confidential' to every question she asked you. It wasn't even like you did not want to tell her. It was just that the only interesting thing going on in your personal life had been Kylo Ren lately.

General Hux was waiting for you in one of the rather dull and grey conference rooms. It was similar to the one you had been yesterday there was just a huge difference in atmosphere. Being around the Knights had made you feel restricted, now, Hux made you feel like you were on your way to your personal execution.  
His ice blue eyes were fixated on you from the moment you stepped in. You didn't like it at all but kept it to yourself as much as you could.  
"Sir."  
Your back was straight, hands behind it and eyes forward without looking at Hux.

"MD-2442. It is always a pleasure to see you.", he sat down and started swiping through his data pad.

"Likewise, Sir.", you said, hiding the irony in your voice completely.

He looked up, "As you might know...you are getting promoted.", he looked through some more pages, "You'll work on the upper decks. You'll take care of the injured stormtrooper officers and anything Captain and up. First Order officers do not get injured usually that's why the Finalizer is the only Star Destroyer that houses them. However as you are not a...normal...surgeon or doctor", it almost sounded derogatory, "but a combat medic. You will still be sent out on missions, just more high profile. Of course...", he turned around the datapad and put a pen next to it.  
"You have to sign this contract. This non-disclosure agreement and...this."

"Yes, Sir.", you took the pen and started skimming through the pages. Hux was impatient but you kept him waiting, there was no way you were going to sign something without reading through it.

"Why would you be promoted...?", Hux asked you, leaning back in his chair.

"Because I am good at my job, Sir."

"Perhaps. But we both know that's not the reason."

"What might be the reason, Sir?" Sometimes it was best to be direct. You still did not look up from your paper.

Hux didn't immediately reply, you could feel his cold eyes staring at you, "There is something about you that intrigues him. Otherwise he would not have kept you around for that long."

"You are insulting my capabilities, Sir."  
Between giving Hux ammunition against Kylo and once again annoying the General...it was an easy choice. You'd rather face the consequences of Hux's wrath than betray the Supreme Leader.

He played around with his shirt for a while before he asked another question, "I guess I am. After all he wants to have you on more difficult missions."

"Yes, Sir."

"Tell me... are you going to replace Kuruk?"

You sighed and finally looked up towards him, "Everyone makes that joke. Beg your pardon but it's getting rather old, Sir.", you looked back down, continuing to read through the contracts, "No. I will not replace him. I am to join them as an emergency medic."  
It was the most believable lie you could think off in a pitch right now.

"I guess I did underestimate you then. If you truly are supposed to be the personal medic to the Knights of Ren."  
Underestimate you? Not your abilities, capabilities, whatever? Hux wasn't careless with his words. He knew quite well that you wouldn't reveal anything.

"It seems that you did, Sir.", you put your last signature down and with it the pen.

"I guess we are done here then.", Hux stood up.

"Almost, Sir. I want to take a nurse with me. MN-4585."

He looked at you, playing with the pen.  
"Alright. You can take her with you."

"Thank you, Sir."

"You will start tomorrow. The Supreme Leader still wants to see you tonight, at your usual time."  
Oh great. That was lovely, wasn't it? You were doing your best to keep this whole force void thing a secret and yet...Kylo just told the General that you would meet at your usual time. That totally did not seem suspicious. It did explain the General's pesky questioning though.

"Thank you, Sir."

You left and went back down to ER, looking for Rosie.

She saw you but it wasn't hard to tell that she was not keen on speaking with you. Well too bad. You still wanted to. You pulled her aside, "Rosie. So. You said that y-"

"I heard who asked for you. I guess the confidential thing makes sense now.", she interrupted you.

"Well, yes. About that promotion... I'm going to permanently change into this teal uniform here.", she started frowning and wanted to interrupt you but you just continued, "You can join me on the officer deck as well. I asked whether or not it is possible to take you with me."

She opened and closed her mouth a few times before speaking again, "I'm getting a promotion?"  
She was happy about the news but obviously quite perplexed. It was sudden, just how it had been for you. With the subtle difference of not also getting some odd powers that you didn’t think you’d possess. And also without the whole waking the Supreme Leader up to talk about the surprise. That was also missing. Her confusion was still justified.

"Now you know how I felt last night.", you sighed.

"That's where you were last night? Getting a promotion?"

"Well, almost I was in-", you stopped yourself, "Let's just leave it at 'Yes'. Yes, I was getting a promotion."

She tilted her head and crossed her arms, "I hope you can tell me more after I get my own new contracts.”

You laughed awkwardly, "Perhaps." You wouldn’t be able to tell her more. You didn’t want to tell her more either. Kylo Ren was your secret and you wanted to keep it that way. 

Annotation: I imagine force void and how it affects people remembering the 'void person' to be similar to face blindness. Both me and my dad are face blind and it's part of the reason I don't describe Kylo's face that much, it just looks like anyone else's to me.  
I'll try to update daily the next few days but I ain't sure if it is possible because of New Year's and such. If you have any wishes or expectations feel free to tell me! I am always open for any suggestions!


	12. Training

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You have your first training session with Kylo.

There were two boxes of personal belongings now sitting on your bed. Two. Two boxes. That's all. All you had brought with yourself from Chirna. It didn't bother you, it just looked sad. It also was sad that your whole life fit into two boxes.

You sighed and grabbed them before taking a last look at small apartment you had been living in for a year. If you were honest, it was probably more like half a year of collective time because you had been stationed in many different ships but...this had always been your safe haven.  
Well. There it went. Up to new shores. A new safe haven it was. Up to the Supreme Leader's personal med bay and your personal dream working environment.

You wouldn't really miss this place. The bedroom next to Kylo's chambers was far more comfortable. It wasn't much bigger but far nicer than the one you had down here.  
A few stormtroopers looked at you weird for carrying around two boxes but none said anything.

You placed your belongings on your bed and unpacked the smaller box. It contained two small plants, that you had taken from your homeplanet, a stone, also taken from your homeplanet, a small book with printed pictures from your family, a stuffed animal and some other smaller more insignificant things.

You were proud of everything it contained. After all you had managed to keep the plants alive for over eight years now. The printed pictures were a rarity, paper was basically not used anymore and it had taken you a long time to find it. It was also one of the reasons it just contained a total of five photos and mostly scribbles.

The stone was perfect for skipping on water, but you had never really been good at it. You had kept it since you were small until you trusted yourself enough to be able to do the perfect skip. It was rather heavy for its size and completely black. Everytime you were bored or stressed you played around with it. The surface was smooth and almost polished by now. It would have been shiny if it wasn't for how dark it was. It seemed to absorb any bit of light shining on it and whenever you held it in your hand it just looked like a black hole. A void. How fitting.

You placed everything on the small desk, apart from the stuffed Vornskr. That one you put in your bed. Your grandma had made it and it didn't really look like the animal it was shaped after...but you didn't mind.

You closed the smaller box and put it under your desk. The bigger one you just put on the floor for now. You could take care of that one later.  
With a loud sigh you let yourself fall backwards onto the bed. The dark stained steel of the ceiling was quietly creaking as the massive ship made its way through space.   
Even though you had packed your stuff you still had a few hours to kill before you'd meet up with Kylo. There was still your uniform that you probably should get repaired. After all parts had slightly melted away.  
What else could you do...? Train? Nope, bad idea. You had strained your body far too much yesterday and it still hurt.  
You slowly realized that you didn't exactly have many hobbies. Every time you didn’t have to work you either trained or...well. You mostly just trained. How utterly boring.

You sighed and went out, taking your armour with you. The technicians responsible for fixing uniforms weren't exactly happy to see you again. They were however happy to finally get to see one of the new prototype armours. Well that was interesting. So it hadn’t just been luck that had kept you alive. No, it had been Kylo. Twice, actually. 

You went back up to your flat and sorted through different medicinal products to keep you occupied. The room you had for yourself was rather small, but the adjacent med bay was huge. There was also a far more comfortable chair with a desk there.

Only one thing to do now...you got out your data pad and started researching anything you could find on the Force. Given that there was essentially nothing even in the great archives you went on to research Vornskr. There was far more to find on them. You started backtracking who had brought them to Chirna by looking through every available transport and newspaper article.

There were virtually kilometers of different shipping entries that had arrived in Chirna all those years ago. Through filtering and meticulously researching certain parts you managed to find out quite a lot though. Apparently they had been brought upon the planet by some guy named 'Campbell', roughly 150 years ago. 

It only gave you some hints about how your family had adapted. The worst thing was that somehow the name sounded familiar to you, but you couldn’t pinpoint why. There was only one way to find that out as well and you really wanted to avoid it...after debating whether or not it was worth it for a good fifteen minutes you eventually swallowed your pride and called your mother.

"Yes?", she answered and from the way she looked on the video feed you got the feeling that you just woke her up. Did waking up people to ask them arguably stupid questions now become the norm for you?

"Hey, Urs." You didn't call her 'mom'. She'd been a stranger to you your whole life, calling her anything endearing was really out of the question.

"Oh...it's you. How are you doing?"  
She sat up in her bed. 

"Fine. Listen uhm...do you know anyone by the name of 'Campbell'"  
It had always been best to directly ask her for things. Otherwise it would take ages and you really did not want to spend much time talking to her.

"Aren't you sweet?", she said sarcastically. It was obvious that she didn’t like you skipping pleasantries, you ignored her displeased attitude fully.  
"Campbell...Campbell...mhhh... it sounds familiar. Why are you asking?"

"Oh I was just bored and did some research on-"

"A guy named that way?", she listened up.

"Yes, but it's not how you think it is." Sometimes she tried so desperately to be part of your life, even though she had no idea what was actually going on.

"Oh...", she looked at you for a short while, "You are wearing a First Order badge."

"Yes. It was a guy on Chirna, so if you could ask my aunt or someone like that it'd be really cool."

"Have you joined them?"  
That question alone explained everything about your relationship. The last time you had talked was when you had finished medical school. Apart from that, it was an incredibly stupid question. Why else would you be wearing their badge? A fashion statement?

"Yes. A year ago actually."

"As a doctor on board of a ship?"

"Combat medic actually but I got pr-"

"A combat medic? You could have done so much better. You are smart, you could have gone into research, be of some use to the scientific community! Not...take care of those...those soldiers on the battlefield. Especially not with...", she leaned in closer and whispered, "the First Order."

You pressed your teeth together and exhaled slowly, "Maybe if you would have actually been around you could have told me how oh-so-great it is to work in research. I frankly, really enjoy my job. And I am good at it.", you stopped, "No. I am not good at it. I am excellent."  
You might be excellent at trauma surgery and care, but your mother was more than excellent at infuriating you.

"But why the First Order! You could have gone to a private security contractor like your dad or...or you could have worked in emergency medicine in a hospital. Anything! Why did you have to join them? Do you even know what they are doing?!"

"I do. We are securing and protecting planets. There is a reason the outer rims like the First Order so much. Because we are doing what your Republic couldn't do."  
Another political discussion, usually you avoided them as best as you could. If she was going against your employer so directly it was hard to hold back.

She didn't say anything, instead she looked disappointed. Of course. The silent treatment. Too bad that did not work if you only talked once every two years.  
"Oh don't do that. I am not a child anymore. If you are so frustrated just fucking say it. I am so fed up with your constant...your constant...I hate that you always look down on me. What I am doing actually saves lives."

She stayed quiet for a bit longer, "I will ask your aunt. Have a good day working for the doomsday brigade."

"Atleast they actually take care of me. Something you were never capable of doing.", you shot back, ending the call. Leaning back in your chair you took a deep breath.

"Well that could have gone better.", you mumbled and let your head fall down on the desk in front of you.

"Probably.", it sounded from behind you. You quickly stood up and looked at the Supreme Leader leaning in the doorway. You hadn't heard the door opening or felt the pressure rise. Explainable when you were talking to your mother.

"I'm sorry, Sir. I will have personal calls in my room from now on and not in the med bay."

"It's fine.", he nodded over towards the datapad, "Your mother?"

"Yes, Sir.", you sighed and scratched your head.

"I am glad you feel like the First Order is taking care of you."

"Yes. It's the best care.", you smiled weakly and sighed again, trying to forget your mother, "She was always working when I was a child. Never really present when I needed her."

He was looking over to the datapad where your mother’s projection had been a few seconds ago, "It was similar for me."

You looked up in surprise, somehow you had never thought that the Supreme Leader had a mother as well. Of course he had but...mhh. Still odd. Might have as well been born from literal darkness.  
He chuckled and you turned red.  
"That's not fair, Sir.", you mumbled.

He just turned around and went back into his room, "Follow me."

You took a quick look at the clock as you entered. It was already eight. Time truly had passed fast.  
He went into an adjacent room, that you hadn't been in before. It was the same like any room on the Finalizer. Stainless steel walls in different shades of grey and black. A bit of plastic here and there. The only main difference was that there were two mats on the floor. Kylo took a seat on one of them and you followed his example.

He looked at you for a short while and because you did not want to stare back you started straightening your uniform again. Eventually you had to look up though, otherwise it would have gotten awkward.  
"Should I just do what I usually do?", you asked. Even though it was a Force topic, Kylo didn't really know how to help you. He nodded.

You closed your eyes and tried to fade out of existence, melting into the steel walls of the ship. The longer you concentrated the more you could feel Kylo. He was like a mountain that you could not push against or get around.

Kylo's POV

Kylo threw his helmet onto the bed. It was time for their first training session soon. He had tried to find out more about her ability but it was virtually impossible. Not training her because of his lack of knowledge was out of the option though. Seeing that she had that ability without making use of it would be a strategic disaster.

Training her was not something he necessarily minded much either. She was great company to have around. Even if she woke him up at night. He'd felt her nervousness as she was with the Knights. Kylo knew how much other Force users affected her, but it had been a necessary evil. It was partially why he had allowed her to stay. Apart from being distracted that she had anything else to wear other than her uniforms.

He heard some talking from the med bay and opened the door. She was having an argument with a woman that looked sort of similar to her, just much older. Presumably her mother.  
She didn't notice that he had entered so he just leaned against the doorframe and watched their short argument.

The Doc eventually closed the call and let her head fall on the desk. It made a loud ‘thud’ sound. For someone that should know the human body she certainly did not care much about her own.  
"Well that could have gone better.", she said barely hearable.

"Probably.", Kylo replied and she quickly stood up and stared at him with huge eyes. Now she knew how he felt whenever she was sneaking up on him. With the major difference that it probably happened to her more often.

"I'm sorry, Sir. I will have personal calls in my room from now on and not in the med bay.", she almost immediately said. For every small thing she excused herself, even though it was not necessary most of the time. She was never able to put that sense of duty and subordinism away, was she? Not that he minded much, for someone who was not trained as a stormtrooper from birth she certainly displayed more desirable qualities than many others.

"It's fine.", he replied, "Your mother?"

She looked over towards the datapad and sighed loudly, "Yes, Sir."  
If it hadn't been clear from their argument before, her exasperated reply certainly made their dysfunctional relationship clear.

"I am glad you feel like the First Order is taking care of you.", Kylo said. He didn't seem like the type to care about his employees, and he usually didn't, with her it was different. Partially because of how much he had interacted with her lately.

"Yes. It's the best care. She was always working when I was a child. Never really present when I needed her."

Kylo understood her problem all too well. Leia had not been much different.  
"It was similar for me."  
His reply surprised him almost as much as it did her. He usually was not one to talk about personal matters. According to her thoughts, though she had never really assumed he had a mother. From how little she had been there for him, it might have as well been true. The picture in her head of a full grown Kylo Ren just appearing out of nothing in full black suit and helmet made him chuckle. 

She turned as red as a tomato and looked down, "That's not fair, Sir."  
It wasn't. But he did not care much about that. Her thoughts were far too amusing to make him stay out of her head.

Kylo turned back around and went into his personal meditation room. He'd gotten a second mat so she wouldn't have to stay on the floor and took a seat.  
He watched her. Every single day she was wearing that green-blue uniform of hers. Meticulously straightening it. He thought about her odd question yesterday, whether or not she'd have to wear black and a mask. Well she certainly could not go on missions dressed in her stormtrooper uniform. Or worse, her hospital gown.

"Should I just do what I usually do?", she eventually asked and Kylo just nodded. She closed her eyes and he watched her face for a short while. He couldn't hear her thoughts, instead he saw her imagining herself completely disappearing. He felt her presence disappear with it, the small bit of her that had actually been within the force seemed to grow smaller and smaller until he couldn't find it anymore.

Kylo closed his eyes, searching for her presence within the Force. It took him a while to finally find it. It was small, but he had found it.

"You are still here.", he said and immediately the small piece got bigger. He could hear her breath in and within a few seconds it was back to its original, tiny size. It didn't seem to get any smaller.

"No difference."  
Kylo opened his eyes, she nodded and made a fist with her hand. It cracked loudly. He closed his eyes, once again searching for her within the Force. Different place this time, but she was still present. He shook his head and from her getting a bit bigger he assumed that she had heard him.

They repeated their exercise a few more times, the outcome didn't seem to change. It was always the same. Kylo took a deep breath and opened his eyes, she had hers still closed.

"Stop.", he watched her for a short while, "I can still find you. You have to completely disappear."

She raised her eyebrows slightly and nodded, closing her eyes again. She was persistent. That was good. He started his search for her again. It took longer this time, far longer. Once he found her it was only a fraction of how it had been originally. He was surprised and wanted to congratulate her as he found another part. Equally as small.

Kylo smiled, "Smart. But we don't want you to just part yourself."

"Yes, Sir.", she said and both the pieces got bigger again. Kylo searched for the rest of them as she got them back to their original size.

Kylo couldn't really tell how long they sat opposite each other in silence. He watched her for a bit. She was still concentrating, pressing her eyelids together. He smiled and stretched himself.  
"That's enough for today."

She got startled at the sound of his voice and opened her eyes.  
"Thank you, Sir.", she watched Kylo stretch for a bit, "And thank you for the promotion."

He just nodded.

"It's easier if I have an excuse to sleep in the med bay apartment. Also less suspicious...", she looked down on her hands for a short while before raising her head again, "Sir. This whole force void thing is confidential, right?"

"Yes."

"I thought so. Hux was asking questions today, so I told him that I'd be the medic for the Knights of Ren. He was being very persistent and it was the only good excuse I could come up with."

"It's a good excuse. I'll make it official."

She was playing around with her tunic, clearly wanting to say something else. She took a deep breath, "Alright. The General knew that I would be with you tonight at eight. Is that an official appointment or... should I also keep that to myself?"

Kylo looked at her. She was worried about so many small things. From looking through her thoughts for a split second he knew that she just did not want to get him into trouble. Or how she put it in her mind 'not betray him'. Her loyalty was admirable.  
"You have a point. Let's keep it unofficial. If he asks, it was your last check up on my wounds."

She nodded, "That sounds good, Sir."

"You will get additional combat training three times a week from my Knights. Together with visiting me every day." He stood up.

"Yes, Sir."

"I will see you tomorrow then. Same time."  
The Doc nodded and smiled. The first training session did not go that bad. Atleast Kylo now had a bit of an idea how to even go about this whole Force Void business. It'd be tough but it would work. And if the other Knights would train her properly as well, then she would soon be one of the deadliest weapons any Force sensitive had seen.

Doc's POV  
You left Kylo's chambers again and went into your own room. If you would go to bed now, you'd get roughly seven hours of sleep. Seven hours. That was still fine. But if you would stand up an hour earlier you could work on your force void thing. Judging by Kylo's behaviour, it could have gone a lot worse. But you hadn't really shown any improvement, you had merely changed your technique.

You didn't want to disappoint him. You looked up to him. He was not only your superior, he was just...perfect in every way. He was so young and already leading the most powerful army of the whole galaxy. He was the most potent force user, atleast when it came to the dark side. There were rumours about some leftover jedi.   
Then there was the way he carried himself. Not a single hint of insecurity. His word was command and no one would dare to cross him. 

You wanted to be the best as well. Not just the best medic, that was hard. There were so many but with this new ability you could...you could actually do something more significant. Better than whatever your mom was researching. Making her proud had been your goal when you were still a child. Now...now all you wanted was to make her jealous. And you had the perfect way. Instead of excelling at medicine and science you would excel at everything your dad had thought you. Arguably that was far worse for her.

She had always had a path set for you, even though she had never been present on any step of the way. It was why you had started studying medicine, partially atleast. There had been many other reasons as well. Hunting, fighting and shooting were all things your dad had taught you. Neither of which she had approved, and you doubted that she did now. Especially given her reaction after you told her you were a combat medic. You had wanted to tell her about the promotion, you really had. It'd have been a way to reconnect with her a bit, but instead...instead she had started insulting the company you worked for.

How funny it was that she had always said you were the one with a lack of social skills. The oh-so-great researcher had never really understood you. She hadn't even tried. No matter what had happened, it had always been your fault. Never anyone else's. Someone bullied you? Well you had been misbehaving! Oh it was because of some thing you had no influence over? Well you just misunderstood your bullies. They were the ones that truly needed help.

Not a single time when you were in need of her attention or help she had been there. Not once. You would have forgiven her if it hadn't been for the night your father died. It was one of those things that made your relationship even more dysfunctional than it already was. She blamed you and you blamed her for what had happened. Neither wanted to give in.

In the morning the dreaded shrill sound of the alarm clock woke you up. Right. You had set it earlier. After getting dressed and ready to leave any time you took a seat on your bed and imagined yourself fading again. It was harder without Kylo who could give you feedback.

How were you supposed to completely disappear? Melting into your surroundings was atleast something that was half decently imaginable. But being nothing? What was nothing anyway? How were you supposed to imagine...nothing. Perhaps more like space? The black void you had stared at the night before from Kylo's room. Maybe that was more fitting for you. 

You sighed and opened your eyes back again. Whether or not it had worked you couldn't tell. But it did give you another idea. You grabbed your datapad and started writing words down.

Space  
Melting  
Fading  
Morphing  
Dust

You looked at the disappointingly short list. What else was there...you glanced over towards your plants and spotted the skipping rock. Biting your lower lip you added one more.

Black Hole


	13. First day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You meet your new coworkers.

Rosie was already waiting at the entrance to the officer hospital wing. She was shifting her weight from one leg to the other and frantically looking around. As you stepped into her field of view she immediately walked over, even though jogging was probably a far better word.

"You are here! I was worried you were late!" She played around with her fingers.

"I'm always on time. Let's go then, first day!" you smiled and placed a hand on her shoulder, guiding her inside.

It was far calmer than the emergency department for the 'normal' people a few floors down. They either had enough personnel or just less emergencies. Probably a combination of both. Their equipment was of a higher quality as well, but from afar you couldn't exactly tell how much better it was.

A doctor was already waiting for you.  
"Welcome to the officer deck.", he smiled at both of you and opened his arms in a welcoming gesture. You'd appreciate it, if it was not for his stone cold eyes and fake smile.

You gave him a similar smile back, "Thank you. I guess you are familiar with both of our records?"

"I am.", he was still keeping his smile up but by now it almost seemed like it was just a distorted grimace. Rosie did not seem to notice, she was still nervously playing around with her fingers, "In general, your work is going to be similar to what you already did down in ER. However it will be much more surgery focused. You are...capable of that?"

How insulting. He said he was familiar with your record yet he asked you incredibly stupid questions.  
"Yes. More than just capable.", you still kept your smile up. Well wasn't this going great?

"Oh? I hope to hear great things from you then! Anyway...", he continued explaining procedures and progresses that differed from your now former job while you noted it down on your datapad. He showed you around, detailing on certain things and eventually got back to the desk where you had met him first.

"This should be all...", he looked at both of you, "Oh. I almost forgot. I am Dr. Escyle. How may I call you?"

"My name is Rosie! Thank you, Sir.", Rosie said, as cheerful as ever and far less nervous by now .

"Rosie! That is a beautiful name!", he smiled genuinely for the first time and you were astonished he was even capable of doing it. It was no surprise he had taken a liking in her. What was there not to like? She was adorableness personified. Oblivious to the dangers lurking in the shadows and almost always positive.

He turned back to you, "And how may I call you?", he was back to his fake-smile.

"MD-2442."

He raised one of his eyebrows, "Really? Do you not have any nicknames? Your actual name, perhaps?"

"MD-2442 is just fine."

He blinked a few times, "How about Medic? Twenty Four? Or Forty Two?"

"For you it's MD-2442, thank you."

Rosie crossed her arms and looked at you slightly disappointed.

"You have to excuse her, she does not warm up to people easily. Isn't that right 2442?"  
You didn't reply and she turned back to Dr. Escyle, "Combat medics...always the same with keeping their identification numbers... but 24 is actually a good nickname. It's so much shorter..."

"I know...combat medics are very peculiar in that regard.", Escyle added, mustering you in the most peculiar way. You didn't move an inch and just stared back. It was clear, you were the new one. Power games had to be played to test how far they could push you. However you didn't intend to budge.

Escyle took a deep breath and grabbed his datapad.  
"Rosie, you will be working under...", he looked up at you briefly, "MD-2442 then. I'll assign you a few more nurses. MD-2442, as far as I am aware you had some injured officers under your care?"

"Yes."

"And you have also been on a mission with General Hux recently?"

"Correct."

"I'll assign the former prisoners of the Resistance to you then. Fine by you?"

"Of course."  
It was not. You had seen them. From what you had found out on the Maxima-A their condition might have been stable but it definitely was not looking good. Of course, you would get the ones with the highest probability of dying.  
"Who is my replacement?", you asked, crossing your arms.

"Replacement?"

"For when I am not present."

"For when you are not present? Do you have any other obligations that I don't know about? Surely you do not need another doctor on hand."

"I do. I am still a combat medic. I can and will be called away."

He exhaled a bit louder than usual, "I have been taking care of those officers now. Is it fine if I work as your replacement."

"Of course."  
No. Also not fine. He clearly did not like you much for some reason, the last thing you needed was having him around more than you had to.

He led both of you to where the officers were staying. You got him to reluctantly tell you about their status and introduced yourself to them. Most of them did not recognize you, given that your stormtrooper armour had a built in voice modulator, but some did. You got the usual jokes about them not expecting you to be female and you held yourself back from joking about you not expecting them to survive.

Rosie was a blessing, she kept Escyle occupied, giving you the opportunity to focus more on your job. Unlike you he genuinely seemed to like her. Why he was so cynical towards you, you couldn't tell. Perhaps it was because you weren't part of the First Order for as long as he was. From the bit of grey in between his dark blonde hair you assumed that he had been part of this for quite a while by now. Perhaps he was just jealous of someone younger getting a promotion earlier than he had.

The rest of your work day went by relatively normal. You took care of the officers and mostly scheduled important things. Getting to know the nurses, looking at their work hours, etc etc. You had two surgeries planned for tomorrow, but given your surgical experience you were pretty sure you'd get a few more assigned.

For lunch you finally got to meet some of the other doctors. Most of them were friendly and welcomed you immediately but the group around Escyle was as distant and impolite as he was. It didn't bother you that much, a small obstacle in your way. You didn't have to get along with everyone.

Rosie however was the complete opposite. Her open and forthcoming personality made everyone like her almost instantly. Given her looks it probably wasn't just her character either. You knew that you could be intimidating, the way you carried yourself showed your military experience and some just did not like that.

Lunch was better than usual, given you were now allowed to eat in the officer's cafeteria. It was also a lot more quiet. Halfway through your food you noticed the pressure rising very slightly around you. You didn't pay too much mind to it and instead continued your discussion with Rosie.

"No...it's not like I don't like my new quarters, I just wished that they would have windows. I always love looking outside into space.", she complained.

"Mine do have windows. Perhaps it's just doctors that get them?", a female doctor, who's name you had already forgotten replied, "How is it for you MD-2442?"

You shrugged, "I don't have windows."

"Really? I do have them. Which hallyway are you in?", another one asked.

This was not an ideal situation, "I am....", you played around with your food, "I have different quarters than you because I am the attending combat medic for the-"

Why did they stare at you this way? Was that fear on their faces? Now that did not make sense at all. You hadn't even finished your sentence.

"2442. I need you for training. Now."  
Oh.

You turned around to see Ap'lek standing behind you. Now that did explained their scared looks.  
"Yes, Sir. Rosie, please take care of the rest of my food.", you stood up, "Dr. Escyle? I should have finished everything important for today. However if anything should come up, I trust you to take excellent care of my patients."

Ap'lek tilted his head slightly and you nodded. You were ready to go. If you were ready to train with him, you somewhat doubted. No way around it now though.

"How was your day so far?", he asked as you had left the cafeteria.

"Decent, Sir. It's my first day so you know...getting to know people and such."

He made a 'mhhh' sound.  
"Well I am sure you will fit in just fine."

You weren't used to casual conversations with men in black masks. After all Kylo was not really talkative. You didn't immediately reply and thought about it for a short while.  
"I hope so, Sir."

"You don't sound very sure about that."

"Ha. Well, I just met them...if I am fully honest I just don't know any of them properly. It's hard to tell, Sir."  
Even if Dr. Escyle was a bit impolite that was no reason to complain about to a superior. It'd be fine.

"You are probably right. We will not be training much today. I just want to assess your capabilities."

"Oh.", you laughed awkwardly, "I am already sorry for disappointing your expectations, Sir."

"Don't worry. I don't have any."  
Ouch.

Training, or rather his assessment went rather smooth. He gave you some proper workout clothes and after seeing you were bruised all over he went a bit easier on you. It did not mean that you weren't exhausted afterwards, though.

You didn't even bother to sit and just laid down on the floor of the Knights' personal training rooms. Ap'lek chuckled quietly under his mask. Unlike Kylo he was not wearing a voice modulator so it actually came out as a chuckle.  
"It could have gone worse.", he was doing just fine. Of course he was, after all he had just told you what to do without actually moving much himself. On the other hand you doubted that your exercises were much of a trouble for him.

"I am supposed to do this three times a week?", you said in between heavy breaths. The cold of the floor was incredibly pleasant.

"Not necessarily. Me and the rest of the Knights will just train you in specific areas. Trudgen for hand-to-hand combat and Kuruk for the obvious. We also have a personal trainer for you."

"That sounds fantastic.", your voice could not have been more sarcastic. Ap'lek laughed quietly again.

You closed your eyes briefly and as you opened them again a huge figure was towering over you.  
"Ah!", you shrieked and held your arms above your head.

"Have I startled you, Doc?"

You removed your hands to get a better look. It was Kylo. Of course it was Kylo.  
"Yes.", you crossed your arms and stared up at the huge black man standing right above your head. An amused robotic 'mhhhh' sounded from under the black mask.

"Are you dead yet, Doc?"

"To be honest, I don't know. I feel like it.", you slowly got up and Kylo extended his hand to help you. You gladly took it. Normally you would have expected to be thrown around by someone with his build and strength, but he lifted you up gently.

"Thank you, Sir.", you tucked a strand of hair that had escaped behind your ear.

"Ap'lek. You can go easier on her. She won't be a Knight."

"I don't think so. She can't use the force to defend herself. She can only use her normal strength."

"She still will not fight like we do. As long as she won't join us full time, go easier."

Ap'lek crossed his arms and nodded reluctantly.  
"Should I send you my assessment or...?"

"No. Doc, you have half an hour to yourself then we will continue our training."

"Thank you, Sir."

Kylo stayed behind while you left the training rooms. It felt a bit weird to walk around in shorts and a shirt on the Finalizer. It was also rather cold, but you couldn't change that now.  
The way back to Kylo's and your chamber went past the cafeteria. You'd spent a considerable amount of time training with Ap'lek, so by now most of the doctors had already finished their dinner. Your stomach growled quietly and you wanted to go inside to get yourself something as Dr. Escyle spotted you.

"MD-2442! It's good to get a hold of you again." He immediately marched over.

"Dr. Escyle.", you nodded and wanted to pass him to get inside but he stopped you.

"So is this going to happen more often? Are you going to get called away at random times? For...training...something?", he was certainly displeased with you leaving earlier, even though it was not on you at all.

"Yes.", you were far too tired to argue much with him right now.

"How often is this going to happen?"

"A lot.", a black gloved hand now rested on your shoulder. You turned slightly to see Kylo standing behind you. 

Dr. Escyle nodded, "Thank you for clarifying, Supreme Leader.", he stiffened up but didn't look as afraid as you would have expected him to. Peculiar.

Kylo turned you around slightly and started walking, his hand still on your shoulder.  
"Thank you, Sir.", you said quietly once both of you were out of earshot.

He let go of you and nodded, "Your new boss?"

"Coworker. He behaves like my boss though."

"Is he bothering you?"

"No, it's fine. I guess he just expected another full-time doctor on hand. They'll just have to get used to it, Sir."

He nodded and you entered through the medbay.  
"I'll just go take a shower and change then I'll be with you, is that fine, Sir?"

"Yes."

You went into your room and found a pair of black pants and a black shirt lying on your bed.  
"Sir? Are these mine?", you asked Kylo without leaving your room.

"Yes. I don't want to constantly think about getting stitched up everytime we train."  
You chuckled quietly and lifted the black clothes up, a plain black sweater and pants that resembled the ones Kylo always wore. Just a lot smaller, of course.

"It's been a while since I wore normal clothing."

"I know.", he said from outside your room.

"I'll be ready in ten minutes, Sir."  
He didn't reply but you just assumed he had heard it before taking a shower. The new clothing really fit you well, it was tight so that it showed off your curves nicely without being restricting. Same for the pants. Both were made out of a soft and heavy but stretchy material. What they were made from you didn't really know.

You walked through the medbay into Kylo's chambers.  
"Take a seat.", he said and pointed towards one of the doors to the sides. You just nodded and went through it. It was a small conference room.

He joined you shortly after, carrying two plates.  
"I figured you didn't eat yet."

"Thank you, Sir! I completely forgot about that..."

"I know.", he shook his head slightly and smiled. You felt the heat rise up in your cheeks and scratched your head.

"I am sorry, Sir."

"You should be. For a doctor you really do not know how to take care of yourself." He sat the plate in front of you and took a seat.

You laughed awkwardly and took the cutlery from his hands.  
"Thank you, Sir.", you looked at your food, "Oh. It's actual solid food. I mean, of course you'd get this and not rehydrated mush. You are the Supreme Leader after all."

It was still absurd for you that you were in his chambers, let alone got to eat his food. You quickly stopped yourself from thinking about it for too long. You didn't want to dive down the rabbit hole.

He chuckled quietly and started eating. The meal tasted significantly better than your usual paste and it was quite refreshing to actually bite down on something proper. Theoretically eating only soft foods was better for your teeth, but for the taste and general feeling quickly lost its flavor. Pun intended.

"Oh man, I am already completely full...", you said halfway through the meal and placed the fork down next to your plate, "It was excellent though. Thank you, Sir."

"Do you mind me finishing your plate?", he asked, being almost done with his already.

"No, of course not!", you pushed it over towards him and he finished the last bits of his meal before eating yours as well.  
It was odd to watch him eat. You had these pictures of him in your head that didn't quite fit together with how he actually was.

The Supreme Leader was untouchable. Someone everyone had heard about but someone only very few actually got to meet. You still remembered the first time you had seen him. A small spot on a podium a few hundred meters away, tens of thousands of stormtroopers standing in between you. A myth, almost. His abilities so unheard of and powerful that their existence alone seemed impossible.

Kylo Ren on the other hand... of course he was the Supreme Leader, but he was also so much more. For starters he was not only a member but the Leader of the Knights of Ren. That he was part of a group of Force users made him a bit more...believable almost. His powers were still the same and no matter how often you witnessed them they still were almost magical in nature to you. 

When you had met him on Eks you felt like you got to know that part of him. The insanely powerful part that could crush enemies without even starting to sweat but also the part that was very protective of his soldiers. Whenever you saw the red light of his lightsaber you knew that everything was going to be fine. That you would get back home to the Finalizer and that no matter what happened that you could trust him.

Then there was this part of him that you barely knew. You suspected only very few knew about. A part that actually was capable of smiling. Perhaps it was just Kylo, without the 'Ren' part indicating his affiliation with the Knights. His powers didn't change. His presence didn't change either. What did change was how he behaved... he was caring and approachable. Two things that you didn't think either the Supreme Leader or Kylo Ren were.

In the end it didn't matter. Because no matter which role the man in front of you played currently you still looked up to him and trusted him with your life. There was no debate about that. Not even a hint of doubt within your mind.

He looked up from his meal and your eyes met briefly before you quickly looked away into another direction.  
"Am I that interesting to watch?", he asked amused at you most certainly turning red.

You forced yourself to look back at him. There was no way to know if he had read your thoughts or not.   
"Yes.", you said reluctantly before detailing it a bit more, "I just never thought I'd have dinner with the...the more or less most feared man in the galaxy."

He chuckled quietly and took another bite, "Are you afraid of me then? Is that why you are watching me?"

You didn't reply for a short while, thinking about his question before shaking your head slowly, "No. No I don't think I am afraid of you. I mean, yes you are really intimidating but I don't think I have ever been...properly afraid."

He stopped and mustered you, "Not even when I threw you against the wall? Or when I interrogated 'Mr. Stares'?"

You smiled as you heard him use the stupid nickname you had given to the prisoner, "No. I mean, yes your abilities are really terrifying sometimes...but...I think it's just the Force that makes me uncomfortable or afraid. Not...not you per se.", you stopped, "On the other hand...I think the throwing around did make me scared. I never knew I could fly."

He smiled back. How much you loved seeing it! It was something so normal and human but on Kylo Ren it was rare. You really enjoyed it.  
"Good to know. I wouldn't want you to be afraid of me."  
He finished his food and stood up, you followed his example.

You started the training similar to how you had yesterday. He just let you concentrate on your void and then gave you feedback on how 'good' it was.  
There was no difference to how it had been the night before but you did have a few things you wanted to try out.

Imagining yourself to turn into 'space' didn't really get you anywhere, instead it made things much worse. Melting, fading or morphing into your surroundings did not help you either. It was basically what you had already tried before and while dust was an improvement to the former it was where you were currently at anyway.

Only one left on the list you had made earlier this morning. A black hole. So far you had only ever encountered one all those years you had traveled through space. Just a massive spot of black that swallowed everything in its path, leaving literally nothing behind. Where did those things go? Were they just getting mashed together? Did they turn into dust? You didn't know.

So instead of picturing yourself to turn into dust, or melting into your surroundings you basically imagined the opposite. Instead of you disappearing it was everything else. A black void swallowing down every single bit around you. Absorbing it, turning it into nothing.

Kylo didn't immediately give you feedback, instead he stayed quiet for a surprisingly long amount of time.  
"I don't really know...what you are doing. It's not making you disappear but seems to drain the Force."

You hadn't really expected that to happen. It did feel different, as if you were soaking up everything instead of eliminating yourself.

"Stop for now. We should focus on making you disappear first. I will keep it in mind."

You nodded and opened your eyes, "Yes, Sir."

He looked at you for a short while, thinking about something.  
"Do not tell the other Knights you can do this."

"Of course, Sir. I will not discuss any of this outside of your rooms. If any of them ask I will refer them to you."

He nodded, "Yes, do that."

"They just don't have to know everything?", you asked and he nodded again. You understood him, sometimes it was best to not immediately tell everyone about everything. Secrets could be incredibly useful.

He gave you another nod and you closed your eyes again, imagining yourself to turn back into dust. This time you tried to eliminate each of the 'dust particles', or yourself.  
It was a tough process and didn't work all the time but slowly you got the hang of it. It'd still take you quite a bit of training to actually get where Kylo wanted you, but atleast there was a tiny TINY bit of progress. That was enough to keep you motivated.

Annotation:  
Introducing more assholish characters! Anyway, I hope you all had a lovely new year's eve! One of my resolutions is to keep writing and eventually finish this fanfic


	14. Cold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You tap a bit into your powers and your past

Time is relative. The more time you spend in traveling space the slower you age. It was one of the perks of working with the First Order. What was even more relative is perception of time. A normal day in the ER went by relatively fast. It was stressful and you didn't really get many breaks so by the end you were usually too exhausted to do much.

Working on the battlefield went by even faster with breaks in between that seemed to go far, far too slow. It was its own special case. The combination of life threatening situations and whether if it was yours or someone else's perception of time just changed.  
Working on the officer deck was actually rather relaxing compared to your usual jobs. You didn't exactly have many life threatening situations. Especially not to your own. You did have to do quite a few surgeries though but less rash decisions because someone was bleeding out, for example.

However because the Knights frequently stopped by work and interrupted whatever you were doing, it did get more stressful. Mainly because the other doctors were getting rather curious and constantly asked you questions.  
Atleast you had gotten them to not interrupt any surgeries. It made the other doctors merely curious and not angry that you just stop halfway through to go do a bit of sport, how Dr. Escyle referred to it.

Rosie was horrible these days. She could not let the fact rest that you were the Knights personal medic. She didn't believe that this was the reason for all the training. She was right, but it was not like you could tell her that. She did understand your usual 'confidential' reply a bit better but huffed and puffed everytime you used it. So far you had also managed to avoid any actual deeper talk about the whole topic, but you weren't sure how long you could keep denying invitations to dinner. Dinner being mostly made out of dry cookies and whatever juice, milk or tea she could gather from one of the kitchens.

Then there was the whole Kylo ordeal. It had gotten a habit for both of you to eat dinner together in his adjacent conference room. You really enjoyed the time you spent with him. Not even because the food was so much better but because of him...something that surprised you quite much. You weren't really one for social occasions but you caught yourself looking forward to it each day.

He was so relaxed and while he still did not talk much, he listened. You didn't really tell him many of your stories either, it felt awkward to be the only one constantly talking. So dinner was mostly some pleasant silence and the occasional discussion about training or the force. Neither of you were open enough to talk about personal matters. You didn't mind. In fact you preferred it this way. Opening up to your boss of all people was just too unprofessional.

He wasn't a friend that you could complain to about all the bullshit you experienced he was...different. Much different. You trusted him more than any friend you had ever had and probably ever will have. But you trusted him with your life, not with listening to your personal problems.

You sat down opposite of him in the conference room and poured him some water while he got the meals. He placed them in front of you and started eating.  
"How is the fight on Waih going?", you asked him.

"Could go worse. Could also go better. We've extracted a few prisoners, they should know more about other Resistance refuges."

"Will they be coming to the Finalizer?"

"Yes. They arrive tomorrow."

"Will I get them assigned again?"

He shook his head, "No. You have your post. I will need you though... Vicrul said that they aren't the easiest to crack."

"So far you have gotten into anyone's head. I'd be surprised to meet someone you can't get through."

He looked over towards you, not immediately replying.  
"There are few. It will be some good training for you. On that note...", he put his fork away, "I want some of the other Knights to train you."

"Aren't we already doing that? Three times a week?"

"No. I want them to try to read your thoughts."

"So you mean they haven't so far? Everytime I trained with Kuruk he was so quiet so I just thought he'd be in my head."

"No. I forbid them to. And Kuruk does not really talk."

You nodded slowly, "Alright."  
By now you were fine with Kylo getting into your head, but the other Knights? Not as much. It was part of the reason you had kept your thoughts well checked when around them.

"That's why we will switch up our training tonight. You remember what I did to 'Mr. Stares'?"  
You couldn't help but smile at the name but still nodded.  
"I'll do that. It will hurt though."

You shrugged, "It's going to be fine. I have been running around for weeks with bruises."

"Exactly. You don't know how to take care of yourself.", he smiled and shook his head slightly.

You grinned, "That's why I have you."

He just continued shaking his head and eating. Like always he got to eat half of your food because you couldn't finish it.

Over the past weeks you had improved significantly, almost fully eliminating your presence in the force. Kylo had noticed that it affected you during everyday life as well. It was much harder for him to read your thoughts and it was much easier for you to sense him.

You both took a seat on the mats lying on the floor.  
"Same as always?", you asked him.

"With the difference that I will get into your head."

"Don't you do that anyway?"

"Not like that. Reading someone's thoughts is passive. What I'll do it active.", he stopped, "You have no defense mechanism against it as you are not Force sensitive. The only way for you to defend yourself is to eliminate your force presence."

You nodded. Completely disappearing from within the Force was incredibly though. So far you had only managed to do it thrice.  
"Alright. Go invade my mind then, Sir. I have nothing to hide.", you laughed awkwardly, "That is not true. Just go for it and don't let me think too long about whatever bullshit you will find up there.", you pointed at your head.

"There is no need to be nervous.", he smiled.

"I totally am not."  
Lying to him was useless and you had given up trying to do that a long time ago. Sarcasm however was still fine.

You took a deep breath and closed your eyes. Almost immediately you were ready. In the beginning you had still given him some sort of signal, but he knew you well enough by now to not need one.  
Recently you had started to feel him searching for you and similar to a game of cat and mouse you had shifted your main presence to another place. There hadn't been one time where he hadn't found you however and it was just the same today.

But instead of just knowing where he was you could feel his presence invading your head. You bit your lower lip, the pain got you to concentrate a bit better and you managed to get away from him. Your triumph did not last long and he was almost immediately back.  
Trying to escape him was useless as he was basically everywhere. You saw a few flashbacks to your homeplanet and then without forewarning all you could feel was pain. A scream got stuck in your throat and you pressed your lips together as hard as possible to stop yourself from making any sound.

You saw yourself when you were young, your father carrying you up a mountain. The first time you shot a rifle, how he had explained to you how to disappear from the Force. The first time you had seen a Vornskr. And the first time you had met one up close. It's yellow eyes reflecting the light in the dark. Its hot breath as it got closer and closer and finally your dad's knife that went right through its throat only inches away from your face. How he had held you and comforted you afterwards, carrying you back home. And then your mother's angry face. How she had shouted and scolded your father for not watching out. For not locking the door. But he had locked it. He had, it was your mother that came home late that had forgotten. You just wanted to go after your brother.

Her face when you corrected her. The face seething of anger for daring to say a word and then the worry that crept over it. Suddenly all you could see was fear from both of your parents. The lights of the village that all turned on. The adults leaving and searching. You didn't understand. It didn't make sense. Why did they go look for your brother? Why did they go look for him if he was already gone? It was too late now.

Your father and mother coming home a few hours later, carrying the now cold body of your older brother. It was bloody and parts were missing and his eyes looked just as dead and lifeless as they had when it was still warm. The Vornskr standing over it, enjoying its meal. You had watched it. Seen how it had ripped open your brother's throat. You weren't able to do anything. You had told your brother that it was dangerous to go outside. Especially for him.

He was just so... so bad at hiding. Not once had he won a game of hide and seek. Not once. And going out at night was like playing the most dangerous game of hide and seek, because the Vorskr didn't just shout 'found you'. No. They growled. They growled and they seemed to smile just before they ripped out your windpipe.

Your mother didn't say anything that night. She went away in the morning, back to the bigger city and worked. She worked so much you just got to see her on weekends. You didn't see her smile again. Not until you first got to see your younger brother. He was just as vulnerable and frail as your older one had been. Just much, much smaller. You knew you had to protect him.

Life flashed in front of your eyes again and the pain got worse. You could feel the sweat dripping down of your forehead onto your pants. You heard yourself wince.

Blood. There was so much blood on your hands. You held your father in your arms. He looked up at you but his face was just... it was gone. Not there. You couldn't see it properly. His hand moved up to your cheeks, wiping away the tears that were falling down onto his bloodied torso. You pressed your hand onto his wound, helplessly trying to stop the bleeding.

Again. Your mother's angry face. Why...why did you only see hers and never his? A distorted grimace that tried to defend herself from your accusations. Why. Why had she never shown you how to care for people? If she would have been there, if she would have taught you how to save him. She could have taught you, but no. Every time you had asked her to show you she didn't have time. She spent it differently. Every time you had brought home money by selling Vornskr pelts she had been mad. That it was the wrong choice for you. But she had never once made an attempt to teach you her ways. Not once.

If only...if only she would have. You could have saved him. But she hadn't. She had not even mourned, marrying her boss only a few months after your father's death. You saw a calendar. The day of the wedding marked in red with flowers painted around it. You saw your mother dressed in white, but you didn't see the ceremony. Instead you saw red again. The red blood of the Resistance fighters you killed. They had murdered your father. You murdered them.

You screamed out loud and collapsed sideways onto the floor, holding your head and curling yourself into a ball. Tears were streaming down your face and your heart was beating so loud you couldn't even hear your heavy breathing.  
Your nails were digging into your arms and you whimpered. You could feel Kylo's heavy hand on top of your shoulder but you just curled yourself further together, trying to forget everything that had just flashed through your mind.

Kylo grabbed your hands, stopping them from drawing any more blood than they already had and sat you up carefully. He pulled you against him and just held you, softly moving back and forth. You were quietly whimpering, pressing your face into his chest.  
"I am sorry, Doc.", he said quietly and pulled you closer.

You shook your head slightly, your tears getting soaked up by Kylo's shirt. He moved his hand up and started running it through your hair. You closed your eyes, sobbing quietly. It was over. All of what you had seen had already happened. You couldn't do anything about it anymore. It just had all felt so...real...as if it had happened right now.

You didn't know how long Kylo held you close and petted your head but eventually you calmed yourself down enough to speak.  
You moved away slightly so you could look up at his face. He was sorry, you could easily tell. Before he could say it again though you shook your head.  
"I'm fine.", you said and tried to wipe the tears away but he stopped you.

"No. You are not. I am sorry I should not have dug so deep.", he let go of your hand and wrapped both of his arms around you again.

"It's fine. I'll be fine. I got through it once.", you smiled weakly and he shook his head.

"You are a weird one, Doc.", he started running his hand through your hair again and you closed your eyes, "You are so caring to anyone but yourself."

You chuckled quietly and shook your head, "I am just caring to my patients. I have no idea how to care for anyone else. Ask Rosie."

"That's not true. I know you care about me."

You froze and looked up into his dark eyes. Of course you...cared about him. He was your patient. You cared for all of them after all, did you not? But he wasn't a patient anymore, was he? No. No, he wasn't. He was much more by now. He was your superior, always had been. But now he was your trainer. The guy you met with every night. The one that always ate half of your food. He was also the one person you trusted the most. He was right. You did care about him.

You rested your head against his chest, "I guess I do."

You thought about what you had seen and almost started crying again. Losing your father had been the worst thing that had happened to you. And it was all because of your mother. Also the Resistance but mainly your mother for failing to teach you even though you had asked her many times.  
"I fucking hate her.", you said quietly and Kylo stopped petting your head.

"I know."

You chuckled quietly, "I told you to not let me think about all the shit you were going to find up there!"

"I am sorry. I went too far."

You shook your head, "Didn't you say the Dark side is fueled by emotion?"

"Yes."

You wiped away your tears and sat up straight, "Let's do it again."

He looked at you as if you had just lost your mind, "No."

"Yes. Why not? We should atleast try it!"

"No, Doc, we are not doing it again."

"Yes we are! If I am already in this shitty of a state I might as well use it."

"No."

You closed your eyes and focused on the literal void inside you. The void your mother had left when your father died. The nothingness. The pain. Within the blink of an eye there was nothing left of you apart from that big hole. Nothing. As if you had fully dissolved. It was an odd state and you opened your eyes to see Kylo staring at you. You immediately stopped.

"I said 'no', Doc.", he was not amused.

"I am sorry, Sir.", you replied quietly and looked away. It wasn't really possible though because he was still holding you.

"You are ice-cold.", he shook his head.

"I don't feel cold. So it worked!", you said triumphantly.

"It worked, yes. But if I say 'no' it means 'no'. Do you understand?"

You didn't reply. No, you did not understand. It had worked. It had worked marvelously and you would have never found out if you hadn't tried it now. You moved away from him and he let you go.

"Stop. We don't know how far this can go."

"It worked.", you said, "And exactly, we don't know where this is going to go! I can use this!"

"No. You can not use it. You have no idea what you are doing."

"Neither do you!", you stood up, "I have heard how the Knights were trained! Do you not think I listen to your conversations! You are going too easy on me! I know what all of you went through! Snoke threw you off a cliff! Just because I have some weird power does not mean it does not come from the Dark Side! And you should train me like it!"

"You don't know anything." His voice was stone-cold and so were his eyes.

"Well I know that I could improve much more and faster if you'd-"  
You fell down on the floor, screaming in pain. Again. The same pictures flashed in front of your eyes. The blood that dripped on the floor from your brother's corpse. Your mother's angry and disappointed face. Your hands on your father's abdomen, pushing onto his blaster wound. Your mother's angry and disappointed face. Not angry at your father's death but at you for caring so much.

Your brother's little face, sleeping so soundly in his crib. Then again, the cold dead eyes of your older brother and the Vornskr standing over him.

"STOP!", you screamed, only getting amplified by the pain now threatening to make you fall unconscious.

"GET OUT OF MY FUCKING HEAD!"

The borders of your vision already blackened. The same pictures. Again. And again. And again. The pain was only getting worse. You concentrated on it, watched the pictures closely. Your mother's red face. Her standing over your bed at night, calling you a failure. A murderer for what happened to your brother. How you would never amount to anything. How special he had been and how you had ruined it.

You screamed again, this time in anger and not in pain and without a warning it stopped. There were no pictures in your head anymore. The dark borders on the edge of your field of view disappeared. Your heart was still pounding so much it threatened to jump out of your chest, but you couldn't hear it.

You rolled to the side, your hands were ashen. Even the usual blue of the veins running below your skin seemed to have lost all its colour. You slowly got up on your knees and supported yourself on the wall.

You looked over towards Kylo, he was still sitting on the floor. As you exhaled you could see your breath hanging in the air. You fell back down on your knees, only barely managing to catch yourself.

Kylo stood up and left the room. That was fair, you had gone against him. You didn't resent him for it after all he had warned you. You still felt accomplished. You had had a theory and experiments supported your claim. It had worked.  
You let yourself fall towards your side and stared at your ashen hands. Slowly you started to feel the cold. Your body started trembling and your teeth clattering.

Kylo threw a blanket over you and picked you up from the floor, carrying you towards his bed as if you weighed nothing at all. He sat you down and got a second blanket, wrapping it properly around you.  
"Thank you, Sir.", you said quietly, your teeth still clattering.

"Let me make two things clear: When I say 'No' I mean it. You are to listen. And secondly: Unlike Snoke I care about my apprentices.", he ruffled through your hair, "Do you understand?"

"Yes, Sir."

Annotation: A bit shorter but far more intense than the other ones.


	15. Cookies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You talk to Rosie.

13:00  
It was already past midday. Lunch had already been served and you had not even been at work yet. How the fuck had that happened? You quickly got out of bed and got dressed. You took a look at your alarm clock. Disabled. By whom? Not you.  
"Damn you, Kylo", you mumbled and sprinted out of the medbay, almost bumping into General Hux.

"MD-2442. Aren't you a bit late for work?"  
Of course he had to tease you about it.

"Yes. I am, Sir. That's why I will not bother you any further.", you shouted and ran towards the elevator. It seemed to go especially slow today, not moving at all because of how many people got in on every single fucking floor. It didn't really matter anymore did it? You were late by six hours! SIX! The one time you come late to anything in your life it's by SIX FUCKING HOURS!

And all because Kylo had disabled it. Just because you overdid it yesterday. Yes, you were still shivering an hour after your training had ended and your skin still hadn't really developed its color back...but that was no need to let you sleep longer! You’d be fine!

You stormed out of the elevator and into the medical wing. Dr. Escyle spotted you almost immediately. You wished he'd rely on force sense so he'd have a harder time. How did that dude see you every time something went slightly wrong? Maybe he had a tracker on you? Or perhaps he was part canine and could smell you from around the corner? No, that didn’t fit. He was probably more part snake.

"Oh. MD-2442, right on time."  
Was he sarcastic? No? It was hard to tell.

"Yes, I am sorry. I-"

"I didn't expect you for another hour. I got a message that you were going to be late.", he stopped, "From the Supreme Leader."

"Kyl-", you stopped and put your hands on your hips, "Yes. Yes, of course I was...", you moved your hands around trying to find the proper words, "Occupied. Yes. Occupied."  
For someone who was usually quick witted you were sure at a loss now.

He looked at you from top to bottom, "Even if you are the Knights' medic you sure are missing a lot."

"Could be worse.", atleast you weren't really breathing heavily. Doing so much sports the past weeks had really improved your constitution. It allowed you to keep atleast a bit of dignity.

"Could it?"

You gave him a broad fake-smile, "It is fine, after all you are my replacement."  
Rosie handed you a datapad, you looked through the patient records quickly.

His pretend friendliness dropped, "Listen. I want my coworkers to be reliable, you are not. Apart from that I am not your 'replacement', I am not a nurse that can just jump in whenever you are doing sports. That is a leisure activity and should not take up your time three or what...four times a week? I am not an intern. You, you are the one that got a promotion so recently. Get down off your high horse and do not constantly shoo me around as if I am your assistant."  
He snatched the datapad out of your hand and placed it on the counter next to him.  
"Listen to me if I am talking to you! You are incapable of working in a team! Otherwise you would not be constantly missing!"

You grabbed the datapad again, surprisingly enough he actually let you.  
"Have you read my records?", you asked him. A simple question that put him off.

"What. How is this anyway related? Of course I have!"

You pulled them up, "Then you should very well know that not once have I ever been late.", you lifted your tunic just enough so he could see the nasty scar the shrapnel had left, "I have never taken a sick day in my life. Not even when I got hit by a shrapnel shard. When I started working here, I had been shot multiple times and if it wouldn't have been for my armour I would have been dead. I did not mind working even though I was bruised blue and black."

You straightened your tunic back down,"Now...regarding the whole being a combat medic business. I am aware that it does take up huge amounts of my time. I know it is inconvenient for everyone. But. There is a massive 'but' here involved that you have forgotten. I am not a permanent doctor. When I got that promotion all of you, every single doctor should have known that I would not be present constantly. With you giving me patients you made the mistake of assuming I would be here full-time. Well, you are utterly wrong because I am not.”

You stopped and let your words sink in for a second but continued immediately when he made an attempt to speak: “If you do not want to feel like you are my assistant then don't assign me patients and nurses. There is a reason I only wanted Rosie as my nurse, I don't need to fuel my ego by taking care of people personally. I am fine with doing surgeries and helping out where I can."

His face was red but he swallowed his anger down, "I see. So I will take your patients permanently then?"

"Fine. Do that. I'll jump in and help where I am needed.", you sighed.

"Alright.", he took his own datapad and started tapping around on it, "You are dismissed."

"I'll dismiss myself. You said you didn't expect me for another hour? I'll get some breakfast then.", you marched out the door only hearing Rosie jogging after you a short while later.

"24! 24! Don't be such an ass, I have tiny legs!"

"Oh. I am sorry.", you slowed your pace and waited for her to catch up to you.

"Did you have to do that?", she asked. For someone so small she could be very intimidating.

"Do what? Tell him off? He's incredibly annoying, I am glad I did it."

"No. Dr. Escyle can be very nice and sweet. He's smart and no matter what, he always helps everyone else out."  
Why was she defending him? Had she seen how he had treated you? For the past few weeks he had always assigned you the worst patients. They were either incredibly hurt, so that all you could do was make their death easier. Full well knowing that you were everything but good at consoling anyone. Or they were just assholes. There were more than a few that had made very VERY rude comments about you treating them. 

He’d also given you the worst assistants for surgeries, some that he knew you did not get along with. Mainly because of their incompetence. And worst of all: he had fucked with your documentation. You hated doing paperwork and had a very tidy and well thought out system that you followed every single time to make it a bit more bearable. He had more than once deleted everything and told you there had been a minor mistake. There hadn’t been. Because after you reuploaded the copy you had made he was fine. Good thing you did save everything twice.

"Nice and sweet to you maybe.", you complained quietly.

"No. You have been opposing him from day one. He knows his stuff! He's incredibly capable and you...you are so stubborn! It's so typical of you! Can you not back down once? This is not war, you don't have to always win every argument and discussion."  
How could someone so small have so much built up anger inside them?

"Oh shut up, I so don't do that!"  
Did you?

"Yes you do!", she grabbed your arm and stopped you from walking any further, "He is right! Get off your high horse! Just because you somehow got that position as the Knights' medic does not mean you are better than everyone else!"

"I never said I was..."

"You don't have to! Your behaviour says enough! You look down on everyone around you!", she put her hands on her hips and stared at you, "You can be very arrogant, you know that? Self centered.", she shook her head, "Those Knights didn't do any good to you. You think you belong with them... somewhere higher up in the hierarchy but you are still just a combat medic. Don't behave like you are a Knight."

You didn't reply, she wasn't wrong about everything she said. In fact there was more truth in there than you had wanted to admit. Which did not mean you just accepted her insulting you so blatantly.  
You took a deep breath, "I am not saying that you are correct. In some ways you could not be more wrong.", you stopped and crossed your arms, "But don't you think I know that? I know I am not one of the Knights, hell I can see what they can do every fucking day. Of course, I do!"  
You spoke quietly in order to not attract any more attention than you already had.

She shook her head, "I don't think you do. You think you are special."

"Maybe I am.", you pouted.

"It does not matter if you are or not! Because if you are working you are a doctor like everyone else.", she sighed loudly, "Listen, all I want is that you give Dr. Escyle a chance and that you stop going against everything he does!"

"Why? He was wrong."

"Oh for fuck's sake!", she threw her arms up in the air, "He's a really intelligent man. He's nice and friendly and very helpful and caring and..."  
She added a few more positive adjectives but it's not like they mattered.  
"...I am sure you can also be nice and...", you stopped listening again, "...but you close yourself off...", nope not interesting either, "...I thought we had that discussion already!...", exactly another reason to not listen, "...you never tell me anything. Atleast tell me where you eat dinner every night!" And again...oh. Wait no, that had been an actual question. Shit. What was it again?

"What?"

She sighed, "Atleast tell me where you eat dinner every night! You're my friend, I should know atleast that."

She was right. She was your friend. If you were fully honest probably the only proper friend you had in the First Order. You did have 2333 and 2334, but you didn’t work together with them. Actually, you hadn’t seen them either, given you were now training with the Knights and not on your own anymore. 

Rosie had always been there for you, or rather you knew that she would listen if you would actually need her help. So far you hadn’t. Or you couldn’t use her help because of the security clearance level. You still could not tell her much, but perhaps you could get her to calm down a bit more if you’d tell her about dinner? Or atleast explain why you can’t talk about it.

It wasn’t good for you either to lose the only friend and coworker that actually stood behind you and aided you in your decisions. You knew she had defended you before. But she didn’t want to have a rather one-sided friendship either. Perfectly understandable. 

"Uhm...", you scratched your head, "I...", you stopped, "I'll tell you tonight. Our shift ends in four hours, I'll come to your apartment. Is that fine?"

"Why not yours?", she crossed her arms.

"Rosie! Baby steps! You are forcing me into a very uncomfortable situation here!"

She grinned. "Alright. But I'll take you to my place immediately so you can't disappear."

"I am very skilled at disappearing."

"I know. Everyone knows."

"Oh believe me, I am far better than you want to imagine.", you grinned widely and parted ways, quickly grabbing a bite to eat.

Work itself went by rather smooth, you didn't encounter Dr. Escyle again until your shift ended but you got yourself to tell him 'goodbye'. From how he looked at Rosie she had probably told him something similar. Or she had complained to him about you. One of the two. It didn't really matter in the end because both of you pulled yourself together atleast a bit.

You waited outside of the medical wing for Rosie, sending a quick message to Kylo. It was the first time you actually sent him something personally and not over Hux. You just hoped you even had permission to send him messages.  
'I will be at Rosie's place. She's being very persistent and I put it off for weeks now.'  
You hit send. There was no error or 'security clearance problems' message so you assumed it got through.

"That's fine. Will you make it to dinner?", Rosie read out loud from your datapad. You hadn't even noticed her. You quickly pulled up the datapad, getting it out of her reach.

"Rosie! Privacy!"  
She tried reaching for it.  
"No! Stop! Get your grabby little hands off my stuff!", you got a hold of her arms, "Stop. Bad Rosie."

"Oh come on! I didn't know you had this much of a personal life! You don't seem like you have any hobbies at all!"

"First of all: Ouch. Secondly: It's still work, so you are right. Now: Shoo.", you waved your hands to get her to move a bit further away and leaned against a wall so she could not read it.

'I hope so. I'll do my best.' you sent back and he almost immediately replied: 'Don't worry. One evening won't hurt.'  
"You don't have a life apart from training and work anyway.", Rosie continued, reading aloud what he had written. How the fuck had she seen that? She grinned at your confusion and pointed at the mirror you were leaning against.

"I am getting backstabbed. Insulted from all sides. A social outcast.", you complained and put the datapad away.

"Noooo! Don't! I could only read that part! Nononono let me see the rest!"

"No. We are leaving. Now.", you marched off into the hallway before stopping and looking over towards Rosie, "Actually I have no idea where your apartment is so..."

"It's the opposite direction."

You sighed in defeat and followed her, "Of course it is."

Neither of you talked on the way to her place. She kept grinning at you and giving you odd looks and you just looked straight ahead, trying to not pay her any mind.  
She held her hand against the scanner to her apartment and the door slid open. It was quite a big room, bigger than you had expected for sure. Unlike yours it also had a very small living area and not just a bed with a desk in the corner.

"Oh wow. Your place is huge.", you noted and turned around in a circle to get a better view of it.

"What? No it's small. I mean it's bigger than the place I had before but compared to some of the doctors'..."

"The doctors have bigger places? Which doctors."

"Dr. Ramik and Dr. E-", she stopped herself, "Wait, you are a doctor. Are you telling me your place is smaller than this?"

You nodded, "Cut out the living area and you have my flat."

"Wow that's like really tiny. Why?"

You shrugged, "To be honest, I am pretty sure I am living in an apartment that was made for temporary use or something.", you shrugged again, "I don't mind it actually...like you SAID...I don't have a personal life, so what does it matter."

"No. Don't just put the blame on me, your mysterious...man I assume said the same!"

"Haha. Shut up.", you threw yourself onto the sofa. Unlike your room which was perhaps a good 2 by 3 meters, hers was atleast 3 by 5. Incredibly small compared to the apartments people had on planets, but this was a spaceship. A Star dreadnought, sure but there was only so much space available.  
"The other nurses? How are their rooms?"

"Smaller than this. I think I got the room you were supposed to get but you...", she poked your stomach and you flinched, "live somewhere else. Frankly none of us know."

"Of 'us'? You mean I am the hot topic people talk about at parties?"

"There aren't any parties here but it's not like you'd know that.", she grinned and got some cookies and juice, "But yes, me, the other nurses and doctors have been guessing."

You stared at her in disbelief, "You are joking. Don't joke. It's hard to tell when you are sarcastic sometimes. Was that sarcasm?"

She laughed, "I ain't! Come on! Of course they'd talk if you constantly get called away! I mean it's pretty fucking obvious if there is a Knight coming to the clinic and you leave with him!"  
She placed the cookies on the small table in front of the sofa and sat down next to you, "That is no reason to get up back on your horse again though."

"I ain't.", you raised your arms up defensively.

"Sure you aren't.", she eyed you suspiciously, "I mean I told you most of what I wanted to tell you today already."

Right, she had. Aaand you hadn't listened. You couldn't help but feel that she was probably very right with the things she had assumed.

"I am sorry, Rosie. I don't open up, I know that...I'll be honest, I don't see why I should either. I get the whole being...arrogant stuff if you want to put it that way. I'll try to get along with your dear Dr. Escyle.", you raised up a finger, "EVEN THOUGH! Even though I can not stand him."

She nodded, happy with either you or herself. Perhaps both, "Good. I just want you to try. He's really very nice and sweet."

You mustered her, "So I guess you have seen his apartment?"  
It was a wild guess with no proper basis in reality but from her cheeks blushing you assumed that you were right.  
"Rosie. You ask me about some 'mysterious man' and you are the one that has been at Escyle's place out of all people?!"

"No. It's not how you think it is!"

"Well now I think it is far worse than what I had originally in mind!", you leaned back and crossed your arms, "Escyle. Escyle…. out of all the doctors you chose that grumpy old...thing?"

She threw you a death stare and you raised your arms up again.  
"Right. I am sorry. I said I'd try.", you shook your head, "I can't say I understand. I mean I can understand him but I can't understand you. He's just so..."

"24! Stop! No."

You grinned widely at what you had just found out, "Rosie, Rosie, Rosie. Normally you can't keep your mouth shut about all the men on board that you fancy but you don't tell me about him?"

She looked at her hands, which were resting on top of her folded legs, "I know you don't like him..."

"Don't like is far too nice of a word. Despise would be better."

Another death stare.  
"Yes. I am sorry! I am sorry, Rosie, I can't help my feelings!"

"Yes, you can! For my sake...please?", she looked up to you with her huge bambi eyes. 

Their hazel colour was beautiful and sometimes you did get jealous off her looks. Being taller than average had its own benefits, it allowed you to stare down on people. To be more assertive. It also made you somewhat unapproachable. Same for your bright blue eyes, they weren’t friendly. They were intimidating.

Rosie, on the other hand was the complete opposite, capable of talking to people. Approachable, nice, understanding. It made you an odd couple but during work you balanced each other out quite fine. 

"Please? He's really very sweet if you get to know him. He's very cold on the outside but he cares for everyone around him a lot..."

Well that reminded you of a certain someone. You pushed the thought away.

"And he is a very good listener! He's worried about the others...and...", she looked up at you, "he's actually pretty bummed out that you don't like him."

Now THAT was a surprise.  
You laughed coldly, "As if. Nonono he just TOLD you that because he knows we are great friends!"

She scoffed and laughed, "No, 24, you have to stop being so cynical."

You had a great view at the clock from where you were sitting. And from what you could tell she talked about Escyle for a good half an hour, followed by rumours about various other doctors.

How great of a listener Escyle was she said perhaps a dozen times. How caring atleast as much. You got to know quite a few things. His family had always served in the First Order, or the Empire before it. All of them as doctors. It did explain why he was so pissed that you got the promotion without having any previous relations with the First Order.

His brother was a high ranking officer, a colonel as far as Rosie was aware. That was surprising, it was directly below General. You just didn't know below which one. Very valuable information nevertheless.  
She continued talking about your coworkers. It wasn't that interesting. It was mostly which ones were dating, which ones were fancying each other and which ones were jealous. The normal gossip plus a few scandals. Entertaining if you only got to hear the full amount once a month or so, any more than that? Far too exhausting to keep up. For you atleast, not for Rosie.

No, Rosie knew everything. Every little bit of information that there was to know. It made sense, from what you had seen she only ever listened at work and never actually properly ‘gossiped’ behind other peoples’ backs. It allowed her to gather every bit of intel because everyone trusted her to not tell anyone else. They saw her as a neutral party in the ‘war’ that was going on in the medical wing. She didn’t tell anyone else either, you were the exception. The one person she actually gossiped with. Even if you mostly just sat there and listened, throwing in the occasional: ‘You don’t say’, ‘mhh’ or ‘Yes, of course’.

"And this, my dear Rosie, is why I keep to myself. I really do not want people talking more about me than they already are.", you lifted up your cookie as if it was a toast to the wisdom you had just spoken.

She shook her head and grinned, "You don't want them to? How about you stop being so secretive! There is less to assume and guess then!"

"Haha.", you said,"No. It's...", you waited for her to finish your sentence.

"Confidential?"

"Right on cue! I have taught you well!"

"I think that's the word I have probably heard most out of your mouth."

"I could say it's classified as well, if you want me to switch my vocabulary up?"

"No, no...I got used to that. It's you, I wouldn't want to miss it.", she smiled and you grinned back, taking a bite out of the insanely dry cookie. Gosh, sand probably tasted better. You couldn't lie, Kylo had spoiled you.

Rosie watched you for a bit before speaking again, "24. You promised me something?"

You looked at her, perplexed, "I did? Did I take one of your shifts again and forgot about it?"

She laughed and raised her glass of whatever liquid it was, "No. And thank you, by the way. I don't know how often you do that for me. I just hate working nights..."

"No problem. It's not like there is a difference in light level. We are in space."

"Yes, but the patients still have their set day and night rhythm. I just don't like it. But it was not what I meant... I want to know about your dinner date."

You choked on your cookie and coughed a few crumbs out of your lungs.  
"First of all. It's not a date. We are merely having dinner together because it's more convenient. And secondly I think I could get fired for even telling you this. Or...worse actually.", you scratched your head and stopped talking, your mood had instantly dropped, "Rosie. I should go. I am putting myself and you in danger."  
You stood up, "Thank you for the cookies. And the juice. I'd love to do it again."

"24!", she grabbed your arm and stopped you from leaving, "No. I won't say a word. I swear! Your secrets are safe with me!"

"No offense, Rosie, but I somewhat doubt that. You know all the gossip. The little bit of what I have said now could get me AND you executed."

She smiled at first, thinking it was a joke but from your facial muscles not moving an inch she seemed to understand.  
"It's that bad?"

"Why do you think I constantly say everything is confidential? It's not just because I try to hide my lack of social life behind some made up security protocols.", if you were fully honest it was partially true but she didn't need to know more than that.

She let go of your arm, "I won't tell anything to anyone. After all no one knows about me and Dr. Escyle either. You were the only one that guessed it."

You raised your eyebrows, "Now that is surprising indeed.", you sat back down, "I'll stay a bit longer."

She smiled, "Thank you."

There was quite a while of awkward silence in between you before she raised her voice again, "It's really...gonna get you executed if you talk about it?"

"And you. Not just me. I guess it'd be considered treason but honestly if you are dead it doesn't matter much."  
You doubted that you’d get executed, after all you were rather valuable to Kylo. She on the other hand? Not as much. It would still mean betraying him and that was far worse.

She nodded and took a deep breath, "Who the fuck are you having dinner with, 24? General Hux? Pryde?"

You laughed, "Hell no. I'd already be dead if it were Hux, we'd have killed each other."

She glanced over to you, "You seem to know him well."

"Well enough to know that he does not like me much. Partially my...fault...", you looked down at your hands, "I may have called him a 'bloody idiot' if I recall correctly."

She stared at you in disbelief, "You are kidding me. You did not call a General of the First Order a bloody idiot! How the fuck are you still alive?!"

"I also saved his life. Aaand... other reasons."

"Confidential?"

You nodded, "As always. But Rosie. If any of this gets out I am dead. No word to anyone. Anyone at all. Not even Dr. Escyle, do you understand?"

"I do, calm down 24. I do...", she looked down at her hands again, "I have some...secrets of my own that could harm many people if they got out. So I know how to keep them."

"I'd ask you which ones buuut that'd make them useless.", you smiled at her and closed your eyes briefly. Strong emotions had specific patterns within the Force and even though you did not have 'force sense' you could still feel their pattern if you extended your void.  
Before you started your training you hadn't been able to tell it from anyone but strong force users. By now you could expand your void far enough to tell emotions from even non force sensitives. Not all of them, anger was easy to tell and so was ill intent. You couldn't feel either from her though.

"You are so pale. Are you fine?", Rosie asked and you opened your eyes back again.

"Yes, sorry, a mild headache nothing more."

She nodded and sighed, "I guess it does make sense now... if I am honest the idea that Dr. Ramik had was far funnier than... top secret stuff."

You laughed, "I know Ramik. She's entertaining. What did she think, eh?"

"No no no, you have to understand that there are multiple theories. If I am honest the 'secret lover' was the most widely accepted theory. Now WHO that secret lover is...that varied. There are a few that think you are dating one of the Knights. Completely absurd."

"Yes, completely absurd. There's only two that can hold up a conversation, two only think about fighting, especially with each other, one does not talk and the last one I am pretty sure does not think at all."

She opened her mouth slightly, "You know them better than I thought!"

"I am their medic. Of course I know them."

"There are also two that think you are dating General Hux but...", she looked over towards you and started laughing, "That is totally out of the question. Unless he is the type that likes getting talked down to."

"Nope, I can assure you that that is the total opposite."

"Then there are some that think you have some super secret information or ability or something along the lines of that."

You raised your eyebrows. Sometimes the wildest speculations could be so on point, it was scary.

"Anyway, Ramik is pretty sure your 'secret lover' is Kylo Ren. Apparently she tried following you once, but she didn't have the security clearance to get to the floor your apartment is in."

You would have raised your eyebrows even higher, if they wouldn't already be at their maximum.  
Rosie smiled at you, expecting you to laugh at how absurd Ramik's theory sounded but from your lack of reaction her smile faded.  
"Don't tell me she is right."

"What? Of course she is not!", you could feel the heat rise up in your cheeks slightly, "She is right about parts. He has his personal med bay and I sleep there. There is a small bedroom."

"No way. All this time? You sleep so close to the Supreme Leader! Tell me!", she leaned in closer, "Did you ever see his face?"

"Rosie I can't say anything... I want to tell you more, believe me, but... it's all classified. I think... to be honest I don't even know anymore what I can say and what not..."

"Just that! Tell me just that! That's not confidential!"

"Fine. Yes. Yes, I have seen him without the mask."  
And not just that, you had seen him without his shirt as well. Quite a lot even.

"So he is whom you are having dinner with!"

"Perhaps."  
She smiled so much you were certain that she'd get a cramp soon, "It's just more convenient. Also his food is better."

"You are having dinner with the Supreme Leader for HOW LONG and you don't tell me about it?!", she was indignant. 

"Keep your voice down! Keep it down! I am only telling you this because it's not as confidential as some of the other stuff! If it gets out, you are dead. You are so dead, you know that?"

"Yes.", she moved back a bit, "He is known for his tantrums."

"Funnily enough he is rather calm most of the time. I only saw him flip only once."

"Don't worry about the volume by the way. The rooms are soundproof. And I won't tell anyone. I swear."

"How do you know they are soundproof- actually, spare me the details I can think of the answer myself."

"No! 24, no! That's not- we were talking about YOU!"

"Yes, sure we were. Not about Dr. Es-", you grinned and she punched your shoulder, "Ouch, Rosie, no! Alright, alright I'll stop!"

She grinned widely, "So is he handsome?"

"I will not talk about my superior as if he is one of your crushes!"

"Your crush, not mine."

"It does not matter, he is my superior. He's yours too!", you threw your arms up, "He's not some normal person that..."

"He is though. He might be really powerful but he's still human, or is he?", she tilted her head.

"Yes, he's human."

"24 you really have to put down your sense of... duty? I don't know. You are far too much of a soldier sometimes."

"Well, I am. I can't put that away, or down!"  
She looked at you, expecting to finally answer her question.  
"No. We are not having a discussion about this!", you crossed your arms.

The sound of the doorbell interrupted your conversation.  
Rosie pressed a button on her datapad and they slid open.

"Sir!", you said and stood up immediately walking over to Kylo.

"I need you down in P37."

You nodded, "Thanks for the cookies, Rosie! I'll see you tomorrow."

"I don't think so.", Kylo threw in.

Rosie didn't reply, she had turned into a pillar, staring at the Supreme Leader. Oh, of course. You shook your head and looked up towards Kylo.  
"It's gonna take all night?"

"Probably."

You waved Rosie goodbye and left into the hallway with Kylo. She was going to be fine. You hoped. 

"So that is Rosie?", he asked once you had made your way around the next corner.

"Yes, she is certain I don't have a social life."

"You don't."

You frowned at him, "Well, thanks. I am a doctor I have the most social job on board. That should be enough."  
By not replying he couldn't have made his thoughts any clearer.

"Wow. Everyone is attacking me today!"

Annotation: It's a long ass chapter that's mostly just conversation, I hope you don't mind that! I thought about cutting it out, but it was just so fun to write...so here it is!


	16. Black Hole

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You help Kylo with the prisoners.

The light down in the prisoners' wing was a lot colder than the one upstairs. Perhaps it was just an illusion, but it certainly had a different effect. Maybe it wasn't the light though, but the corridors themselves. They were slimmer, perhaps even a little bit less high. Designed to make you feel more alone and constricted.

Vicrul was already waiting in front of the elevator.  
"You found her. Great."

Finding was a bit over the top, after all you had told Kylo where you were. Even though you should have probably called Rosie by her identification number and not her name, that would have made things easier. On the other hand, you wouldn't have even went to her place if you knew that Kylo was going to get you so soon.

Vicrul handed you a medkit and you opened the bag to see what was inside. Gloves, facemasks, syringes and a solution you did not know. It wasn't labeled either. It was clear and could be anything.  
"What do I need the gloves and syringes for, Sir."

"Just administer it to them. It'll make them more compliant."

You nodded and got dressed quickly, Kylo opened the door to the interrogation room. A woman was strapped to the interrogation chair, she flinched as she saw Kylo. He stood by the door and quietly discussed something with Vicrul while you went over to her.  
You filled the syringe to the top and flicked against it to get rid of the air bubbles.  
"Nononono, what is that! Get it away from me!"

You smiled under your facemask and stretched the skin on her fixated arm. She tried moving away but Kylo merely raised a hand without even looking at her, just continuing his quiet conversation with Vicrul. She couldn't move anything apart from her eyes anymore.  
"Thank you, Sir.", you said and poked the needle into her arm, administering the strange liquid into her veins.

"What was that!", she said loudly once you were done.

"Don't worry, it won't leave lasting damage. It will just make you more talkative."  
You weren't exactly sure about the damage part, but you DID know that it was going to make her more compliant. That was what Kylo had told you, and all you needed to know. Frankly, you personally couldn't care less whether or not it would harm her. Given you hadn't administered this type of liquid to anyone else before you assumed it was going to be more or less a test run.

You stepped back out to Kylo, "Done, Sir."

"Not yet.", he opened another door, "Same solution, same dose."

He was incredibly helpful, just using the Force to pin each and every one of the remaining seven prisoners down. The only thing that still moved were their eyes, staring at you in fear of whatever you had administered to them.

"Thank you for the help, Sir.", you said after you got out of the last cell.

He nodded and looked at the door to the interrogation room, "We will give her fifteen minutes.", he walked a bit further away.

"If you don't mind me asking, Sir...but what was that?", you stripped off your gloves and pulled down your facemask.

"Saline solution.", you couldn't see his face but from his tone he sounded very satisfied with himself.

"You did well. We couldn't let you know what it actually was, in case they read your thoughts. We don't want the Resistance to know of your abilities. Introducing a mystery substance was the best option.", Vicrul added.

"Oh that's smart. Now they'll know though, won't they?"

"No. You'll enter as a void, they will think it is because of the drug.", Kylo said, "Vicrul."

Vicrul nodded and left both of you standing alone in the hallway.  
Kylo put his hands on your shoulders, "Do you remember what I told you yesterday night?"

You did. After scolding you for not listening to him he told you what you had done in more detail. You had not only eliminated your own presence from the Force fully, you had also weakened the Force around you. It hadn't really affected him because he had an insanely strong connection to it, but he did suspect that your 'black hole mechanic' (how you liked to call it) could potentially be used to cut someone from the Force completely.  
It was a proper void, a rip in the Force and not just you disappearing. Much more draining on you personally but with far more powerful potential.

"Yes, Sir."

"Concentrate on the anger."

"Yes, Sir."  
He squeezed your shoulders lightly and you closed your eyes.

"Remember what the Resistance has done to you. The moment they shot your father. Picture it!"

You did as he said, focusing your attention on the exact moment he had been hit. Right in front of your eyes, the Resistance fighter standing on top of a boulder a few meters away. How your father collapsed onto the ground. It did not need much more.

"Good. Use it.", he said quietly. He pulled the facemask back over your head, you nodded.

The doors opened and you followed Kylo inside, Vicrul joined you briefly after.  
"Get out! I won't tell you anything!", she shouted, "So far I could withstand any interrogation! We were trained to do that!"

"Training is nothing compared to the actual situation.", Kylo said. His voice was lower than usual, his disgust and hatred for the Resistance could not have been clearer.

"We have been trained by Leia Org-"  
Her head crashed against the back of the interrogation chair. Kylo's hand was raised and he stepped closer.

"That will not help you."

You watched her closely, you did not feel sorry for her. It had been her organisation that had killed your father. You concentrated back on the anger and closed your eyes for a brief second.

The void and the pain his death had left in you started to fill out the room. The prisoner’s eyes widened at the realization that the 'drug' was apparently starting to kick in. She looked over towards you, her eyes full of fear. You could only smile under your facemask. This. This is what you had wanted to see in the Resistance fighters on your mother's wedding day. Those wide pupils, the sweat dripping down, their breath getting faster. Exactly that.

She started screaming as Kylo used the Force to break through her vastly weakened defenses. Her screams did not last long as she collapsed almost immediately.  
"Get her out.", Kylo said to 2333 and 2334.

Vicrul looked over towards you and nodded.  
"It worked. One down, seven to go."

Kylo nodded, "Get the next one, Vicrul."  
The moment Vicrul had left and the doors had closed Kylo stepped over towards you.

"Do not overdo it. The next ones are less important, I'll tell you when to increase your void."

You waved your hand, "I'm fine."

He shook his head slightly and waited for Vicrul, 2333 and 2334 to bring in the next prisoner.  
It was a young man and they had to drag him in as he made no attempt to actually walk himself. He wasn't hurt, as far as you could tell. He just did not want to cooperate.  
They fixated him in the chair and the twins left. Vicrul stood in the corner.

The man only barely lifted his head to look at everyone present and then just let it hang down. He looked as if he had given up. Wasn't much of a Resistance there, was there?

"I see you are already defeated.", Kylo noted, watching the man lift his head ever so slightly only to drop it again. He didn't reply and Vicrul shrugged in the corner.

Kylo moved up his hand and turned it slightly, making the man wince but not scream in pain. Yet. It didn't take long.  
"Take him away, he has got nothing."

Neither did the next three. Unlike the first man they all put up quite a fight and one of them even pretended he just hadn't gone deep enough. He did regret that though as Kylo made sure to make it extra painful.

Their screams made you...happy, even though you did not really want to admit it. They satisfied you. The medical part of your mind was already checkmarking all the mental disorders you could have, but you pushed it back. To hell with that. That anger actually got you somewhere. Your mother had hated you your entire life but she didn't know how to harness its power. Unlike you.

You thought back to Rosie and stopped yourself from diving deeper down the rabbit hole. So far you did know nothing about the Force. She was right, you had to get off your high horse. It was better to underestimate oneself than overestimate.

They brought in two more women. Both of them had quite the mental defenses up. Kylo had to work through them, it still did not take him long to get into their heads. The pain distorted their faces, they were screaming and sweating and you...  
You savoured every moment of it, fueled by their fear your void only increased in strength and size.

Kylo noticed it, so did Vicrul.  
"You are making me uncomfortable.", Vicrul said after the twins had transported the woman away.

"I am sorry, Sir.", you apologized, but not allowing your void to collapse.

"No, no...it just shows that Kylo was successful. I didn't think he could do it. After all it's a pretty unheard off ability.", he shook his head and crossed his arms, "It's weird. It just feels like my powers are draining, but I don't think I'd be able to tell it's from you if I didn't know."

You just nodded and kept standing still in the corner. The women had been tough and you had been keeping your void up for a pretty long time. It didn't drain you like it did them, instead it lowered your body temperature. And while you personally were a huge fan of the cold there was a limit. You stood as still as you could, keeping yourself from shivering or clattering with your teeth. So far you had done a pretty good job but you suspected that it wouldn't hold up much longer.

The twins secured the last man. They did have trouble carrying him in because of how much he was moving around.  
"Get me out of here!", he hissed, "I won't tell you anything!"  
Something about his face was off, he seemed almost triumphant. He had been the last one you had given a shot to. You thought back to it, he'd been an easy one, too. His arteries had been very visible, even in the dim light of the cell.

You stepped forward and lightly touched Kylo's arm to get him to move aside. You pulled off the glove the man was wearing. His hand was a deep purple.  
You got a scalpel out of the med bag and cut open his sleeve. Hands trembling from the cold and barely holding onto the metal grip. Atleast you had positioned your body in such a way that Kylo wouldn't be able to see it.  
The man had used a shoelace to cut off the circulation to his arm completely. Oh wasn't that great? From the colour it didn't look too good either.

"Did you think that would stop it from working?", you asked him and stepped back, "Not everything is transported via blood."

The smile on his face dropped and he started stuttering something unintelligible.  
Kylo looked at you and tilted his head slightly.

"I think we can still save his arm. If you want that, but we'd need to act soon.", you told him quietly and Kylo shook his head.

You nodded and stepped back, closing your eyes to concentrate again. It was hard, you were tired and the cold did not make it any better. Standing as still as possible didn't really help you either, but you didn’t want to alert either the prisoner or the Knights.

Kylo looked over to you briefly before raising his hand up to the man's head. He was confused repeating: 'no' over and over again.  
Again, that fear in his face. His pathetic little face that bore the sign of the Resistance with so much pride. How satisfied they were with themselves for assisting in a 'good cause'. But that cause of theirs had only brought you pain and suffering.

The man was starting to sweat, biting down to try to stop himself from screaming. It wouldn't work. Not one of them had managed to hold up their defenses, not in front of Kylo. He'd managed to get through every. Single. One. This one would not be any different.

A grin hushed over the man's face but it was only there for a split second, you weren't even sure if you had just imagined it.  
The man said something that you couldn't hear from where you were standing. In fact it was hard for you to hear anything. What you could see was Kylo's reaction to it though. He tensed up and shouted something but it was muffled. Vicrul took a step back.

Kylo turned around, igniting his lightsaber and destroyed the wall behind him. You still couldn't hear it. It pained you to see him this angry. He turned back around and once again shouted something. The prisoner's lips moved again, first saying something and then into a grin.

What had he done? Why did nothing make a proper sound anymore? There were far too many questions but the only thing that mattered to you right now was that somehow the prisoner was doing something to Kylo.

It seemed like the man was getting into Kylo's head, with every word he spoke Kylo seemed to slump down more. It wasn't very noticeable, but you knew how Kylo usually carried himself. You felt your own anger rise up. No matter how much the screams from before and the memory of your dying father had enraged you... this fueled your void far more.

You were seething with anger, hands balled into fists. Your breath condensated in the air but you weren't just trembling because of the cold. Every time the prisoner's lips moved or the slightest hint of a grin hushed over his face your void increased. Even more so as Kylo started slashing the wall again. The black hole ate up everything in its way. With every exhale you felt it increasing in size. You could feel their connection to the Force, how he influenced Kylo's...

"SHUT UP!", you screamed but it didn't make a sound. You felt his connection snap and the prisoner immediately collapsed.  
Kylo turned around to Vicrul, but Vicrul was just staring at you.  
You stared at the prisoner hanging lifeless in his restraints. It satisfied you. No, not just that. It made you happy. Incredibly so even. It didn't matter that he could use the Force against Kylo if you could cut his connection off. He was powerless, a small obstacle. Nothing the Supreme Leader did not have a solution against.

You stopped feeling Kylo's and Vicrul's connection and the void closed. You could hear Kylo's heavy steps on the floor as he marched over to you. Turning your head was so incredibly... slow. You felt your knees give in, but Kylo caught you before you hit the floor. He sat you down carefully and removed his glove, holding his hand against your forehead.

Vicrul poked his head over Kylo's shoulder.  
"Is she dead?"

You shook your head and lifted up your hand, making an 'Ok' sign.  
"You look dead.", Vicrul added.

"Get blankets.", Kylo commanded and Vicrul's head disappeared.

"I told you to not overdo it.", you couldn't tell whether or not there was more anger or worry in his voice. The modulator made it hard to hear, or your own hearing was still recovering.

"I'm fine."  
Your voice was raspy as if you had been smoking your entire life.  
"Did I...", you nodded over towards the prisoner.

"He's fine. You aren't.", he removed his cape and wrapped it around you.

"I think I snapped his connection.", it sounded more like a question than a statement, "I am sorry. It was accidental."  
You grabbed the edges of his cape and held onto them.

"It does not matter now."

"I just got so angry.", you said quietly. He didn't reply, instead he wrapped the cape a bit tighter around you.

"Here. Blankets.", Vicrul said and handed them to him.

Kylo put them over your shivering body. You made an attempt to stand up but he just picked you up from the floor.

Vicrul threw another blanket over you and secured it.  
"You are freezing! This is not normal, not even for the Dark Side."  
He looked up at Kylo.

"I'm fine!", you insisted again. Yes, you were cold but it was not like you had a frost bite.

The twins were looking at each other in confusion as you left for the elevator. It didn't make sense to them, they had seen quite a few abilities the Force had but nothing like this. You couldn't blame them.

The elevator stopped far too soon for it to be already on your apartment's floor.  
"No. Kylo, no. No doctor.", you pleaded quietly, "Please."

He looked down on you, his face still hidden by the black mask.  
"She's really fucking cold.", Vicrul said.

You just stared up to him, hoping that he'd not get out of the elevator now. Kylo smashed the button for the higher floor with his elbow.  
"Thank you.", you said quietly and leaned your head against his chest.

Vicrul shook his head but didn't directly oppose Kylo.  
The doors opened but instead of all of you getting out General Hux stepped in.

"What happened to her?", he asked, genuine surprise in his voice.

"I annoyed a prisoner.", you replied, "Pissed him off as I wanted to give him a shot. Gave myself the shot instead."

"You look like you are dying, I have never seen anyone so pale!"

"Really? You don't look in the mirror?"  
His face now matched the red of his hair but he didn't say anything. You wouldn't have either, but Kylo Ren was carrying you after all. You couldn't feel any more safe than you felt right now.

Finally you arrived at the medbay, and Kylo set you down carefully on the bed in the middle.  
"What do you need, Doc?", he asked you and removed his mask.

"A scanner and the heated blankets from yesterday."  
Vicrul handed you the scanner while Kylo got the blankets from his room.

You pointed it at yourself.  
"Blablabla...low heart rate, yes I can feel that... where... ah right. There! 33,7°C body temperature.", you shrugged, "Could have been worse. It's only mild."

"It does not feel mild, it also does not feel like 33°C.", Vicrul said.

"Core. It's core temperature.", you spoke slowly, trying not to slur your speech. Kylo came back with the blankets and removed the ones Vicrul had brought earlier.

"She says it's only mild. I really don't think it's just 'mild'"

"It is! Here!", you wanted to give him the scanner but dropped it. Kylo caught it before it hit the floor and took a brief look and then handed it to Vicrul.

"Leave.", Kylo commanded and started wrapping the heated blankets around you.  
Vicrul nodded and put the scanner on the desk.

"Don't die.", he said, right before the doors closed behind him.

"Never.", you grinned.

"I told you to not overdo it.", Kylo said the moment Vicrul had left. You didn't reply and just stared down at the floor.  
There was silence between you two for a few minutes. You could feel him looking at you, as if he expected an answer, some sort of excuse, but you didn't have one. You already told him that you had gotten furious. It was not like he hadn't been angry either. You had merely made the prisoner collapse, he had destroyed the wall behind him.

There were quite a few similarities between you two that you did not want to admit to.  
Kylo probably saw them as well, which was perhaps part of the reason he did not talk about the issue any further.

He took a deep breath and sat down on the bed next to you.  
"Nevertheless, you did well."

"Thank you, Sir.", you said and turned your head towards him. He looked exhausted, not as pale as you were right now but he wasn't doing that good either.  
"Did you get what you needed?"

"Yes."

You nodded, "Can I ask what it was?"

"Information on an influential Resistance sympathizer.", he didn't even hesitate to tell you.

"Their location, I suppose?"  
You assumed it was fine to ask further questions.

"Connections as well. I've been hunting them down for a while."

You smiled, "That makes me incredibly happy. I did my part. And far more than just patching up stormtroopers. When I joined the First Order I never thought I'd actually play a semi-important role."  
You were still speaking slowly, sorting the words in your head so they wouldn't come out weird. It'd still take a while until you were back on track.  
"I guess I'll be late for work again tomorrow.", you sighed and Kylo just shook his head.

"You can quit working as a doctor if you want."

"No. No...I like it. Escyle is a bit of an ass...but Rosie is trying her best to make us get along."

"Escyle?"

"Dr. Escyle, yes. I think his brother is a Colonel, you might have heard of him?"  
Kylo just made a 'mhhh' sound.

Your conversation was interrupted by your datapad.  
"Incoming transmission request. Outer Rims. Sector 2-"

"Fuck. I think that's my mom."


	17. Planets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You talk to your mother.

"Incoming transmission request. Outer Rims...", the datapad repeated and you reluctantly got off the bed. Walking towards the desk was an ordeal of its own but you made it.

"Should I leave?", Kylo asked, still sitting on the medbay's bed.  
You looked over to him, while typing a message to your mother: 'Give me 5'.

It was a fair question. Getting along with her had always been a problem, but on top of that you also had refreshed, horrible memories of her in your mind.

"Sir, she is really not fond of the First Order... I don't think it’s in your best interest if she knows I am living in the Supreme Leader's...closet essentially.", you smiled but he just shrugged.

"She won't see me. I can intervene."

You nodded, "That's smart. I have been introduced to so much stuff I don't know what I am allowed to say to outsiders and what not."

"It's not about that. I don't want you to cool down any more."

"Oh."  
Of course, you might accidentally summon up that void again. Now that did explain his concern far better.  
"Alright then.", you mumbled and took a deep breath, "Best to jump into cold water directly..."  
You pressed the button and your mother picked up immediately.

"There you are! I tried to get a hold of you for the past hour!"

"I was working.", you set the datapad in front of you so it wouldn't show Kylo.

"Right. You are on a ship."  
How talented she was at expressing her disgust! Absolutely lovely.

"What do you need me for?", you scratched your head.

"You asked me to get some information for you! Not the other way round!"

You wrinkled your forehead before realizing what she meant, "Oh right. Sorry."

Shaking her head, she looked through some notes, "I called your aunt...she was asking a lot about you, you know? How you are doing...where you are working...do you know the kind of situation you have put me in? I have to lie about your workplace!"

"You could have just said that you don't know...you didn't until a few weeks ago. And you know why I don't call my aunt.", you leaned back and pulled the blankets over you a bit tighter as if it was an invisible wall that would somehow protect you from her judgement.

"Anyway, so I told her you were doing fine. Even though...looking at you, you don't seem okay at all. I'd tell you to go out more to get some colour but you are in space.", she stopped looking through her notes and leaned in to get a better look at you. You in turn just moved further back, "The lighting in your place is terrible... you look like you have hypothermia! What happened?"

"Workplace incident."

"Workplace incident?! Did you go out in space without a suit?!"

"Urs. What did she say?"  
You didn't want to talk about it any further. You made it clear, you just didn't know if she'd understand.

"Apparently your great great grandmother was called 'Campbell', before she married. She was an immigrant from another planet by the name of..."

You raised your eyebrows, "Myrkr?"

"Yes! How did you know that? Is researching your ancestral history your new hobby now? If so I can tell you a lot about my side of the fam-"

"No."

She sighed, "True it would hardly be researching if you can read it in the archives. After all we are a family of well known-"

"Yes. Yes."  
You looked over towards Kylo, trying to hide the pained expression on your face.

"Listen, sweetie..."  
You visibly cringed at her using that horrible nickname.  
"I know last time I was mean because I called the First Order..."

"The Doomsday Brigade, yes I recall that."  
Kylo raised his eyebrows.

"Right...I thought I...it doesn't matter. It was your decision and I am sorry for judging it."  
It was your turn to raise your eyebrows.

"No, I mean it...maybe you are more the type to... crawl through the mud and take care of blaster wounds and not one that actually puts her brain to use."

"You started off well."  
Your voice was as dry and coarse as sand.

"I know, I am sorry. Combat medics are needed as well, every life is important. Even...a stormtrooper's...I guess."

Well, she was making improvements. Perhaps you'd actually say 'goodbye' for once and not just hang up.

"I just don't see why you chose the First Or-"

"Oh come on!"

"It could have been any private security contractor! Or the Resistance! Why did you have to choose those!"

"Seriously?"

"I have seen what they are doing on Weih! And what they have done on other worlds! They slaughtered innocents! Anyone who opposes them ends up dead! One of their commanders has wiped out villages for no reason!"

"The Resistance MURDERED my father. YOUR husband? Did you forget about that?!"

"They didn't! You have been telling this story for years! His death was an accident, something stupid that happened while he was hunting for Vornskr! The First Order just used it as a reason to kill innocents! They said they were conspiracists and they just slaughtered them! That was the-"

"Doc.", Kylo said and stood up.

"Did you seri-", she continued but Kylo just switched off the transmission.  
You stared at where the projection of her face had been a second ago. He placed a hand on your shoulder and you leaned your head against his leg.

"Thank you, Sir.", you said quietly and he squeezed your shoulder lightly.

"Doomsday Brigade does not sound half bad."

You chuckled, "Yes, you should totally change it."

"What was that about your aunt?"

You moved your head away from his leg and reached for the data pad, "The Vornskr... they hunt using the Force. I knew they weren't from Chirna, they originate from a planet called Myrkr. A lot of what is written in the archives I already knew...nocturnal, hunt in packs...what I did not know was how they got to Chirna. So.."

You opened a few files on your data pad and projected them into the air so Kylo could get a better look at it.

"I started working through newspaper articles until I found a rough date when they arrived. That narrowed it down to roughly 150 years ago. And I mean Chirnian years."

You showed him the article that you had stumbled upon first. It was about a few miners that had been killed by some Vornskr.

"I found this one first. From that I just backtracked it to the first time they had mentioned them. It was pretty easy from then onwards. Just really tedious. If they had first appeared on Chirna around that time...someone must have brought them onto the planet, right?"

You didn't want for an answer and scrolled through a lot more newspaper articles until you had found what you were searching for.

"This!"

Kylo moved closer to read the headline.  
"Fatal Shuttle crash in the western mountains?"

"Yes! I had always assumed someone had let them lose, but it was accidental. The ship was carrying them, crashing it and only leaving very few survivors. Under them was someone by the name of 'Campbell'. And I know it was he who brought them because..."

This time you pulled up various transport routes, together with their respective shipping entries.

"There weren't any ships arriving from Myrkr, BUT there was this small thing that I found."

You increased the size of one of the entries.

"'J.Campbell' Gender: male, date of birth...boring, boring, boring....there! 'Homeworld: Myrkr.' That! Nooow I also found what he registered as his cargo."

More swiping, more scrolling down...

"Here: Live animal shipment, Species unknown...there is more.", you turned towards Kylo, "Thing is the description of them fits! Apparently he brought eight with him. Why I don't know."

Kylo didn't say anything, he just stared at the virtual kilometers of texts floating in the air in front of him.  
"Impressive.", he eventually said. You felt your cheeks get warm and quickly looked away so he wouldn't see it.

"That's why I called my mother, who in turn called my aunt."

"So you are originally from Myrkr."

"Atleast I do have some ancestors from there. Apparently there are creatures that can create Force bubbles as a counter method to the Vornskr...it does somewhat explain it. I would have been surprised if my father and his father just randomly developed that mutation, but if my whole family has been...hunted for generations, I guess it does make more sense. Or atleast, makes it far more likely."

He made his typical 'mhhh' sound and leaned forward, looking for the creature you had just mentioned.  
He pulled up a picture and pointed at it.  
"So essentially you are part lizard."

"No, just part snake, from my mother's side."

He looked down on you, amused, "I see you are getting better already."

You chuckled and closed the articles again.  
"Do you mind me going to sleep, Sir?"

He shook his head, "No. On the contrary.", he mustered you.

"I won't die in my sleep. I promise."  
He didn't say anything, just continued staring at you.  
"I'll sleep with these blankets, I'll be warm."  
Still no reaction.  
"Alright, I'll sleep in the med bay and hook an ECG up to myself."  
He finally nodded.

You smiled and hopped onto the bed in the middle of the room, attaching the heart rate monitor.  
"Sleep well!", you said as you laid down.

"Sleep well.", he left the med bay and you closed your eyes.  
Within a few minutes you drifted off into a long, dreamless sleep.

You looked...colourless. As if someone had applied a black and white filter to your face and set the opacity to 50%. It did not look normal. However, you did feel great, so that was a bonus? Mild Hypothermia didn't leave any lasting damage, as far as you were aware and a good night's sleep usually helped.

You got dressed in some fresh tunics and headed down to your workplace. The moment Rosie spotted you she pulled you aside.  
"You look horrible! What did you do?", she kept her voice down and you were quite thankful for it.

"One of the prisoners lashed out...I drugged myself instead of him."  
It was still the best possible answer you could give to anyone. It did have some benefits as well, if Rosie or anyone else would hear it they'd all just know of some 'mysterious substance'.

"I am glad you are fine...or are you? Maybe you should go back and take the day off..."

"No, thanks, Rosie I honestly feel great. Thank you for asking."

"I...I didn't know how to react, yesterday.", she pulled you down so you could hear her better, "Am I in trouble? I did not even address him properly!"

"It's fine. No worries."

She nodded and let you go.  
"Dr. Escyle changed your schedule, you know that?"

"I thought so, but I have not taken a look at it yet."

She showed it to you on her data pad. It was fair and very flexible.  
"Looks good. Where is he?"

She pointed you in the direction and you went over to him, pulling him aside at the next chance you got.  
"I had to work late yesterday, Rosie might have told you."

"She did.", he was a bit confused at you actually wanting to talk to him.

"The new schedule is far better.", you pulled yourself together as much as you could. No way back now. You had to do it. There you go!  
"Thank you."  
Out it was. The deed had been done. There was no turning back.

He seemed about as surprised as you had been for saying it, "...Yes..."

"Yes.", you replied and looked into another direction.  
Both of you nodded and awkwardly parted ways. Rosie gave you a thumbs up. It could not have gone any better...

The rest of your day went by uneventful. There were a few doctors you got to know better because you were constantly switching stations. Some of them you had seen around Dr. Escyle, they were as distant as he was, but neither of them as impolite. It was still a step into a better direction.

Dr. Ramik was incredibly entertaining to be around, but just as exhausting. While she did make jokes about nearly everything, a trait you really appreciated in others she also wanted to know more about you. And THAT was something you did not appreciate in anyone! At first she tried to mask her intent by casually asking questions but after you blocked every single one she changed to asking outright.

You didn't really know what was worse. If she hid it you could atleast pretend you hadn't understood her and if she asked outright you could always reply with your usual 'confidential'. That got boring and annoying really fast though, so you ended up telling her the most unbelievable stories.  
So far you had shot down a Resistance X-Wing with a blaster, piloted an AT-AT out of some mountainous terrain and single handedly defeated two wampas in hand to hand combat on a desert planet.

Funnily enough they did believe some of your stories, mainly because you somehow managed to tell them with a straight face. With just enough detail that they were believable without turning into an obvious lie. Even Rosie stood there with her mouth agape.

They eventually figured it out though and cursed you for telling them lies to cover up your 'boring life'. You in turn insulted them back saying that their lives must be even MORE boring because the only thing they seemed to be interested was yours.

Then your shift ended and you suddenly found yourself in a pretty uncomfortable spot because Dr. Ramik asked you directly where you were going to have dinner. And with whom. You managed to escape her pesky questioning by using your excellent 'vanishing into thin air' skills.

Dinner with Kylo went as it always did. You told him what was going on in the medical wing and he mostly listened. Eventually neither of you talked and enjoyed the comfortable silence between you two.  
"We won't have training tonight. Tomorrow it'll be Ap'lek instead of me."

"Alright.", you said and pushed the rest of your food over towards him, "Why not you, if you don't mind me asking?"

"I'll be leaving for a few days. The fight on Weih is not going as expected."

You didn't reply. For the past few weeks...was it two months by now? For sure more than one and a half...you had lost track of time. Anyway for the past weeks you had been having dinner with him, training under him. Every evening at the same time, it was kind of like a ritual. A bit of steadiness in your otherwise rather chaotic work-life. You really did not want to miss it.

Not just that, you also did not want to miss him. He was by far the greatest company you had for a while. He did not talk much but especially the last two days had really shown how much he cared for you. You didn't want to miss that.

He made you feel safe and appreciated. Unlike a certain family member he actually made you believe you were worth something. That there was a reason for you to be here. Even if it should only be because you were a 'weapon' to him. What exactly you were did not matter, whether or not you were just a tool or company he enjoyed... in the end he appreciated you. Needed you.

"You don't want me to leave.", he noted, not looking up from his food.

"No.", you crossed your arms and leaned back, "No, I don't want you to leave."

He didn't say anything, just looked up briefly before continuing to eat his food. You didn't even have to ask if you could join him. It was clear that he didn't want you to. Why exactly you didn't understand but you also did not want to press the matter any further.

The rest of your dinner was quiet, even though the silence was not really comfortable like it had been before.

"When are you leaving?", you asked before you went into your own room.

"About now."

You felt a knot in your stomach, but couldn't really pinpoint why.  
"Alright.", you said quietly and picked up his helmet from the table, walking over towards him, "Don't die."  
You stood on your tiptoes to put it on.

"There you go, Sir. You are all ready now.", you secured it properly.  
He nodded a silent thanks, you nodded back and he left. You still stood in the middle of his room for a while, looking at the doors that had closed behind him, before going to bed.

The next few days were...odd. You caught yourself thinking about Kylo far too often for your own taste. He was your superior, why were you asking yourself so many questions about him?

Work went by fine. The new schedule really made things easier for you and while you and Escyle were in no way getting any more friendlier with each other atleast you didn't openly fight anymore. His 'friends' (now referred to as the rats because of their habit of 'ratting' you out whenever something bad happened) however did get a bit nicer towards you, but you didn't know why. 

In general, the worst thing about work were all the questions getting asked left and right. You didn't seem to get a break. Even the rats couldn't let go.

It was partially what made you look forward to training every day. Atleast then you wouldn't have to watch every word. Until you realized that Ap'lek was going to try to get into your head. From then onwards you had to watch every thought...which was far worse. You just resorted to thinking about certain patients and whatever gross thing had happened to them in the hopes of keeping Ap'lek out.

He complained quite a few times that the hardest part was finding you because you were so 'small' to quote him. He kept you company for a bit longer after training each day and brought food every time. Apparently Kylo had told him to bring some because he didn't trust you to take care of yourself. You didn't want to admit it either, but you probably would have forgotten to eat dinner if it wasn't for Ap'lek.

Your sniping training with Kuruk was the same as always. Silence for 99% of the time apart from when he was correcting you or giving you tips. Everytime he actually did speak you got startled because you had forgotten he was even next to you. Once or twice the same thing happened to him though.

Both of them gave you daily updates on what happened on Weih. Kylo wasn't on the planet most of the time, he was having meetings over meetings with various weapons contractors, colonels and officers. Bureaucracy. Horrible.  
It made you feel better because he wasn't actually fighting but all of those discussions delayed his arrival.

After a week of him not being there the situation in the medical wing got worse. The amount of injured officers increased and from what you could hear during lunch it was even worse for all the stormtroopers. It meant all hands-on-deck and extra work hours and shifts.

"Is MD-2442 here?", you could hear Dr. Escyle ask Rosie from outside the room.  
You stripped off your gloves, poking your head outside the door.

"Present."

"They need you on Weih. You are supposed to leave with the next shuttle, you have half an hour."

He hadn't even finished the sentence as you were already sprinting outside towards your flat to get your armour.

Finally. Some proper work again. Not just constantly walking around to different patients and asking them whether or not their food had been heated the way they liked it. That was obviously not what you had been doing all the time. It was mostly surgeries but you had enough of those right now.

You wanted to finally get back out there, feel the adrenaline in your veins! Anything to get out of these boring hospital gowns into some proper armour and to finally do some actual work!

You took a look in the mirror before you put on your helmet and nodded. Finally.


	18. Mud

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You fight on Weih against the Resistance.

The Maxima - A left five minutes after you had arrived and transported you to your destination. Weih. A horrible planet in your opinion. From afar it just looked like an ugly mix of green and brown and it didn't get any better as you landed.

It was a constant coming and going with shuttles leaving and arriving so closely after each other you weren't sure how they didn't crash.  
The First Order had quickly solidified the ground so it was even possible for anything heavy to land. Temporary buildings consisting of barracks, military hospitals and commando centers had been erupted. It was amazing to see proper First Order efficiency. The Resistance did not have that. They were messy and uncoordinated. Their power structures barely made any sense and neither did their fighting tactics.

You stopped to let a small group of stormtroopers pass you and almost got trampled by an AT-ST on your rather short way towards your next commanding officer.  
He handed you some new armour, saying that yours wasn't fit for where you were going to be headed. Then assigned you to two platoons and you left towards the front lines within a few hours.

The closer your shuttle transported you towards the Resistance forces the worse it got. The few trees that you had seen before had all been cut down, the grass trampled into the ground and the ground itself was an ugly mix of blood, mud and various substances. Neither of which you were too keen to travel through. Every few meters they had dug trenches or built small huts to hide behind.

You could not see a single stormtrooper, every single one fighting was a mudtrooper. Their usually green armour was full with dirt and debris. You sighed and took a last look at your own, right now it was still clean and green with a white bicep band. That would not last long. No. No it wouldn't. You gave it five minutes before the white would be indistinguishable from the brown of the mud.

You were almost right. It took six minutes, not five. That was the first time you had to throw yourself onto the ground so you wouldn't be hit by a blaster shot.

The newcomer next to you hadn't been as lucky, you pulled him away and started dressing his wound. It could have been worse, it hadn't hit a bone or anything major. You felt the adrenaline spike up in your body and for a brief second you smiled under your helmet. Then another blaster shot hit the mudtrooper and he was dead.

"Medic!", someone shouted from the next trench and you sprinted over, jumping into it.

He grabbed your arm and pulled you towards a few injured troopers. You stabilized them as good as you could and sent out a signal for them to get retrieved.  
There were many more that needed your attention. Most of the injuries weren't life threatening, but you had to clean them and bandage them properly. You had some special medical devices that could close wounds without much effort, more or less gluing them shut. They worked great but keeping them clean was arguably harder and more tedious than if you would have just done it the old fashioned way.

The beginning of the night did get a bit better for you. You managed to get in a few hours of sleep before the enemy launched another attack. It began again. Running in between trenches, carrying the far heavier soldiers to safer places and fixing their injuries.

The mud and blood of the battlefield seemed to get into every small crevice of your armour and instead of sleeping you ended up having to clean it properly. The white band did not get back to its original colour. Atleast you were the only one wearing one, so they could actually tell you apart as a medic.

The days on Weih were quite long, lasting 53 hours each and because you were so far down South it was night for almost 46. Horrible conditions to work under. It did not get any better either. On your second day it started pouring. You watched the rain outside for a few seconds before being pulled away by a fellow trooper.  
"Don't stand outside! The rain is toxic! It shouldn't get through your armour but it's best to not risk it! Didn't they tell you- Oh...a medic."

You nodded and sat down on a weapon's crate, "No. I got drafted and had to leave within half an hour. I didn't know it was toxic."

He sat down next to you, "Just down South, that's why they only deploy swamp troopers here."

He extended his hand, "ST-2442."

You laughed, "MD-2442, it's nice to meet you!"

"No way! 2441! 2443! We have another 2442!"

They poked their heads out from under the blankets they had thrown over themselves.  
"It's great to meet you! I'm 41, that's 43."

"Call me 24 then. To avoid a bit of confusion."

"That's our squad though. All the numbers from 37 to 46. But I guess...it doesn't matter. 24 you are then!", 41 said and moved a bit.

"Who have you been assigned to?"

"This general area. Theoretically I am supposed to take care of... two platoons. I guess everything from 2400 to 2499? That's two platoons, right?"

They nodded, "Great, so you are our medic!"

"I thought we already had one?", 41 asked, "The small dude...ST-2486?"

"That's a normal medic. I am a doctor. He received some medical and I some stormtrooper training."

"Oh, right. That's why the MD and not ST.", 41 said and nodded, "Well...welcome to the 241st platoon. 45 is our squad leader... he's in the tunnel right now, sleeping. We are on watch but..."

"Rain?"

"Yeah...the rain."

You all looked outside and watched it pour down. Apart from the sound the drops made when they hit the floor you could hear a slight sizzling. You kneeled down and had a closer look without stepping outside. Whenever the liquid, what you had first presumed to be water, hit the ground it reacted with it. Part of the dirt seemed to just vaporize and the longer you waited the more those vapors condensed. A thick fog soon covered the whole ground. It had a faint green glow to it and lightened up the black of the night.  
It would have been pretty if there would still be trees around. Or any sort of green apart from that toxic mix of chemicals that slowly ate its way through the walls of the trenches.

You stood back up and took a seat next to 42 again. All of you sat there in silence, listening to the sizzling sound of the fog. The blaster shots had stopped, neither side dared to go outside now. It would have been peaceful, if you wouldn't be able to hear the distant screams of the poor bastards who had lost their armour.

It was moments like these that you dreaded every single time you were deployed. Moments that didn't pass, moments where you couldn't distract yourself and instead had to listen to your thoughts.  
Slowly you could feel the overwhelming sense of fear and hopelessness take over your whole mind. You leaned forward, resting your elbows on your knees and watched the fog slowly enter your hideout. It crept inside, and with every further inch the sizzling got louder. And louder. And louder.

You pulled yourself together and turned your head away. The others weren't feeling much better. 41 was staring at his gloves, cleaning the dirt from them. 42 was watching the fog and 43... 43 was slowly moving his blaster up to the ceiling. You turned your head upwards just in time to see the shot. A quiet screeching sound came from the arm-sized creature as it fell down onto the ground.

"Gotcha.", he kicked the reptile and it landed in front of your foot.

You picked it up by its tail and studied it. It was green, glowing just as faint as the fog was. You counted two rows of sharp teeth and four eyes. It did not look friendly. You threw the corpse into the fog and watched the thick blanket slowly move over it until you couldn't see it anymore.

The rain did not stop for three days. Three days, a total of 171 hours you were caught in that hideout. You moved once or twice to another one to check whether or not they would have ANY patients for you. They didn't. Anyone who was unlucky enough to miss part of their armour evaporated just as quickly as the fog had built up.

So after a few hours of running through trenches, whenever the rain got a bit less bad you went back to 45's squad. Atleast the company there was great. They joked around a lot and started telling entertaining stories from other deployments.  
Given that they had been serving together their bond between then was tight. They were like brothers, just much closer than any family could have been. It wasn't just that mutual trust that each trooper immediately had towards another one, no. For them it was far more. Closer. Tighter.

Eventually they didn't have any stories to tell anymore, so the next time you headed out you caught one of the glowing lizards. You had managed to capture it by throwing a blanket on top. 43 was immediately on board and caught himself one as well. You tried to get them to fight, but they didn't want to do anything of the sort. However you quickly found out that they loved hunting anything that moved. So you started attaching bugs and other insects to cables and raced the lizards through the hideout.

Only 42 and 41 captured some lizards for themselves as well. The others prefered watching and not getting close. Their bites were strong enough to crack a piece of wood in two, so neither of you were keen on getting bitten. Racing them and seeing which ones were the fastest was still incredibly entertaining and you numbered your lizards, instead of giving them names. It was more familiar to all of you, given your ‘names’ were just numbers as well.

They weren't exactly dumb either, they quickly understood that you'd give them food so they started to flock to you. They did have their benefits one of them being that they kept the insect and rodent population down to a minimum. However if they did start to get stressed they released more of the fog. If it got really bad the same corrosive substance that had been pouring down started secreting from their skin, similar to sweat in humans.

"Forecast came in. It stopped a few kilometers from here. I reckon we have five minutes then it's gonna be over.", 44 shouted.

"Buckle up, boys.", 45 said and shouldered his rifle, "24, can you shoot?"

"I prefer long range."

He nodded and handed you a sniper rifle.  
"We will use the fog as cover. Lizards, you stay behind further, give us cover when we advance. We will do the same. 37, 38 you cover the middle. Rest to the front, with me."

"Yes, Sir.", you all shouted in unison and got into position. The 'Lizards' as in 41, 42, 43 and you got to the back. You grabbed 'LZ-1', the creature you had caught and placed it on your shoulder. The others did the same.

Then the rain stopped without forewarning, the curtain of green liquid that had been pouring down the past 171 hours finally got lifted. The fog still stayed.  
"Go. Go. Go.", 45 shouted, using two fingers to point into the direction you were going to head into.

You took position and started giving the middle and front team coverage. Kuruk's persistent and hard training had really helped, your reaction time was splendid and whenever you saw a Resistance head pop up over the trenches you shot. Most you did not hit because of how far away it was and how long the bullet actually took to get there, but it allowed for the others to advance.

The squad from the nearby hideout joined you, further pushing against the enemy lines while your long-range team kept the Resistance at bay. Then the mid-range team took over and you crawled forward to their post.  
It was extremely coordinated, the mudtroopers had been using this technique for a while and the Resistance had still not found a proper way to defend against it. Then the fog started to disperse and you could finally switch off the thermal imaging that had aided you.

You jumped behind 42 into the next trench, the others further in front started shooting so you could catch up. What followed was a lot of lying in the mud, waiting for the Resistance to stop shooting and then quickly crawling over to the next bit of cover. Surprisingly enough LZ-1 held on. The lizards helped quite a bit as they started emitting fog again, concealing your position to a degree.

It took you a good half an hour to finally catch up with the rest of the squad again, but you eventually did find them in a Resistance bunker. The Resistance corpses were lying around and the others had already started to carry them outside.

"You all made it! I wasn't sure if you actually would... Even your...lizards did.", 45 sounded as surprised as he was glad to see all of you back together.

"Of course they did! They fucking saved us!", 43 shouted and high fived you.

"Is anyone hurt?", you asked, breathing heavily from the last sprint you had to do.

45 nodded over towards the other squads.  
"We were lucky. Not all of the others, though."

You quickly ran over towards the other squads and started dressing to their wounds. Their comrades were watching you carefully and helped you out where they could. Some did not make it through the night and silence once again dominated the hideouts.

The fights continued and the further you advanced the more you were occupied with helping to carry the opponents' dead bodies away. It wasn't just Resistance, not all of them bore their obnoxious logo, instead it was mostly locals that were fighting against the First Order. The more of their corpses you carried away the more often you asked yourself why the First Order was here in the first place. But the longer you did not ask the more stupid you felt, you were deployed on a planet without even properly knowing why. Wasn't that great?

It all started to seem rather senseless. The less Resistance fighters you had to kill the worse it got. Before you had had a reason, a personal agenda to kill them...by now it was merely a job. It still did not really affect you, after all you had chosen this sort of life. The only sort of personal involvement you had in this now was that you had picked a side: the First Order's. They were opposing you so in turn they were the enemy. You focused back on that, telling yourself that there was a good reason for killing this many people.

In the end it did not matter. It was a job. Yes, it was a job that caused the loss of thousands of lives but it was a job nevertheless. And quite frankly...you were good at it. You didn't want to admit to it, but 'hunting' the locals was far easier than hunting Vornskr. Whether or not they were animals or sentient beings did not matter, because your sleep at night was still the same.

Your father had once said that the only thing that separated a natural born killer from a normal one was their sleep. He told you that it was good that you didn't have nightmares after you had hunted your first Vornskr. But he added that you should worry if you did not get any nightmares after killing a sentient species. You still remembered the night after you had executed multiple Resistance fighters. You had slept like a baby. Arguably it had been the best sleep you had ever had.

Because they had murdered your father you had assumed that it was an exception, that you weren't somehow fucked up. But every single time you had killed someone since then it had not affected you. Not a single nightmare. Nothing. There was no remorse and right now even though you were helping in slaughtering thousands of innocents that were just trying to protect their land...you slept well.

At daytime the rational part of your brain argued that what you were doing was wrong. How you should stop, but your subconscious did not care. It did not even bother. If you dreamt while sleeping in the damp, cold unpleasantness of the trenches it was not about innocents losing their lives.

You had lost track of time by now. One day being more than twice as long as you were used to and one night being essentially two days caused you to even forget when you had arrived. You tried counting back. When you arrived it had been daytime and 22 hours later the rain had started. That did not stop for 171, and then you had stopped counting properly. You sat down on a crate and tried to remember how often it had been bright, four times...now it was 36:41, local time. Which meant that you had been on Weih for...

"EIGHTEEN DAYS?!", you shouted out loud and redid the math quickly. No. You weren't wrong, "Well fuck me."  
You sighed loudly and rested your head against the wall behind you.

"What?"

"I have been here for eighteen days. I thought it was...maybe a week at worst.", you looked over to 42 who was currently feeding LZ-2.

"Time passes in odd ways on the battlefield."  
He petted the lizard's head and moved his finger away just in time so he didn't get bitten.

"It does.", you chuckled quietly, "I don't even want to leave right now. I am pretty sure that my armour has fused together with my skin."

"Don't even start. The water we used what...two days ago?"

You nodded, "Yes, it was ice cold. Horrible."

"A warm shower would be nice. Doesn't even have to be hot. Just luke warm."

"I second that.", 43 added and tossed you two dead rodents. Nice. You grabbed LZ-1 from your shoulder and started feeding it. The lizards were looking great, from how fat their bellies were you all had probably overfed them. It didn't matter, they provided some company.

41 handed each of you a small bag, "Rations came in. Slurp it up, boys."

"Or proper food.", 42 added and attached the bag to his arm, "Not being IV fed all the time would also be nice."

"Yes!", the rest of you said in unison and chuckled quietly. You each sat there and watched the contents of the bag being pumped into your system. It was efficient and allowed you to keep your helmets and armour on.

45 was standing outside, talking to someone higher up. From how he paced around it didn't look too great. He eventually came back in and exhaled loudly.  
"There is a village nearby. We have to get there by sunrise.", he projected the map of your surroundings into the air.

"By sunrise? We have what...2 hours to get there?", 40 asked.

"2 hours is easy. It's just like five kilometers, we can do that in one.", 46 added and leaned back, crossing his arms.

You shook your head, "No. 2 hours is not enough. Only if we want to get ourselves killed. It's crawling with Resistance fighters and locals there."

"The other squads? Are they joining?", 41 asked.

"They are."  
A few lines appeared on the projection, showing the other squad's paths.  
"We will take this way. Any objections?"

None of you had any. It didn't really matter as all the options were equally shitty. 45 explained the tactics briefly.  
Then, just as quickly it had stopped before, the rain started again. Within seconds the sounds of the pouring rain muffled the blaster shots.  
"I forgot to mention, but it's going to get wet.", 45 said and unlike the ground outside his voice was utterly dry.

You shouldered your rifle and stood up, "What do we have to lose? Our lives? We've not lost a single man of our squad so far. We won't now."

"No, we fucking won't! Let's go boys!", 43 shouted and each of you got into your position.

Your squad charged forward through the trench. You and the rest of the Lizards took their positions, supporting your rifles on the walls. 41 was your spotter, using a tiny drone to get a proper look at your surroundings.  
You switched your thermal imaging on, the rain masked your opponents almost fully, but you could still see them slightly.

"There is a group ahead, taking shelter to the left. I think it's save to pass in...3...2...1. Go!"  
The front and midliners jumped out of the trench and started sprinting to the next cover. No shots. They hadn't been spotted.

"We'll take position further right. Do you copy? Over.", 41 said per his built in transmission system.

You didn't hear the answer back but all four of you moved to the right. 41 was still controlling the drone.  
"So far so good. Can't say that any of them spotted us. They are occupied with moving stuff inside."

The fog was slowly forming, rising up to your knee level by now. The trenches were always the ones that filled up first, good for you now but not ideal for your companions.  
The front liners moved forward again, while you stayed behind. So far neither of you had been seen and you hoped it would stay that way for a while. There were just two major problems about this mission: Resistance camps and time.  
There were a few ahead and from how it looked it was theoretically possible to pass through. Theoretically. IF you would have what you were lacking currently. Time.

That's why the squad leaders had decided to each pass the camps from different sides. You were the unlucky ones in the middle that could only go in between two camps. That's why you had coordinated your attack.

"3 min 40 seconds left.", 41 informed you. You adjusted your position. The rain was slowly watering down the earth, turning it into toxic mud. Within the next half an hour or so it'd have filled a few trenches up.

He started counting down as there were only 30 seconds left.  
"3...2...1!"  
You started firing. It did not even matter that you could not properly see any fighters. You saw that there was a spot that was warmer than the rest, you shot it. Was it a head, foot or just a lamp? All irrelevant. The only important part was that you had to keep the pressure up.

"43, 42. Go! Now!"

43 and 42 jumped up and sprinted forward. You killed a Resistance fighter nearby that would have otherwise shot them. They fell down behind a cover, you assumed they had made it. There was no time to think now.

"3...2...1...GO!", 41 shouted and you launched yourself out of the trenches, sprinting towards your companions' spot. It was not a gentle landing but you were alive. So was 41.

You could hear shouting from everywhere, blaster shots were being fired at you from all sides. It wasn't different for the Resistance though, with mudtroopers attacking from both sides. Each of you strapped their rifle to the back and switched to a blaster. You grabbed LZ-1 and put it on your head.

What followed was a carefully coordinated attack. Similar tactics to before. Groups gave each other enough coverage to advance and then advanced themselves. This time it didn't just involve one squad and moving forward however. You had to navigate your way through the battlefield and over trenches, making sure you didn't fall into one. It'd mean certain death with the high amount of Resistance fighters.

"Our turn in 10...", 41 counted down again and you each got ready to sprint forward. The "Go." came and you left the cover running as fast as you could. A collapsed tunnel was in front of you and purely out of reflex each of you shot down into it, if there had been anyone alive in it...now they weren't.

The moment you were semi safe behind a massive fallen tree you had to shoot again. You could see 45 and the rest moving forward. There were a few Resistance fighters that dared to move their heads up just enough so you could hit them. They didn't stand up again. Then you just heard a screech and felt LZ-1 fall down.  
"NO!", you picked him up from the ground, his body half disintegrated by a blaster shot.

Tears started to fill your eyes but you didn't even have time to place his lifeless body in a hole of the trunk because it was your turn to run.  
The next fighters received more shots than were necessary to kill them. Far more. Their bodies were left with as many holes in them as a sieve.

42 placed a hand on your shoulder.  
"He saved you. He's in a better place now.", it's all he managed to say before you had to start shooting again.

"HOW FAR?", you shouted over towards 41.

"A KILOMETER! BUT WE SHOULD BE SAVE IN 500!"

You gave him an okay sign. What did that mean? 5 more stops? 6?

It was the same as before. Sprinting over to cover, keeping the Resistance Fighter occupied just long enough so the other groups could move forward. Hopefully you were running just enough that you could taunt the Resistance. You repeated it again. And again. And again. With each time getting closer to your destination. Closer to safety.

The rooftops of the mudhuts started to become visible. With your thermal imaging you could see locals slowly getting up. Not long, one or two stops and the last half a kilometer would be a bit less stressful.  
Your group switched position with the mid/short range one. It was best to have you as far away as possible from where the fight actually was. After all that was the Lizard’s speciality.

You sprinted forward, past 45 and the rest and continued running to a few boulders.  
Your fall was everything but pleasant and from how hard it knocked out the air from your lungs you suspected you might have cracked a rib or two. Good. More adrenaline.  
The others fell into the mud next to you and you quickly turned around to start firing.

It did not look good for your group. There were far too many Resistance fighters and you could barely manage to keep them at bay. They would not be able to leave unless you found some sort of distraction.  
It took you a bit to find what you had been searching for, but you did. The Resistance had stacked up fuel in some hideouts, an incredibly bad strategic decision.

The explosion was enough to allow them to leave. You smiled under your helmet until you heard 43 scream.  
"42, NO!"

You turned around to see the blaster shot that had struck 42 right through the top of his helmet.

"GO!", 41 shouted again, "LEAVE HIM! HE'S DEAD! WE HAVE TO GO NOW!", he pulled 43 away and towards your next hiding spot.

The mud was ankle deep by now making it incredibly hard to move fast. You fell down face first into the mud and 41 and 43 helped you up again, half dragging you to safety.  
"Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.", 43 repeated over and over again as if it would make the situation any better.

There wasn't any time to lose as the other part of your squad was still quite far behind.  
"HOW MUCH?", you shouted towards 41 in between shooting at Resistance Fighters.

"WE'LL ADVANCE ONCE MORE THEN REJOIN THE OTHERS!"

You gave him an okay sign. Once more. Just once more. That wouldn't be too har-  
You heard a screech next to you and 41 dropped down to the ground. He was half pulverized, hit by atleast three shots. LZ-4 didn't look alive either.

"No. No. NO!"

The other group was moving forward. It was your turn soon.  
43 was kneeling next to his dead comrade. His friend. His brother.

"GET DOWN! YOU'LL GET SHOT!", you shouted over towards him but he didn't move. He just kept holding his hand, pressing it against his chest.

You threw yourself onto him.  
"LEAVE ME! IT DOESN'T MATTER ANYMORE!", he shouted and you tried keeping him down but he was stronger, throwing you into the mud instead.  
He pinned your arms down above your head and looked at you.  
"It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter.", he repeated again and slumped down next to you in a bundle of fear and hopelessness.

"Get up! Get up 43 we have to move! Come on! Please!", you pleaded and tried to pull him away from where he was sitting.

"It doesn't matter, 24. It doesn't...", he moved his hands up to his helmet and but you held onto them as hard as you could.

"No! No! You are not dead yet! You are not dead! We have to move! Don't give up!"  
Tears were streaming down your face under your helmet. You had lost two already. Two. You didn't want to lose the last.

He shook his head and reached up to his shoulder, grabbing LZ-3.  
"Take him. Someone has to."

You were pulled on his arm, trying to get him to stand up.

"24...it doesn't matter.", he wiped away the mud from his leg revealing the dissolving tissue underneath.  
You fell down on your knees, your hands were trembling and you ripped open the rest of the fabric. The rain had already disintegrated most of his leg.

"No...no..." was all you managed to get out before the tears closed up your throat.

He patted your head, "Take LZ-3. He'll need company. He doesn't really like insects...", he handed you the lizard, "You have to feed him rodents, okay?"

You took the small lizard and 43 grabbed your shoulder, squeezing it.  
"You were the only sister I ever had, 24. Now go!", he pushed you up and you held onto the destroyed wall behind him.

"No. I can't. No."

"GO!", he shouted and you started running, holding on tightly to the little lizard. You looked behind and saw his head disintegrating from the rain that had hit his unmasked face.

Annotation:  
Here you go. Some world war 1 imagery transported into Star Wars. This chapter is a bit longer than usual, the next one probably will be as well. I am sorry it does not contain Kylo, but no worries he's gonna rejoin the reader soon :)  
I have an unhealthy obsession with WW1, so I couldn't refrain. I am sorry :/   
It was by far the worst war fought leaving many soldiers with PTSD, back then still referred to as 'shell shock'. They executed them for fleeing the battlefield, just murdered boys that were simply scared. The poison gas more or less melted peoples' faces off but all of the horror that happened actually let medicine advance immensly. Especially in epithetics and prosthetics.


	19. Villagers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You meet a certain someone.

Blaster shots were hitting the ground next to you as you sprinted away from 43's disintegrated corpse. What was your brother before had now been turned into a black goo that was slowly seeping into the ground. Becoming one with the very thing that had killed him. A shot hit a fallen tree next to you and sent a few splinters your way, but your armour stopped them from penetrating you.

You did not think about where you were running. Just forward, forward away from this place. As far away as possible. Moving your legs got harder and harder the further you ran. They got stuck in the mud and everytime you lifted them again more of that toxic mix of dirt and acid got stuck on your feet. Only making them heavier. Your lungs were burning as if you wouldn't be wearing your helmet and breathing in the chemicals.

You jumped over a small fence and landed in a trench. Someone held a blaster against your face but immediately moved it away once they realized you were a mudtrooper.

"24! Where is the rest?"

You didn't manage to get a word out, all that escaped your mouth was a loud sob. 45 didn't say anything else. He kneeled down and put his hand on your shoulder. The others all stood around you, heads turned towards the floor.

45 pulled you up on your feet, "We will mourn later. We still have twenty minutes to get there." 

You nodded and pressed LZ-3 against your chest. The little creature held onto you as your squad started running towards the lights of the village. Atleast he had made it. Atleast one of you. You'd protect him with your life, keep him safe from the horrors of his own homeplanet.

The other squads were already at your destination, waiting for you to join them. They didn't ask any questions but the way they respectfully nodded said enough. They had lost a few of their own men as well, but no squad was as badly decimated as yours. You didn't even have to think about doing your actual job as a medic, if any of them had been hurt they'd have died on the battlefield now.

There were a few villagers that looked at you. Neither of them clearly knew why there were so many mudtroopers standing on their front lawns. Well that would be a surprise, wouldn't it?

The village was protected from the rain via a giant dome. There was some sort of machine that kept it up and essentially functioned like an oversized umbrella that you could just walk through. There were some more mudtroopers on the other side of the village and you all entered simultaneously.

"Round the villagers up!", a sergeant shouted and your team went inside the closest house.

"GET UP!", 37 shouted and pointed the blaster at the men and women sleeping inside. They did their best to stand up as quick as possible.

"What's happening, Mom?", a small child asked and hid from you behind his mother's legs.

"Quiet now, shhh", she made and moved past you.

Any other day you would have seen her for what she was. Just a mother that tried to protect her child. Now...now you couldn't. The shirt she wore underneath her coat had a Resistance symbol on it. You didn't see that either. All you did see were the dead bodies of your comrades. No. Brothers.  
You saw them getting shot by what she had supported. By her cause. She was as responsible for their deaths as the ones who had actually pressed the trigger.

The child fell down and you picked him up by its collar and put him back on his feet.  
"Get the fuck out.", you hissed.

He started crying and the mother would have probably strangled you right there and then if you wouldn't be pointing a blaster at her face.  
You moved into the next room. The people inside were already awake, pressing their bodies against the wall in a desperate attempt to get away from you. Some were shaking and trembling.

"OUT.", you shouted and they slowly did, "FASTER!"  
The moment they had left, 45 stepped inside and took the blaster from your trembling hands.

"24. Stand straight."

His sudden commanding tone confused you but you did as he said. Back straight and eyes forward.  
"We have all lost them. We will be leaving in an hour."

"Yes, Sir!"

"Heads up, Soldier! We're almost done!"

"Yes, Sir!", you said again and he nodded.

You couldn't thank him enough for what he had done just now. He knew how to get soldiers back on track and right now that's what you were. A soldier. Not a combat medic, no, you had left that behind sometime in the almost 20 days you had been on Weih.

"Do it for them.", he handed you your blaster back.

"Yes, Sir.", you said quietly and took it from his hands. Yours were trembling a bit less bad but you knew that anything could send you over the edge.

You stayed close to 45 until you had rounded up all the villagers. He didn't let you out of his sight either, making sure you wouldn't do anything drastic or irrational.  
It was a pretty small village, but you suspected that they had taken in refugees from others, because you ended up counting close to 200 people.

A few Xi-class transport shuttles landed and it took a heavy weight of your mind. You were going to leave this place soon. It wouldn't take much longer. A few hours at most and then you'd sit in one of them and head back to a base. It's all you wanted, just a few hours of sleep in a bed instead of knee deep mud. And a shower.

You had never been directly out in the battlefield for this long before. Yes, you had been patching up soldiers on planets for six weeks at some point, but you weren't directly out in the field with them. It wasn't your job. You were a combat medic, a doctor. Your job was to take care of the more 'high-class personnel' if they should ever find themselves in battle.

That was what you were supposed to do, what you had been doing for the past few weeks was... quite frankly not your job. You weren't supposed to take care of two platoons, that was a normal medic's job. Not a doctor's. Apart from that you had never been trained as a mudtrooper. They did receive special training and you had been handed their armour and told to go fight with them. The other members of your squad had to explain certain things to you, so you would even be able to take care of your armor.  
Regardless of any of that, you were here and you would leave soon. Very soon. The Xi-class shuttles were proof of that. 

An Upsilon-class shuttle landed and out stepped a major with a few stormtroopers.  
"Move them closer!", he shouted and all mudtroopers took a few steps forward, forcing the villagers to huddle together.

"LISTEN!", he shouted and waited a few seconds till the villagers had stopped whispering to each other.

"If ANY of you try to run away. They will be shot. It does not matter if it is a man or a woman. It does not matter if they are old or young. They will be shot and killed.", he paused again, letting the news sink in before continuing, "We are here because you are harboring Resistance fugitives and fighters. We are here for them! I will give you a few minutes to send them out on your own. I repeat! We are just here for them!"

He stopped and went over to talk to a mudtrooper sergeant that was standing close by. They sent two soldiers into the mass of civilians standing in front of you.

You stood next to 45 and the rest of your squad, pointing your blasters at the civilians. Two of them were arguing quietly, trying not to attract any attention. It didn't really work though, given you were looking straight at them. Not like they'd know with your helmet on...but still.

Then one of them started running, the woman tried to hold him back but he broke free and sprinted towards the houses.

You shot.

A single shot. That's all it took. He fell on his knees and you could see through the hole your blaster had left in his head. His body fell towards the ground. The woman screamed out loud and ran towards him.

"24.", 45 whispered quietly. You didn't turn around to look at him and just nodded. It was clear that he did not want you to shoot the woman now kneeling over her companion's corpse.

You lowered your blaster slightly, staring at the crying woman desperately holding onto the man's chest. Trying to get him to move. He wouldn't anymore. Not after you had blasted his brains into the mud.  
You could feel your hands starting to tremble again and you grabbed the blaster tighter so it wouldn't show. 41, 42 and 43 were all dead. All dead. Shot and killed just like what YOU had just done to that woman's husband. Or brother. Or son.

It was the same. Exactly the same. Just how you would mourn for them, she would mourn for him. It was probably even worse for her, you had known your brothers for 18 days. She might have known that man her whole life.

"24.", 45 said softly and you finally turned back around, pointing the blaster back at the civilians in front of you while two mudtroopers pulled the woman of the corpse. She was screaming and punching them as they shoved her back to the crowd. She collapsed onto her knees, a few others consoled her.

"You, follow me.", a stormtrooper behind you suddenly said.

"Yes, Sir.", you lowered your blaster and followed him. 45 was looking over to you briefly. Somehow that managed to calm you down a bit.

The major that had arrived with the Upsilon mustered you. His uniform was immaculate. It was ironed and the folds were pressed. Not a single spot of dirt on it. Not even on his shoes, they had somehow managed to stay shiny.

You on the other hand were the complete opposite. A mess. Your usually green uniform was now brown, the white bicep band indicating you were a medic you had lost a good week ago. The mud was clinging to your shoes and filled up every crevice of your armour. If you'd lie down in the dirt now, no one would recognize you for a living being. Just a pile of toxic dirt.

"You are a good shot. Excellent even."

"Thank you, Sir.", you kept your voice firm even though all you wanted to do was scream. You didn't want to address him properly, you did not want to have anything to do with the military right now. You just wanted to run away, like the man had tried.

"But you aren't a sharpshooter... What's your ID?"

"MD-2442, Sir."

He raised his eyebrows, "A...doctor.", he looked over towards the stormtrooper sergeant standing next to him.  
"How does a doctor shoot better than 95% of your stormtroopers?"

"I don't know, Sir.", the sergeant said.

The major shook his head, "I'll remember you. Perhaps I have some new job opportunities."

"Thank you, Sir."  
You really did not want to tell him that your security clearance was higher than his.

Behind him you saw a familiar black figure exit the Upsilon. You’d recognize that silhouette from miles away.  
"Kyl-", you said quietly and the major smiled.

"Everyone always gets so excited the first time they see him.", he chuckled and went next to Kylo, now standing a few meters in front of the villagers.

"YOUR TIME IS ALMOST UP!", the major shouted, "WE WANT THE FUGITIVES AND RESISTANCE FIGHTERS!"

Two mudtroopers held a man in between them and Kylo moved closer, raising his hand and turning it. The same way you had seen him do it a good dozen times. The man started screaming and collapsed.

"I know their location.", Kylo watched the troopers throw the unconscious man back into the crowd.

"I DON'T SEE ANY RESISTANCE FIGHTERS BEING BROUGHT TO US!", the major shouted again.

"Execute them all.", Kylo just said.

"Kylo NO!", you shouted and wanted to run towards him but found yourself being thrown against a Xi-class shuttle. For a brief moment everything was black. You could only hear ringing and wanted to vomit. If your ribs hadn't been cracked before, they for sure were now.  
The ground disappeared from under your feet. The air had been knocked out of your lungs before but now you couldn't breathe in either. He watched you for a few seconds as you were trying to get his invisible hands off of your throat before dropping you onto the ground.

"Get up.", he commanded.

You did as he said, almost falling over again. What was he thinking? What the FUCK was he DOING?! Why did he DO this to YOU!?

You felt LZ-3 bury its sharp nails into your abdomen. He was alive and fine. You calmed yourself down and walked towards the spot Kylo wanted you to stand in. He hadn't recognized you. There wasn't really any other explanation that made sense. Your stubbornness didn't allow for you to reveal yourself though, so you did your best to increase your presence within the Force.

"Execute them.", he repeated. It was clear what he expected from you.

You shot first. The brains of the man splattered onto the woman behind him. Then the others followed. It was a massacre. People were trying to run but they didn't get far. Husbands were protecting their wives. Mothers their sons. Nothing. There was nothing that would help them. Their pathetic running and throwing themselves over their family members only made their deaths longer. More painful. More traumatic.

After fifteen minutes the screaming finally faded. A few were still breathing but they didn't for long. You lowered your blaster, but kept standing still, looking forward.

"I didn't think you'd have it in you.", Kylo's voice modulator which usually sounded so pleasant just made you want to vomit, "I thought you'd just be another deserter."

You didn't say anything. You just watched your squad head into one of the Xi-Class shuttles. 45 was looking over towards you, you couldn't see his face below the helmet but you knew that he was worried.

"I guess you thought wrong then, Sir.", you said and turned around to follow the rest of your brothers home.

"Sir?", Kylo asked and reached for the lightsaber on his belt. The major looked over with pity in his eyes. Was he feeling bad for himself because a talented soldier he knew didn't know how to talk to the Supreme Leader? You doubted he felt actual pity for you.

You turned your head and stared at Kylo. That was his reaction? To you not calling him 'Supreme Leader'? You hadn't ever done that before. He just made you kill dozens of innocents, had you deployed for almost twenty days in the most inhumane conditions and now HE got MAD because you didn't address him properly?

All of this time you had spent fighting HIS stupid war against locals that were just protecting themselves. For his stupid reasons that you did not understand you had almost gotten yourself killed. Almost. 41, 42 and 43 hadn't been as lucky. You saw 43's head again, the toxic rain eating its way through him.

You wanted to cry. To scream. To do anything to forget the pain that Kylo had brought over you. And now? What was he doing now? Threatening to execute you for insubordination?

"Sir.", you repeated.

Kylo switched on his lightsaber and tilted his head. It was one last chance he gave you.  
You had hidden your void perfectly before. Not anymore. You cut the restraints you had artificially put on yourself and let go. Unleashing the black hole that had formed inside you. His lightsaber sizzled and extinguished itself. Pathetic. You could feel his connection with the Force. You didn't cut him off, merely let him know that you were able to.

You turned around and joined your brothers on the Xi-shuttle. You didn't know how many mudtroopers had witnessed what had happened. The major and a few stormtroopers for sure had. You couldn't care less.

You sat down next to 45 and leaned forward, resting your elbows on your knees. The ramps closed but Kylo didn't follow you. Atleast that. He was the last one you wanted to see now. Atleast one good thing happened today.

They brought you back to the port you had arrived on first. You got assigned some temporary living quarters until the next shuttle would take you back to a base. You just followed 45 and what was left of your squad.

You excused yourself briefly and got a box for LZ-3 and some additional gloves for yourself. Kylo was still on your mind. You did not want to see him under any circumstances. You wanted to avoid him for as long as possible until you had sorted out your emotions properly. Until you had gotten over the deaths of your three brothers.

That's why you went towards one of the officers responsible for troop transport and told him you had to get back to the Steadfast as soon as possible. He saw your security clearance and made some space for you on the next shuttle...which you pretended to go on and jumped off at the last second. That'd give you enough time.

You all finally got to take the shower you wanted, but it wasn't how you had imagined it. The water was cold and instead of being glad to take off your armour and switch into the simple black shirt and pants provided by the First Order you just felt lost. The face that looked at you in the mirror was not the same person that had arrived on Weih 19 days ago. You went into your squad's barracks. The rest were already there, sitting on the camp beds.

You slumped down next to 45. He placed his hand on your shoulder briefly before speaking up.  
"We've lost three men today. Three of our brothers that had been with us since the beginning. They won't be forgotten."  
The others nodded but neither said anything. LZ-3 was sleeping soundly in his box.  
"I have some good news... we are going to leave Weih. Our mission here in the South is over. The stormtroopers will still remain but we are going back home."

"Finally.", 39 said quietly.

You still sat there in silence for a few minutes until most of them stood up to get food. The others, including you, just lied down.  
You laid awake for a few hours. The slumber you eventually fell in didn't give you any more rest than just lying in bed. 

You found yourself back in one of the hideouts, the fog slowly eating its way through the walls. The sizzling from the rain didn't manage to cover the sounds of blaster shots. You ran along the trenches, trying to find your squad members. All you could find were mudtrooper corpses. You wiped away the debris from their identification numbers. ST-2442, the moment you read it a hole formed in his head.

"No. No....no.", you stumbled back against the dirt wall of the trench. The gaping hole in his forehead stared back at you. You pulled yourself up and ran away. You saw a mudtrooper in the distance, waving you over. Another one! You weren’t alone!  
As you got closer he was hit by blaster shots.  
"NO!", you fell down next to his corpse, "41...41...Wake up, come on...please."

You got up again, running further and further but the corpses just piled up. Lining the walls and eventually building the walls themselves. You wiped away the mud from their ID numbers, hoping they'd be anything other than ST-2441 and ST-2442, the moment you read it they started looking like their corpses. The first time you found 43 he was still alive, then he took his helmet off. You tried to stop him but you fell to the side, deeper into the mud. His whole body melted, the black goo sticking to you even worse than the toxic earth was.

The corpses piled up further and further and soon enough you stopped finding ST-2441. Or 2442 or 2443. No, instead what you found was MD-2442. Just another corpse. Another dead body lying lifelessly in the battlefield.  
Your own remains started to block off paths and soon enough you were forced to climb out of the trench and onto the endless toxic wastes of the battlefield.

You sprinted across it but the mud got only deeper until you were stuck, unable to move. A blaster hit your abdomen and you could see your arm disappear, vanish into thin air. You screamed, trying to protect yourself from the acidic rain destroying you but it didn't help. The mud itself was eating you up. A mudtrooper came and tried to aid you out, it didn't matter anymore. You were as good as dead and he was wasting his own life on yours.

"24! 24!", he didn't shout. He was talking so quiet and yet you could hear him over the continuous sound of the rain pouring onto the ground.

He kneeled down next to you in the mud and hugged you.

"No. No! You have to leave! You have to go!", you shouted but he didn't listen.

"It's over...it's over.", he repeated and the rain stopped. You didn’t feel the mud around your feet. It wasn't cold or wet anymore, no it was dry and warm. The grey and brown slowly disappeared and you found yourself sitting in your bed, trembling all over.

"24....shh...Calm down.", you heard someone say softly. 45 was sitting on the edge of your bed and was carefully shaking you to get you to wake up.  
You were disoriented, unsure what had happened. Half asleep, caught somewhere in between a dream and reality. Your head was pounding and felt as if someone had put cotton around it. 

You got up as quickly as you could and sprinted over towards the next bucket.  
You vomited up essentially nothing, given you hadn't physically eaten in a long time now. 45 came back over towards you and helped you get back up. You were trembling and he pulled you against him.

"It's over. It's over. We are out of there, okay? You won't have to go back."

You tried to hold back the tears but failed. He pulled you towards him and hugged you tightly. Calming you down for a long time.

"Their deaths are my fault 45...I should have watched out better, I should...", you took a deep shaky breath.

"They weren't. It wasn't your fault...calm down..."

You felt horrible. They had been serving together for years and got out of incredibly dangerous situations together. Then you came along and within ten minutes everyone was dead. Killed. Murdered.

And here you were, a weak idiot that was crying over their deaths. You had no right to do that. You had known them for 18 days. 18 days. They had been their brothers and yet YOU were the one that took their death the worst. Their deaths and the time on the battlefield. That is what made you feel like the biggest asshole in existence (second after Kylo right now). Instead of you comforting 45 for having lost his closest friends he had to comfort you.

You slowly got up and pulled yourself together as much as you could.  
"Thank you, 45. I'll go for a quick walk, I think...to clear my head."  
You headed out the door but he followed you.

"Wait, 24."

You reluctantly did as he said and stopped in your tracks.

"Everyone mourns differently. You don't have to hate yourself for crying.", he caught up to you and grabbed your arm, "Go back to sleep. I'll wake you up if you get nightmares again."

You let your head hang forward and allowed him to guide you back to your bed.  
45 shoved his bed next to yours and watched over you. Every time you fell asleep the nightmare from before started repeating, but he woke you up. Every time he woke you up and made sure you realized that you were back in the barracks and not out on the field.

When he wasn't there he got one of the others to do the same. You lost track of time completely, being caught somewhere in between a horrible nightmare and a not much better reality. They didn't leave you out of their sight, even brought food for you but you just ended up feeding LZ-3 with it. Eventually you pretended to have fallen asleep, waited till they were and left the barracks.

You had to go out, clear your mind somehow. Give it something, ANYTHING to do other than remember the battle. So you did what you could do best...distract yourself from your real problems by overworking. You got yourself another mudtrooper uniform by pretending to be ST-2486 and helped out the doctors in the military hospital.

You couldn't do it properly because you constantly had to vomit, had shaky hands and the pounding headache made it hard to concentrate. It still helped you immensely because it kept you awake. And while you were awake you didn't have to see them die again. Didn't have to go back out there.

One of the nurses eventually sat you down on a bed.  
"You don't look so good there... Which squad are you in? And what's your ID number...it's not on your uniform."

"I'm under ST-2445...I'm...I'm...I'm 2442...I think."  
You didn't know.

"ST-2442?"

You looked up at her. Why were you here again? What was her question? You rubbed your eyes, "I'm sorry, what...what did you ask?"

"ST-2442, is that your number?"

"Yes, Ma'am."

She smiled at you and patted your shoulder, "Alright..."  
She looked over towards one of the other nurses and mouthed something but you couldn't really figure out what it was.

"I'll go get your Squad leader, okay?"

"Yes, Ma'am."

"You just stay here. Do you want to water or food? Anything?"

"No thank you, I am fine. A bit exhausted, that's all, Ma'am."

"You can lie down while we wait for ST-2445 to get here."

You shook your head. No lying down. That'd mean sleeping and sleep...sleep only brought you back.  
The nurse stood up and left you sitting on the bed for a short while. Eventually she came back with a man dressed in white. A doctor, you presumed. He held a scanner in his hand and pointed it at you.  
"ST-2442?", he asked and you just nodded, "You are a medic?"

"Yes, Sir. Did I do something wrong?"

"No, no...not at all. We are a bit worried about you, you don't look so good yourself. In your state you shouldn't take care of patients, we sh-"

"No, Sir. I am fine. I know I don't look good but that's just my face... Could be worse, atleast I don't look like General Hux."

The doctor raised his eyebrows but smiled at your remark.

"Sir, I should really get back to work. You need everyone you can get.", you made an attempt to stand up but he pushed you back down carefully.

"Yes, we do. We are just wai- Oh look at that. He's here. Can you stay here for five minutes?"

"Just five minutes though. My shift is not over yet."

45 immediately went over towards you and kneeled down in front of you, "24! We've been looking for you! You just disappeared!"

"I'm sorry, Sir. Working helps me usually..."

He shook his head, "24. You look tired. Go lie down.", you opened your mouth to protest but he pressed you down onto the bed, "That is a command."

The nurse put a blanket over you and 45 stood back up.  
"I always forget that that's how you have to talk to soldiers if you want to get them to do anything.", the doctor said quietly, thinking you wouldn't be able to hear him.

"She's not a soldier. She's a combat medic.", 45 had his arms crossed and watched you.

"You mean a medic.", the doctor corrected him.

"No. She's a proper doctor. She got assigned to take care of two platoons in the South with us. We've been looking all over the base for her...she didn't take the battle too well. None of us did... I think you got her ID wrong, ST-2442 is dead...Her ID is MD-2442."

"MD-2442?", he spoke up, even if you wouldn't have been able to hear him before you certainly did now, "Fuck. Nurse! Tell them we've found MD-2442!"

45 looked at you, back to the doctor and back at you, "Well I did not expect that sort of reaction."

"She's been missing for days! The Supreme Leader sen-"

You stood up and started walking out of the room. Even though stumbling was probably more accurate.  
"Miss, you can't leave!", he grabbed your hand. It didn't go well for him as you turned his arm on his back. You heard a loud crack and then a scream. Perhaps...you had overdone it...slightly.

"Tell Kylo that he can go fuck right off."  
You let him go and left the room, constantly supporting yourself on the walls. Now where did you go? There wasn't really anywhere was there?  
45 took that decision out of your hands by grabbing your arm.

"Let's go back to the others, 24."  
You nodded and he helped you get back to your barracks. You were still wearing ST-2486’s mudtrooper armour, apart from the helmet. He sat you down on your bed and handed you LZ-3's box.  
You took the little lizard out and started petting it. It eventually curled down in your lap.

"24...24...24...you are with us for so long and yet we know nothing about you!", he grinned and brought you a bottle of water, "Drink."  
You opened it and emptied the whole bottle within seconds. You hadn't realized how dry your mouth had been.

"Thank you, Sir."

He sat down on the bed opposite to yours and shook his head, "I've never heard anyone tell the Supreme Leader to 'fuck off'."

You scoffed and threw the bottle towards the bin. You missed. Dammit.  
45 handed you another one, you drank it a bit slower this time.

"You don't like him?", he eventually asked.

You stopped petting LZ-3 briefly and looked at 45. You shook your head, "No, he can be very caring...I don't know. He's difficult... very moody... and he doesn't even get his period."

"Oh wow. 24 if he'd hear that...", 39 said.

You didn't smile just looked down at your trembling hands. What were you talking about again? It was so difficult to keep up with conversations... 45 seemed to notice your confusion.  
"How do you know him so well? Kylo Ren?"

"I saved his life. I ha-", you looked around. There was something...you couldn't tell them. But why? There was a reason it had to stay a secret. You wanted to scratch your head but 45 held your hand.

"Don't. You just touched LZ-3."

"Right...", you tried to piece together the events in your head, "He promoted me. I am the medic for the Knights of Ren."

They didn’t say anything for a few seconds until 46 blurted out: "How the fuck did you end up on Weih?!"

You shrugged, "I don't know. I guess I am still an active combat medic...maybe they just assigned me wrong."

"Doesn't sound unlikely, as far as I know you were the ONLY combat medic. Lots of normal ones but you were the only MD.", 37 noted.

45 leaned back a bit and watched you pet the toxic lizard on your lap.  
"So how did you end up as their medic?"

You took another sip of your water and shook your head, "I...it's a long story and...and I don't know if I remember everything. It's all so blurry...", you raised your arm but 45 held it down.

"Careful. Acid lizard, 24. Acid. Don't put that on your skin!"  
You lowered your arm again.

"You can still tell us. It's fine if it doesn't make any sense.", 45 smiled and ruffled your hair.

"Fine, fine!", you thought back. There was something...a reason why no one knew about it. What was it? You took a deep breath, "You told me your stories...I guess it's fine..."

Annotation:   
Upon request this whole story is now also available on wattpad, if you prefer reading it there :)  
https://www.wattpad.com/story/210800971-all-the-way-kylo-ren-x-reader


	20. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bit of the story from Kylo's POV

Kylo's POV  
The disappointed expression on the Doc's face didn't make leaving any easier. He did not want to go to Weih, but it was a necessity. Weih was an important trading post. They did have more than a few rare resources which the First Order wanted to get their hands on. Weapons wise and for ship building they were of great importance.

However the Resistance had taken over parts of the planet and given that they could neither carpet bomb it or destroy the whole planet...Kylo had to send down soldiers in order to take over certain strategically important parts.

The Doc had her arms crossed and looked over at Kylo. She was disappointed, her demeanor said enough but her thoughts said even more. She did not want to stay alone, she already knew that she would miss him. He appreciated it, he didn't really think that anyone would actually appreciate him for who he was.

Then again, he didn't really show this side to anyone. He wasn't exactly sure why he was showing it to her either. He trusted her more than many others. While it was hard to read her thoughts, and getting harder every day, she never really had any that were concerning. She’d always been truthful, even before knowing he could read them. She would genuinely miss him.

He had to admit it to himself, though, he would miss her too. She had opened up to him more or less fully, just accepted that he could and would read her thoughts. She hadn't even objected to him bringing up her worst memories. He hadn't looked through all of them, just the ones that had affected her life the worst so far and the ones he could access the easiest without damaging her.

He wasn't sure how he was supposed to react to her breaking down in front of him. He hadn't been certain whether or not just holding her would be fine. Given she had calmed down he assumed that he had done the right thing.

The way she had...more or less sacrificed herself for him was...he hadn't really been sure how to react to that either. She hadn't even been able to hear what the prisoner was saying, she just saw Kylo's distress and...  
He still didn’t know what he should think of that. She admired and looked up to him enough that she would risk her own life.

Kylo eventually finished the rest of her food as well. Neither of them spoke anything and he suspected that she'd just go to her place without uttering another word.

"When are you leaving?", she asked him as she was halfway through the door.

"About now."

Somehow she managed to look even sadder than she had before. Surprising. He hadn't thought that was possible.

"Alright.", her voice was quiet and she walked over to the table and got his helmet. Now what did she have planned? Steal it? Keep him from leaving?  
She brought it towards him, "Don't die."  
He wouldn't, she didn't need to worry about that.

She stood on her tiptoes and placed the helmet on his head. Making sure that it was secure.

"There you go, Sir. You are all ready now."  
His smile was hidden by the helmet now masking his face. He nodded and left for the Night Buzzard.

The next one and a half weeks were horrible. Instead of going out on the field to cool down his anger a bit he had to sit for hours in conference rooms. Battle strategies, new contracts, treaties... he caught himself thinking back to the training sessions with Doc far too often. Or to dinner. If she'd be here atleast her thoughts would make this all slightly more interesting and entertaining.

He forced himself to concentrate but Hux and Pryde kept on arguing about the same thing again and again... Ap'lek entered the room, interrupting the discussion that had been going on for hours, he nodded outside.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE SHE IS?!", Kylo shouted. He stared at Ap'lek expecting some sort of explanation, but he didn't give him any.

"YOU HAVE ONE FUCKING JOB! ONE JOB HOW DO YOU FUCK THAT UP?!", he ignited his lightsaber and started destroying the control panel behind him.

"She was drafted...to Weih...", Ap'lek said as Kylo stopped slashing the walls for long enough that’d hear him speak. Kylo turned around.

"Drafted. She was fucking DRAFTED?! HOW CAN SOMEONE WITH HER POSITION STILL GET DRAFTED?!"

Ap'lek shrugged and watched his superior continue to unleash his anger onto the poor metal wall. Sometimes it was best to just let him go on.

"Just get her back! You know where she is!"

Ap’lek shook his head, "No, we don’t. She arrived on Weih and then we do not know where she was assigned to.", he instinctively took a step back as Kylo shouted out loud again.

"ALL OF THESE FORMS OVER FORMS AND MEETINGS OVER MEETINGS AND WE DO NOT KNOW WHERE ANY OF OUR SOLDIERS ARE?! WHY DO WE EVEN BOTHER WITH THAT!"

Ap'lek finally saw his saviour. The officer he had been waiting for. He grabbed him and shoved him towards the Supreme Leader. The poor boy was already pale and he turned as white as a sheet as he was faced with Kylo Ren.  
"He can explain."

"DO IT THEN!"

"Usually we know where all our soldiers are but because of an overwrite bug-"

Kylo did not listen to the rest of the explanation and Ap'lek carefully pushed the officer away.  
"I have sent out a search signal, Supreme Leader. We will find her."

How lonely the conference room was without the Doc present. It wasn't like either of them talked much but he could atleast listen to her thoughts. Now it might have as well been empty. Kylo stood up and grabbed his helmet from the table. She'd been missing for over a month now and no one had seen her since her arrival on Weih.

Her ability to vanish from the Force apparently also allowed her to vanish from the surface of a planet. He missed her company. How she'd complain briefly about the officers in her care or the other doctors before stopping herself. She really did not want to bother him. Listening to her thoughts had become somewhat addictive. Both of them had far more in common than he wanted to admit, but it made her understand him. There wasn't really anyone else that did that.

He left the Finalizer to get back on Weih. They had some rather reliable information that one of the more important fugitives was hiding somewhere South. South...the by far most unpleasant part of the planet. The toxic rain corroded through everything, making it almost impossible to get to by ship. The Resistance had secured that part rather well and because it was so hard to get to most of the fugitives had fled there.

A smart decision on their part, but it wasn't long before he'd have captured every single last one of them.

The mudhuts of the village looked even worse from up close. Primitive buildings that were holding themselves together by sheer will alone. The rain would only get worse within the next hours, which had prompted Kylo to call the mudtroopers towards the village earlier than planned. Otherwise leaving wouldn't be as easy. Or rather...very unpleasant for his ships.

The Major had rounded up every single member of the small town. He was still talking to a mudtrooper that looked like he had become one with his environment before joining Kylo.

"YOUR TIME IS ALMOST UP!", the major shouted, "WE WANT THE FUGITIVES AND RESISTANCE FIGHTERS!"

Kylo looked over the heads of the villagers. There were a lot. Far more than he had expected, even though he knew they were taking in refugees from other encampments. He also knew that they weren't really on the First Order's side.

Two stormtroopers were holding the fugitive in between them. He was scrawny, probably hadn't eaten in days. Perfect. Getting up in the morning would be harder than getting into his head. Kylo lifted his arm up and turned it, searching through the memories for the specific one he had been looking for.  
There it was. A smile hushed over his face as he had gotten what he wanted.

"I know their location."

The man collapsed in between the stormtroopers and they threw him back into the mass of people. Only one thing left to do...

"I DON'T SEE ANY RESISTANCE FIGHTERS BEING BROUGHT TO US!"  
The major had huge lungs, Kylo had to give that to him. Otherwise his voice was incredibly unpleasant. Far too high pitched for his liking. Perfect for shouting at villagers. Their lives were so useless. They did not matter. None of them had made any attempts to reveal Resistance fighters. There was not one they had brought to the front.

He didn't need another reason.  
"Execute them all."

"Kylo NO!"  
The mudtrooper that was more mud than trooper ran towards him but he just waved his hand, sending the little roach flying and against one of the ships. Kylo scoffed. That'd leave a stain. Atleast he didn't have to clean it.  
Before the trooper could get up on his feet again, Kylo lifted him up by his throat. The man desperately tried to get the force choke away from his neck. Of course he didn't manage.  
Kylo dropped him again, "Get up."

The trooper did not complain much. His thoughts were scrambled, incredibly hard to understand. All Kylo could hear was a 'What the FUCK is he doing?!'. The rest of his thoughts were unintelligible. The trooper stepped closer and Kylo could understand him better. The mud creature wasn't really thinking in words, just in pictures. He saw other soldiers falling to the ground, dying. One of them just dissolved. Then a man escaping from the crowd, a shot. The man fell down. A woman kneeling over him, crying. They mixed together until neither of the thoughts and memories could really be separated anymore.

The trooper did not want him to kill those civilians. If they were any. He had lost 'brothers' on the field and was now comparing those mud-dwelling locals to them. Pathetic. Why would anyone have sympathy for them?

"Execute them."

Surprisingly enough the trooper did as he said. Without any hesitation either. Just shot. Incredibly accurate for all the trembling.  
He crossed his arms and kept watching him. He didn't stop shooting either. Killed every single one of the villagers in front of him with precision and accuracy. Even the ones that tried to run away. Even the children.

All the time he kept thinking of his 'brothers'. How it was the same. How it was wrong. The last moments of their deaths repeated over and over in his head. As if someone had put a video on loop and just let it play. It was sad, incredibly sad to see such a capable soldier so broken by the deaths of his comrades.

Most of the noise died down, and with them the villagers. The ones that were still breathing received merciful shots to the head. The trooper lowered his blaster and stood still.

"I didn't think you'd have it in you. I thought you'd just be another deserter."

The trooper did not immediately answer. He watched his 'brothers' leave into one of the shuttles.

"I guess you thought wrong then, Sir."

Kylo would have been satisfied and let him go. If it would not have been for that small word at the end. That obnoxious 'Sir'. No one. No one was allowed to talk to him like that. No one apart from one person and as long as that person was missing he did not allow anyone else to address him that way.

"Sir?", he reached for his lightsaber. Perhaps it had just been a mistake. Maybe the mudtrooper simply did not know any better.

But the trooper did. His thoughts revealed enough. He was pissed that his 'brothers' were dead because of Kylo. Because he had sent them into battle.

"Sir.", the trooper repeated. He knew full well what he was doing. He knew that repeating that little word was enough to get him executed right there and then, but...he wasn't afraid. On the contrary. He DARED Kylo to kill him.

Kylo ignited his lightsaber and tilted his head slightly. Still no fear. Nothing. Then it hit him like a tsunami hit a city. As if someone had managed to manifest fear and pain and injected it right into his veins. The lightsaber's blade started flickering and switched itself off. The hurricane of negative emotions was gone but what it left was a giant, gaping hole in the Force. Absorbing it, corroding itself into the very fabric of existence the same way the acidic rain was eating up the ground.  
But it wasn't just that, it limited his own connection. She hadn't cut him off because she could not do it. On the contrary, she had spared him.

The Doc turned around and left. Her thoughts and presence had vanished completely, but the void didn't. Not even after the shuttle took off. Kylo didn't move, overwhelmed by what had just happened. He felt so...weak. Drained. But he had found her. He had found her. She was still alive.

"Supreme Leader?", the major next to him spoke, ripping Kylo out of his thoughts, "I know his ID. It's-"

"Her ID", he looked down on the man next to him, "is MD-2442."

"SUPREME LEADER! SUPREME LEADER!", an officer stormed into the conference room, he was breathing heavily, "We've found her."

Kylo immediately got up and left together with the young man.  
"Where?"

"On Weih."

"Prepare my ship."

"Already done! She didn't leave Weih, just said she did!", the officer was incredibly cheerful, but also incredibly out of breath.

"Is she fine?"

"She broke another doctor's arm and walked out of the hospital, but we know where she is."

"I asked if SHE was fine. I don't care about the doctor."

"Right. I am sorry, Supre-"

"Sir is enough."

"Right, I am sorry, Sir. I don't know. I just got the message, Sir. But if she's breaking arms and escaping hospitals so she can't be too hurt."

Kylo stepped out of the Upsilon class. It wasn't his personal ship, nor one that he liked piloting much, but he couldn't use his TIE silencer. It had only one seat.   
A doctor with a splinted arm and a man in pyjamas were waiting for him. That was a first class welcoming committee. Couldn't have been any better.

"Where is she?"

"In her bed. Sleeping.", the man said and started walking.

"Is she fine?", the doctor had to keep up with the long steps of both Kylo and the Pyjama man.

"She has two broken and one cracked rib. A concussion and when she worked at the hospital she was also dehydrated.", the doctor explained, "Other than that, she is fine."

Pyjama man didn't say anything. Kylo looked over towards him.  
"You don't agree. Why?"

"I don't know about the ribs...or the concussion. She didn't have either when we arrived at the village.", the man spoke.

Kylo could guess where she got both from.  
"I know."

The man was a bit perplexed but continued, "Since we got back, which was almost two days local time, so something around 90 hours she didn't eat. She also did not drink until I gave her something before. She didn’t take the fight well at all. Sleep is...another discussion."

Kylo nodded, "You are...?"

"ST-2445. Her squad leader. Sir, I am sorry for asking but...how did someone with her importance end up on Weih?"

"I don't know."

ST-2445 nodded and took a deep breath, "Sir, she is still disoriented and...she might have told our entire squad abo-"

Kylo stopped and the doctor almost crashed into him.  
"Doctor. You can leave now."

"Are you-"

"I. Said. Leave."

ST-2445 was pale but didn't move. Kylo stepped closer, mustering him from bottom to top.  
"You took care of her. I am thankful for that. I just hope that you are smart.”, he took a closer look at his face,”For your own sake."

"Don't worry, Sir. She's our sister. We wouldn't harm her."  
He wasn’t scared, merely intimidated and kept his voice firm. He meant what he had said, there was no doubt about it. He cared deeply about the Doc and Kylo did not know what to think of that.

Kylo stayed close to ST-2445 for a few seconds before stepping back. 45 nodded and continued walking, this time at a faster pace because the doctor didn't have to keep up anymore. Also probably because he did not enjoy having the Supreme Leader right in his face.

Kylo could hear a few people shouting at each other further down the hallway and 45 increased his pace, almost running.

"For fuck's sake! You have to wake her up!"

Kylo reached the room a second after 45. A few more troopers, all in their black pyjamas were trying to get the Doc to calm down. 45 immediately went over to the trembling bundle, pressing herself against the wall and mumbling incoherently.

"24. Shh, calm down. Calm down."

She slowly started shaking less and hugged 45. He didn’t hug her back properly, most certainly because there was someone else present that was not part of the squad. Atleast that.

"Did I do it again, Sir?", she said quietly and 45 nodded, slowly letting her go.

The other troopers were frozen, staring at Kylo Ren standing in the doorway. The Doc noticed his arrival, her facial expression was about as frozen as the other troopers were. She wasn't wearing black pyjamas like the rest but a mudtrooper uniform without the helmet. Kylo couldn't really make out her thoughts, while they were rather easy to get a hold off they were incoherent. Didn't make much sense. Neither did her emotions, she didn't know what she was supposed to feel and constantly switched between them.

"Wake me up 45, I am still in a nightmare.", she mumbled.

"No, he's here.", 45 said and got back up from the bed. The Doc didn't make an attempt to move. She just sat there.  
Kylo could finally get a look at her face. It was horrible. Her cheeks were sunken, the bags below her eyes could not have been anymore prominent and her hair was a mess. She looked lost, as if she didn't know where exactly she was or what was happening around her. 

"It certainly feels like a nightmare though...", she said quietly before speaking up, "What do you want?"  
He could see the other squad members flinch at how she addressed him.

"To take you back. To the Finalizer."

He could read a few of her messy thoughts. They weren't pretty, or nice, or friendly. They were mostly questions, accusations and in between them images of dead or dying mudtroopers.  
She turned around to grab a small...lizard? From the bedsheets next to her. She pressed it against her chest and started petting it. It was hideous. Why would anyone pick such a thing up and keep it? Not just that but care for it?

"I know I don't have much of a choice.", she eventually said after somewhat trying to sort through her mind but it only got more scrambled. She pressed her eyelids shut, hoping it would make concentrating easier. It didn't really.  
"I will come with you under two conditions.", she spoke slowly.

She held the lizard up, smiling at it. 45 flinched and shook his head, stretching out his arms to take the little creature from her but he did not want to get close to it. It was understandable, it seemed to have a rather huge amount of dangerously sharp teeth. Two rows as well. The four eyes did not make it better.  
"One, you-"

"I will not execute your squad members."  
It had been the only clear thought she had had. Kylo just assumed that it had been one of her demands.

She nodded, "Rude to read my thoughts but thank you.", she took a deep breath, "If you are already at it. Go on. Look through them. I'll make it easier for you."

She closed her eyes and Kylo saw what she had imagined. It was a mudtrooper taking his helmet off. The rain hitting his face turned it into black goo that started dripping down, only corroding more of his skin on its way. It was one of the images that had been on her mind constantly.

"I will take LZ-3 with me. If not I'll do to myself what happened to 43."

"You want to take the very thing with you that can melt your face off?"

"Yes."

Kylo stared at her for a few seconds.  
"I don't have much of a choice, do I?"

"Welcome to my world.", she lowered the lizard and pressed it against herself again. The Doc looked at it for a while before standing up and putting it in a box under her bed.

"I'll be ready in five minutes, Sir."

Kylo nodded, but didn't move from where he was standing in the doorframe. She looked around at her squad members who were still standing still. Not moving

"He promised to not kill you. You don't have to...have to...", she supported herself on the edge of her bed, "You know what I mean."

The Doc made her bed and removed her armour.

"Wearing your pyjamas under your armour is not protocol though, 24.", 45 said amused and helped her remove the back piece. Something about that threw Kylo off, but he didn't know why. He just knew that he didn't like it.

She looked at herself and sighed, "I am? Fuck, I am sorry, Sir. I think I threw my normal stuff away..."

He shook his head and placed the last piece on the neatly stacked pile on the bed.  
"You are ready to go, 24."

She hugged him tightly and he did the same. What had she done that for? Just to piss Kylo off? No...no that couldn't be it, she didn't know he would get pissed at that. He didn't know himself why he did, so she wouldn't know for sure.  
She said goodbye to the rest of the squad but didn't hug any of them.

"Thank you, boys.", she said and grabbed the box with the lizard before turning around to face Kylo, "I'm ready, Sir. We can leave."

Doc's POV  
Kylo did it again. Of course, he'd find you eventually. You knew that even when you pretended to have gone to the Steadfast. The extra few days with your squad had helped you to get over the weeks on the battlefield. Or atleast, they had helped you a bit.

You also had a lot of time to think about what Kylo had done. Why he had made you kill those villagers. In the end you didn't really come to a conclusion. There was too much information lacking that you could not make a proper decision. Why he had made you specifically start shooting? Well that was easy. He was pissed and just saw an insubordinate, cowardly soldier that wanted to show mercy to the enemy.

Somehow you were still mad at him. He hadn't recognized you then...shouldn't he have known you'd be present? Perhaps not. It was all a mess and you had a really hard time realizing what was a dream and what was reality right now, so it wasn't really possible to make any educated guesses.

Your anger had calmed down in the...actually you had no idea how long you had been in the barracks. It could have been a week, it could have been a few hours. You had spent most of your time trying to sleep and being woken up by your squad members. They had even brought food and water for LZ-3 after all. Water...right. That did explain why you had such a hard time concentrating and why it was better now than a few hours before. You had barely had any water since coming back and the constant vomiting had only made you more dehydrated.

You walked in silence next to Kylo. He had slowed down his walking speed, which you could usually only barely keep up with. You stumbled forward, dropping the box with LZ-3 but he grabbed your arm. LZ-3 was suspended in the air.  
"Thank you, Sir.", you said quietly and took the box back, opening it slightly to make sure your lizard was fine. He hadn't even realized that he had just been dropped.

"You are attached to that creature."

"Yes, Sir...it's not even the one I found I just promi...", you stopped as you started to feel your throat close up. No crying, no crying now atleast. Not in front of Kylo.

He didn't ask any further questions, just kept on guiding you back to the ship. He stowed the box with LZ-3, showing you that he was secure and went towards the front. You wanted to take a seat in the back but he waved his hand, indicating you to follow him.

"You are piloting, Sir?", you asked. Given that there was no one sitting in the cockpit and as you knew they did not have autopilot...

"Yes."

He pointed towards the Co-Pilot's seat and you reluctantly sat down. You would have taken a seat that was usually for one of the crew members but Kylo did not want you to leave his sight. So you got to be Co-Pilot.  
"You do know I can not even fly a speeder, Sir?"

He started pressing some of the buttons in front of him. There were so many, they all looked the same and nothing made sense. You felt like the first time in anatomy class, so many nerves, they just looked like noodles piled on top of each other. Those buttons were like nerves. Far too many, far too similar and if you'd remove two and switch them, noone would notice.

The Upsilon took off and you instinctively held onto the sides of the chair. Sitting in the back you never got to see how FAST they could actually fly. A great experience usually...usually. You pressed your eyelids together and it got better. No feeling sick anymore.

"You can open them again."

You opened one eye to make sure that you could handle it. You were in hyperspace. Good. You opened the other one and looked over towards Kylo. He was sitting relaxed in his chair, pressing a few more of those buttons before turning it around to face you.

"You have questions."

You sighed and shook your head, "They don't matter..."  
They didn't. They were mostly accusations and you did not want to get angry at him again. In the end, it was the past and the past could not be changed anymore. There was no reason to get mad at it again.

"Get angry. You have every right to."

You scoffed quietly. Of course, he'd be reading your thoughts. None of the other mudtroopers had done that and you weren't really used to it anymore. Fine. If he really wanted to hear them.

You started to ask him about Weih, why the First Order even was there. What their reason was to fight the locals. Why that one village had been so important. He answered all of them, didn't even hesitate to tell you. He trusted you enough to not use any of that information against him. You wouldn't either, that was out of the question.

You nodded slowly, trying to understand everything, "Why...why did I get stationed in the South? I have no mudtrooper training and I was the only combat medic...I tried ex-"

"I don't know.", he interrupted you and started cleaning a bit of dirt away from the chair, as if that question made him uncomfortable, "I don't know, Doc. We've been looking for you for a month. We didn't know where you were."

You raised your eyebrows. That did explain quite a bit, "So it was...how did that happen?"

"An 'overwrite' bug."

"You don't sound convinced."

He continued scratching the place where the bit of dirt had been. He'd already removed it, but he was still looking at it, continuing to wipe over it.  
"No. I think someone put you there intentionally."

"It'd have to be someone high up to wipe away his tracks so well."

Kylo didn't reply, but you knew you were right with your assumption. The whole topic made him uncomfortable, so you let it rest.

"Those were all the questions I had."

"Don't lie to me, Doc."

"Sir, the rest are just angry rhetorical. They really don't matter."

"They will eat you up if you don't ask them."

"Doesn't anger fuel the Dark Side? Perhaps I should not ask them to keep some of that.", you were only half joking.

"No.", he stopped and finally looked up at you again, "You experienced enough pain. We do not need to add anger."

His answer surprised you. Had 45 told him about your nightmares...yes, Kylo had even seen you recovering from one. 45 had probably just filled in the gaps that were missing and told him about what had happened. You shook your head. You did not want to get angry at him again.

"I threw you against a shuttle.", he stopped and watched for your reaction, "I force chocked you.", you looked away, "I made you execute civilians. Should I continue?"

You shook your head, trying to think about anything else.  
"Stop."

"Mothers, fathers...children. I made you do that.", he stopped, watching you staring at the control panel in front of you, "You blame me for their deaths."

"Why do you want me to get angry at you? I don't want that...I don't want to get angry...because you..."

"I might be the monster your mother says I am."

You put your feet on your seat and pulled your knees towards you, looking away from him.  
"No. Kylo you are wrong...", you turned your head around to look back at him, "You gave me a reason to justify their deaths. Told me that they were hiding Resistance fighters but...I didn't need a reason. Killing them was...senseless perhaps but their deaths don't bother me."

You looked away again. None of the nightmares you had were about slaughtering innocents. Again it was the same, rationally you knew it was horrible but...your subconscious did not mind. You knew that if it would not have been for losing your three brothers you would have slept well. You wouldn't even have objected to Kylo ordering the execution. You still. You still would have shot first.

You didn't say any of it out loud, but allowed Kylo to read your thoughts. You knew he was going to try to do it anyway.

"I don't want to get angry because I don't want to blame you for 43's death. Or 42's, or 41's. It was...not your fault. I know it wasn't, yes it was your war...but you didn't pull the trigger."

He didn't say anything and you looked over towards him. He looked defeated. Why did he want you to get angry at him? Why? Was he blaming himself for what happened to you? From the way he had reacted it almost seemed like it. You watched him for a bit longer. It had to be that. There was no proper other explanation.

"I am still pissed you threw me against a shuttle.", you said quietly and he lifted his head slightly, "I didn't even get to leave a brown spot of mud against the Upsilon. No, it had to be a second class Xi. Next time throw me against your TIE silencer."

You smiled briefly, sitting up straight in your chair and continuing on your rant, "Atleast it didn't leave lasting damage! The scratches in the metal are something you can ignore but imagine if I would have let a dent! Or imagine if it would have damaged me."

"It did. You have broken and cracked ribs. You also have a concussion."

You stopped and looked at him, "Actually that does explain a lot."

He turned his chair towards the control panel again and slowed down the Upsilon.  
"We will arrive soon.", he looked towards you briefly before turning his head back and pressing some buttons, "And Doc?"

"Yes, Sir?"

"Thank you."

You smiled. Your fake rant had made him feel a little bit better.  
"Anytime, Sir."


	21. Finalizer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You say something stupid.

Leaving hyperdrive on an Upsilon-class shuttle was amazing. They had a built in warp vortex stabilizer that made the whole ordeal incredibly smooth and not as...nausea inducing as it was on other shuttles. You still did not feel too great and closed your eyes again.

"We've landed.", Kylo told you and you could hear him stand up.

You opened your eyes. The hangar of the Finalizer looked as busy as ever. You had never seen it from this high up, or from the inside of a cockpit. Fascinating.  
With a quiet groan you stood up from your chair, Kylo was already on his way out. He was carrying LZ-3's box.

"No! No! Let me carry him!", you rushed towards him but he just held the box up, out of your reach.

"No. I'll give him to a vet. You will get him back."

"Vet?", you asked, surprised, "The First Order has vets?"

"Yes."

You raised your eyebrows and lowered your arms.  
"Odd. But fine...they might actually know his species so that'd help. Tell them he doesn't really like insects though. They have to feed him roden...", your throat closed up again and you looked away.

Kylo placed his free hand on your shoulder and guided you out of the Upsilon.  
He handed the box to an officer.  
"Do not open the box, the contents are toxic. Bring him to a vet."

The officer suddenly did not want to hold the box anymore, he held it a bit further away from himself.   
"Yes, Supreme Leader."

"Find out anything you can. It's from Weih. I want a terrarium built for it."

The officer was scared before, now confused and perhaps slightly disgusted. He looked through the clear panels on the side of the box and inspected LZ-3.  
"Where do you want the terrarium, Supreme Leader?"

"In my personal conference room."  
You couldn't hide your smile but looked down on the floor so the officer wouldn't necessarily see it.

Kylo continued walking, lifting his hand from your shoulder but stayed incredibly close. As if he didn't want you to get lost again. You walked past the cafeteria and just how he had done it before...Dr. Escyle spotted you. That man was a damn bloodhound. Instead of bothering you, however he went back inside.

Rosie stormed out and ran towards you, she half jumped at you and hugged you. It was far too tight. You could hardly breathe and felt your knees giving in but Kylo grabbed your arm and pulled you up.  
"I am so sorry! I am so sorry 24!", she turned as white as snow and stepped back, getting some distance between her and the Supreme Leader.

Kylo made sure you were standing properly on your own feet again, before letting go of your arm.  
"Thank you.", you whispered towards him and turned your head back to Rosie, "It's fine, Rosie. You just pushed a bit on my...ribs..."

She probably was paler than you right now.  
"I am sorry.", she said it more to Kylo than to you.

"Calm down!", you went towards her and hugged her yourself, however far less tight.

"You were gone for so long! Where were you!"

You let her go, "Living hell. I'll tell you at some point, I just have to go now."  
You didn't know whether or not Kylo had anything planned for you, apart from just letting you rest perhaps...but you really were not in the mood to talk about any of what had happened.

"You have to! You are so skinny, when was the last time you ate?"

"This morning.", you said it a bit too fast and even if Kylo would not have been able to read your thoughts he'd known you lied.

Rosie, however, didn't know you quite as well and just nodded, "Alright...promise me you'll tell me."  
You opened your mouth to say something. You did not want to promise that.

"Doc.", Kylo started walking again and you quickly followed him, leaving Rosie's promise unanswered and hanging in the air.

"Thank you, Sir.", you said quietly, he nodded.

Kylo's personal med bay was not the quiet usual place you knew. Instead it was filled to the brim with Knights of Ren. They sat on the bed or were inspecting various medical devices. It was odd to see them do anything else other than fighting. They were incredibly out of place and the way they played around with the devices made for a rather amusing sight. As skilled as they were in battle they were quite clumsy and inept when it came to anything else. All the funnier though.

"You found her! She's alive!", Cardo said cheerfully from his seat on the bed.

"She looks dead.", Vicrul added.

"I always look like this, how are you still surprised?"

"Move.", Kylo told Cardo and Ushar and they hopped off the bed.  
You walked towards it any Kylo lifted you up by your hips, carefully placing you on it, before you could get on it on your own.  
He expected you to tell him what you needed. Rest. Rest was the answer, but he couldn't just give you that.

"I think there are some nutrient bags somewhere...uhm...", you turned around, "Ap'lek. Right behind you, in that...no...one more to the left. Yes. Thank you, exactly that one."

He handed you a bag and a small device that looked similar to the one you had been using on Weih to feed yourself. You poked the needle into your cephalic vein and attached the small machine to your arm, so it'd keep pumping in the mix.

"That's hardly food.", Kylo noted and crossed his arms.

"No, but it is a great substitute."

He shook his head but didn't say anything further.  
"Why are you all here?", he removed his mask and placed it next to you. You had missed his face more than you wanted to admit. While you were stuck on the battlefield you had thought about it rather often as a way to calm yourself down.

"We wanted to see if she was alive.", Trudgen's incredibly deep and loud voice sent a shiver down your spine. It was deeper than Kylo's but unlike his it wasn't as calming or comforting. Mostly just...loud and threatening.

"That is inconclusive though, looking at her face."  
Of course Vicrul would make that joke again.

"How are you? I know Kylo broke a few of your ribs and caused a concussion.", Ap'lek asked, glancing over into Kylo's direction. He just exhaled loudly but didn't say anything, still standing there with his arms crossed.

"Nothing to worry about.", you rubbed your temples, "I'm still dehydrated so bare with me if I am a bit slow..."

"He also choked you. In public. Kylo, you should really save that for the bedr-"

"Shut up, Cardo. Atleast he gets some action.", you replied and immediately regretted what you had said.  
Cardo raised his arms up making a 'wo ho ho' sound. Some of the other Knights laughed quietly while Kylo just stared at you in utter disbelief. His eyebrows were raised so far up, that if he'd raise them any further they'd leave his face.

You groaned loudly and hid your tomato coloured face inside your hands, leaning forward, "Well fuck me."

That had ALSO been an incredibly bad choice of words. Arguably worse than what you had said before. You were an absolute genius today, weren't you?

"No thanks, I don't want Kylo to force choke ME. Ouch! Hey! Don't hit me, Trudgen!", Cardo quickly moved away and hid behind Ap’lek.

"Yes, you two, save that for your own private time.", Ushar replied and laughed. You were still hiding your face, not daring to uncover it.

"I'll not talk to any of you ever again.", you said, your voice muffled by your hands.

"It's fine...we read your medical report. We didn't understand most but it did say 'confusion' and 'disorientation' on there more than just once.", Ap'lek said, his voice still amused.

"Which still makes you more intellectually capable than Trudgen.", Kuruk added.

"Now that is really not hard.", Cardo threw in.

"Unlik-", Ushar stopped himself and Cardo patted his shoulder.

"I have taught you well, Padawan."

"Get your filthy hands off of me. Ugh look at that, I have some weapon oil on my armour!"

"The drawer to your right, the lowest one. There's some tissues in there, you can clean yourself off.", you told him and shook your head at their constant fighting. They were amusing, you had to give them that but also...annoying as FUCK sometimes.

"Thank you, Miss.", Ushar started wiping away the tiny bit of oil that Cardo had left on his shoulder. If you would not have known about it you would not have seen the tiny spot. You doubted that it was different for anyone else.

"You have seen that she is alive. Now leave."

The Knights mumbled some 'goodbyes' and 'get well soons', then scuried off like a bunch of kindergarteners. Kylo waited until the doors closed behind them until he spoke again.  
"Do you need anything?"

"No, thank you, Sir.", you didn't want to look at him. Still embarrassed about the comment you had made.

"I'll get you something to eat.", he left the med bay before you could protest.

You shook your head. That had been...an adventure. What...what the fuck had you been thinking? Not at all apparently. Why did you just...say that?! Atleast you now had something else to worry about other than the deaths of your comrades...embarrassing the Supreme Leader. How great. Couldn't you just leave your mouth shut for once? Just once?

The doors opened but it wasn't Kylo entering. It was an even lovelier face that you had missed more than anyone else's in the past month. You'd recognize that dirty orange and pale white anywhere.

"General Hux! It is lovely to see you!", you said with the most cheerful attitude.

"MD-2442. How come whenever I see you, you are hurt?"  
Was he mocking you? Where was Kylo when you needed him?

"I have an incredibly bad sense of self preservation, Sir."

"Is the Supreme Leader present?"

You lifted up Kylo's helmet to show him and placed it on your lap.  
"He is in his own chambers. You might have known that if you would have entered through there instead of the med bay, Sir."  
What was that about keeping your mouth shut again? Not today.

You knew Kylo would come back with something to eat soon, but the General did not have to know that. No...he really should not know that. It made you uncomfortable that he had entered through the med bay instead of taking the way everyone else did. Why would he ever do that? That was just weird.

With a quick jump you were off the bed.  
"I'll tell him you have arrived.", you walked over towards Kylo's door.

"Are you his assistant now?"  
Again that horribly mocking tone.

You shrugged, "Perhaps. If I should end up getting promoted to that...do you mind giving me some tips?"

Hux didn't reply anything to your rude remark and just waited. You went through the door. Kylo looked at you, slightly surprised to see you in his chambers.  
"Hux is waiting in the med bay."

Kylo nodded. You could feel him read your thoughts, you didn't need to tell him that he made you uncomfortable. He put the plates down on his own desk and went through the door, motioning you to stay in his own chambers.

You couldn't hear them talk, but you could feel Kylo getting slightly aggravated. Not much, but enough to notice. Given how long it took, you leaned against the nearest wall and eventually sat down. When you had left, you had taken Kylo's helmet without realizing.

You looked at it. It was odd to hold a part of Kylo in your hands. That mask was essentially him. A part, like his arms or legs. You of course prefered him without it, but that did not mean you disliked it. It had been destroyed at some point and rewelded with a red material, you didn't know which. You ran your fingers along it. What had made Kylo destroy the mask he loved so much?

You sat the mask on your knees and leaned your forehead against it. Waiting for its owner to come back and retrieve both you and it.

"I see you are taking good care of my helmet.", Kylo said and you slowly lifted your head from its resting place.

You stood up slowly and carefully sat the mask on the table, "I hope so, Sir."

He sat down at the table and shoved your own plate towards the empty seat. You weren't eating in the conference room, like you usually did, but you didn't ask why.  
"I just ate, Sir.", you still took your seat.

"You pumped nutrients into your bloodstream. That is not eating."

"It's the same. I get what I need without having to spend time on it. Frankly you should switch your whole army to that method. It's really effective."

Kylo shook his head and pushed the plate further towards you, "Eat."

You sighed and looked at the food in front of you. It smelled great and you hadn't actually eaten anything in a month...you only feared that you'd just puke it up again. Kylo was still watching you, waiting for you to take your first bite. You sighed and ate nevertheless. It was incredible. It could not have tasted any better.

"I forgot that taste is important.", you mumbled in between bites. Eating much was out of the question, you were filled up far too quickly, but Kylo was satisfied atleast.

The rest of the meal was quiet, Kylo ate his own and you shoved yours towards him. He looked at the plate.  
"That is far more than the half I usually get.", he noted but still took it.

"I didn't eat for 20 days, my stomach is tiny."

He looked at you and shook his head, smiling faintly. You smiled back and picked up his helmet again, placing it in front of you. Running your fingers slowly along the cracks again. They were like scars, they told a story. It probably wasn't one with a good ending, like most stories that involved scars were...but that didn't mean you weren't interested. Not curious enough to annoy the Supreme Leader with your unimportant questions though. So you just admired the design of the mask.

"Do you like it?"

"Huh?", you looked over towards Kylo, who had almost finished eating by now, "Oh. The mask?", you placed it back on the table carefully, "Yes. It's...just so much you, it's kind of astonishing, Sir."

He seemed satisfied with your answer, but didn't say anything further. He stood up and stretched himself.  
"No training tonight. You need to sleep. You won't work until I say so either."

"Really? No work? I won't know what to do with myself, Sir."

"We'll find something. Now go."

You nodded and quickly went over towards your own room to take a shower and go to bed. The face in the mirror still did not seem like it was entirely yours, but it was a bit better than the days before.  
You undressed and got into the shower, your hand hovered over the tap, it was trembling. Inhaling deeply you switched it on and let the water pour down on you. This was not toxic rain. It would not melt your face off. No, this was fine. There was no constant sizzling sound, just water. No disintegrating the tiles under your feet. No turning your face into black acidic goo. Just water. Water that relaxed your muscles and comforted you in a strange way.

Stepping back out you instinctively checked whether or not it had left any marks. No, still just water. Good. You dried yourself off and brushed through your unkempt mane until all the little knots were gone. Until it finally stayed in an acceptable way on your head. The bags under your eyes were still there, but there was no removing those. You shrugged. You really had different things to worry about other than the state of your eye bags.

Looking at yourself in the mirror so closely helped you to see yourself for who you were. MD-2442. Not ST-2442 that was out on the battlefield getting killed. No. You were here. You were alive. You had made it. A loud sigh escaped your lips and you switched into your pyjamas. They were comfortable and you knew that the bed would be even more comfortable...but...you also saw it for what it truly was. A way back into the nightmares. A way back on the battlefield, into the trenches. You could have stared at the toxic wasteland that others called Weih as well, it didn't make any difference.

You still took a seat at the edge but instead of lying down and trying to sleep you opened your datapad. Looking through various articles on the archives would not keep you up for long. Of course you could stay up for another 6 hours. Occupy yourself enough during the day and then what? It was going to be time to go to sleep again, that's what would happen then. Another night of skipped sleep? Possible. Highly possible that you'd make through that as well. The next day your circadian rhythm would keep you up till it was nighttime and then... eventually you had to close your eyes and let your brain rest.

It was not good to stay up for too long either, it could leave potential lasting damage. Apart from that you'd hallucinate and THAT was something you really wanted to avoid. You closed your datapad again and placed it back on the desk. The room was small enough that you could essentially reach anything from your bed.

None of this solved your underlying issue though. None of it. There was one...solution...No. No, you'd not do that. You closed the lights and lied down, pulling the blanket over yourself.  
It didn't take you longer than a minute or so to start seeing mudtrooper corpses again. You quickly opened your eyes to stop the images from repeating and sat back up in bed. There...was no other solution...was there?

The doors to Kylo's room let out a quiet hiss. The lights were out but from how the blanket moved, he wasn't asleep yet. He sat up in bed and looked over at you, he was confused but as he saw you it didn't get any better.  
"Doc?", he asked quietly and rubbed his left eye.

"Sir, I don't mean to...invade your privacy."

"You are standing in my room in the middle of the night.", he stopped, "For the second time."

You looked down on the floor and pressed your blanket against you, "I am...I am really sorry for that.", you took a deep breath, "Can I sleep here?"

He raised his eyebrows up almost as much as he had done before. Not quite yet leaving his face.  
"Here? In...my room?"

"Yes, Sir...I...I don't want to be alone.", you said quietly, hoping he'd understand why, "I'll sleep on the floor."

He didn't reply for a good while. The automatic lights of the med bay had switched off and you couldn't really make out his facial expression anymore.  
"You are afraid. Why?"

"I...", you shook your head, talking about it wouldn't solve anything, "Nightmares. Did 45 not tell you about it?"

Silence. Again. It made you rather uncomfortable and you opened your mouth to excuse yourself and go back to your own room as Kylo sighed.  
"Fine."

When you entered, you hadn't expected him to actually agree.  
"Thank you, Sir.", you said quietly and went next to the desk, placing your pillow on the floor. You turned around and jumped back in shock as one of Kylo's meditation mattresses was floating in front of you.

"You'll catch a cold if you sleep on the bare floor." was all Kylo said before he lied back down, pulling the blankets over his bare torso.

You caught the falling mattress and placed it on the floor.  
"Thank you, Sir."  
It wouldn't have bothered you all that much to sleep on the metal flooring of the Finalizer. If you could sleep in mud and puddles for two weeks you could sleep on the floor. You lied down and pulled your own blanket over your shoulders. Kylo's breathing was quiet and from how the rhythm changed you could guess when he had fallen asleep. It took you much longer to do the same.

Kylos pov?

He had her back. He had found her and he had brought her home to where she belonged. She had been angry in the beginning but had stopped rather quickly, especially after he had explained the reason for the military presence on Weih. The moment she found out it had not been him that stationed her there her anger discipated as fast as she had gotten lost. Even if she had forgiven him, he hadn't himself. She knew that. That's why she had pretended to get angry. Somehow that had helped him. It was...admirable what she'd do for him even though she had gone through living hell. She was loyal to him. No matter what happened.

The Knights were glad to have her back, it had surprised him slightly because he had thought they didn't really care for her too much. Apparently they were getting along better than he had assumed. Cardo and Ushar had been as obnoxious as they always were. Naturally. But the Doc knew how to shut them down, usually. He shook his head in amusement as he thought back to her comments. Both of them had been phrased in the most unfortunate way.

He was dozing off as the doors opened quietly. He turned around to see the Doc standing in the doorway. She was carrying something.  
"Doc?", he sat up and removed a bit of debris from his eye.

"Sir, I don't mean to...invade your privacy.", she was incredibly nervous. That was easy to tell, even without reading her thoughts or using Force Sense.

"You are standing in my room in the middle of the night.", he replied, "For the second time."  
It sounded harsher than he had intended. With anyone else he'd already thrown them out of the room and turned back around to continue sleeping. With her though...he didn't really mind that much.

"I am...I am really sorry for that...Can I sleep here?"  
What? Sleep here? In his chambers? He raised his eyebrows.

"Here? In...my room?"  
She was incredibly nervous...but not just that. She was afraid. Of him? He doubted it but searched for her presence anyway so he could read her thoughts.

"Yes, Sir...I...I don't want to be alone. I'll sleep on the floor."

It took him a good while to find her thoughts and not just the fear.  
"You are afraid. Why?"

"I...Nightmares. Did 45 not tell you about it?"  
He had. Kylo even witnessed how it affected her, but only afterwards. The same pictures from the battlefield again. He didn't quite understand it, given he had not been actually present, but he could see how afraid she was of them. He didn't really need to know more.  
He sighed, "Fine."

"Thank you, Sir.", she said quietly. He saw her moving over towards the table and placing her blanket and pillow down. He didn't care that she didn’t mind sleeping on the floor. He minded her sleeping there, so he used the Force to move one of the mattresses towards her. It was great not having to get out of bed and still being able to lift stuff.

"You'll catch a cold if you sleep on the bare floor.", Kylo replied and lied back down, pulling the blanket over his shoulders.

"Thank you, Sir.", she said as he was already drifting into sleep again.

Kylo did not know for how long he slept until he heard the Doc repeat 'No.' a few times. She was lying on the floor, holding onto the blanket tightly. Her face was distorted in a mix of pain, fear and hopelessness.  
"No. No...please.", she repeated again. It wasn't loud and if he would really want he could go back to sleep and ignore it.

He sat up in bed and watched her for a bit longer before he tried to find her presence within the Force. It wasn't hard to find but he didn't like what he saw.  
Trenches built out of corpses, whenever someone seemed alive they died instantly. The Doc wiped away the ID numbers trying to find anyone that she did not know, but they were always the same. ST-2441, ST-2442 and ST-2443. Each of them died the same way every time but it did not get any less terrifying. ST-2441 was shot multiple times, ST-2442 had a giant hole in his head and ST-2443 melted into the ground. Every single time the Doc tried saving them.

Then, a different corpse. Missing a leg this time, the Doc got closed trying to find the ID. MD-2442. She stumbled back, falling into the mud and water, that was slowly filling the trenches. She ran away but her own corpses piled up, blocking off the paths and slowly but steadily closed her in. Further and further until the walls itself threatened to crash her. Or in actuality, her dead bodies. She climbed out and onto the battlefield.

Kylo did not wait to see the rest but stood up and placed a hand on her shoulder, carefully trying to wake her up. In her dream she saw him as another mudtrooper that tried to save her already dying body. She pushed Kylo away, both in the dream and in real life. Her eyes were wide open but she was still present in her nightmare.

"Doc, it's me...wake up.", Kylo said softly and watched the mudtrooper mask change to black and then to his own.

"You have to leave!", she tried pushing him away, tears were streaming down her face, "No! No! I can't lose you too! Just go! Go Kylo, please!"

He pulled her towards him and into his arms, wrapping them around her.  
"It's not real. Wake up.", he whispered, slowly rocking back and forth.

"No! No! I can't lose you! Not you...please...", the dream landscape shifted slowly, it got darker and darker and with the light left the mud. She was still trembling so Kylo just kept on holding onto her, rocking back and forth until the nightmare had completely faded and she realized where she was.

"I'm sorry.", she whispered and tried to move away, but he didn't let her go until he couldn't feel her fear anymore. She had stopped crying a while ago and slowly her breathing got more regular. He stood up, carefully placing her back on the mattress and put the blanket back over her.

She was so peaceful now...and so scared before. A month ago she had been able to sleep normally. Now it was his fault that she...that she couldn't. He quietly laid back down in bed and closed his eyes again, drifting off into sleep himself.

Annotation:  
Somehow...the keyboard on my laptop broke, no idea how that happened I guess the guys that fixed it last time fucked something up. Anyway I had to remap 8 broken keys and now have to press ctrl, alt and then '.' to write a questionmark, as an example...I know it's not releveant to the story but it just annoyed me so much I had to complain about it.  
I hope all of you have a great day and that your keyboard does not randomly break :)


	22. Pharmaceuticals

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You talk to some pharma representatives.

The first time you woke up at night was because of Kylo. He pulled you out of the mud, out of the misery out of your nightmare. The second time was no different, you just calmed down a lot faster. Both times he held you until you had fallen asleep again. The third time however you woke up on your own and not because you had been having a bad dream. You just woke up.

You quietly sat up in bed and watched the blanket over Kylo's torso move up and down rhythmically. It was so peaceful and you could probably watch him for hours, but you did not. Instead you got up as quiet as possible and neatly folded your blanket on top of the mattress. You went towards the door, making sure that he was still sleeping before leaving and getting dressed.

It wasn't really hard to find an officer around where Kylo's chambers were that you deemed appropriate for the job you had in mind. Once he had gotten for you what you had asked for you went back to Kylo's chambers. He was still sleeping. Good. You quickly tidied up after yourself and sat down at the table, randomly swiping through different articles on substituting food from the archives.

From time to time you glanced over to the Supreme Leader and the most feared man of the galaxy, still sleeping peacefully in his bed. He didn't make any attempts to wake up so you stood up again and folded his clothing into a neat pile, placing it on a chair. Was there anything else to do? Actually yes, someone had sent him a message asking about a meeting. You glanced over towards him again. No...you couldn't wake him up.

You didn't open the message just wrote back to his assistant or whoever took care of his meetings that he was currently indisposed and whether or not they could change the time. Almost immediately you got a reply back, saying that it would most certainly clash with another depending how long it would take.  
'Change the time.' you wrote back. It sounded like something Kylo would say and closed the message.

"Doc...?", Kylo grunted from his bed and sat up. You smiled at him and stood up, placing his datapad down.

"Good morning, Sir. I got you breakfast. It's kept warm in here.", you pointed at what the officer had brought you before.

Kylo was still waking up and got up slowly. You took the neatly folded pile of clothing and handed it to him.  
"Go get dressed, I'll prepare food."

He nodded and went into the bathroom while you set the table. He came back a few minutes later, drying his hair off and sat down.  
"Any more nightmares?", he asked and started to eat his toast.

"No, Sir.", you looked down at your own plate, "Thank you...for waking me and watching out."

"Mhhh.", he made in between bites and took a look at the clock, "Fuck. I was-"

"Already changed the time, Sir. The meeting is later."  
He looked at you and tilted his head slightly.  
"Don't worry, I literally just replied to the message about you having a meeting. I did not read through anything personal. I would never do that."

"I know.", he opened his schedule and scrolled through it.

"It might clash with another, that's what...I guess your assistant said?"

"Hux, you mean?"

You chuckled, "I don't know whom I talked to."

Kylo looked through the meetings while you kept on munching on your food. He suddenly shoved your plate away and you wanted to protest as he laid down his datapad in front of you.  
"This meeting. Here.", he pointed at the spot, "I want you there."

"Me?", you read what it said.  
'Meeting with Bioprot Pharmaceuticals'

"Yes.", he looked at the schedule again, "This one too. It's about a new stormtrooper armour. You have tried both. You can talk about the medical side."

You raised your eyebrows, "The new one? The one I got shot with?", he nodded and you opened a few files on your own datapad, "I took notes on how the shots affected me. I mean, of course I can talk about that...if you want me to, Sir. I really don't know if I'll be of much help."

"You will.", he nodded, more or less agreeing to himself, "The pharmaceutical company is coming because they want to sell us more of that IV food."

You grinned, "I am an expert on that. After all I have lived off it for a while...", he wasn't too amused about your remark, "Of course...I still have a few hours. I'll get in contact with 45 and the rest. I want to know their opinion. Do you need me to prepare anything else?"

"No.", he mustered you for a short while, "Do you mind talking to pharmaceutical company alone? It's their meeting mine might clash with. I'll join you if I find the time."

You shook your head, "No. Not at all. I guess I'll have some more officers there though?"

"Yes. I need you as an expert on the products, not for anything else."

He put the datapad away and put your plate back, so both of you could finish breakfast and get on with your work. You spent the rest of the morning preparing some slides and medical reports on the armour, including both your own experiences and tests from others. After you were done and satisfied you went on to research more on IV nutrition. Upsides, downsides, how it affected the digestive system...papers over papers. You informed yourself well enough so could ask some rather pesky questions, some easier ones and some harder ones. Mainly to test the abilities and knowledge of whoever was presenting their products.

Sometime after normal lunchtime Kylo came back into the medbay. He put package onto your desk.  
"Open it.", he said while removing his mask.

You carefully removed the packaging and took the black clothing out. It was a doctor's uniform, just fully black. Unconventional but it looked amazing.  
"I had it made. Now. If you are presenting the First Order you can't look like just any doctor."

"Thank you so much, Kylo!", you stopped, "Sir. I mean. I am sorry, Sir."

He waved his hand and nodded towards your room, "Go on, put it on. We have to leave soon anyway."

You nodded and went into your room to change. From the bit you could see in the mirror it looked as if it had been tailored. It fit you perfectly. Emphasized your curves without making it inappropriate.

"How do I look?", you asked Kylo as you came back to the med bay.

He nodded approvingly and grabbed his helmet back from the desk.  
"Follow me.”

The meeting about the stormtrooper armours was...interesting. A lot of talking about stuff that you weren't too interested in, like financials and demographics...you still tried to listen to everything, taking a few notes on how the officers behaved. Their way of speaking, expressing their opinions and opposing one another. After all you had no experience in that regard. Sometimes it seemed as if Kylo was more interested in your notes than what was actually happening. He didn't say much and if he did, Hux almost always said the opposite.

Then it was finally your turn to shine. You stood up and projected a few files into the air so the others could take a look at them. Talking about the differences between the two types of armour, one of the scientists helped you and explained certain things better, then about how they were actually on the battlefield.

You showed the differences with pictures of yourself, that you had taken to fill out your personal (and private) medical record. How the shots themselves had hurt you and how badly the other type had been destroyed from a mere shrapnel shard. You left out that they were pictures of you, but it was clear that atleast Hux and Kylo knew.

Kylo placed a hand on your shoulder after you were done and nodded. You quickly looked down to hide your smile. It made you incredibly happy that he was satisfied with your work. Sadly Hux looked over and that immediately ruined your mood. There was just something about him that you could not stand. Atleast the feelings were mutual.

Kylo left for his next meeting while you stayed. Yours was going to start in the next ten minutes or so, no need to leave the room for that. Everyone else left as well, Hux just briefly before he entered again with an older gentleman by his side. You stood up.  
"Allegiant General.", you nodded towards the older man, "General Hux.", you didn't nod towards him.

"And you are...?", Pryde asked.

"MD-2442."

"Ren has taken a liking to her. She's a combat medic."  
You ignored Hux's mocking tone.

"Personal medic to both the Knights of Ren and the Supreme Leader Kylo Ren.", you emphasized the 'Supreme Leader' part just because Hux had just referred to him as 'Ren'.

"And now apparently also his assistant.", Hux sighed and took a seat, so did Pryde.

"I have many qualities. Apart from that, I thought you'd appreciate that someone finally took that job off your hands.", you sat down yourself and made sure you had all your questions written out about the company.

Neither said anything further, just waited until the pharmaceutical representatives showed up.  
There was the usual introductions and they started presenting their products. They even brought some samples and different types, each made to better performances of soldiers in different environmental systems. They finished and asked nicely if anyone did have questions.

Yes. Yes, you did have questions. Not just a few as well. You started by asking whether or not you could try them out. They said yes, but were confused as you hooked yourself up to one right there and then. You looked through your endless list of questions and picked out the most relevant. Mostly concerning trooper health. First a simple start, then you went into detail. The whole ordeal took its time, enough so you had finished up your own 'prepackaged' meal.

"I am done. No questions left.", you placed your datapad on the table and leaned back. The representatives were visibly relieved.

"Good...", Pryde said, "Do you recommend them?"

"Yes, of course we do. They are our produc-"

"I meant MD-2442."

"Perhaps not for long term use. I can give you a more detailed report on why later."

He nodded and they went on to discuss the contract. You weren't really interested in it, for now it was a rather unique experience but doing that constantly? No thank you.  
You took the rest of the packages with you as the meeting was finally over. Kylo was waiting in front of the door.

"Sir!", you said happily as you spotted him, "We have just finished."

"I know. How did it go?"

"Decent, I'd say. The representatives knew their stuff."

"You did as well, Ma'am.", Pryde said and mustered you. He was almost as tall as Kylo was if he wasn't wearing his helmet. Scary. He also had really cold eyes, worse than Hux's, but in a different way. Pryde just seemed ruthless in general and not just towards you.

"Thank you, Sir!", you said, still happy he'd more or less called you capable.

"General Hux said you were a mere combat medic? How come you know so much about this topic?"

"I have been living off of these for a month now, more or less. I was interested and researched it further."  
You glanced over to Kylo who still got uncomfortable every time you mentioned you having been missing.

"Oh, so you were the one everyone was looking for."

"Yes, Sir."

He nodded and looked up to Kylo, "I want to discuss something with you. Under four eyes."  
You gave him a nod back and started walking into the opposite direction, to the elevator. Rosie had sent you a few messages during the meeting on whether or not you'd want to come to her apartment. She also insisted that you could not say 'no' because you had all the time in the world right now. She was right, you couldn't. You still sent Kylo a short message to tell him where you were. You had the vague feeling he'd want to know it.

Rosie was already waiting for you in front of the door to her apartment.  
"24! You could come...", she looked at you and put her hands on her hips, "Oh my, aren't you dressed up! Fancy, I have to say...amazing! Did you get promoted again?"  
She was only half joking.

You laughed, "No, no I did not. I just help-"

"Oh you can tell all of us in a minute! Let's go!"

"Us? Go? Where are we going?"  
You didn't like someone fiddling around with your plans. Especially not if it suddenly involved multiple people. It sounded horrible...no thanks.

"You'll see!", she grabbed your hand and lead you to another apartment two hallways over.  
The door opened and out stepped Escyle. Yes...that was...exactly what you had wanted. To go to Escyle's apartment of all people. Hux's was the only one you wanted to go to less than his.

"24! Welcome!", he stepped back and you could see roughly a dozen doctors sitting around a coffee table. Oh no. No, this was even more people than you had imagined...apart from that...what had he called you?

"24! It's so great to have you back! We were all so worried! No one knew what was going on!", another doctor said. Dammit, what was she called again? Why were you here...was this...did they meet up as a way to welcome you back?! You were fine with pretending that Weih had never happened. Couldn't they do the same?

"Yes...I am happy to be back as well.", you said in the most unenthusiastic voice. Rosie looked slightly disappointed. Fuck...even if you did not like any of the others, you did like Rosie...for her sake it was then, "Honestly this is a massive surprise!"  
You put a bit more life in your words now, Rosie smiled. Good. Deed done, now when could you leave?

"Come in!", Escyle placed a hand on your back and wanted to guide you inside, if it would not have been for keeping up social norms you would have broken his arm right there and then. The same way you had already broken that one doctor's.

You took a seat on the couch, in between Rosie and Escyle.  
"24, you said you helped out! Is that why you were dressed like that?", Rosie started and you raised your hand to stop her from talking.

"One second.", you got your datapad out and wrote another message to Kylo about where you were. Successfully hiding the display from both Escyle's and Rosie's curious eyes, "Now.", you put the datapad away, "Yes. It was a meeting with a company. I had to represent the medical side."

"You?", Escyle asked. He was surprised, but not in a good way. Almost jealous. He'd always thought of you as incapable.

"Yes. It was about...these.", you pulled the IV bags out of one of your pockets, "Given I used them for so long now...I guess I was suited for talking about them."

He nodded and picked one up, turning it around a few times before giving it back to you.  
"Well that is nice to hear...when are you coming back, 24?"

The little hairs in your neck stood up at him calling you by anything else other than you ID. I guess Kylo throwing you against a shuttle was a bit more justified now, given you had been as rude to him as Escyle was to you right now.

"I do not know. I have to get the okay from my superior first. Still on sick leave, I fear. I feel fine, I think it's totally unjustified.", you smiled.

The other doctors nodded and soon started talking in between themselves. That was far better, you did not want to be the center of attention. So you leaned back and listened to their conversations for a while. One of the doctors was quietly telling Rosie another 'scandal' that had happened and Rosie managed to stay completely neutral without offending her. Incredible.

Escype's apartment was huge. Not as big as Kylo's of course, but still. It was really big for someone that had the same rank (and a lower security clearance) as you. Odd. Perhaps it was because of his brother.  
Their discussion and focus eventually went back to you. Disappointingly.  
"So...24...where were you exactly?", Rosie asked.

"On Weih, stationed in the South.", you took a sip of your glass of water, "I do not recommend going sightseeing there. It's just toxic wastelands, the rain is literal acid and the locals aren't really friendly."

"Always joking around, aren't you, 24!", Escyle laughed.

"Yes.", you said in between your teeth, hoping he would notice your displeasure.

"I heard you were with the mudtroopers. Were they nice?", one of the doctors asked. How did they already know this much? You just came back a day ago.

"Yes, I was. They...took me in. Considered me one of their own.", you fidgeted around with the glass in your hand. You did not want to talk about this. Not at all. You did not want to think about it.

"But you are glad you are back, right? I heard it was horrible. My cousin works in the psych ward, many of them did not take it well. Was it really that bad?", the same doctor added. That did explain why he already knew so much. Did not make his questioning any better though.

"Let's just leave it at: It wasn't pleasant."

"And have you diagnosed yourself with any lasting mental issues yet?", another one joked. They did not seem to get any of your cues, did they?

"You mean apart from a rather severe form of post traumatic stress disorder? Yes, I realized that I absolutely love watching people get shot. Or actually one of the better parts was watching my brother get dissolved by acid."  
They didn't say anything at first and then laughed awkwardly, thinking it had been a joke. You looked at the glass of water in your hands.  
"No, actually the best part about my little holiday on Weih? It was the killing. I realized I have quite a hang for it. Especially for shooting children."  
Some of them had gotten that you weren't joking anymore, but just about half. The other was still wondering whether or not it had been sarcastic.

"Hah! Well.", Escyle laughed, "Our dear old 24. Your jokes are just...unmatched.", he playfully bumped his elbow into the side of your abdomen and you crashed the glass in your hands at the sudden and unexpected spike of pain. You stared at the broken pieces in your hand. Most had fallen on the floor a few into its remains.

"Oh, I am sorry, 24. I did not know you were...so sens-"

"Excuse me I have three broken ribs and am recovering from a concussion."  
You placed the remains on the coffee table and started picking up the bigger ones on the floor, neatly sorting them.  
"And excuse me in general. I will be leaving.", you ripped out the one that was stuck in your hand and placed it on the table. Rosie flinched and wanted to stop you, but looking at her once was enough to get her to not come closer.

"That is really not necessary, 24. We should stitch you up!", one of the women said.

"No, really! We will. Stay with us, 24. I am sorry we stepped on your toes and asked about your deployment..."

You closed your eyes to swallow your anger down atleast a bit.  
"No thank you.", you stood up and Escyle followed you to the door.

"Do you really want to leave? We are really sorry, 24...we won't...talk about it."

"Dr. Escyle. Just for your information. I had no problem executing civilians.", you watched his widen ever so slightly, "Feel free to talk about that. I do not mind. But...", you stepped a bit closer, "If you", you moved slightly to look at the rest of the group, "Or anyone else here", you turned your head back, now only mere inches away from Escyle's face, "Call me by anything other than my ID number ever again, I will let Weih seem like a paradise."

You left without saying another word and picked up your pace. It didn't take long until you heard someone running after you.  
"Wait! Please!", Rosie shouted, but you did not make any attempts to slow down. Frankly all you was to go up to your room.  
"Come on!", she grabbed your arm and you stopped, "I'm sorry...I did not know that Weih was..."

"You have no idea."

"I am sorry...", she said quietly, "Do you want to talk-"

"For fuck's sake. Is it not clear that I do not want to do that?! Next time do not tell me that it is us two meeting and then we go to your boyfriend's place. Give me a heads up. I do NOT like surprises.", you pulled your arm away forcefully.

Rosie was at the verge of tears. But so were you. You just did not want to show it to her, she was your colleague but you knew that you'd never have the same kind of trust you had towards 45 or Kylo. It just wasn't the same. It would never be either.

You looked down at Rosie, shaking your head. Before talking to her properly you first needed to cool off. A bit of alone time preferably. You turned around and took the elevator back up to your own floor, leaving Rosie standing in the hallway.

The tiny little cut you had gotten didn't need and medical attention whatsoever. It was barely an inch long and not especially deep, but you still put a bandaid on it. Mostly so that Kylo wouldn't notice immediately. He came into the medbay shortly after you had arrived. You didn't even notice, you had just gotten so used to the pressure change in the air. Frankly you noticed him missing more often by now.

"You are agitated."

You just nodded and leaned against the cold steel walls, "Rosie thought it'd be a good idea to invite me to her boyfriend's place. I am not a fan of surprise parties.", you sighed, "Much less so if they ask very private and frankly stupid questions.

"I understand.", he replied. He had probably already seen what you meant and didn't ask any further questions. You could not be more thankful. The others had asked enough already, you really did not need any more, "Come."

You followed him into the conference room adjacent to his chambers, aka your usual dining room. One of the sides was now a huge terrarium, big enough to stand and walk through it.  
"LZ-3!", you said happily and wanted to open the door but Kylo stopped you.

"Here.", he replied and handed a pair of thick, black gloves to you. You took them and stepped inside, kneeling down to pet the little lizard. The terrarium did not look like Weih had. It had trees and while the water in the little pond was probably acidic...it did look beautiful. Most certainly how the whole South had looked before it was turned into a warzone.

Kylo removed his helmet and placed it onto the table, leaning against it. You grinned and started to pet LZ-3's belly until the lizard decided that it was enough and crawled up the next tree. You watched him disappear into the blue leaves and stepped back out, removing your gloves.  
"Do you like it?", Kylo asked and closed the door behind you with the Force.

You didn't say anything and just hugged him tightly.  
He let out a chuckle and patted your back, "I take that as a yes."

"Thank you.", you mumbled, before hastily pulling away. You could feel the heat rise up in your cheeks, "I am sorry, Sir. I don't know what came over me..."

He shook his head, smiling, "It's fine."

You just looked down at the floor in the hopes it would atleast hide the colour of your face slightly. You could guess that it did not. You had already called him ‘Kylo’ today and now you hugged him. Not even talking about yesterday. Perhaps you had missed him more than you had wanted to admit to.  
He pulled a chair out for you and took a seat himself, leaning back and watching you.  
"How was it at Rosie's?"

You sat down and shook your head, "I left. They had some sort of surprise party for me. They...asked some very...", you shook your head, "Let's just leave it at me leaving. Rosie thought it'd be a good idea or something. It wasn't.", you shrugged.

He wrinkled his forehead slightly. Sometimes you wished you could read what was going on in his mind the same way he was always reading yours. Too bad you were the literal opposite of force sensitive.  
"You did well today.", he said and stood up to get to the door, "Pryde asked about you."

"What. He did? Why would he do that? Also dammit, that reminds me I still have to send him a report."

Kylo took the food from an officer while you got some water and glasses.  
"He was impressed how informed you were."

"I had nothing to do, it was just a few hours of research."

"Don't undervalue yourself. He wants you to be present for another meeting."

You took the plates from his hands and put them down, shaking your head slightly.  
"What's your opinion on that?"

"You should do it.", he immediately said.

"You do not want me out on the battlefield again, am I right?", both of you sat down but Kylo did not reply. He didn't need to, it had been more of a rhetorical question anyway.  
You spent the majority of your meal eating in silence. It was like you hadn't even left and made you strangely happy. Almost nostalgic. 

"Do you want to sleep here tonight?", he asked you and looked up from his meal.

You placed your own fork down, "I made you late this morning, I should really not."  
It was not like you did not want to stay over...but...you also did not want to hinder him from the important aspects of his life, as in leading the galaxy's most powerful military.

"It's fine. I know when to wake you up."

You smiled, "Thank you, Sir."


	23. Sand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You have a different type of training session

Roughly two weeks had passed since you returned from Weih and you were still not back at the hospital. Kylo had not deemed you for 'fit enough' to work. Totally unjustified, in your opinion. Did three broken ribs really hinder you that much? No. Yes it hurt like shit and whenever someone nudged your side you felt like throwing up, but did that mean you had to be on actual sick leave? Yes. Sadly, yes. You personally did not agree. If it would have happened to anyone else you would have sent them home but you? No.

It wasn't like you didn't have anything to do, however. Pryde had enlisted you for a few more meetings and asked your opinion on certain medical topics. Everytime he gave you a heads up so you would actually have the time to prepare. After all you were a combat medic and could merely give your opinion on something if you had actually tested it. Or someone else, that's why you enlisted a few of your colleagues. Both doctors working on the ships, as well as other combat medics and the one or other stormtrooper.

It was rather obvious that Kylo prefered to have you around him. Even if that meant simply working on the same floor. Whenever you did decide to leave you told him. You had forgotten it once and from the scared voice of the stormtroopers that had been enlisted to find you and the faint smell of metal you did not dare to do it again.

Every night you had spent sleeping in his chambers. Slowly the nightmares had become less, instead of being three to five times a night they only were once. Then you stopped having them for two days in a row. The moment you went to go sleep back in your room however...they returned and you were so distressed that Kylo had noticed it from two rooms over.

You had not seen Rosie since then, just kept to yourself and avoided the floors she would be on. It was partially because of how angry you had been at her, but also because you felt kind of shitty for just...leaving. With every day you did not talk to her it just got worse. More awkward and you knew that you should not wait any longer, but you already had waited so long...yeah. That's why you decided to just...push it in front of you until you would eventually randomly meet her.  
You already dreaded that day.

On the other hand...being around Kylo had been very relaxing. Instead of just eating dinner with him, you also had breakfast. And lunch. At breakfast he was the most talkative, usually telling you about his schedule. If he complained about a certain meeting you asked whether or not you could join him under the pretense that you wanted to learn. In actuality you just wanted to be with him, ease his mind a bit. So far he had agreed every time and from the reaction of certain officers you actually did help him. Given that the strangulation, concussion and broken rib rate had gone down.

The few times he threw someone else against the wall however you were the one to take care of them. Afterwards though. You did not dare to stand up and help someone while Kylo was still in the room.

After dinner you had resumed with your usual training sessions. It had taken you a short while to get back into it but not that long. Kylo was having a harder and harder time finding you and if you were honest...it satisfied you. Not because he couldn't read your thoughts but because he was proud. Neither of the Knights were able to get into your head, if Kylo tried and you did not watch out for a split second...he did. Every single time.

However you had also gotten better at developing that black hole of yours. It was far harder to maintain than just disappearing, but it did allow you to potentially cut off anyone from the Force. He did not allow you to continue for too long because you still cooled down, but whenever he was not present you tried it out yourself. As far as you were aware you merely cooled down to whatever the temperature was around you. IF you did not overdo it.

You closed your datapad and placed it down next to you. From how the air pressure around you felt Kylo was either pissed off at something or the Knights were with him. You stood up and held your hand against the sensor to open your door to the med bay.  
You had been half right. Kylo was both pissed but there were only two Knights. That did explain it.

"Good day, Miss.", Ap'lek said.

"Day? We are in space with no sun around.", Kuruk replied and nodded towards you.

"Good...day. Still to all of you.", you stepped out of your room fully, "What's the matter?"

Kylo sighed and Ap'lek explained it to you. They had reliable information about the location of rather high profile Resistance sympathizers. Taking them out was a bit more of a challenge, as they could not send Kuruk. Now in Ap'lek's and Kuruk's opinion it was not going to be a problem because...

"I can go.", you interrupted Ap'lek, who immediately turned towards Kylo and nodded, "If you can not send Kuruk it's probably because he is Force Sensitive. I am not."

"You see!", Ap'lek said and raised his arms, "We did not even have to ASK her!"

"No.", Kylo crossed his arms, "She's not ready."

"She will not miss him. It is a clean way to solve the problem.", Kuruk added. You were surprised to hear anything other than an insult from out of his mouth.

"She is ready! She is capable and quite literally our only shot at this!", Ap'lek insisted, raising his arms a little higher as if that would somehow convince Kylo.

"No.", Kylo repeated. It made him sound a bit like a little kid. Only a bit.

"Can I talk to you for a second?", you asked him calmly. From the way he looked at you, you weren't sure what he'd say but he nodded and you opened the door to your room.

Your room was tiny and cramped on its own, with the bed on the side you had roughly a square meter before your desk started. With Kylo in it...there was barely any space left, so you stood awkwardly in the door to the bathroom.

You smiled and took a deep breath, "I won't be found out. I am capable. I will come back unharmed and no one will even know I was there. My face is...forgettable if I want it to be."

"I know.", he looked down on you, his arms still crossed, "I am not doubting your abilities."

"Then send me. Have Ap'lek or anyone wait nearby. Maybe I can mask their presence."

He shook his head, "No."

"Please. Atleast let me try! Take me to a planet, give me and Ap'lek time to hide and see if you can find us. If you can't I won't go. I won't ask you again either. I promise."

It took him a bit longer to shake his head this time. Perhaps you were getting somewhere.  
"You said I was a weapon. You have to test me. Test me in an environment that you know. Something you can control."

He frowned slightly and looked down on you. It was one of those times where you wished you could look inside his head as easily as he was able to look into yours. If he’d be wearing his helmet right now it would be equally hard to read his facial expressions. It was something between worry and...well something else that you could not pinpoint.   
He sighed and shook his head slightly, "Fine."

"YES!", you cheered and grinned, "Thank you!"

The Night buzzard landed on the black sands of Cedht. It wasn't a barren planet, on the contrary, there was a lot of greenery...which regularly got destroyed by one of the volcanoes erupting. It was warm, hot in your opinion but not scorching, unlike the rivers of lava burning their way through the land. Ap'lek, Kuruk, Kylo and you left the Night buzzard and took a look around.

"How much time do we have?", you asked Kylo and assembled your rifle.

"Thirty minutes headstart. You know where I'll be?"

You nodded and put your mudtrooper helmet on. Kylo had insisted on one that filtered out the gases from the volcanoes, he didn't like seeing you in it but it was the best option you had. Ap'lek and you started heading off together.  
Your mission was simple. Find a spot from where you had a clear view at Kylo's destination. Wait for him to arrive and shoot the flag he was going to bring. Then you had to get back to the Night buzzard, using a speeder without him finding you. Simple in theory but you did not know how well it would work out in practice.

You made your way through the jungles and up a hill. Strategically this was one of the better locations. The only problem was the location where you'd be hiding, it was not directly out in the open but to the next jungle and the location of the speeders you did have to cross a few open areas. Kylo had promised that he'd only be looking for you with his force sense, not his actual eyes. Odd for you, you did not understand how that should work whatsoever. Then again, you weren’t Force Sensitive, of course you would have a hard time understanding it.

"He's leaving now.", Ap'lek informed you and you stopped, closing your eyes. You created a sort of bubble around you, cutting Ap'lek off from the Force almost completely. He had to support himself on a tree before you could continue your way.

You took position just in time, Kylo arrived only a mere five minutes later. It was a bit too small of a time window in your opinion, but you had not anticipated that Ap'lek would slow you down as much as he had.

It was a strange feeling to be pointing your rifle at the Supreme Leader. Your mother would be proud. He put the flag down into the ground and ignited his saber. Alright. It was time.  
Taking a deep breath you prepared yourself for the shot, Ap'lek next to you winced slightly. Another problem you did not anticipate. Somehow you had to eliminate your presence and his...not just cut him off. Cutting him off would be easy...this however was everything but.

It took you a good ten minutes until he was down to a satisfying size. From how he was breathing...you should not keep it up for too long. Alright. Time to take your shot, you had one go. Any more would heavily risk Kylo catching up to you before you managed to reach the speeders.

You pulled back the trigger just enough that a tiny bit more strength would let you shoot. Opening your mouth you exhaled slowly, decreasing your heart rate so the pumping in your arteries would not meddle with your accuracy. You shot. The flag burned.

"Yes.", you said quietly. Kylo had not sensed your shot. He might have heard where it was coming from though, after all the silencer on top of your muzzle did not filter out every bit of sound, "We have to leave.", you whispered and Ap'lek nodded.

"Over the ridge."

You quietly folded your rifle together so it would not be a bother and made your way to the speeders' location. Ap'lek was seriously slowing you down and keeping him in the Force bubble you created was not easy. You could not leave his side and with every minute you took longer it got harder for you to keep his connection so heavily limited. For once you were glad for the heat of the planet, it did not allow you to cool down as much as you would have normally.

Ap'lek stumbled and fell down, rolling down the hill a few meters. You could feel the grip you had on him loosen and his presence within the Force rising.  
"Fuck."

A blaster hit the ground next to you. Kylo had found you. He had found you, not because you had not kept Ap’lek in the bubble, but no...because he had to fall. You removed your helmet and threw it in the black sand in anger, kicking it down the hill.

Ap'lek was slowly getting up, from how he was shaking he did not feel well at all. You let yourself fall backwards into fine sand and scoffed. What now? You felt useless. Your new purpose within the First Order had been to be a weapon. A good one. A deadly one. A unique one. In the beginning you had resented what it would mean for you, the changes and new challenges...but now? It was what you wanted. You wanted to be the secret weapon that would get the First Order its proper place in the galaxy. You wanted to help out. Explore your new purpose. Be useful. Actually useful. Not just fixing up injured stormtroopers useful. Or testing pharmaceuticals useful. You wanted to make a difference. THE difference.

But no, instead you had to wait even longer to finally go out on the field because Ap’lek had to be useless. Great. You could feel the anger rising up to, very similar to how the pressure was rising in a volcano shortly before erupting. Very fitting, given the black sand and ash you were currently lying in.

You could sense Kylo getting closer but did not make any attempts to stand up.

"I fell down. It's...draining to be around her.", Ap'lek excused himself, "I did not expect that but I am sure we can work on that until the miss-"

"There is no mission. She is not going."

"She could have done it. It was not on her!"

Your helmet landed next to you and you coughed, spitting out the grains of sand that had gotten into your mouth.  
"Bah.", you wiped over your face, getting rid of it, "What did you do that for?!"

"Why did you take it off?", Kylo stood in front of you. You were almost at eye level with him because the hill was so steep. Funny normally if you would not be pissed right now.

You didn't reply and slowly got up, leaving the helmet sitting in the sand.

"Kylo, it was on me...I was not prepared."

"I said no.", he crossed his arms, probably expecting some sort of explanation for why you had taken that pesky, heavy helmet off.

"It's not fair! I did it! Ap'lek failed, not me!"

"Get your helmet. We are leaving."

"Let me do it again. Without him! You will not find me! Give me 15 minutes! An-"

"No."

You raised your arms up but let them fall down to your sides, "Why not? Because I am not capable enough? I can do that! Do NOT treat me like a child! If you were anything like Snoke was the target would already be dead!", your voice got louder and louder until you were shouting at him, “Just fucking send me on the mission!"

Kylo walked past you and up the hill to where the speeders were.  
"We are leaving."

"No! You call me a weapon and you do not use me! I am useful! So send me! You have been looking for that guy for MONTHS! I know he is bothering you! Just fucking DO IT!"

"No."

"WHY NOT? IF YOU NEVER USE YOUR LIGHTSABER BECAUSE YOU FEAR IT WILL BREAK WHY KEEP IT AT ALL!"  
You heard a loud thump behind you and turned around to see Ap'lek collapsed in the sand. Had you...had you cut him off accidentally?

Kylo glanced over at the limp body slowly gliding down the side of the hill.  
"Follow me."

You wanted to protest but from how tense he was you did not dare to. So you did as he said and followed him up the steep hill and past the speeders to the edge of a cliff. He stared down for a few seconds before turning around and looking back at you.

You could not see down properly, nor did you want to. It was not hard to guess what would happen if you stepped over that cliff, there was no need to risk it by getting closer than two meters.

"The dark side is powerful. Channeled through your emotions but controlled by you. It allows for a far greater power than what the Light could ever offer. But you have to harness that power to strike, not to lash out blindly."

He raised his arm and with it, you. The ground disappeared from under your feet and he moved you across the sand until you were right by his side. Dropping you in front of him, he grabbed your arm and pushed you forward so the only thing stopping you from falling to your death was his hand.

You stared down into certain death. The rivers of lava were eating their way through the land like caterpillars through a leaf. Your heart rate accelerated and you held onto Kylo’s arm in a desperate attempt to hold onto something, should he decide to let you go.

"You say you want to be trained like a weapon. You do not. You say I should be more like Snoke. Snoke once let me fall down a cliff just like this one, but he did not hold onto me. If I would not have been in control of my emotions and the Dark Side I would have nothing more than bloody pile of limbs and bones.", he moved you further forward, the only part of your feet that was still on the ground were your heels. A few pieces of gravel fell down and you could imagine yourself falling with them all too well.

"I can sense your fear.", he said calmly and removed his helmet with the other hand, throwing it onto the ground next to him, "Good. You should be afraid. You should be afraid of me using you as the weapon you so desperately want to be."

With a jerk he suddenly pulled you back and you found yourself sitting on the floor. Your mental state was a mess. Fear and anger were mixing itself into a horrible blend of emotions that was far more tolling than if it would have just been either of the two. You moved back, getting a bit of distance between you and the Supreme Leader.

"Get up.", he commanded and you quickly did as he said, "You want to be a weapon. Someone useful to the First Order, or useful to me?"

He waited for a bit, but you did not give him an answer, instead you were doing your best to fight back any tears and calm your racing heart down atleast slightly. 

"I already know the answer to that. Go on then...if you want to be useful...cut me off."

You stared at him in disbelief and shook your head but were unable to speak any proper words.

"Close your eyes. Close them! ...Good...now focus. Focus on the fear and anger.", you could hear him walking around you. Your breath was irregular and you clenched your fists in an attempt to stop them from trembling.

"Don't lash out. Be precise."

You found Kylo's connection and did as he said. Picturing you swiftly cutting through, stopping him from interacting with the Force. Another loud thump. You opened your eyes and turned around to see Kylo lying in the sand. Unmoving.

"KYLO!"  
You ran over and kneeled next to him, holding your hand over his mouth to check if he was still breathing. He was. Regular as well, so merely unconscious. Okay...you turned him towards his side into a lateral position. This is not what you had wanted. Not at all!  
Carefully lifting his head you placed your bag under it as a makeshift pillow. 

"I'm sorry, Kylo...I am sorry...", you raised your arm up and called Kuruk, "We are close to the speeders. Land somewhere in the valley and collect Ap'lek he's...I guess unconscious. Then get me and Kylo. He is...also unconscious. Over."

"Sure thing, Miss", Kuruk replied in his usual dry voice, "I'll get to you ten. Over."

You got up and took Kylo's helmet, placing it down next to his head.  
"I'm sorry...", you repeated, still whispering and removed a strand of hair, tucking it behind his ear.

Seeing him like this was odd in many ways. The most feared man in the galaxy was just lying in front of you. Because you had knocked him out. 

You held one of his hands in yours while you waited for Kuruk to get you both. A quiet groan came from Kylo and he moved slightly, attempting to get up. But he let himself fall onto his back and just opened his eyes for a brief moment before pressing his eyelids together.

"I am sorry, Kylo...", you placed one of your hands on his forehead to see how his temperature was, "You are scorching!"

He shook his head slightly, "No. You are freezing.", you pulled your hand back, but he grabbed it and put it back, "Don't move it. I have a massive headache."

That explained his poor reaction to light. You let go of his other hand and placed both of them on his forehead, moving slightly so the sun would not shine on his face.  
Kuruk arrived pretty quickly, perfectly on time and you helped Kylo get up and into the Night Buzzard, that was hovering above the cliff.

He slumped down on one of the benches to the sides and you quickly took a seat next to him. He was pale, as if all the colour had been drained from him.  
"I'm sorry, Sir...", you whispered but he just lied down on the bench, his head on your lap. You put your left hand back on his forehead and rested the right one on his chest. He relaxed and exhaled hearably as he the cool of your hands eased his headache.

Ap'lek looked through the door of the cockpit towards you but immediately went back inside, closing the door behind him. Atleast it was him and Kuruk that were with you...and not Cardo or Ushar....that would have been horrible.

You leaned your head back against the walls of the ship and absent mindedly ran your hand through his black mane. It was so soft and smooth, almost like a black cat's fur. Kylo's facial expression was neutral, almost as if he was sleeping. He was not though, you could tell because his breathing was a bit less rhythmic as it should be. After all you had been in his room at night for over two weeks now...by now you could tell. It would have been a lot more relaxing for you if it wouldn’t be for how pale he was. As if someone had put a black and white filter on his face.

Which of you fell asleep first you could not tell, but Ap'lek woke both of you.  
"Kylo...Miss...we're almost back at the Finalizer just...if you want to get up.", he said and you nodded, carefully waking Kylo. He groaned quietly and sat up, running his hand through his hair to get it into a more acceptable position.

He nodded a silent thanks as you handed him his helmet and secured it back on his head. His clothing was a bit less black than usual, most certainly from the sulfur in the sand. Atleast your armour was easier to clean, far less cloth and mostly various pieces of different metals. The sand had gotten into every crevice though and you could not wait to finally change into something more comfortable.

"I hate sand.", you mumbled and Kylo smiled at your remark. It was coarse and rough and irritating. And it got everywhere.

Annotation:   
I don't think that I'll update the next few days, real life is kind of getting in the way and I really do not want the quality of the chapters to drop (anymore than they already have) just for the sake of quantity. Don't worry though I will not forget about this story and still do my best to publish the next one as soon as possible. If anyone wants to chat about this or just in general you can leave your discord names and I'll add you :)


	24. Surprises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's in the title.

Kylo left the Night buzzard almost immediately. He ran off into a direction without making any attempts to wait for you, so you stayed back with Ap'lek and Kuruk. Where was he going? Just leaving you like that...did he feel bad for having slept on your lap? No, that was unlikely...Kylo always knew what he wanted, even if his demands were a bit childish occasionally.

Even though the sand was horribly scratchy and all you wanted to do was change into something more comfortable, there was still a more pressing matter at hand. You turned around and walked over towards Ap'lek.  
"I am sorry.", you started and scratched your head, "How is your head?"

"Don't be. It hurts like a bitch but it is better now. I did not expect that to happen."

"Me neither...", you wiped over your arm to remove a bit of the dust and sand that was sticking to the outside of the armour. It was so dry, how the fuck did it stay?

"Hey! Don't fucking do that on MY ship! Get off! No sand in here!", Kuruk shoved Ap'lek and you out and got one of the stormtroopers to fetch some janitors. He was very protective of the Night Buzzard. You had heard the others complain about it, but so far you had not seen it. It was entertaining to see someone that was usually so closed off so invested in how much dust and dirt there was on a ship. Maybe that was his true love? The ship? You shook your head to make the images disappear.

It was probably best to go back to your room and take a shower. Currently you could easily be tracked by the trail of sand you left behind and you did not know whether or not that would have consequences. Certainly it would make the janitors mad, after all you were making their job harder. Ap'lek was not any better though, and you made your way through the Finalizer like two very dry snails.

"MD-2442!", you heard a familiar voice behind you, perhaps if you continued walking you could avoid the conversation? Probably not. Ap'lek wanted to leave but you raised your hand slightly. He understood.

"I was looking for you for the past two weeks...but you are only in the upper decks, and I am not allowed there. I am sorry for what happened...we shouldn't have asked."

You turned around and looked down on Rosie. The height difference between you two was further increased by you wearing combat boots. It was ridiculous when you two were working together, but for her right now it was probably more uncomfortable.  
"No. You shouldn't have.", your voice was as dry as the sand that was falling onto the floor with every movement.

"Do you want to come over...just us?", she raised her head and looked properly at you. She looked worried. Worried that you would say no, but not just that. "You are so pale..."

"I swear by now you should all be used to me looking like this!"  
It had been fun the first ten times, now it did get rather exasperating.

"No. Extra pale right now.", Ap'lek added and you scoffed.

"I always do when-", you stopped yourself. Telling Rosie about being able to create a Force Void was not your intention, even if it did explain your pale skin, "Anyway. No, Rosie, I do not want to come over. I do not want to talk about what happened on Weih. Frankly, I do not even want to be reminded of it."

"No...I did not mean that...I...I won't ask about any of that again, I promise.", she looked down, "Please...sometime this week, alright? Just us two, I have some interesting stuff to tell you."

Ap'lek tilted his head and even though he was wearing his mask you could guess what kind of facial expression he had. Fine.  
You took a deep breath and sighed, "Alright. I'll tell you when I have time. I need to warm up now."

"Thank you!", she cheered, "Can I...Can I call you 24 again though...please?"

"You. You can. If I hear Escyle call me that I will steal the Supreme Leader's lightsaber and personally execute him."

It was her turn to be pale. Not as much as you were, she had a natural olive toned skin, but it was visible. She nodded and you turned around, leaving with Ap'lek by your side. That had gone far better than you had anticipated. She wasn't crying and you were not having any flashbacks like last time. Could not have gone better, in your opinion. You were satisfied.

Once you were out of earshot you could hear Ap'lek chuckle quietly under his mask.

"What?"

"You are so similar...it's almost comical."

You raised your eyebrows. He clearly did not know either of you two, "Me and Rosie? Now I do not agree at all. We are complete opposites. She is kind and caring and I-"

"No. Not you and Rosie. You and Ren.", he interrupted you. The amusement in his voice still hearable.

Looking at him sideways, you shook your head, "How? We may not be complete opposites but that does not mean we are the same."

"You are as cold as he is.", he looked you up and down, "Literally right now...but apart from that, he has changed you."

"In a good way only, I hope.", you said, still not believing a word that Ap'lek had uttered.

"That depends. Do you count narcissism, arrogance and low key psychopathy as something good?"

You stopped and raised your index finger up, "The Supreme Leader is neither of those...", you opened your mouth to add something but closed it in defeat, "No. I do not. Do not speak of this again. I do not want to think about it."

Was he right with any of what he had said? No...okay, maybe he was. Apparently you were 'arrogant', atleast Rosie had told that to you quite often. How though? Because you thought you were better than anyone else around? Not better than anyone, but better than most definitely. But come ON, seriously? THAT was arrogance? That you thought of yourself to be smarter than most stormtroopers, those were just facts. Cold hard facts. It did not mean you looked down on them in any way, you were not an asshole.

Narcissistic? Of course you valued your own life more than others'. Kylo was definitely more narcissistic than you, he loved being admired, looked up to...none of which was bad in your opinion. He had worked hard to get where he was, it made sense that he wanted some sort of validation for it, you would too if you we-...ohhh. Ohhh. Now you got it. Yes. Yes, alright it made sense.

You continued on walking, picking up your pace a bit. As much as you hated to admit it, Ap'lek was right. Not in every way, but both of you certainly exhibited some traits. Then again, it was probably what got you so far in life. The only question that remained was...did it help you if you were together? Or did it hinder you from advancing further?

"It is rather frustrating to not be able to read your thoughts, Miss."

"Is it? Tell that to me, I can not do it to anyone and I can't even read your facial expressions."

He chuckled, "True. I do not understand how Ren does it..."  
Ha. Ha ha ha! Atleast you had that bonus!  
"I am sorry for today by the way."

You shook your head, waving your hand dismissively, "It's fine. Kylo was right, I am not ready..."

Kylo was NOT right. You were ready, but you were not mad at either of them (anymore). After all you would have managed it, if he would not have rolled down the hill like a bloody child that had just learned how to walk. In his defense, from how Kylo behaved afterwards...it was everything but pleasant to be cut off from the Force, he had probably been in quite the pain for the whole ordeal.

Ap'lek nodded and each of you left to go into your respective rooms, or chambers in his case. As you got out of your armour you left what felt like an entire desert on the floor. In reality it was more like a few teaspoons of sand. That did not make it any better though, after all you would still have to clean it up.

Even though you used relatively hot water, it still did not warm you up. Scientifically it did not really make any sense, but how scientifically proven was the Force anyway? Not even talking about how a lack of the Force worked. That's why it only took you a good five minutes to cool down after you had dried yourself off. How annoying.

It was already late, almost time to go back to sleep. Right now you had a 'normal' day/night schedule, which meant your day started something at around 8:00 and you helped out Kylo until about 20:00. Roughly a quarter of the officers, doctors and stormtroopers were currently working on this schedule. For a quarter the day started at around 16:00 and for another at 00:00. The rest of the staff mostly covered the time between shifts, so there would not be any delays or problems because of a schedule change. A system that worked rather well in your opinion and because there were always people around that had the same schedule you did not have the kind of problems you would have on planets. As in lack of social interaction or night owl/early bird issues.

You somehow doubted that Kylo and you would still train tonight, so you changed into your pyjamas instead of some proper and more adequate clothing. You made your way over to Kylo's chambers like you had done every night for a while now.

When exactly Kylo would come back, you did not know. So you went where you always did when you had nothing to do. To LZ-3. The little creature was as happy as always to see you. He could express his feelings incredibly well...or you just interpreted his behaviour in a rather creative way. It was far more likely...nah. He was smart. He could smile and frown...totally...

You were so lost in thoughts that you did not even feel the familiar rise in pressure when Kylo came back.  
"Doc.", he said and you flinched and let out a quiet shriek. He chuckled, "Did I startle you?"

"Yes!", you said and hopped off the conference table you had been sitting on.

"I am not sorry.", he placed down two dinner plates and sat down.

You sighed and shook your head. So far you hadn't really heard the word 'sorry' out of his mouth.  
"How are you feeling?", you asked and took a seat as well.

"Better."

You nodded, "You look better too. Less ghostly pale and monochromatic, I'd say you are back to your usual handso-", you coughed, "to your usual skin colour, Sir."

He looked up from his food briefly. Was he smirking? No. That was not fair, that had been a mere slip. There was no need to hold you accountable OR make you any more aware than you already were. 

He did not bring it up for the rest of the dinner, but he did throw you one or the other amused look. Every time you faced the table, just in case your blood decided to gather in your cheeks and not your vital organs. Could you go into shock from embarrassment? You did not know, but you did not doubt that Cardo and Ushar would be able to do that to you.

Both of you finished your dinner and you cleared the table while Kylo quickly went into his chambers. He came back and placed a package in front of you.  
"Open it."

You tilted your head slightly, as if to ask him what was inside the package. Of course, he did not give off any hints.  
"I sure am getting a lot of presents from you lately, Sir."

"Just open it."

It was a mask. Beaked, with huge black goggles that had a slight green hint to them. Night Vision from what you could tell. There were two tubes to the sides, that could be attached to a filter, most certainly worn on the back. You picked it up and turned it around to get a better look. It was as beautiful as it was intimidating. A perfect combination.

"Welcome to the Knights of Ren.", Kylo said. He wasn't able to hide the excitement in his voice, "Honorary member, as you are not...Force Sensitive."

You had no idea what to reply to that. What was wrong with your usual quick witted brain? Normally you had some (inappropriate) reply to anything...now it was just blank. You stared at the beaked mask and then back at Kylo. He had his eyebrows raised slightly, expecting a reaction from you.  
"No way.", you finally whispered, as you had fully grasped what he meant and flinged your arms around his neck, "Thank you, Kylo!"

He was a bit surprised at your reaction, lifting his arms unsure what to do with them, before he pulled you into a hug.  
Did this mean that you could actually go on the mission? Were you allowed to run around with this clothing on the Finalizer? Would others know who was behind the mask? There were far too many questions going through your head, but they were all drowned by your excitement.  
"Thank you, thank you, thank you!", you continued and Kylo chuckled quietly.

"Wait. Does that mean I will still work as a doctor?", you suddenly asked and pulled away from him. Just enough so that you could see his face, but not removing your arms from around his neck.

"Yes. The other Knights know about you...for everyone else we will just have a new member."

You grinned and hugged him tightly before letting go. It was all so surreal. You...a...an unimportant girl from some random planet in the outer rims ended up being one of the Knights of Ren. A Knight. Of Ren. How. And all of that without even being Force Sensitive. It did make sense to disguise you as one of them, that way you could accompany them on missions without raising suspicion. After all, even though you were their medic you had not gone to any planets with them. It was more of an honorary title, neither of them had gotten hurt so far...Hux and the other doctors knew that as well as you did. It had all just been an excuse to train you...and now...well you were one of them. Indirectly.

"I-I don't even know what to say! This is...I never expected this!"  
You inspected the mask and put it over your face.  
"How do I look? Am I scary? Intimidating?"

He chuckled, "No."

You uncovered your face again and frowned, "Really?"

"Not to me."

"To everyone else I will be. You know who is below the mask. The others won't!", you grinned widely, "Am I really not scary? Not even after I knocked out the Supreme Leader today?"

He shook his head and crossed his arms, "I know you won't hurt me."

You put the mask back down on the table and held the back of your hand against his forehead, "I did hurt you. And I am sorry for it. Is your headache gone?"

His smile dropped and he grabbed your hand, taking it in between his, "Now it is back. You are still ice cold."

"That's not how brain freeze works...", you grinned and wanted to pull your hand away but he didn't let you, "I do not feel cold to be honest, I mean, yes slightly...maybe I am just used to it."

"A lack of the Force has a tendency to drain all colour, sound and warmth.", He shook his head, "Perhaps it is not affecting you, but you are not sleeping on the floor tonight."

You tilted your head slightly. Back in your own bed? Oh that would not end well, given how much you had used your power today. After intense training sessions the nightmares usually got worse. It made sense, given you forced yourself to watch your brothers' deaths over and over again.  
From how Kylo looked at you, he knew exactly what you were thinking.

He finally let go of your hand and straightened his back.  
"I will sleep on the floor tonight.", he said like a duck takes to water.

You raised your eyebrows in confusion and shook your head vehemently, "No way. No. No. No. You are not sleeping on the floor. That is totally out of the question. I could not live with myself if you did that."

He eyed you for a short while before taking a deep breath, "Then you will sleep in the bed with me."

It was your turn to stare at his face for a few seconds. You shrugged and nodded, "Fine."

"Fine."

"It's decided.", you looked at each other. Both trying to figure out what the other one was thinking. You did not let him inside your head now. No, that would be...far too embarrassing. One half was just questions about what the fuck was happening, the other one was extremely excited...not just because you were going to be a Knight of Ren. There was NO way that you would let him know that.  
"Sooo...shall I get all my stuff or just the pillow?"

"The pillow will do."

You nodded, "Cool."  
Cool? COOL? THAT was what you said to the Supreme Leader inviting you to sleep in his fucking bed. THAT?! You said COOL?! Could you have said it any MORE awkward? No. No you could not have.  
"I'll go get it then.", you quickly left before he could see your face turning red.

The moment the doors had closed behind you, you facepalmed. Sometimes you wished you could turn back time just 30 seconds, nothing more. Only half a minute. That would make life far less awkward.  
You grabbed your pillow, carrying it over to his chambers.

He had already changed and was sitting at the edge of the bed, waiting for you. Of course he'd be shirtless. You knew that he always slept without one but...until now you had never really thought about it that much. No. No thinking about it now either. You threw the pillow towards him and he caught it with ease.  
"Are you attacking me, Doc?", he was amused and placed it next to his own.

"Perhaps. I planned to assassinate the Supreme Leader by defeating him in a pillow fight.", you joked and crawled into bed, "That...was a joke by the way. I do not want to kill you."

He lied down and pulled the blanket over both of you, "I know.", he turned towards you, while you still laid somewhat awkwardly on your back. Staring up at the ceiling was weird, so you turned to your side as well, looking right at him.

"I am sorry for today, Kylo...I-I should not have done that.", you started and he shook his head, stopping you from continuing with your apology.

"I asked you to cut me off. You should have been sorry if you hadn't listened."

He was right, it would have been far worse if you had just ignored his command...that did not mean that you felt any better about it though. You smiled, "Thank you."

He nodded and turned around to his other side, "Good night."

"Good night."

Annotation:  
I will still take a short while to get back to my one chapter per day schedule, but I'll do my best to update every two to three days. Thank you all so much for understanding, really :)


	25. Introductions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You get to meet the council.

Kylo's POV  
Kylo woke up a few times during the night because he was not used to not having the full bed to himself. The Doc did not need much space, barely over a quarter but it was still noticeable for him. She was so still. The few times he had accidentally touched her skin he was worried she had died. The only thing indicating that she was still alive was her chest, slightly moving up and down with every breath. If it weren't for that he would have thought someone had placed a corpse next to him. A dead body would perhaps be only slightly colder than her skin was. And it would probably look a bit less ashen.

She was so frail sometimes, like a porcelain doll that could crack at any moment...and then it was the complete opposite again. She ignored every wound and strained her body to a very unhealthy extent. Not even her mind was safe from her ordeals, she kept on going, forcing herself to live through her worst memories each day with an ambition he had not seen very often. The only thing that revealed how much those memories actually hurt her were the nightmares.

Every time he had to wake her up she got angry at herself. Angry for being so affected. Trying to find a way to forget the deaths of her 'brothers', how she always called them in her mind. She could not. She knew that as well, because the pain she felt she ended up using to increase her connection with the Dark Side.

Usually he knew when the nightmares started. Whenever his sleeping mind picked up a 'no' or the sound of movement he woke up. Then it was enough to shake her awake, she normally just nodded and whispered a quiet 'thank you' before both of them went back to sleep.

He closed his eyes again and started to drift back into sleep as he heard her mouth a quiet 'Kylo'. That was unusual. Was she awake? He opened his eyes again, she had hers still closed. Her facial expression was a mix between worry and fear.  
He lifted his arm, ready to shake her awake as she repeated it again: "Kylo."

It did not take him long to find her presence within the Force. The dreamscape was as it always was. Mud, trenches, corpses. She shouted his name again and sprinted over the battlefield, taking cover behind various objects. He hadn't seen that before, usually she crawled through hideouts and ditches for a long time before she went out in the open.

The landscape shifted into a village. The same village where he had met her again. The inhabitants were surrounded by mudtroopers and he could see himself, standing at the edge, giving the command to execute them. The soldiers started shooting but the crowd of people just ran towards him, burying him underneath the mass of bodies.

"Kylo, NO!", she shouted and wanted to get in between them to where he had been standing. But the villagers disappeared. So did the buildings and the mud. The only thing that was left was his own limp body, trampled to death. She fell down next to him and carefully moved a strand of hair out of his face.  
"I am sorry...", she whispered and hugged the lifeless mass of flesh and broken bones.

Kylo wanted to wake her up but the scenery changed again. He knew this place. He just had never really seen it from this angle. The Doc was hiding behind a ventilation duct, Hux to her right. She jumped up and sprinted towards a duct that was closer to the General. The Resistance fighters did not let loose, shooting her a few times but the armour stopped all of the shots. Kylo saw himself appear through the door, chopping a few of the fighters to bits. Then his lightsaber flickered. Within the blink of an eye he had died again.

The same change of scenery. A black void with nothing in it but his corpse and the Doc kneeling next to it, helplessly trying to shake him awake. As if that would somehow help. She knew it as well as Kylo that her efforts were useless, just some hopeful feeling that there would be any way to bring him back to life.

A corpse appeared from nothing. It was the same one from before, trampled to death. Another one fell down next to her, bones broken and limbs facing every direction. Within seconds the whole black nothing filled up on corpses. Kylo spotted one with a big hole in his head, another one was shot multiple times. There was one that was dissolved by acid. So many. So different in terms of injuries but all still the same. They were all Kylo. Some were still alive and the moment she ran towards them, they died.

He had seen enough and let her suffer through it for too long. He reached over and shook her awake carefully. Her dream self just saw another struggling Kylo.  
"Wake up...Doc...", he said softly and moved closer to her, his hand remaining on her shoulder.

"I am sorry...I am sorry, Kylo...", she whispered. Slowly the corpses around her vanished, her intense fear and suffering still stayed. She opened her eyes, searching around the room to make sure the dream was over. To make sure that Kylo was not dead, nor dying.

"None of it is real, Doc. You didn't hurt me.", he whispered and pulled her against his chest, placing his hand on her head.

"I am sorry, Kylo."  
Her voice was unsteady, as if she was about to cry any second. She pressed her head against his chest, while he ran his hand through her hair. It was soft, almost like silk. Her profession did not really allow her to carry it open, but he was glad everytime he got to see it. She moved slightly so she could look at him, "You don't have to do so much for me."

He sighed and pressed her head back against his chest, "Shut up."  
Of course, he didn't have to. He wanted to help her. So far he had not really figured out why...it did not matter much now. He kept telling himself it was just because she was a weapon. Something he could use...but he was not so sure about that anymore. It was not just that, he didn't have to take care of her the way he did just to keep her 'functioning'. If he was honest...he wanted to help her. He hated to see her suffer. Why he had not really figured out yet.

"Sir.", she said, her voice muffled.

"Mhh?", he made, still absent mindedly running his hand over her head.

"I can't breathe."

"Oh.", he let her go slightly so she could move her head backwards a little, "Better?"

"Yes."

Doc's POV  
Kylo had fallen back asleep. Your head still resting on his one arm, the other one on your back. He held you like a small child would hold a stuffed animal, pulling you against his bare chest. You smiled and closed your eyes, trying to take in the feeling of him holding you like that as good as possible. You did not know if he was going to do it again, and there was no way you'd forget it.

He was so caring, always watching out over you. After all he had let you sleep in his room for over two weeks now and had not once complained that he had to get up a few times at night because you were behaving like a little child. And now? Now he had just allowed you to sleep in the same bed with him because he was worried you were going to freeze.

How could anyone think that Kylo was cold, or heartless? He was the total opposite. Atleast...to you, he did order you to execute villagers after all. Everyone had their flaws? You pushed the images out of your mind. Deep down you knew you should care about it...but you did not. You could not help it either, Ap'lek was right when he said both of you had 'low key psychopathic tendencies'. However, he should really not have been the one to tell you that. After all, he was as much of a Knight as Kylo was. He had done the same things. He could really not talk down from his high horse if he was sitting on the ground like the rest of you.

That reminded you...you were going to be a Knight. No. You were a Knight. You were a Knight of Ren, a dark force user. How...how did this happen again? Oh it was going to be fantastic. You wanted to squeal out of happiness, but that'd wake Kylo up...that was the last thing you wanted. You just wanted to keep on lying next to him. Perhaps you should try to sleep as well, instead of keeping yourself awake.

You woke up a bit before Kylo. He had moved slightly, now lying on his back, but your head still rested on one of his arms. He was so calm. No one would think that he was the Supreme Leader if he was sleeping like this. Apart from the cold they would feel. You didn't though, you knew others felt that way but you personally...not. It did make sense, after all your force abilities were rooted in the Dark Side as well.

You slowly lifted your head and got out of bed, moving quietly and rather slow as not to wake him up. Like every time you had woken up before him you ordered breakfast to his room and folded the pile of clothing he had just thrown into a corner in a neat pile, before sitting down at the table and looking through your data pad.

"Why do you always wake up before me?"  
You heard him say, yawning halfway through. His voice was deeper and coarser than usual, just how it always was in the morning. The tone of his voice was incredibly pleasant normally, but there was something very intimate about hearing the way he talked in the morning. You couldn’t stop yourself from smiling and looked over towards him.

"It's never much of a difference...just ten, twenty minutes or so.", you grinned and lifted up his datapad, wordlessly asking him whether or not it was okay for you to have a look at his schedule. He nodded, "I got breakfast."

"Mhhh.", he made and got up, walking into the bathroom.

Most of his schedule was like usual, meetings with the council and the Generals in private...there was however one that said: 'Doc'.  
"I am your meeting today?", you asked amused, raising your voice so he could still hear you from the bathroom.

"Yes.", he sat down, "I need to introduce you to the council. As a Knight."

You nodded, "I guess you are going to say you picked me up from some planet?"

"Yes. Ap'lek is going to cover for you, officially you are patching him up. That is why the doctor you is not present...we do have a body double for later. So you can join us on missions. There is still a more pressing matter at hand though.", he grabbed his food and started eating, "You need a name."  
That was some extensive work he had gone through, just to protect your identity. He was probably still worried someone was going to deploy you to a random planet again.

"MD-2442 is just fine. Oh...oh I need a name."  
That...sort of name. He could not introduce you with your ID number. That would defeat the whole purpose of concealing your identity. Then again...you liked your numbers...Fine. There weren’t really too many options for you, were there? Interesting bacteria...different rifle types, spaceships...all good in theory but if you called someone ‘Yersinia pestis’ it wasn’t really intimidating. It was far too long and obnoxious to say out loud every single time. 

You took a deep breath, "Vornskr. It's literally the only thing I can come up with. Or rather the only good one."

He raised his eyebrows, "You are going to name yourself after the creature that killed your brother?"

Right. That had happened. Given all the recent events it suddenly did not really seem that bad anymore. Oh man, if your mother would get to hear that out of your mouth...you shrugged, "They taught me a lot. It has a meaning...", you supported your head on your hand, "How did you come up with yours? I guess your name was not always Kylo either, or was it?"

He looked down and shook his head, "No. It wasn't."  
Somehow...that question seemed to hurt him. You placed your hand on his and squeezed it slightly.

"No matter what it was, I think Kylo fits you better than any other name ever could."  
You understood him well. After all, you did not use the name your mother had given you either...it had too much to it that you wanted to forget. Too many unpleasant memories and expectations. Most of them related to your mother. From how Kylo looked at you, he most certainly had listened to your thoughts. That was good, so you would not have to actually say it out loud.

"Vornskr it is then."

You spent the rest of breakfast discussing when you would go back to working in ER, and how much time you would spend writing and sorting stuff for Pryde. There was not much to do for him lately, given all the major medical questions had been solved in the last two weeks. There were still many minor problems that had to be figured out, but you were not the primary doctor to do that. So instead, you would go back to work in the officers' hospital wing.

Kylo brought you the rest of your new outfit, so you could get ready and get introduced to the council. The armour itself was amazing. Not only would it be able to protect you from most blaster shots but it also had a few incorporated technical gimmicks. Such as the night vision goggles, camouflage equipment that made you invisible to radar and thermal imaging. Absolutely perfect. It still managed to convey your curves without making the whole armour aspect useless. That was an incredibly nice bonus.

The rest of the Knights slowly showed up and inspected you, while Kylo was getting dressed and ready himself. Ushar walked around you multiple times before he finally took a seat on the table and nodded approvingly.  
"It looks good. What's your name?"

"Vornskr.", you turned around and crossed your arms.

"That is not fitting. We should be Vornskr. You are not even Force Sensitive.", Cardo added and sat next to Ushar.

"Well, your names are not very creative either, just replacing the 'g' in cargo is boring.", you scoffed and mustered him.

Cardo shook his head, "Now, now. No being mean to me, Miss-I mean Vornskr. The Miss is currently with Ap'lek.", he joked. From his tone you could guess what he was indicating but you did not give him the satisfaction of acknowledging it.

"Leave her. She is no Vornskr but she can knock any of us out.", Trudgen said and placed his hand on your shoulder. It was heavy.

You shook your head, "No. I am useless against anyone that is not Force Sensitive. I am like a very specialized virus that only affects a very small amount of the population. You can knock me out before I can any day."  
It was true, they just needed to punch you. It was rather simple. You might have combat training but you would not be able to defend yourself against any of the Knights of Ren. They were not just dark side users, they were very skilled and capable fighters without their powers as well.

"I do not like your mask.", Ushar said, breaking the silence that had fallen, "I do not like birds. And I do not like big birds. You are like a big bird."

"Kylo likes big birds apparently though...since when does he have two pillows.", Cardo asked and nudged Ushar to take a look at the bed. Oh boy, were you glad that you had that mask now. Your face felt like it was on fire. Why had you not tidied that up? Of course it would be Cardo that noticed it! Him or Ushar, they were both equally annoying in that regard. He turned his head back to you and looked you up and down.  
"I will keep my mouth shut."

"You better do.", you said, "We do not want you to faint after all now, do we?"

"Ohooo the bird is threatening me. I am sorry to tell you, but you are not scary."

"I am not, but Kylo is.", you scoffed.

Ushar and Cardo looked at each other and nodded reluctantly. You didn't need to be able to read their thoughts to know what they were thinking. Then again, you were glad you could not because you also did not necessarily WANT to know. What they imagined should just stay in their heads. No need to elaborate on it any further.

Kylo came from out of his bathroom and eyed everyone present suspiciously. The silence that had befallen all of you did not exactly help in making the whole situation less tense.  
"Are you done joking around?", he asked and put his helmet on.

"Yes, Sir.", you replied and followed him out of the door, the rest of the Knights closely behind you.

The officers were usually rather reluctant to get in the way of any of the Knights, especially if Kylo was present. Now it was the opposite. They counted six Knights, Ap'lek, who was usually walking more towards the front next to Kylo was missing. Instead there was you. A new face. Or rather, a new mask. Female as well. Regardless of how scared they were normally, their curiosity had to be satisfied first .

You entered in the main conference room. So far you had not been in it, as it was only reserved for the Supreme Council. No matter how much Kylo loved having you around during meetings you were not allowed to be part of those. Something about top secret...them not even trusting each other...the usual.  
It looked like any other conference room, with the difference that its members were the highest ranking Generals of the First Order.

They stood up as Kylo entered, wordlessly greeting everyone with a nod and sat back down. Their eyes were fixated upon you, trying to figure out who the person behind the mask was. Being the center of attention had never really been something you enjoyed, much less if it was negative attention. Or if you did not know what they were thinking about you. Standing there made you rather uncomfortable. You were the new one. Unknown. Their object of curiosity. Neither of them trusted you or were happy with a new Knight. That much was clear. You could feel your heart pumping faster with every passing second.

"The Knights have a new member.", Kylo placed a hand on your shoulder and pushed you forward slightly. No matter how fast your heart had been beating before it calmed down instantly the moment you felt the weight of his hand, "This is Vornskr."

Pryde just nodded, he did not seem impressed. Almost bored...or more like he did not think very highly of a new member. Unlike Hux, who was most certainly thinking the same, he did not show it as much though and managed to hide it better.

"I sense some uncertainty from you, General.", Kylo said and turned towards Hux.

Hux cleared his throat, "Yes...with the fight against the Resistance do you really think getting another apprentice is wise?"

You had to give it to Hux, he was brave for speaking up against Kylo. His hand grabbed your shoulder tighter, as if he was stopping himself from lashing out. You wished you could have calmed him down, but you could not do that with all of these people present. So you just turned your head and looked at the expressionless mask in front of you.  
'Ignore him.' you thought, hoping Kylo would read your mind. Given his grip relaxed a bit, you assumed that he had.

"Another user of the dark side of the Force is always useful. In fact.", he removed his hand and projected a map of a city into the air, "She will take care of Grans'kel. Tomorrow she will fly out. Prove her worth."

"Can he not detect Force users?", a blonde woman asked. Her name was...General Engell as far as you were aware. She looked like she was unable to smile, perhaps her face was just paralyzed? In which case it was rude to make any comments about it...but if it was not, she could really attempt to do that. It was not like the crow’s feet would anyhow damage her appearance. 

"He can.", Kylo said and crossed his arms, "He will not detect Vornskr. She has some...unique abilities."

The half bald man in the corner crossed his arms in front of his chest and leaned back, "Unique abilities you say? Why not send a normal sniper?"

Hux looked over at the bald man before nodding and turning his head back around to Kylo, "Your medic. She is a rather good shot, why not send her?"

Before Kylo could say anything General Parnadee spoke up, "We can not send a medic. I do not understand the Force well, but if you say she can do the job I trust you."

Hux's eyes narrowed slightly but he did not say anything else. Kylo on the other hand was very satisfied with getting some approval from one of the present council members. Now you finally understood why he was always so tense after coming back from a meeting with them. It was not just Hux that opposed him, the whole council was difficult.

"Good."  
Kylo looked at the Knights and nodded towards the door. They all left one after another like ducklings following their mother. The mother in this case being Trudgen. Somehow that was quite fitting. Ap’lek would have been better. He was the most mature, even more mature than Kylo.  
"Vornskr.", Kylo said, stopping you from leaving. You nodded and stood a bit further in the back, still watching the Generals. He didn't really seem like he enjoyed council meetings, if you could help him destress only slightly you were glad to help. It was the least you could do, after all he sacrificed his sleep every night to get you to calm down.

He took a seat, you stepped forward so you were standing behind his chair. Slightly to the side, so you would be visible from the corner of his eye. He looked up briefly before taking a deep breath.

"What else do we have to discuss?"


	26. Doppelganger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You meet your doppelganger

After having to sit through the most boring and at the same time most stressing meeting in your entire life so far, you finally understood why Kylo dreaded council meetups so much. The topics were never interesting and everyone seemed to oppose everyone else. They had their own groups in which they mostly agreed with each other but not even that was consistent. It didn't help that you had to stand for the three hours it took. Unmoving with your hands behind your back. By the end you were certain that you would not need to work out anymore. 

Kylo looked up to you a few times. Neither of you knew what the other's expression was but it wasn't hard to guess. Probably an exasperated look, annoyance...discomfort...any negative emotion you could feel. The other council members weren't any better though. It was a painful ordeal and none seemed to enjoy it much. Some, like Hux with Kylo, just had to disagree with each other no matter how senseless it seemed. Certain people thrive on conflict, and this was not a position anyone could get without stepping on many feet. 

At first it was interesting to watch. Seeing so many powerful individuals in one room arguing with each other was a once in a lifetime thing. Buuut it got old very fast. In fact it got so boring that whenever one of them had finished a sentence you had already forgotten the beginning. Kylo was a man of action, he didn't like nonsensical talk about nothing and it showed. Given you had no strategic experience whatsoever you didn't want to judge either approach. 

And then...it was over. Concluded. You had spaced out so much you hadn't even realized their horrendous talking had come to an end. What a relief! Your brain was still functioning!, You could finally move your limbs again! Kylo was about as relieved as you were and let out a long sigh after everyone had left. You patted his shoulder and he looked up to you, shaking his head.

"Every time. It's like this every time.", he grunted and bashed his head against the back of the chair.

"Don't do that! That does not help.", you complained and he let out a distorted chuckle, "If you have to bash a head against something do it with Hux's. There is not much that can break anyway."

He didn't say anything for a few seconds and you wanted to apologize for having stepped over a line when he chuckled again.  
"You are right.", he stood up and mustered you, "I know you can not read my thoughts but sometimes it surely feels like it."

You felt your face becoming warmer. Masks were truly amazing. Atleast you could wear one more often now. Funnily enough it was not out of embarrassment but because he made you feel proud. You looked up to him like you had to noone else before. Trusted him more than your lost brothers. It was a truly special relationship and seeing that he felt the same way about it filled you with immense pride. 

Both of you decided that it was best to get lunch. After discussing your first mission, Kylo got a bit more quiet. He didn't like you leaving, you knew as much. It was still necessary, after all you had to prove your worth and capabilities to the council. From what you had seen today, they already mistrusted him enough. There was no need to give them additional ammunition against him.

He also showed you your new official quarters. There was a door that led to his own chambers so you could keep sleeping over at his place, or quickly change from your Doc personality into Vornskr. The rooms were huge, but you couldn't care less, after all you wouldn't use them. You didn't even use your own small bedroom in his medbay. It did not bother you, on the contrary you wanted to continue sleeping over. He made you feel safe, protected you and woke you up whenever you had nightmares. 

Shortly before Kylo had to leave you were introduced to your body double. It really was just a body double, your general shape and curves were the only things you two had in common. Apparently she was a stormtrooper, she did not know what your abilities were, just that she was supposed to be your doppelganger. She was friendly but distant, good. From what you could see she wouldn't ask any questions. Perfect. She was a bit stiff whenever Kylo was in the room, it amused you. You had been the same after all. Now you were far less comfortable whenever he was NOT around than when he was.

"I'll leave you two alone.", Kylo said and was almost out of the door as you grabbed his hand and stopped him from leaving. 

"Don't get too pissed at Hux… I know you have another meeting with him. He is not worth the trouble.", you said quietly, still holding onto his hand. 

He sighed and scratched his head, "I don't even know why I still keep him around." 

"Amusement. He is entertaining sometimes.", you smiled and squeezed his hand lightly before letting it go. Kylo nodded and left reluctantly. He had really pulled himself together at the meeting this morning, you didn't know how well he would manage now. Eh. It was just Hux. If he'd lose his head who actually cared? 

The body double let out a sigh of relief once Kylo had left.   
"He is so intimidating. I get cold whenever I am around him… Around you too! But only slightly" 

You just nodded. Did she have to talk that much now? Apparently you had been wrong in assuming that she was the quiet and stern type. Hopefully she was not as talkative as Rosie was.

"He is more handsome than I thought though…", she had an odd look on her face. No matter what it meant, you did not like it, "You two seem to get along nicely.", the look didn’t fade. In fact it seemed to get worse. Why was she pulling a face like that? Were you just incapable of reading expressions now or did your brain not WANT to read it?

Not as distant as you had thought in the beginning. Dammit. Only one way to find out whether or not you could get her to keep her distance...

"We do.", you took a deep breath, "Anyway. When you are running around as Vornskr. Only talk when talked to. No different from how it should already be right now”, you paused briefly, letting your words sink in,”and keep your sentences to a minimum. Do not talk about your powers and if someone bothers you, do not threaten to use the Force on them. Because you can't. Resort to physical violence if you must but mostly just ignore any threats."

She nodded, a bit taken away by how commanding your tone was. Good. You did not want her to pry into your personal relationship with Kylo. That was yours, and yours alone. No one else had a right to be in it. 

"About the Knights. Trudgen is a good guy, he is the strongest...he is not the smartest but never get into a physical fight with him because you WILL lose. Vicrul is fine, so is Ap'lek. No matter what happens you can always go to him if there is an issue. He is the most mature out of all of them. Kuruk is usually quiet. If you can, ignore both Ushar and Cardo. They are utterly annoying and… ", you stopped to make sure she had understood everything you had said, only continuing after she had given you a nod,"if either of them ask about my relationship with Kylo tell them to shut up. Of course… That is a rather delicate matter to begin with. No matter who is asking you will not say anything about it. Do you understand?" 

She nodded, "Vornskr's relationship or MD-2442's?"

"Either. There is no one in the whole galaxy you will talk to about it. If you do… I will make you wish you were never born." 

You could hear her gulp. Good. You were satisfied with yourself. Power was such a nice thing to have… its beauty was underestimated by everyone who did not have it. You really had to watch out so you would not go insane. Going back to working with the officers perhaps wasn't such a bad idea, it'd keep your ego in check. 

Satisfied with what you had accomplished you nodded, "Alright. Let's go meet the others then. You go get dressed up as Vornskr, I will get out of my Vornskr outfit and put on my doctor's uniform." 

"Yes, Ma'am." 

On your way to the gym you took the heavy traffic hallways on purpose, after all you had to be seen together. The looks they gave her were incredibly amusing. Scared and curious at the same time. You couldn't help but get a bit envious that you weren't the one wearing the outfit right now.   
Escyle and Rosie passed you and you gave her pale face a quick nod. Right, you still had to meet up with her. You made a mental note to not forget later.

The introduction went fine, your body double was stiff and it didn't get much better, but she took the jokes from the others rather well. A positive sign and it would make it easier for her in the future. You wrote a quick message to Rosie that you could meet her in two days, it was also when you would start working again. She almost immediately wrote back an entire novel, mostly asking about the new Knight. You skimmed through it and just replied with a simple: 'in two days'. You couldn't blame her you would have been as surprised and curious if you wouldn't be this close with the Knights. 

Training itself wasn't anything special. Just like any other, with the small difference that you also discussed strategies for the upcoming mission. Vicrul would accompany you, instead of Ap'lek because he was still inexperienced with the Force. So you would not have to concentrate as much to limit his connection.   
Vicrul was everything but keen on getting massive headaches and even less keen to accompany you after you threatened to kill him if he should screw it up. He didn’t really have much say in the matter however. He had been chosen and he had to leave with you.

Cardo insisted that the headaches couldn't possibly be that bad and dared you to cut him off. You didn't, just limited his connection. He took it surprisingly well. He showed the same signs Ap'lek had last time, slowed reflexes… General uncomfort, nausea ...you documented it carefully. However he did not get a headache. Until you cut him off and he fainted. Ushar was incredibly happy to play around with his unconscious body and placed it in all sorts of positions before Trudgen stopped him. 

His complaining afterwards could not have been worse. He kept on whining about how much his head hurt, how he felt weak and how mean you had been for actually following through. He also joked about Kylo being a masochist, that joke did not get very far though because Trudgen hit him. Ushar wanted to continue the joke, but got hit as well. Then both of them complained about the pain. You could have sworn they were siblings from how similar they were sometimes.

The rest of the afternoon went by in the blink of an eye and you returned to your room, not the new one. The old one. The small chamber attached to Kylos medbay. 2nd Vornskr and you had agreed that she would use the chambers instead of you. She didn't ask why you did not want them. 

Every time she'd leave or run around in her mask she'd alert you. That way there wouldn't be two Vornskrs. Trudgen had offered to train her, and she happily agreed. They had set training times which made it far easier to keep track. 

You pulled the carbon fiber box, one of the two boxes of personal belongings, out from under your bed and carried it over to Kylo's apartment.   
Would he mind you cleaning your weapon on his desk? Probably not. Apart from that, your own room was too small and the medbay was not suited. Theoretically you could clean it there but sterilising the place afterwards would be horrible. Not even talking about the oil stains you would leave.

You opened the box and took out the parts of your sniper rifle. It was custom made by an engineer, who had crafted it for your father. It was also the only thing you still had left of him. The last time it had been used to kill resistance fighters. It had also been the first time you had used it instead of your father. Now it would not be much different, it was an instrument against the Resistance. Your father had used it to kill Vornskr, now Vornskr would use it to kill instead. Strangely fitting. 

Cleaning weapons was usually rather tedious but you enjoyed it. It was a mindless activity, almost meditative. Taking the rifle apart into its smallest components and carefully removing any dust and debris… it didn't exactly require much brain power but it was what you enjoyed. Occasionally. Seeing each of the parts neatly placed next to each other after you were done was incredibly satisfying and made the boring parts of cleaning worth it.

"Is that your personal rifle?", a voice sounded from behind you and turned around quickly to see Kylo standing in the doorway. How had he managed to sneak up on you like that?! Apparently you had been too lost in thoughts. 

You nodded and put it back together, it took you less than 10 seconds. Great. You were still able to do it! It had always been a sport between you and your dad to see who could do it faster. He had won every time, but you had always been close behind him. You wondered which of you two would win now...  
"It's from my father. I am going to use it tomorrow." 

He made a 'mhhh' sound and placed a hand on your shoulder briefly before walking towards the conference room: "I will get dinner, can you set the table?" 

"Of course.", you quickly placed the rifle back into its case and prepared the table. Kylo was tense. He had been quiet at lunch already but he didn't say a single word during dinner. He also did not try to get into your head, he just quietly munched on his food and got ready for bed immediately after you had both finished. 

You slipped into your pyjamas yourself and went back to Kylos room. He was sitting on the edge of the bed, elbows on his knees to support his weight, and stared at the carbon fiber box that was sitting in the corner.

Not being able to read other peoples’ thoughts was irrelevant, you knew exactly what he was thinking. Knowing him, he would not want to admit to it though. Alright. That's just how he was. You could deal with it. 

He did not want you to leave. He was worried that you would disappear in the same way you had before. Or that you'd get captured or in the worst case… die. It was written clearly over his face. He had his eyebrows pulled together slightly, probably wondering if there was any other way. There wasn't. Both of you knew that. 

You sat down next to him, watching him for a short while before speaking up.   
"We have come a long way, haven't we?", you said quietly and pulled your legs towards your body, hugging your knees. 

He turned his head towards you, his torso still leaning forward, elbows on his knees. 

You chuckled quietly, "I mean the first time I came here I took care of you…", you looked at the scars on the side of his torso, "now you take care of me…"

He didn't reply anything, just watched every single one of your movements very carefully. He had watched you like that in the beginning as well, mostly because he hadn't been sure how much he could trust you. Now he looked at you in a different way, but you couldn't exactly pinpoint it. 

"Now I am a Knight and you are my Medic.", you grinned and lightly punched his shoulder, trying to get him to smile as well. He didn't. His face remained as uncomfortable and worried as it had been. It pained you to see him this way. You wanted to tell him that it was all going to be fine, that you would come back safely… but you knew that he wouldn't hear any of it. 

You squeezed his shoulder briefly but didn't remove your hand. His skin was smooth and soft. Not rough as you would have expected from someone that fought so much. A smile appeared on your face as you thought back to the first time you had been to his Chambers. You had reacted very similar to your body double. Intimidated. Then again… Not quite like that either, given you had scolded him for not watching out. 

"It's still so weird to me that I am a Knight. By now I have come to terms with knowing the Supreme Leader this close but… sometimes it still is unreal.", you absentmindedly started tracing the outline of the muscles on his shoulders, "I just hope I will match you in-" 

The sound of an incoming transmission interrupted you. Why was your hand on his shoulder? You quickly pulled it back and fetched Kylos datapad, sufficiently hiding your face burning up. What were you thinking? Just touching the supreme fucking leader like that? You really had to pull yourself together.   
As you handed the datapad to him you could see the faintest of smiles appearing before it was replaced by a worried frown. 

"You have to leave now. We fear your target might disappear otherwise.", he threw the datapad behind him onto the bed and got up, "I'll alert Vicrul, you go get dressed." 

You nodded and sprinted over towards your new room, quickly slipping into Vornskr's outfit. This was inconvenient...you did not want to leave Kylo now, could they not have called five minutes later? Or not at all? Was that an option? Why did you have to be a Knight… if you were a plain old Medic you would not have been called away like that. 

He was already waiting for you, holding your rifle and mask.   
"You can sleep during the flight, Vicrul is on his way over. Here…", he handed you your own datapad, "are the mission details. Very few things have changed, it should not be a problem. And… Here is your rifle.", he put the belt over your head, so you could carry it across your back.

He looked at you for a short while, putting a strand of hair behind your ear. His face was as worried as it had been before. Perhaps more so. His dark eyes somehow made it seem much worse. He let out a sigh and wrapped his arms around you, pulling you into a hug. You could feel the blood rushing into your face again, as he pressed it against his bare chest. 

"Come back.", he said quietly and loosened his grip, allowing you to move away. You didn't. Instead you hugged him back and closed your eyes, taking in the sensation. He tightened his grip again and for a few seconds you just stood there in a silent embrace. Neither of you dared to say a word. 

Since you were back from Weih, you had not been apart from each other for longer than half a day at most. He had done everything in his power to keep it that way as well. Both of you enjoyed each others company more than anyone else’s, and neither wanted to admit it. 

You could hear the door to the conference room open and quickly let go of Kylo. He put the mask on your head and secured it properly. It was strangely similar to when he had to leave for Weih...you just hoped he wouldn’t be missing after you came back.

"You know what you have to do. Do not get caught.", he straightened the fabric on your shoulders. 

"Never. I evaded the First Order for three weeks. The Resistance does not stand a chance!", you joked and Kylo let out an exasperated sigh. He did not like you bringing up Weih at all. 

"Do not remind me. Come back.", he said and nodded towards Vicrul who was standing in the doorway. 

“I'll see you tomorrow evening. No worries. He's more or less dead.", you said with confidence and grinned widely under your mask. 

"I know." 

Annotation:   
Thank you all for being so patient with me! Exams are coming up and I barely find any time to write...I am sorry for that :/


	27. Mission

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You start your first mission

The looks from the officers you got as Vicrul and you stormed through the finalizer were amusing. Most managed to jump out of your way before they were run over, others had to be pulled and the one or other unlucky bastard got thrown into the wall by the Force. Or… By you pushing them aside. 

There was a small shuttle waiting for you in the hangar. It was not from the First Order, or well, it was but it wasn't written on it. Just a civilian long distance space craft that would carry you to your destination without getting found out before you even arrived. Perfect.

You had two pilots, dressed like civilians, and a bunch of spare clothes that either of you could change in. After all, doing a mission while fully dressed as one of the Knights of Ren? That was insane. Not if it was undercover. The clothing was made to fit over your armour so you would still be protected. However it also meant that the masks came off. The goggles that were integrated into your mask could be removed, exactly for that purpose. Vicrul on the other hand opted for putting on a simple baklava. You didn’t get a proper look at his face, but you did get to see his bright blue eyes that were left uncovered.

“What.”, he grunted and took a seat. The shuttle had left the hangar by now and was in hyperspace.

“Your eyes are...very blue.”, you just said and made sure you didn’t have anything on your outfit that would reveal you to be part of the First Order. 

He scoffed and didn’t reply anything further. Apparently he didn’t like getting comments on his looks. Good to know. You leaned back against the wall and closed your eyes. You really needed to sleep before the mission. Otherwise you wouldn’t be able to concentrate.

“Wake me when we have arrived.”

Getting through customs was not as much of a hassle as you expected. They did not care at all that you were carrying weapons. They just wanted to see a paper which could easily be faked by a child. Worrying, truly. Then again this was a planet known to house many criminals and you did not exactly take the most official route onto it...so it did make sense. The fact that they did not even want you to remove your goggles or Vicrul’s bandana was unusual.

The moment you entered the atmosphere you had started to mask Vicrul’s presence. From what you knew they always had people around that could sense Force Sensitives. That turned out to be half right. They didn’t have people...they had Vornskr. You couldn’t help but stop in front of their cages and watch them. Vicrul didn’t like them at all and kept his distance. Given that they did not attack or growl at him however...you were probably doing your job rather fine. 

They didn’t growl at you, or bark...instead they seemed confused. Incredibly so even. You kneeled down and held your hand against the bars of the cage, allowing the black hound to sniff it. You knew how much they relied on the Force, it didn’t make any sense to them that there could be any being that they could perceive with all their senses apart from the one they used most.

“They like you.”, a woman in a mask said and stepped forward from behind some crates.

You scoffed, stood back up and crossed your arms, “They don’t. Usually dogs wag their tails when they like someone...why do you keep them here?”

Playing dumb could be incredibly entertaining, also a great way to find things out. For example...where they had gotten them from and what other measures they had to identify force sensitives.

“They aren’t dogs...they are Vornskr.”, she kneeled down next to them and petted one through the bars of the cage, “They can...smell people with…”, she stood back up and mustered both you and Vicrul, “Ill intent.”

You raised your eyebrows and shook your head, “Sounds like a bunch of bullshit to me, Lady.”

She chuckled, “Trust me. It isn’t.”

“You trust these...bigger and more fierce looking dogs to see if someone is ‘evil’”, you said in a mocking voice, “I don’t believe it...but to each their own…”, you reached into the cage. The woman flinched slightly, prepared for you to get bitten. But the Vornskr didn’t bite. They didn’t mind you at all.

“They are very reliable. We use them all around.”

You raised your eyebrows, “You use dogs...you blindly trust these?”

She nodded, “Yes. So far we haven’t found anything better...other than perhaps a few humans who had the same ability.”

“Stop fucking with me. Those are just normal hounds. I can accept you bullshitting me about those, but now you say humans can smell ‘evil’ too?”, you scoffed, “No way.”

She did not really enjoy you not believing her...it only made it easier.  
“No. I’d show you but I am not one of them...they exist! Trust me.”

“I won't… but I like them. They are good dogs.”, you said while scratching one of them behind their ears. It...it was strange. Petting what you had hunted for years. Petting what had killed not only your brother but friends and neighbors as well. At first you thought how it had been turned around, how instead of you being afraid, it was now them...the hunter became the hunted. But that’s never how it had been. You had hunted them for a long time after all, yes, you had been afraid...but it had never been a relationship with either species dominating the other. No. This was different. Different because unlike usually neither was actually hunting. On the contrary, now you helped them...even if it was just scratching the spots on their heads they couldn’t reach.  
“Where can I get one?”

“They are expensive...and hard to train. No man can overpower them and hurting them only results in them listening to you less.”, she had her arms crossed, clearly not very satisfied with your opinion of these ‘dogs’ you presumably just found out about.

You smirked and removed your hand from the cage, “Sit.”, you commanded and at the same time limited the Vornskr’s connection to the Force slightly. Only very slightly, after all you still had to keep Vicrul in check. It was enough to get the hound’s attention and let him know that you were in charge. Why couldn’t everyone be Force sensitive? It would make things in your life so much easier…

The woman’s mouth dropped open as she saw her beloved protection dog just sit, because a random stranger on the street had said so.

“Anyway. I assume you know where to get them from.”, you pulled out your datapad. The First Order had provided both you and Vicrul with new ones that would fit to the characters you were portraying, “This…”, you held up a code for her to scan, “give me a call if you ever have more available. The price does not matter.”

She reluctantly nodded and scanned it, “Your name?”

“Irrelevant. All that matters is how fast and how many you can get me.”

“Miss.”, Vicrul hissed from a bit further behind and you nodded.

“I have to go now. I expect you to call me.”, you said and turned around, quickly marching over to your impatient companion. You could see that his face was red of anger from the bit of skin that was left uncovered by the baklava. How amusing.

“I feel like SHIT over here and you go buy some puppies?! What is wrong with you?!”

You raised your hand and shook your head, “I know. Anyway…Was it enough time?”

He sighed and nodded, “It was enough. We have the updated blueprints and additional information on where they could hide, if it fails…”, he looked at you sideways, “You couldn’t have distracted them in any other way? Something that does not involve murderous canines perhaps?”

“It worked. Didn’t it? So stop whining. Let’s find a place where we can talk in private…”, you mumbled and both of you pulled your hoods deeper into your face, making your way through the narrow streets.

The city itself was chaotic. A dream for smugglers and criminals from all parts of the galaxy. The alleyways were so entangled that without a map the chances of ever finding your destination were close to zero. Getting lost was the standard not the exception. Even for locals. 

However this only played a small role for why it was favoured by those on the wrong side of the law. The main reason were the rivers and channels that separated the different districts and blocks of buildings. Similar to Weih's acid rain they had acidic rivers. It was incredibly easy to get rid of anything unwanted… Or anyone. 

It didn’t take you too long to find your hideout. Using old blueprints and intel from First Order spies or supporters you had figured out your temporary base of operations. A small one room apartment that wasn’t used anymore, because it was in a half destroyed building. Vicrul wiped the dust off the table and placed a small device on it.

A map was projected into the air, which showed the target’s personal mansion. Great. Now onto the difficult part...figuring out the best location for you to take your shot from. Normally this would not have been much of an issue, figure out where the biggest window is, staying across from it and waiting until the target was in sight. Easy.

But...there was the second part of your mission which involved some very delicate technical equipment. Some form of interception device that could read the encrypted data sent from the First Order. It was vital to the Resistance. Which in turn meant...it had to be destroyed. Now that wasn’t hard, especially not with the new blueprints you had of the room where it would be in. The only problem was getting to it.

Vicrul and you eventually found a spot that made it possible to complete both mission objectives. It was not a very good spot for either of the targets but if you had to complete both within a short amount of time...it was the only option. He pressed a button on the small device on the table, it destroyed itself with a small ‘poof’ and you both left, making your way towards your destination. 

The Force Void you had to keep up for that long slowly got to both of your heads. Vicrul wasn’t feeling well and had to support himself on various objects at times and you felt the cold getting to you. It wouldn’t be long anymore until you were done and while you were waiting for the right opportunity you could drain him a bit less, given how far away your target was. 

Both of you prepared the escape route and you went to take your position on the rooftop. Now it was just going to be a game of waiting. How long it would take, you didn't really know. It could take a few minutes at best… Hours at worst. 

Atleast the spot was better than what you had originally anticipated. The window from which you could see into Grans'kel's mansion was small but its position was very fortunate, given how much of the room you could see through it.   
Then there was the soon-to-be-destroyed interception device. It was inside a safe room, impossible to get to from any position because it did not have windows. However there were a few options of blowing the whole room up from where you were. 

And so the waiting game began. It wasn't pleasant for you or your companion. He wasn't feeling well, very clearly indicated by the lack of colour in the bits of his face you could see. Even his bright blue eyes seemed to have lost their vigor. You on the other hand were starting to feel the cold. It wasn't bad yet but you knew that the moment you dropped the void you'd feel as if someone had frozen the blood in your veins. How great! You could not wait for it! 

How much time passed until you saw Grans'kel you didn't know. A few hours atleast, given the sun had set already. But there he was. Such a small fry, who's life was currently hanging by a thread and in your hands… You couldn't stop yourself from smiling. How important he was to the Resistance… how easy it was to destroy their hope… fascinating.

You exhaled slowly and moved your index finger over the trigger. It was time. Vicrul let out a quiet groan as you eliminated your presences within the Force. There was nothing left of you and his was reduced to the bare minimum. Perfect. There it was… That ugly, green alien head of Grans'kel. 

The silencer muffled the sound almost completely and with that… There was now a beautiful, red glowing hole in the head of the Resistance sympathiser. His lifeless body fell towards the floor. It took his guests a short time to realise the gravity of the situation; then there was only screaming and running around in panic, trying to find cover. Too bad you couldn't watch it for longer. 

You quickly adjusted your position, searching for your second target. Vicrul handed you a different type of ammunition and you switched the magazine within the blink of an eye. 

Now which one… Mhhh … that was a lovely looking speeder, wasn't it? The bright explosion blinded you and you pressed your eyelids together, trying to regain vision. No matter to which poor soul it belonged to, it was now a mess of metal shards and burning wires. The other vehicles and bystanders weren't exactly better off, given the building had been turned into nothing but bricks and dust. 

You could feel your shoulder pounding as a dull pain started to spread from where the stock had rested on. The special ammunition was lovely and had done an outstanding job at disintegrating vehicles and walls but the recoil was not to be underestimated. 

"Fuck.", Vicrul said next to you. You could barely hear him. 

"I absolutely love my explosive rounds.", you said quietly but it came out as a mere whisper. 

It did leave a beautiful sight. As in… the rounds didn't leave anything to see behind. They negated any cover by completely destroying it. Where there had been a building before there was now rubble, metal thrusting and limbs. Oops. Now those hadn't been on your hit list. 

"You might love them alright but I don't love seeing the device getting away.", Vicrul grunted, "Three o'clock." 

You looked through the scope.  
"Fuck." 

Well would one look at that? There were a few Resistance fighters on a speeder, carrying the fragile and somehow still intact interceptor. You wouldn't be able to hit them like this, the streets were too narrow and only appeared within your sight every few seconds. Your mind was racing, trying to figure out the best solution. It was always the same one. 

"Vicrul. Leave. I will take care of them." 

"I am not supposed to leave you out of sight." 

"Same for the mission objective.", you abruptly stopped the void you had been holding up. Vicrul let out a sigh of relief and you increased your presence just enough so that he could read your mind. He nodded and sprinted away while you remained on the rooftop. 

There were a bunch of bridges connecting the district they’d been heading into to others. A few minutes later and there was only one leading in and out. You had to get yourself more of that ammunition. With that fire power you could probably destroy an AT-ST.

With Vicrul's help you'd be able to get to them. He knew your plan and if anything would go differently he'd alert you. Now just to cause more chaos… which of the other bridges needed a makeover? 

It was beautiful. People were running around, screaming, finding shelter and most of all they were terrorised. It wasn't what you had planned and you felt somewhat sorry for them… But if you took a look at the grand scheme of things it was a necessary evil. After all… The Resistance had to be stopped. They'd understand. 

The chaos was the perfect cover for you and allowed you to make your way towards the district unnoticed. If you were correct in your assumption they would have atleast one person who could sense Vicrul. Because you had sent him towards their ships they would hopefully avoid that area long enough for you to find them. Then it was just a question of whether or not you'd kill them then and there or a bit later. And unless they wanted to take a dive through the acid rivers they had to take the only bridge that was leading out of the district. 

You found a restaurant towards the middle of the district and ordered some hot soup. By now you couldn't feel your fingertips anymore so you had to find some way to warm yourself up before actually looking for the targets. 

"Are you okay, Ma'am?", the waitress asked as she brought you your meal. 

"Just in shock… Almost got killed before…", you mumbled and quickly started eating. It burned your mouth… But that didn't matter, it finally warmed you up to a functioning temperature.

"Miss, can you hear me? Over.", it sounded from your earpiece. Vicrul. Great, he had apparently reached his destination. 

"Loud and clear. Can you narrow their location down for me? Over."   
You didn't get a verbal reply back, just a rough location within the district. Vicrul's force sense had a far greater range than yours had. If you could even compare his sense with you simply feeling 'obstacles' when you created a void. 

You paid for your soup and quickly left the Inn to get to where Vicrul thought they'd be. It wasn't what one would call a safe neighbourhood. Especially not for children. Mainly because of the amount of 'ladies of the night' that were leaning against the walls. Of course the Resistance would flee to this place. There probably wasn't a single district that was crawling with more criminals than this one. 

Alright. Onto work. You supported yourself against a wall and closed your eyes. There was no one nearby that was Force sensitive. Fine. You just had to keep looking. 

It took you a good hour to finally feel the pressure of someone at the edge of your void. Finally. You decreased it the closer you got, as not to alert them until you knew where they were. Then you eliminated your presence. Switched it off like someone would switch of the light in a room. They were sitting on some high chairs in front of a bar that was opened into the street. Normally a beautiful sight if you wouldn't know that they were part of the Resistance. 

You leaned against the closest wall and wrote Vicrul a quick message.   
'Found them. Waiting for an opportunity'

You dropped the transmitter onto the ground and stepped onto it. The device sizzled quietly before the lights turned off. Now… all you had to do was wait… again.

Annotation:   
Thank you all for being so patient with me, my exams are over in a month but until then I fear I'll not release much :/


	28. Strangers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You finish your mission

“Ma’am?”

Where were you? In space? Why was it so dark? Where were your limbs? You slowly moved them. Alright. They were still there.

“Ma’am?”, the voice sounded again and you let out a loud groan. Fuck. Why was this so uncomfortable? Were you actually in space? Why did it feel like the air was crushing your lungs?

Eyes. Right. Opening them. You opened them slightly. A woman was next to you. She was tall! Atleast half a torso taller than yo- no wait. You were lying on the ground. Now...now that made much more sense.

“She woke up.”, she said to a man to the side. He stretched out his hand to help you up, out of reflex you took it.

“What the fuck.”, he mumbled but didn’t let go of your hand, “You are ice cold.”

You didn’t reply just pulled on your hand so he’d let you go and leaned against the closest wall, holding onto your pounding head. Your shoulder didn’t feel any better. What had happened? 

“Are you okay, Ma’am?”, the woman asked again and tried to touch your forehead but you grabbed her hand and turned it towards the side. She screamed and kneeled down in pain, trying to relieve the pressure.

“Let her go!”, the man was pointing a blaster at you. What...what...right. You were almost breaking her arm. 

“Reflex. Sorry.”, you mumbled and let her go. What...you stared at the woman. She didn’t know whether she should be concerned for your safety or for her own. You raised your arms up defensively and took a step to the side to get some distance between you, “Reflex. Really. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

She got up slowly and waved her hand so her companion would lower his blaster, “It’s fine...are you okay, Ma’am? You look like you are dead.”

“I get that a lot. That’s just how I look.”, you mumbled and looked around searching for anything that would bring your memory of what had happened back. Canals that were glowing with acidic water...Weih...no...Right. The mission. You turned your head to see that you were still across the street to the bar where you had seen the Resistance Fighters. They...weren’t...No wait. They were still here. They were the ones standing in front of you right now, weren’t they?

You closed your eyes and increased your void, immediately falling back onto your knees. 

“Ma’am!”, the woman shouted and stopped you from falling headfirst into the pavement. Wouldn’t have mattered much given how bad your head hurt already.

You instantly closed your void again and sat down, pressing your body against the wall behind you. What did they want? Why didn’t they kill you yet? How much...time had passed since you had arrived and how long had you waited? When...when had you collapsed?

“Here.”, another woman came and handed you a fresh and incredibly hot cup of...something. It smelled good. You reluctantly took it and stared up at the Resistance Fighters. Where was the...ohh. There was the device. Just sitting there, on the edge of the bar. All...all you needed to do was fire a single shot from your blaster to destroy it. Or four shots to kill everyone present. But you could barely hold onto the cup. Your hands weren’t even trembling, just hard to move.

“Thanks.”, you mumbled but didn’t drink it. There could be anything in that. You didn’t have anything on you that tied you to the First Order but who knew if they wouldn’t find out anyway. That’d mean certain death and you weren’t prepared to die yet.

“Drink it. You are incredibly cold...what happened?”, the first woman said again and kneeled down next to you. You recoiled, increasing the distance, “We won’t hurt you! We could have done that in the time you were unconscious!”

“That is reassuring.”, your voice was sarcastic and you still didn’t dare to touch the mysterious substance, even if it smelled good.

The woman shook her head, “See.”, she grabbed the drink, took a sip and gave it back, “Just drink it! Don’t be so stubborn!”, she laughed and gave you a friendly bump on the shoulder which almost caused you to drop the cup. You winced slightly and moved away even further. Like a cornered animal. Cornered by the enemy you had planned to kill...the ones who were now standing in front of you...taking..care? No. You did not like this one bit.

“I am so sorry...I see you are hurt...what happened? Maybe we can help you?”

Fuck. There was no way out of this situation was there? You shook your head and took a sip from the hot liquid. It...it was amazing. You could feel it warm up your insides and increase your body temperature, even if it was only slightly.  
“I don’t...remember.”, you finally said, “I got hit by...something. When it exploded.”

An agreeing murmur went through their rows.  
“Some maniac shot a...shot a very important person. Then blew up half of the city's bridges and a few more buildings. Apparently also some ships.”

You just nodded and poured down the contents of the cup. It burned your mouth but it helped immensely with keeping you warm. Or rather...heating you up.

The woman that had appeared second wiped away some tears, “Just..they just killed him. He was a good guy! He...he helped so many people...just murdered in cold blood. And...all those civilians that were killed as well! Unnecessary.”

Civilians? More like acceptable casualties. 

There was a man sitting at the corner of the bar. He had been so unmoving you hadn’t even noticed him. Only mere moments ago when you had increased your void. He was their Force sense guy. Their own Vornskr. No match for the real one though.  
“He’s gone for long enough now.”, he said and stood up. 

Vicrul was gone? He had just...left you? What kind of bullshit was that?

You watched the man lose all the colour in his face.  
“We have to leave. Now.”

“We can’t just leave! There is only one bridge! It’s too risky, we have to wait till it dies down.”, the woman said and got up again.

“It’s Ren. He’s coming. We won’t leave the district but we...you know where we have to go.”, he looked at you sideways, clearly not wanting to talk about it while you were still there.

“We can’t leave her! She’s going to die!”, the woman insisted. Why...why did she care about you? She didn’t know you at all...this didn’t make sense.

"Just fucking go. ", you said, your voice almost bored. Slowly you got up and patted the woman's back, "Thank you. Now go." 

They didn't wait. They just started running. Once they were out of sight you got out your datapad and switched on the tracker you had placed on the woman’s coat as you had patted her back. If Kylo was really coming you could not sit at the edge of a corner almost dying of hypothermia. There was no way. You displayed the route they took on the insides of your goggles so you wouldn’t have any trouble following them. 

You turned your head sideways until a cracking sound could be heard. Alright. Time to hunt their Vornskr. You ran after them, making sure to stay in the shadows. The void you could create had some massive problems, the most obvious being that your body temperature dropped. It also seemed to drain the colour, but not just that. However there was one benefit to it...it muffled most of the sounds you made. You yourself couldn’t hear well anymore either, but that was fine. Why would you rely on sound if you could feel them?

They had stopped moving. Why would they stop here? They didn’t try to leave the district. Did they go into hiding? Foolish unless...you took a quick look at the map. Of course. From the intel you had gathered this small part of the island was famous for supporting the Resistance. Which meant it crawled of their fighters or sympathizers, just how trash was crawling with various pests. No difference either. Well, perhaps one, the rats and cockroaches might be a bit smarter than the Resistance.  
Then the signal stopped abruptly. Took them long enough to find the transmitter, it was not like you had hidden it, just placed it straight on her back.

You screwed on the silencer on top of your blaster and took a deep breath, increasing your void. Hopefully this would go well, you could barely move your fingers. No way back now though. There was only one way. Forward.

You peeked around the corner. Nothing. A smile appeared on your face. They had no idea you still knew where they were. And they wouldn’t be able to feel you either. No matter that they had fucked up your plan before, the odds were on your side now. 

Even though you had trouble hearing, you could hear that the next street they took was full of people. Were they trying to lose you? What a futile attempt. You stumbled through the crowd in front of you, holding onto various shoulders to not fall down. One of them shoved you into a wall, screaming something at you...but you couldn’t hear him.

It was enough to show him your blaster. Oh how easy it was to negotiate if one had a weapon. Lovely. He backed off and you nodded respectfully before continuing your search. They had turned into an alleyway towards the side and were currently making their way into a building. Then they stopped moving. 

Time to shine. You pressed on the door to the building, it swung open quietly. Or atleast, quiet for you. There were some problems with not hearing after all, weren’t there? You knew that atleast their Vornskr was upstairs, but you didn’t know the location of the others. You systematically checked all the rooms on the lower floor. Thermal imaging made this an incredibly easy task. 

There was only one closed door upstairs and the other rooms were just as empty as the lower floor. Their location wasn’t hard to guess, was it? You moved your fingers a bit to make sure you’d be able to press the trigger on your blaster properly. It wouldn’t be easy.

One last time you increased your void, the force sensitive’s presence was so easy to find. It wasn’t much, weaker than Vicrul’s even. No match for Kylo. You raised your blaster against the door and pointed it in his direction. All you had to do was pull the trigger. They would have no idea how it had happened. A shot through a closed door, directly hitting him? The confusion would give you enough time to kill the rest.

You lowered your blaster slightly. No. They had helped you...this wasn’t right. Within the blink of an eye you had cut his connection off. You collapsed your void as you kicked the door open.

The woman was already kneeling over her unconscious companion. The man pointed his blaster at you, you returned the favour. For a few seconds you all stared at each other, it was just enough time for you to get atleast some of your hearing back. The woman’s unhearable wimpers finally got through to you.

“What have you done! We helped you!”  
Was that what she had been repeating all this time? Didn’t matter.

“That’s why he is still alive.”, you said and took another step inside. The man flinched slightly but didn’t shoot you. Yet, “Drop your weapon and you can go. The Supreme Leader is only interested in the device.”

“We’d rather die!”, the second woman shouted, she didn’t dare to move from her position. Still pressed against the wall. They had no idea what your powers were. Good for you, because after all you could not force choke them. Sadly.

You shrugged, “Up to you, really. I am giving you a chance. Take it or leave it.”

“You are surrounded, this whole district is full of Resistance Fighters. If they hear one shot…”

“I am well aware. But I do not need to shoot to kill you.”  
Apart from that, you already had a silencer on your blaster...all you needed was to create a void. 

The woman on the floor nodded towards the man and he put the blaster away, helping her carry the unconscious force sensitive. You turned your blaster towards the device sitting on the table and shot. There was no sound coming from your blaster. The woman’s mouth was agape and you shrugged again. A smile creeping over your face.

“Your screams won’t be heard either if you do not get out now.”

They left the room just as quickly as you had destroyed their hopes. You closed the door behind them and let yourself slide down the wall. ‘Mission accomplished’, you signaled to Vicrul. Done. Mission possible.

Kylo’s POV  
Why did it always go wrong with her? Every time she was on a planet she had to get lost! Last time, fine, it wasn’t her fault but she had sent Vicrul away because she thought she could do it on her own! She...a medic that could shoot a blaster semi well. A medic...decided that it was fine to dismiss the actual fighter. The Knight. Because...why? Because she thought she could do it better.

What was wrong with her! This did not only put the whole mission at risk but her life as well! Why did she not care at ALL?! How STUPID could she be?! Kylo landed his personal TIE silencer, two regular TIE fighters landing next to him only a second later.

He could easily sense the force sensitive, she shouldn’t be too far away either. He threw his helmet over towards one of the pilots and grabbed a piece of brown cloth lying around. If he went in with everyone knowing he was Kylo Ren this would be a massacre. There was no need to bring anyone else along. Going in without getting recognized would be the swiftest way. 

It took him far longer to get to the district than he had wanted to. The ‘signal’ from their Force Sensitive had gotten weaker. He still walked towards it. Then Vicrul alerted him that the Doc had apparently taken care of the interception device. Given he could still feel the Sensitive’s presence, she hadn’t taken care of him though. Why? 

He sent a message back to Vicrul. The Doc should send her coordinates, he wouldn’t be able to sense her after all. It didn’t take long for him to receive them, atleast he was still on the right path. He could barely contain his anger, she had so deliberately ignored a command. Went her own way and did not only put the mission at risk but herself as well. If he wouldn’t be walking through a crowd of people now he’d have destroyed everything around him with his lightsaber.

Where was she? He took a look at the map. Close by...but the only women standing around were..skimpily dressed and probably not doctors. He ignored them and kept walking. He despised the type of people that were crawling through these alleys. Every single one of them. They were just here for amusement. Be it sexual in nature or because of drugs and alcohol. Or a combination of the two. 

He stepped over a few people in an alcohol or drug induced coma and turned into an alleyway. Another man stumbled out of the door to a house and crashed into the wall opposite to him. No...that...wasn’t a man. It was a woman. And not just any either. Was the Doc drunk? Great. Not just directly ignoring his orders but also getting intoxicated? What the fuck had she been thinking? Not at all, apparently.

“Doc.”, he said without hiding the anger in his voice one bit. She flinched slightly and stood as straight as possible, then almost fell towards the side. He let out a low growl and just grabbed her shoulder, pulling her through the alleyway.  
“What the FUCK are you thinking?”, he hissed.

“I am sorry! It worked! I destroyed it, it’s in my bag, do you want to see?”, she replied quietly, utterly confused by Kylo’s anger.

He let her go and stared at her, crossing his arms, “Do NOT disobey me again!”

She stared at him, eyes widened. For a few seconds they just stood in front of each other. Neither of them uttering a word.

“Hey...I won’t disobey you, handsome…”, a woman suddenly said behind Kylo and touched his shoulder slightly, leaning against him. He stared down at her, perplexed. She ran her hand along his neck. Then the blood from her skull splattered onto his face. Kylo watched her lifeless body fall onto the ground, a blaster shot had hit her right through the middle of her forehead. He hadn’t even heard it. 

“I slipped.”, the Doc said and put her weapon away. Her voice was cold. Kylo looked down at the body, then back at the Doc who was stumbling towards it. She picked it up, almost falling over and stuffed it into the next container. Similar to the woman, she suddenly collapsed forward. With the difference that she was still conscious and not dead, holding onto the wall of the buildings.  
“One minute...just one…”, she said quietly and let herself glide onto the floor, turning around so she was leaning against the wall, “Just...ti..tired.”

No matter how angry Kylo had been before, it had faded just as quickly as the prostitute had been shot. He stepped over and removed his glove, holding it against the Doc’s forehead. If he had held it against the ice on a frozen lake, it probably would have been warmer. Her head fell forward and she bobbed it back, almost hitting it against the metal.

“You are such an idiot.”, he mumbled and moved his hand down to her neck. Her pulse was not only weak but also incredibly slow.

“I am fine in a minute…”, she whispered, her head falling forward again. A smile appeared on her face, “Her death was fucking worth it. She can’t just touch you like that…”, it was so quiet he could barely understand it, and he wasn’t exactly far away.

Did she know she had said that out loud? He somehow doubted it.  
“You don’t get a minute.”  
He placed a hand on her back, another one under her knees and picked her up bridal style.

“No! No...I am fine in a minute...Kylo please…”, she protested and weakly punched his chest. 

He just shook his head and kept on walking, carrying her until he found the local police. Thanks to the Force he managed to convince them that he was in need of their vehicle. They gladly surrendered it to him and Kylo carefully placed the Doc on the passenger seat before making his way towards the space ships.

Annotation:  
I am so sorry I don't update at all right now. Kind of felt bad so here is a short chapter. My exams are taking up every single bit of my free time, but no worries. They are done in roughly two weeks, then I can update again!  
Thank you all for being so patient with me!


	29. Warmth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You are back and so am I. Sorry for the long ass break.

Doc’s POV  
He was pissed. Seething and only barely containing himself. His presence felt as if it was going to crush you any second now. As if someone had thrown you out of a submarine on the bottom of the ocean. The water submerging you, filling every space in your lungs and completely crushing you under its weight. Whether or not your eardrums had already ripped you couldn’t tell. If they weren’t already they probably would pretty soon.   
What had you done? You had succeeded, hadn’t you? Where was his helmet? And the rest of his uniform? The brown tunic he had thrown over his shoulder was so out of place. Was this really Kylo? 

It was hard to think straight and you stumbled forward, doing your best to seem normal.   
That was an incredibly hard task though, given how stiff your limbs were and how difficult it was to coordinate them if you couldn’t even feel them. Like maneuvering a marionette on strings, but you were both the puppet and its master at the same time.  
Kylo called out his usual ‘Doc’ and grabbed your wrist, pulling you through the alleyway.

“What the FUCK are you thinking?”

He was so angry. Why...what was the matter? Why did he react this way? It had been a success! The mission had been a success! What was his problem! You felt your throat close up, and your heart started racing. His anger lingered in the air like a hound ready to rip you to shreds any second. 

You opened your mouth, the words were so quiet you yourself couldn’t really hear them.  
“I am sorry! It worked! I destroyed it, it’s in my bag, do you want to see it?”

He suddenly let you go, half shoving you away from him and crossed his arms.  
“Do NOT disobey me again!”

What...you hadn’t? Had you? You had completed the mission! He hadn’t even been present and you had taken the necessary actions in order to actually complete it! Why was he so fucking mad at you?

A woman that had been watching both of you from the entrance to a house came closer. From her facial expression, she had been listening. Atleast to everything Kylo had said, what you had replied had probably been too quiet.   
“Hey...I won’t disobey you, handsome…”

What. Had she just called him…? What the fuck had she called him? ‘Handsome’?! And what exactly was that ‘not disobeying’ thing? As if you had done that?! You had taken matters into your own hands to ensure the First Order would actually succeed. This was not proper disobeying, this was...thinking for yourself! Was it? Disobeying... it hadn’t been disobeying it had just been a change of plans!

She got closer, touching his shoulder lightly and moving her hand up his neck. Kylo was still staring at you, only now realizing that there was another human being nearby. Very nearby as well. Far too close for your taste. Her hand wandered further up, towards Kylo’s face. He finally looked at her. The woman turned her head slightly. Was she smiling? No. She wasn’t but the look in her eyes said enough. 

However...the blaster shot that hit her right through the middle of her forehead said more. Actions always had far more meaning than words. She had been too high up on her horse, getting this close to Kylo. Too high up on it, but instead of just pulling her down and beating her to your level you had taken a different route. The end result was the same. In both cases she was lying in the mud. The only difference was that she wouldn’t be able to get back up again. 

Her body collapsing onto the ground like a house of cards was the only sound that indicated her sudden, early death. You had completely silenced the shot using your force void. In retrospect...an utterly bad decision. 

“I slipped.”, you said. It would be enough of an explanation. 

You clenched your teeth together and stumbled over towards the dead woman. Using the last bit of strength you had, you picked her up and tossed her into the next container. With the rest of the trash. It served her right. What had she been thinking, just touching Kylo in front of you in such an...in such an intimate way. 

The moment you collapsed the void your blood felt like someone had replaced it with ice water. Burning up and freezing at the same time. You barely held onto the container as your knees finally gave in under the weight of your own body. The world around you was muffled, colourless and incredibly cold.

“One minute...just one…”

You’d be fine...all you had to do was lie down. Or sit. You turned around and let yourself fall onto the floor. Just...just one minute. If you could just close your eyes for a short while, regaining the energy you had lost. All you wanted was to lie down, it didn’t even have to be a bed. The muddy ground next to you would do just as well. Your head bobbed forward and you jerked it backwards.

“You are such an idiot.”, Kylo said. He was kneeling in front of you. When had he come closer? He placed his hand on your forehead. You couldn’t feel it because of how numb your skin had become. It was sad, you would have liked to feel his touch now.  
His brown eyes on the other hand were so warm. They showed so much...concern. Why? For what? You’d get up immediately again, wouldn’t you? All you needed was to sit down here for a minute. Or perhaps a hot cup of tea. Or soup. Maybe a blanket? Was that asking for too much?

He moved his hand down to your neck and even though you couldn’t even feel it properly all you wanted was for him to never move it away. Just keep it there, warming you up.  
“I am fine in a minute…”, you whispered and closed your eyes leaning into his touch. No matter how disoriented and shitty you felt before, he made it all worth it.  
“Her death was fucking worth it. She can’t just touch you like that…”, you thought, not realizing you had actually said it out loud. To be fair, she should have seen it coming. Touching another woman’s...companion in such a way if they just had a fight...it had been justified. There was no way that she actually expected anything other than her own death out of this, right?

“You don’t get a minute.”  
What did he mean? You wouldn’t get to rest? It wouldn’t be long...just closing your eyes briefly, then you’d be fine again. No problem, right? He pulled his hand away from your neck and placed it on your back, his other one below your knees. What was he doing? He didn’t plan to-  
He picked you up. No! No. No. No. No. You could walk just fine! He didn’t have to carry you!   
“No! No...I am fine in a minute...Kylo please…”, you punched his chest. Given that he didn’t react to it, it probably was everything but hard. Disappointing. You had put the rest of your strength into it.

You stared up towards him. He didn’t intend to listen to you, he just stared forward and started marching along the alleyway. Fine. Fine...it was not like you could actually do anything against it, was there? You leaned your head against his chest and closed your eyes.

How exactly he got you back to his TIE Silencer you didn’t know. You could hear muffled voices around you, then a gloved hand shook your shoulder. A voice that was closer. Louder. Worried. What was it saying?

“Doc. Doc. Doc!”, it got more intense with every word. What did he want? You opened your eyes. Your eyelids had never felt so heavy. As if someone had taped them down to your cheeks, “Finally...Can you hear me?”

It took you a few more seconds to realize it was Kylo. You nodded weakly and he sighed in relief. The two pilots helped you up in his TIE Silencer and Kylo took a seat, carefully placing you on his lap.

“No, Sir...I’ll just be in the way…”, you mumbled making a feeble attempt to get away but he held you down.

“There is only one seat, you are cold and you won’t bother me.”

You wanted to protest but from how he stared down at you, you didn’t dare to. A sigh escaped your lips and you leaned back. He held onto you tightly with one arm, pressing you against him and started his ship.

It was bright. So incredibly bright. Where were you? You pressed your eyelids together in a hopeless attempt to shut out the lights. Nope. Didn’t work. Slowly you opened them, blinking until your eyes had adjusted to the extreme brightness of the white room.

Alright. White walls, white ceiling... lights? Hospital setting. You moved your head at the monitors towards the side. There was blood running in and out of your arm. Oh. That wasn’t good. What had happened? It took you a few seconds to recall the previous events...which meant they removed your blood, reheated it and then put it back in your body. To be fair, it had probably been the only possibility, even though you absolutely hated doctors doing anything to your body.

You sat up and moved your limbs carefully, all present and all worked. Perfect. Now onto fixing your current situation...you switched off the machine and started to remove the tubes from your arms.

“Hey! Hey, Miss, what do you think you are doing?”, a familiar voice sounded from the other side of the room.

“Discharging myself.”, you didn’t stop.

“No. No. No, you are going to stay here, Miss.”, Ap’lek said and raised his hand, “A minute earlier and he would have still been here…”, he shook his head.  
It didn’t take much longer than ten seconds for Kylo to storm into the room. He looked horrible. His hair was all over his face, sticking to it. His eye bags were almost as bad as the ones you usually got. Was this all because of you? That was ridiculous...wasn’t it? Then again...you would have reacted the same way if they would have had to reheat his blood.

“I’m fine.”, you blurted out before he had reached your bed. He sat down on the chair next to your bed and grabbed your arm.

“You aren’t leaving yet.”

“I am. I am not staying here. I hate hospitals. And I am fine.”

He stared at you for a short while, narrowing his eyes before nodding.  
“My medbay. You’ll stay there.”

You nodded, it was the best compromise possible. He didn’t let go of your arm yet, just kept holding onto it, staring at you. Ap’lek gave you a brief nod before leaving and you moved slightly closer to Kylo.

“I’m fine.”, you whispered and removed a strand of hair that was sticking to his forehead, “I am fine...stop worrying…”

He shook his head slightly, “I care about you. I’ll never stop worrying.”

What exactly compelled you to move forward and kiss him you didn’t know. But you did it. Encasing his face with your hands, pulling it closer and pressing your lips on his. His eyes widened ever so slightly before he closed them and wrapped his arms around you.

After a few seconds you moved your head back and looked at him, smiling briefly before your face turned about as red as a tomato. His smile turned into a grin and he pulled you closer, your head against his shoulder. 

What had you...done? What...what the fuck? Now that went against every single rule. Against your contract. No relationships within the workplace. Page 15, paragraph 3 or...4 actually? None...especially none with your boss.   
But...Why were you concerned about that? He was literally the leader of your organisation! That was hardly the issue with what had just happened!

You had just kissed the Supreme Leader. Yes, exactly. That one. The one and only. No matter what you had done, he didn’t complain. In fact he had returned it. Apart from that, he was playing with your hair, still pressing you against his shoulder, carefully caressing your head. 

“I was wondering when this was going to happen.”, he said softly, leaning his own head against yours.

You didn’t want to reply, just buried your face deeper into his neck. He chuckled quietly and moved your head back so he could look at you properly. 

The smile on his face turned into a grin and he let you hide your face again, “You’re red!”, he laughed. Well of course that didn’t help! You felt the rest of your blood moving up into your head. Absolutely fantastic. Great. Marvelous. 

He gave you a kiss on the head and chuckled quietly, holding you in this position for a few more minutes before he let you go. He moved a strand of hair out of your face. From how he looked at you it was clear what he was thinking.

“I won’t ignore your commands again.”, you said quietly and smiled, trying to get him to do the same. It took him a few seconds before he finally nodded. 

You removed the rest of the tubes from your arms while he watched you carefully, he didn’t like what you were doing but didn’t interfere either. After throwing the blanket off yourself and getting out of bed, he grabbed your arm to make sure you could stand before letting go of you and allowing you to walk on your own. He went outside, talking to Ap’lek while you got changed into the usual black medical gown you were wearing. 

You already dreaded the stares you’d get from the other doctors enough, you didn’t need to also run around in a nightgown. They’d wonder what had happened, how you got here...even though it was Vornskr on the mission...not you. You just hoped that Kylo would have somehow solved this issue already or was going to solve it pretty soon. He didn’t really seem to be too concerned with you leaving the room in broad daylight though, so you weren’t either.

“24!”, someone shouted from a bit further away and a tiny shape ran along the corridor. Rosie. Of course. She wanted to hug you but didn’t, probably because of how close Kylo was standing next to you. He did have an intimidating presence for most people...not for you anymore. Sometimes you totally forgot about that! Instead of being afraid, his presence was calming to you. Soothed you. Made you feel secure. It was easy to forget how it had to be for others.  
“I am glad you are fine! We have to talk you know...you promised. And now this and…”

You raised your hand and gave Kylo a brief look, “I’ll come over. Tomorrow or so. I’ll go to Kylo’s cham- medbay now. I still do need to rest a bit.”, you smiled to make your words less harsh. 

She gave you a confused look before eyeing the tall, silent man towering next to you. She didn’t want to interfere in his business. You petted her head, as in...ruined her hairstyle before half walking, half stumbling along the hallways.

Neither of you spoke a word on the way back to his chambers. He was careful, jumpy almost. Watching every one of your steps closely from the corner of his eyes, making sure that you wouldn’t accidentally trip or fall. In your opinion he had nothing to worry about, you were warmed up again and while your legs did feel as if they were still waking up from a rather long nap you had enough coordination to not plant your face into the floor. 

Dinner was already waiting as you finally got back home. Both you and Kylo sighed simultaneously, out of relief that you were finally back. He looked over towards you and shook his head.

“Never again.”, he said, his voice slightly deeper than normal. He was clearly still displeased and slightly pissed at what you had done. If it wouldn’t have been for you passing out earlier he probably would have given you a rather lengthy lecture about ‘misdemeanor in the workplace’, to put it nicely.

You opened your mouth to protest, tell him that the mission was successful after all but closed it immediately as he raised his finger up. It didn’t matter that you had destroyed the device or that it had gone well in the end. Not to him at least.  
“I won’t disobey your commands again, Sir.”, you said, standing as straight as possible.

He didn’t lower his finger but the angry expression on his face disappeared.  
“Stop calling me ‘Sir’.”, the tone of his voice hadn’t changed.

“Yes, Si-”  
He tilted his head slightly.

“Yes, Kylo.”  
He nodded approvingly, mustering you from top to bottom before letting out another sigh of relief. 

“Dinner?”

Annotation:  
So first of all...I am so sorry for not updating this story at all even though I said I would. I had some mental stuff to deal with...which wasn’t pretty. I know that isn’t my fault, but it’s my responsibility. Anyway I think I fixed that, thanks to the help of my mother who forced me to come back home so she could watch over me.

Regardless of that: I am back and I am deeply sorry for not having updated this story. I’ll give you more updates regularly again. I am sorry I should have given all of you some sort of update and not just leave you hanging there. Now I’ll get off my arse though and get onto starting the whole actual Rise of Skywalker story.

Another thing: This whole corona stuff is serious, please do not think that it is ‘just the flu’. Keep your distance, stay at home...read fanfiction...watch all the star wars movies from beginning to end. Try to limit going outside. However even though it is not ‘just the flu’, it is not the end of the world. So do not panic, be careful and watch out for yourselves. It will be over at some point. You all have a lot of time on your hands, use it!  
I probably seem like some weird ass boomer for talking about this again, and you probably already can not and do not want to hear anything about it anymore...but watch out, alright?

Again, I am really sorry! I hope you can forgive me


	30. Radio Silence

"I know.", you blurted out, your face turning more and more red with each passing second. By now it was almost the same colour as the tomato sauce of your dinner.

He didn't say anything. Just looked up briefly, a wide grin on his face before shoving the next bite into his mouth. He turned his head slightly the 'what are you going to do about it, eh?' written all over it. There was no need to actually say the words out loud, which made it somewhat worse for you.

You could feel it too, his presence invading your mind, enjoying your embarrassment to the last bit. With a sigh you faced your food again and tried your best to get your mind off of the kiss from earlier. Perhaps you could find something to weird him out...mhhh...what weirded most people out? Right!

Med school. The first time you had entered the morgue, all the discussion about food while standing over an opened body. Comparing various smells to different restaurants and cuisines...the time someone had accidentally dropped a chewing gum into the abdominal cavity. Or the one girl who always touched the corpses, then forgot she had done so and scratched her face...or started chewing on the gloves.

"Did that really happen?"

You nodded and grinned, "Yes. I do not know if she just wasn't aware that she had just sliced some brains apart or if she liked the taste of formaldehyde...she could have also been a cannibal."

He blinked a few times and shook his head, "What is she doing now?"

You shrugged, "I don't know, but I highly suspect it was her underwear that was later found near the corpses after a party..."

"You are kidding."

"Nope. Sadly not. Our professor was incredibly mad."

"I can guess."

You grinned and continued eating, happy that you had finally gotten your mind off the matter from earlier. It had been one of the more entertaining times however gross it might have been. By now...what was gross even? Corpses had never really been that much of a mystery for you. For others however, it was completely different. 

The first time you had walked into the morgue the others were careful, didn't want to touch them. Stayed away. It didn't matter to you, you had seen enough dead people by then. Killed enough by then. 

But your colleagues? A totally different discussion. A few had quit in their first week because they couldn't handle it. You'd think that thought had passed through their head before they started studying. Apparently, it hadn't. You pitied them. They were so weak, couldn't stomach it. Got grossed out easily, almost throwing up at the thought of having to clean out the soup of half digested food, formaldehyde and half coagulated blood that had accumulated at the bottom of the abdominal cavity.

You glanced over to Kylo, he was clearly still listening to your thoughts but something else was on his mind as well.  
"It doesn't affect you, does it?", you said quietly, almost whispering. You didn’t want to specify what ‘it’ meant exactly. It could just refer to blood and gore. Broken bones sticking out of body parts, limbs bent in impossible ways or the screaming either caused. But you didn’t just mean that. It was easy to get used to it. The mind is extraordinarily good at adapting to horrifying circumstances after all.  
What you meant with ‘it’ also included the killing. Killing not done by others but by you yourself.

He didn't reply, just continued eating as if you hadn't said anything.

You watched him for a short while before continuing your thought, "I was worried about it in the beginning as well.", you paused again, wanting to see if he'd give you any kind of reaction. He didn't.  
"But I don't mind it anymore... it's no different to hunting. The strong prevail and the weak go extinct...", another pause, this time shorter. Still no reaction.  
"I don't understand why people judge us for it.", you emphasized the 'us' slightly. He finally looked up, "It's just natural. Evolution."

You could feel him searching through your mind again, figuring out whether or not you had spoken the truth or if you had just wanted to soothe him. If you had wanted to find some artificial connection between you two. He didn't need long to see that you hadn't lied. That you felt the same exact way whenever something horrible happened. Which was either joy or nothing at all. Worrying, normally...but not to you. Not since you had figured out that there was someone else.

He didn't say a word but from the look on his face he was more than just satisfied with your opinion on the rather delicate matter. You shoved your plate over towards him and he finished the rest of what you couldn't eat. Supporting your head with your hand, you just watched him.

"We are fit for each other, aren't we?", you eventually said, interrupting the comfortable silence between you two.

"Mhhh?", he made, swallowing down the last bit of food.

You laughed, "I don't mean the fact that you always eat my food. I mean...The only ones that can harm you are other force users. Or let's say, effectively harm you. They are the ones that are dangerous to you. One on one.", you paused. He put down the fork, "I can get rid of those. It is literally what I am most effective against. Yeah, okay I can shoot quite well over long range. But I was made to eliminate force sensitives."

"What do you mean?"

"We are symbiotes! I can kill what can harm you and you protect me from the rest. Which is...if I'm honest. Far more than what I can do, but there is one threat you have trouble fighting against...no offense here, I just mean it hypothetically speaking. But against that threat I'm perfect! We were practically made for each other!"

Kylo looked at you briefly before he leaned forward and kissed you. He moved his head back slightly, grinning widely at your flustered expression.  
"We were....in more ways than one."

He laughed loudly as you, once again, started blushing.

"24!", Rosie's cheerful voice was mildly distorted by the intercom. It was a bit more husky, then again...you could have just woken her up. Life in space wasn't really coordinated by sunsets or sunrises, "I'll let you in, one second.", she added. The speaker next to her door made a clicking sound and less than thirty seconds later the doors themselves slid open.

"I brought you something.", you said and held up a bottle of wine. You personally didn't really like drinking, but Rosie did. She was still pulling down the edges of the sweatshirt she had just put on as you already made your way inside, "I promised we'd have a talk. So here I am."

"That's...that's lovely 24 but I have work tomorrow...", she said, reluctantly following you inside.

"Oh right.", you pulled out your data pad and swiped through a few menus, "Now you don't. Don't worry, you'll still get paid and it won't deduct from your holidays."

She stared at you, her eyes wide open, "What."

"Don't ask.", you said, putting the wine on the countertop and leaning against it, "Life has been...quite something..."

She nodded and got herself a cup of coffee out of the fridge. You stared at her. Eyes widened in disgust.  
"What...is that...", you pointed at the white mug, filled with cold brown soup.

"Hey, don't judge me...you're the one that woke me up...", she grinned widely and sat down on the sofa, patting the place next to her, "Come. Sit! I've got so much to tell you!"

"Likewise."

It was decently interesting. One or the other affair, gossip about who supported X research paper and why...mistrust and anger here and there...nothing of great importance. At least you were up to date again.  
Rosie and Escyle were still incredibly close. Apparently you had been lucky to even meet her at her own apartment and not his. It was somewhat disappointing, you still couldn't really stand him after all. Why she liked him so much you didn’t understand.

"Any way...I saw you a while ago with that new...knight. It's a woman, isn't it?", she asked, leaning forward and pulling her legs up to her chest.

You laughed and scratched your head, "Yes."

She stared at you, as if she was expecting you to continue. To elaborate on a rather simple question she had asked. Yes, the Knight was indeed a woman. There was no need to make you this uncomfortable...you instinctively averted your gaze, moving it away until it landed on the only other thing in the room that could possibly attract your attention. The speakers that continuously played music in the background.

She had switched it on earlier, playing whatever she was listening to currently. Rosie's taste of music was about as diverse as her friend group. You were pretty sure that whenever someone suggested something, she'd listen to it. Enjoy it, even. There was hardly any genre she didn't listen to on the regular. You on the other hand...didn't really listen to music much. When would you? There wasn't really much time to spend on exploring what your actual taste of music was like.

Rosie sighed, interrupting your trail of thought and pulling you back into reality, "I know it's you."

If she'd have shot you in the head it probably would have surprised you less. It felt as if your heart had suddenly stopped beating. It picked up the pace, desperately trying to make up for the few beats it had skipped and now threatened to jump out of your chest.

"W-w-what."

You turned your head towards her, unsure of how to react to what she just had said. Was it a joke? Had someone told her? Was it gossip? Too many possibilities. That it had just been a wild guess could be ruled out from her facial expression.

"The Supreme Leader got me to take care of you after your mission.", she smiled. It wasn't a proper smile, she almost seemed disappointed in you somehow. Hurt.

You looked back down and grabbed the glass of whine sitting on the coffee table. It might have been Rosie's but you definitely needed it more now. This could be a major security breach.  
"Does anyone else know?"

"No. Just me. I was the only one taking care of you as well. I had to sign some papers...", she paused, "You didn't know it was me?"

"No.", you emptied the glass fully, "I didn't ask Kylo how he made sure that no one knew..."

She nodded, "We made some excuses up...getting in Vornskr first, her losing her shit...attacking you...blablabla. Everyone just kind of thought she had hurt you."

You sighed loudly. Your heart seemed to skip another beat, this time not out of shock but out of relief. There was no breach. This was Rosie, after all...you knew she could keep secrets. She probably also did not want to end up with a lightsaber up her arse, so she most certainly wouldn't end up being a threat.  
"Well I am glad someone told me now. Fuck. Why didn’t anyone do that? This could have been bad!"

"Kylo Ren didn't tell you?"

You shook your head, "He didn't. When did I come back? Five days ago? It didn't come up. I also only really spent time with the Knights so it wasn't an issue..."  
'Only spent time with the Knights', while it was true, you had mostly been around Kylo. Whether it was official business or not, neither one of you had wanted to leave each others' side.  
She didn't say anything.  
"I'm sorry for not telling you. I...confidential and stuff you know..."

She chuckled, "I mean...I really shouldn't be angry at you for not telling me. You really weren't allowed to talk about it."

"I would have if I could..."

"It's fine. No worries, 24. Or rather...Vornskr? Is that your real name? Also what powers do you have? I want to see them!", her eyes lit up and she pulled her knees a little bit closer. Similar to a small child expecting to hear a good adventure story. Perhaps it was that way for her. The Force was something not really widely known about...anymore that is. According to books it used to be common knowledge.

"I'm...I can't use the Force...I can do other things. I am like the opposite? I can hide from Force users, kill them better, easier...and Vornskr isn't my real name."  
How much you could into detail, you didn't know. Then again...she was your best friend. Perhaps you should actually tell her more?

"That sounds...useless."

"Ouch.", you said with the driest voice possible. You didn't really care that she called it useless, however you still had to comment on it, "It's more useful than one would think. I can-"

The music, which by now had switched to synthwave, was interrupted by a horrible crackling sound. As if someone had played around with a broken wire. Both your heads turned over towards the speaker, trying to figure out what had happened before it continued playing.

"Well that wasn't pleasant.", you noted, still staring at it.

She shook her head, "Definitely not, if this happens again I'll get a technician. It was the first time now... Maybe they broke something when I had some problems with the fridge. They had to take away the whole wall to replace some parts...honestly, it seemed a bit much.”

You narrowed your eyes slightly.  
"Your fridge was broken and they had to remove the whole wall to...fix it."

"I don't understand it either, I thought it was normal?"

An uncomfortable feeling started to come over you. As if something bad was going to happen, or had already happened. As if you had overlooked something, missed it even though it was right in front of your nose.  
"When?", you asked, getting up and walking over towards said wall.

"The same day you came back, I think? I called them over the next day...", she sighed, "24, it's weird, I thought so too but Escy-"

Another crackling sound, this time it ended in a high pitched shriek.

"I'll call them again. Apparently it's normal, I wasn't the only one who had fridge problems. They had to do the same in-"

The same high pitched sound came from the speaker again, getting louder. You instinctively put your hands over your ears, as did Rosie. The looming feeling of dread in your abdomen only got worse. It almost felt as if someone had kicked you in the gut.  
The shrilling sound stopped but was replaced by a male voice.

"At last the work of generations is complete."  
Who was that? You didn't recognize the voice but it sent shivers down your spine.

"The great error is corrected."

"What? Who is that?", Rosie asked. You could feel your skin getting goosebumps. Rosie wasn't any better, she almost started clattering with her teeth. You raised a hand up to stop her from saying anything further.

"The day of victory is at hand. The day of revenge."  
There was a short pause, allowing any listener to the broadcast to take in the words. Who was that?  
"The day of the Sith."  
Oh.


	31. Mustafar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well look who's back...

"What...was that?", Rosie asked, half laughing.

"I am not sure...", you replied, slowly sitting back down but still staring at the speaker. You didn't know much about the Sith. Only a few things, after all they were on the dark side of the Force and so were you. Regardless of whether or not you had known that before, now you certainly would have known now. Rosie was shivering, clearly affected by its presence. You didn't mind the cold but you still felt it. The pressure was worse though. Far worse.

"I think my heating is broken.", she said, apparently trying to find any logical reason for what had just happened. It wasn’t unusual, whenever people got confronted with something they couldn’t understand or comprehend their brains found the nearest possible solution. However absurd it might be. The sudden drop in temperature after a broadcast from a possible Sith was something to be expected for anyone that knew a bit more about the Force. Not even much, just more than: ‘It exists.’ For Rosie, however she had to make some sort of connection. If she’d think about it for a bit longer it would be clear that the temperature in a room wouldn’t drop this fast just because the heating broke. 

"No. Your heating is fine.", you got up again and threw a blanket over her, "I think I have to-"

There was a familiar sizzling sound outside the door, a red light cut into it and part of the door fell inside the room. Rosie screamed out loud as the huge piece of smoldering metal crashed onto the floor. 

"I think your door is broken though.", you replied with a voice almost as cold as the temperature.

"Doc. We have to go."

"WHAT THE FUCK! THAT WAS MY DOOR! YOU CAN- Oh, I am sorry Supreme Leader."  
Rosie was still shivering. Mostly out of fear though, given her skin colour. You raised your hand so she wouldn’t continue talking. 

"Go to Escyle.", you commanded and quickly marched over to Kylo, the corridor walls behind him were about as broken as Rosie's door was now. No wonder it was so cold, it didn't just come from some Sith broadcasting to your starship but also from Kylo's seething anger at said Sith. You placed your hand on the one Kylo was holding his lightsaber with, carefully removing it and switching it off, "Let's go.", you whispered, placing your hand onto the side of his helmet.

He was trembling and took a few seconds before he nodded and moved out. You had a rough idea where he wanted to go, so you followed him barely being able to keep up with his pace. The other Knights most certainly had heard the same broadcast, but you still gave them a heads up via your data pad. Kylo got a call from someone on his and you quickly snatched it out of his fingers before he could smash it against a wall.

"Kylo! Kylo...", you shoved the pad into one of your pockets.

"Give me my fucking lightsabre back!", his voice was quiet but stern.

Should you give it back? He'd go on and destroy a few more walls, but if you didn't give it back...he wouldn't hurt you, would he? No. Not giving it back would result in an argument that you really didn't need right now. You threw it into his direction and took a few steps back to sort things out on Kylo's data pad.

"MD-2442 speaking.", you answered.

"Who is this? That fucking doctor?! I need to talk to the Supreme Leader. Now!"

You couldn't quite tell which one of the council it was from just the voice.

"No. You can not talk to him. We've heard the broadcast.", before he could interrupt you, you lowered your voice a bit and held the datapad closer to you, "Call a meeting with the council to get everyone on the same page."

"What gives you the right to talk to me like that!", he was frustrated, angry but not nearly as furious as Kylo Ren was right now. After all, only one was currently destroying the ship.

"Who broadcasted that?", you asked, completely invalidating his authority.

"Listen to-"

"No. You listen to me. I either calm the Supreme Leader down enough now or I will send him into your pathetic little council. I don't care what power you have, if your head isn't on your shoulders anymore you can hardly make decisions."

Silence. A cough. A sigh.

"Darth Sidious."

A smile appeared on your face, triumphant that you had gotten him to talk. Then the realization of who broadcasted it set in.  
"Fuck."

Silence on your side. You took a deep breath and sighed.  
"I'll fix this.", you stopped and watched Kylo still destroying the walls, "I hope I won't lose my head.", you said quietly. A cold laugh from whoever was on the other side.

"Good luck."

"Thanks.", you stopped, thinking about what to do next, "What do we know so far?"

"Broadcasted throughout the whole galaxy. That's all."

"I need his location. ASAP."  
You hung up on him and stored Kylo's datapad in your pocket.

Your heart was beating fast. How the fuck were you meant to calm him down. The temperature in the corridor had probably dropped by at least 10 degrees, if not more. You took a deep breath, pulling your black tunic down and straightening your back.

You walked over to him, "Kylo?", your voice was quiet, barely audible over the slashing sounds.  
He stopped, his chest moving up and down. Had he heard you?  
"Kylo?", you asked again, placing your hand onto his shoulder before you got thrown into the next wall.  
The air got knocked out of your lungs, but that was all. It hurt momentarily and obviously breathing wasn't really possible but he had watched out.   
It took you a good minute or two to get back on your feet while he was going on with destroying the whole ship. How long would it take for him to make a hole into it? Hopefully that wouldn't happen. Getting sucked out into the vast nothing of space hadn’t really been on your bucket list. You prefered floating around in it, safely secured in a vessel of metal and electronics not...in your scrubs.  
The datapad vibrated, you grabbed it.

"Kylo!", you shouted, getting up again and marching over towards him. He didn't stop. That didn’t matter, because you could stop him any time you pleased. His lightsaber flickered and the blade stopped working.  
He grabbed his helmet, throwing it into your direction. You quickly ducked, there was a scream behind you then the sound of it breaking.

"WHAT?!", he shouted, within three steps he was standing in front of you, breathing heavily into your face. Sweat was dripping down onto the floor and glued black strands of his hair onto his forehead. He could barely contain himself, anyone else he probably would have force chocked or killed right there and then. From how his muscles were trembling it took every fiber of his will to not do either.

"I know his location.", his eyes widened slightly at your words. 

"Where?"

"There is a wayfinder to his location on Mustafar."  
You said it as if you knew it 100%, but in reality it was a mere guess. The most likely one to be fair, you just hoped it was true. If you were wrong, who knew what he might do.

"Get my sh-"

"Already done. The new ship is ready, the Knights are waiting. We also have stormtroopers."

He stared at you. Something about it made him look helpless. He wasn't scared, just overwhelmed, unsure what to do now. You raised your hand up in an attempt to move the strands of hair out of his face, before he looked behind you. Every bit of emotion and insecurity you had seen in his face disappeared, replaced with the same anger and wrath from before.  
He marched past you and you turned around to follow him.

Hux was standing in the corridor, the broken pieces of Kylo's helmet lying a good two feet next to him. So it had been his scream? Of course. The Knights, including your double, joined you on your walk to the hangar.

Before you entered the Night Buzzard, you pulled him aside behind a few crates.  
He wanted to protest but you shut him up by placing your hand over his mouth.  
"Are you alright?", you asked quietly, finally removing the wet strands of hair from his forehead.

He stared at you for a short while before he nodded.  
"I am."

You shook your head, "You aren't.", a short pause, "It doesn't matter. We assume Darth Vader-", you paused. Kylo's eyes widened slightly and an expression you couldn't quite read appeared on his face, "Right. He might have had a way to get to Sidious."

"You and the Knights will stay here. I'll go with a few stormtroopers."

From the tone it was futile to protest his decision. You nodded.  
"Yes, Sir."

Kylo walked over to his own ship while you waved the Knights away. You quickly got out Kylo's data pad and coordinated the rest of the stormtroopers, making sure they knew what they were supposed to do. It was not like you had any experience with coordinating troop movement or missions. You just told them how to behave around the Supreme Leader and what their goal was. Then you handed the rest over to some experienced officers.

Strategizing had never really been one of your strong suits. Leading small teams up to ten people you could do quite well, after all you had to learn that in med school and on different wards. Anything larger than that? Nope, never tried it and not really willing to learn it either. You had enough work and Kylo had a lot of very experienced officers that were on a level you wouldn't be able to reach anyway.

Kylo's POV  
Why was he still alive? Didn't he die? Had he not been killed? Why was he BACK?! Why? Why. WHY.  
Kylo increased the speed of his TIE Whisper, a futile way to somewhat calm down. It didn't work. The only thing it accomplished was that the crafts carrying stormtroopers were left behind. If he arrived there first at least he would be able to chop through some locals. That would calm him down.

Sidious was a threat. A threat to everything he had accomplished so far. He had worked his way up the ranks of not only the Knights of Ren but also the First Order only for some old, rotten avocado to come and take it.

Right now he wasn't really sure what he was meant to do. All he knew was that he wanted to find him...and then? Not...it wasn't entirely clear. Would he be able to kill him? Take his power? Would Sidious offer him a spot by his side? How the fuck had he survived this long anyway?

The Doc sent over some more data. Or someone other than her was using his datapad, but he doubted it. She somehow managed to take care of the troops without having any prior experience...but...from how they were handled she had probably talked to some of Kylo's own commanders and simply repeated it. Still, it probably took some work off their hands and also of Kylo's.

"Transmission from: Kylo Ren.", it sounded from his speakers. He picked up.

"Doc?"

"Hey...", she said, clearly worried about him from the tone of her voice but holding herself back, "I'm using your datapad, not mine...I thought you should know that. Any way...I'll be sending you a map to the possible location. From what we know there is a cult on Mustafar that raided...Darth Vader's fortress a while ago."

"A cult?"

"Yes, they worship some Lady Kravax? Corax? No. Wait. Corvax. Apparently she was the one that made this whole planet look like literal hell.", she stopped. He could guess what kind of hell she was thinking about and it was not one made out of lava and stone but mud and acid.

"I know about her."

"Right. So...there is a forest that they protect. Their headquarters or base or whatever is located there. The best place to land is...let me send you the coordinates. Now uhm...we just assume that Darth Vader had his wayfinder on Mustafar. We also don't really know a lot about said wayfinder, it is just a...possibility.", her voice got more high pitched, "Apparently it's some Sith artifact...They were created a long ass time ago. It's supposed to lead to a planet called 'Exegol'. It's a Sith planet. There is really not much else I could dig up."

"Mhhh", Kylo made.

It took her a short while before she spoke again, "I've sent you everything and marked the important passages. It's just a sith translation, I don't know if you speak it? I don't. But I sent you the original anyway. Good luck and..."

"And?"

"Don't do anything stupid."  
She hung up on Kylo before he could reply.

"I have been every voice...you have ever heard...inside your head.", Sidious spoke, his voice distorting throughout.

Kylo didn't care. So what? Then the Sith had been every voice. If he was only a voice, he couldn't control Ren. Blocking out words was still a possibility. It was far easier now as well, given that he finally knew what was happening behind the curtains, so to speak.

There were huge tanks to the sides, filled with a greenish,viscous liquid. The figure inside was far too familiar. He didn’t need a second look to identify him: Snoke. Was this...was this a clone? Of course it had to be, there were multiple Snokes stored in one tank. Cloning was incredibly hard to achieve and so far only the Empire had ever done it properly. The mechanics behind how to actually do it were lost. Which is why the First Order had retorted to stealing children. It was probably cheaper but given how many rebelled against what they were brought up into...definitely a worse option.

"The First Order was just the beginning...I will give you so much more."

"You'll die first.", Kylo replied, walking around the tanks still looking for the man behind the voice.

"I have died before. The dark side of the Force is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be..."  
Kylo had finally found the hooded figure. Sidious' skin was so dry it might as well have been made out of paper. It was ashen, the veins underneath coloured black instead of blue. His teeth weren't yellow but a dark grey and the pupils or irises of his eyes were completely missing.   
"Unnatural."

Kylo raised the lightsaber up to Sidious' face, stopping only mere inches in front of it. He didn't seem bothered.  
"What could you...give me?"  
The Sith had to give Ren a very good reason to not just chop his head off right there and then.

"Everything.", the man started, raising his hands up. His fingers were rotten and if he wouldn't be moving Kylo would have presumed the man to be dead. A mere corpse, strung into position by cables which made him look strangely similar to a puppet, "A new Empire."

Inside Kylo's head images appeared. Him, sitting on a throne. The fleet currently rising up from the depths of the planet.

"The Might of the Final Order will soon be ready."

More images inside his head. Star destroyers, outfitted with planet destroying weapons. Millions upon millions of stormtroopers. He saw what he could achieve. Who he could become. The new Emperor.

"It will be yours if you do as I ask."

The images stopped and Kylo lowered his lightsaber. Was it really worth it?

"Kill the girl."

Killing the Doc? No, the chances that Sidious actually knew of her were… he probably didn’t mean her. He probably meant Rey. Killing her? She had...could he do that? He thought back to the battle after he had killed Snoke. Sidious didn't give him much time before he continued talking.

"End the Jedi and become what your grandfather Vader could not. You will rule all the galaxy as the new Emperor."

A sweet offer. Becoming Vader, just better? All he had wanted to achieve in his life was to become like Vader. And with this...With the power of the Final Order he could be better. Much better.

"But beware, she is not who you think she is."

Regardless of who Rey was. Or who she could be. Or that he would have to kill her...his best option was to accept. He could always change his mind later.

"Who is she.", Kylo asked nevertheless.

A smile crept over the bluish lips of the moving corpse, "My granddaughter."

Kylo didn't move a single muscle. It explained a lot. No. It explained everything. It also...opened more than just a few pathways for him to change this around. To get what he wanted. To get more. He waved away the thoughts and nodded.

"I will end it."

Annotation:  
so when I started writing this I didn't really know where I wanted to go with it, which is why I probably have some mistakes in it timeline wise. I know the helmet thing is one of those, so I kind of...changed the timeline a bit so it would fit with the rest of the story. I am sorry for it.  
Kylo also has a new ship in episode IX, somewhen in between the last chapters and this one he got it.   
I think we all know that episode IX had some massive plot holes, so I'll attempt to fix those...suggestions or ideas are always welcome! Complaints about plot holes in either my story or episode IX as well.  
Come to think of it...what bothered you the most? I personally think it was the best out of the sequels, but some things just bothered me for days on end after watching it. If I would have been part of the First Order or the Final Order I would have made sure that this was a success story! For example: Building more than one tower to guide the ships off of the planet.  
So: Rant all you want, I am curious what you disliked!


	32. Mask

Kylo's POV  
The dust, dirt and debris was still falling from the star destroyers now silently hovering over Exegol. It would probably still take a while before it had settled.  
Thousands upon thousands of planet destroying flying cities have been hidden on this planet for years. The death star a few decades ago was enough to send the whole galaxy into a state of fear and submission. Same with Starkiller base. If the galaxy knew the true power of what was hidden here? There wouldn't even be a fight. Not one faction would oppose them. None that wanted to survive, anyhow.

Actually...that was wrong. There had always been people opposing the Dark side. The rebel alliance decades ago. The Resistance now. People that had lost everything to the current ruling power, either by accident or by force. People that thought the First Order’s ways were wrong. And people that simply wanted to fight. Emotionally unstable people. Immature people. Everyone going through their rebellious phase. Kylo wasn't exactly aware of the irony.

This power could tip the scales in their favour. Defeat those pesky Resistance fighters. Ensure total and absolute control over the galaxy. Restore Order. Keep the crime rates down on every planet. Eliminate crime all together, if they could rule for long enough. No one would dare to steal if the punishment for doing so was death. Instead of angering locals by stealing their children for the First Order's army, they could clone their best current soldiers. Increase not only the capabilities but also their obedience. It was...too good to be true.

What did Sidious have in mind? He'd never allow Kylo to just take over the throne and rule as Emperor. Did he want Kylo to be his apprentice? Literally step into Darth Vader's footsteps. No. He had promised him the seat of the Emperor if he could kill Rey.  
But killing Rey? She'd shown in the past that she would be a very capable user of the dark side of the Force. If Kylo could convince her somehow. Convert her. Together they'd have a chance against Sidious. She was strong. Inhumanely so. It was ridiculous. Not even Anakin Skywalker, the chosen one, had been as promising as she was.

Converting her was the only way. Changing her way of thinking. Convincing her that the side she had chosen on a whim was weaker and incapable of protecting her oh-so-precious friends. 

Defeating Sidious alone would be an almost impossible task, even with the help of the Doc. Kylo had an idea how to do it though. It wouldn't exactly be easy, but with enough preparation he could do it. 

For that to work...however...he had to get to Rey. Speak to her. Convince her that her true place was with him. On the Dark Side. Where she belonged. He had always known this, with her being Emperor Palpatine's granddaughter, Sidious' granddaughter... It was obvious.

But she was so frustrating. Incapable of any rational thought. She was stumbling through the world around her, getting dragged along by its events. If he'd found her first, it wouldn't have been a problem. None whatsoever, but because the 'light side of the force' had to find her before he had she was now convinced she belonged to it. 

Just like that...without any reason she had joined the Resistance. She had always been a girl that had been looking for her destiny. Her place within the galaxy. She'd never found it being on that damned sand planet, gathering junk. The moment there was the slightest bit of excitement and the feeling of belonging she had grasped that straw like a drowning person trying to keep themselves above water.

Given it was the first time and probably only time she had felt like she belonged to something... she didn't want to betray them. Wanted to stay true to its cause. A cause that wasn't hers, or...hadn't been hers from the start. Now she held onto it, didn't want to oppose those that had fought for that goal their whole lives. Pretending to be one of them. As if she'd always wanted this. It was pathetic. The only thing she ever had going for her was the sheer amount of power that was given to her by...what? Genetics? 

Kylo scoffed out loud and started his TIE Whisper. It was time to leave Exegol. Next time he wouldn't come alone. Best case scenario he'd have Rey and the Doc at his side. Worst case it would just be the Doc and Rey's body. He had a feeling that they wouldn't really like each other...

Doc's POV  
"It's me.", you said, leaning in closer to the intercom so Kylo could hear you.

He didn't reply but the door opened, so he must have heard you. The room was completely white inside. The architecture was different, not just the colour. Of course the hospitals and medbays were white, but they had different accents of grey or black. This one seemed more sterile than the medical wings. Somehow it made it more personal. More important, especially to Kylo, who was standing in the middle, supporting his body weight on a pillar. He didn't really fit in, being completely dressed in black. Then again, neither did you.

You put your beaked helmet down after the door had closed behind you and walked over to him.  
"Are you alright?", you asked quietly, placing your hand on his shoulder.

"We need to talk."

Oh. That was more serious than you had anticipated. There was no smile on his face, not a single wrinkle next to his eyes indicating that this would be a pleasant conversation. Fuck. Had you done something wrong?

"Alright.", you replied quietly, taking your hand away from his shoulder.

He mustered you, then looked down at the helmet in front of him.  
"Do you know who's mask that is?"

It was a relatively easy question. You'd seen this one countless times, it was just a bit more morphed and half destroyed. Still recognizable, however.  
"Darth Vader's."

He nodded.  
"He's...he's...", a sigh escaped his lips. Was he nervous? No...but he wasn’t comfortable either.  
"He's my grandfather."

What. His grandfather? Darth Vader was Kylo’s grandfather? That...That would mean that he was either the son of Luke Skywalker or Leia. Regardless of who it was...neither were affiliated with the dark side, as far as you knew. And both...were fighting against the First Order. You didn’t even want to begin to imagine the awkward family meetups, if there were any.   
"That explains why you're so strong with the Force.", you simply said, not wanting to pressure the matter any further. It was the same with patients, if something made the uncomfortable it was best for the attending physician or nurse to just pretend it was 100% normal.

"Do you know about Rey?"

Of course you did. Needless to say you weren’t really fond of her.

"The wannabe Jedi orphan from some sand planet? Yes, I've heard the others mention her. When she caused the most trouble I had barely joined the First Order though."  
Jedi? One reason to dislike her. Sand? Even worse. From what you knew she was a devoted follower of the Light side of the Force. Another reason to despise her. The fact that she was with the Resistance was probably what pissed you off the most.

The Resistance had killed too many people that were dear to you. Too many. It had almost killed you on multiple occasions as well. You weren’t one to forgive anyone easily.

The Knights had talked about her a few times. Why exactly she wasn't dead yet, you didn't know. Pure luck? Destiny? Fate? Mercy from Kylo’s side? Unlikely but not impossible. 

"She's strong.", he looked back down at Vader's helmet, "She has potential."

Oh really? She had potential? Well she could just try attacking you. It would be very...very entertaining. No matter how strong she was she wouldn't be prepared for you.

"Okay.", you said, crossing your arms in front of your chest. Where did he plan to go with this? 

"We need her."

No.

"Do we?"

He shook his head slightly and turned it back to you. Was there a smile on his face? Why?  
"I want to destroy Palpatine. I don't trust him. He is offering me the throne to be the Emperor."

Obviously he’d go on and change the subject.

You laughed coldly, "Don't tell me you accepted. He fucked over your grandfather, Darth Vader, he will fuck you up too. He will never let you get that position."

Normally you wouldn’t have put it so bluntly, but you weren’t exactly in the mood to sweeten your words.

Kylo scoffed, "I know.", looking back down at his grandfather's helmet, "I need Rey to defeat him. He's weak. We can destroy him together."

"We?"

"Rey and me."

Kylo and Rey? Rey?! Those two? That did not sound good, even if you disregarded your own dislike for her. Half a Jedi and a dark side user? Joining forces with the Resistance? The Resistance?! Was he out of his mind?

"If he's weak why don't I cut him off? Then we wouldn't have to get Rey on our side!", you hid your utter confusion at his sudden change of character as best as you could.

"Sidious is weak compared to how he used to be. He's stronger than I am. Much stronger.", he paused, "Rey is...Rey is his granddaughter."

"What.", was all that escaped your mouth as your chin was slowly dropping. You had hidden your confusion earlier. Now it just did get a bit too much to hide. "No."

"What do you mean 'No'?"

"No. That is the most stupid idea I've heard. You are going to try to convince the granddaughter of the last living Sith to join you? What makes you think she is going to do that!"

What was wrong with him!

"She almost did before."

"Almost! She didn't! And then she didn't know you wanted to kill the possible last living relative of hers!"

Kylo tensed up at your words. You paused briefly, mustering him. He was convinced this would work. He had some sort of plan in his head. From how he behaved right now he wasn’t too pleased that you were opposing it.

"Fine.", you said, sighing, "Why didn't she join you?"

He scoffed, "She's too focused on the Light side of the Force. I can convert her."

He wasn't happy with your behaviour. Not at all. His leather gloves made a soft squeaking sound as he balled his hand into a fist. This was unusual for him. You knew that he wasn’t necessarily the most...thoughtful person. He was impulsive and moody. Killing random stormtroopers and officers if they only looked at him wrong. You knew you had a special place, he would have executed anyone else already. However, he still had a breaking point, and you weren’t too keen on testing out how much further you could try to argue with him. 

"Okay.", you said quietly and took a deep breath. Kylo was convinced that this would work. No, he was convinced that this was the only way. One moody teenager was on his way to try to convert a different but very entitled teenager. What a spectacle to watch from the sidelines, but no...you’d be dragged right into it.   
"I'll help you. I trust you to have a plan. No one else can get into my head so you can tell it to me without risking anyone finding out."

"For now we will follow Sidious."

"Pretend to follow?"

"Yes."

"And convince that Rey Bi- Rey to join the dark side of the Force by…?"

"I'll show her that she can use it. You'll stay in the back. For now. We don't want you to get close to her."

It was easy to guess why he didn't want that. Keeping your powers a secret until they were needed in the very end was probably the best way to succeed. She didn't know you existed and neither did she have any idea about your powers. Perfect. At least that part of his plan was rather foolproof.

"I will stay in the back. I'll behave like any other Knight.", you repeated, making sure that you both understood each other about your role.

“Exactly. You’re just another Knight. And no word to them.”, He looked satisfied and straightened his back, probably ready to leave to meet with the rest of the Knights any minute now.

"But.", you continued,"...if she harms you. I will kill her."

He smiled and you stepped closer to him, placing your hand on his chest.  
"I fucking mean it.", he leaned down so you could kiss him. You moved your hand up to his head so he couldn't pull away.  
Eventually you loosened your grip and he wanted to go away, but you kept him close.  
"And if you two get some special connection because your grandfathers worked together I'll kill her too."

He didn't reply. You let him go. Something about the way Kylo had reacted was off. Was he surprised? You had killed someone once that had gotten too close, he very well knew you wouldn’t hesitate to do it again.  
"We've got your mask and someone that can fix it, just as you requested. Anything else?"

"No."

"Let's go then. The boys are waiting."

Annotation:  
A shorter one because I have an exam coming up. Can't wait to finally be done with this utter bullshit, I've been studying so much I don't even know what free time is anymore.  
I hope you're all holding up well during quarantine!


	33. Connection

Since Palpatine had decided to broadcast his rather annoying voice through the entirety of the galaxy Kylo had been on edge. The slightest inconvenience sent him into a fit of rage. You didn't even want to know how much the damage he had caused to various parts of the ships would cost. Probably more than your salary. If that still mattered.

A few hours ago a stormtrooper had looked at him for a split second too long and you had barely managed to get the poor fellow out of Kylo's way.  
A snitch being somewhere in Kylo’s closer circle didn’t exactly help with this either. How the First Order had figured out that there was someone playing both sides, you didn’t know. Spying on employees? Watching their browsing history? ‘Suspicious’ hanging out in corners? They must have some way. Thinking about this made you a bit more aware of the cameras installed in every corner of the corridors though. 

The Knights and you stood outside the chamber where the green alien spy was kept inside. There was an awkward silence between you two, only interrupted by the alien’s screams.  
"So...", you eventually broke it, "Palpatine...What do you think?"

The others exchanged looks, Vicrul shrugged.  
"With the Final Order and the First Order merging we will finally have the power to take over the galaxy."

Good point.

"We'll be the new Empire. Just greater, better, stronger.", Ap'lek added.

They didn't ask any questions? Just accepted it? From what you knew the Final Order would have an incredibly easy time to take over the First Order. They could take everything the First Order had built up over years within a few hours. It wouldn’t even be a challenge.  
You kept them not really asking any questions in the back of your mind.

"We will.", you just said, not wanting them to see your doubt. The screams from inside the chamber behind you only got louder.  
Then they stopped.

"How did we find the snitch?"

Ap'lek shrugged, "We have our own surveillance on various council members, I suppose. I actually don't know exactly."

The door opened and Kylo marched outside, holding the ugly and decapitated head in his right hand.  
"He didn't talk. He is some stupid species in who's head I can't get either."

You nodded. Usually Kylo wouldn't need to even resort to physical torture to get what he wanted. Not this time. Before the doors to the chamber closed you got a brief look at the remains. They were still strapped to the chair, cuts and bruises all over. The green skin was blue, grey or just red with blood. An incredibly sad sight, if you would have actually cared about him….After all he had betrayed the First Order, this was his fault alone. He should have seen it coming.

"Stay outside.", Kylo ordered and entered the council room. You could hear the head being thrown onto the table, then the doors closed.

"Do we know what he gave to the Resistance?", you asked. The others already seemed a bit annoyed at your constant questioning. It wasn’t unimportant though, on the contrary. The whole situation seemed almost artificial to you. Perhaps only because you didn’t know everything about it. It was surprising that neither the Knights or Kylo seemed to know more either, however. Not a good sign.

Was it just...luck? A mere coincidence? Randomness falling into place? Or was it a grand scheme that Palpatine had thought up for years? Not years...decades. It seemed more likely. It also made it much much harder to deal with.

If Darth Sidious had planned this for such a long time, he would have considered every point of failure for sure. At least, you would have. There shouldn’t be a single flaw in his plan, every minor inconvenience considered. Every small detail laid out. If plan A failed there would be a plan B, C, D...all the way up to Z. He probably went through the alphabet a few times before he was out of plans.

"He confirmed Palpatine's existence. Hardly a reason to lose their life over.", Ap'lek answered, reminding you that you had asked a question.

You scoffed, "That can't have been the only thing. I saw the cable he used, it was a massive amount of data he transferred. Confirming that Palpatine is alive is something I can do within two seconds. Via talking."

Vicrul laughed coldly, "Yes. They did gather star destroyer plans. Where we have stormtroopers stationed. Their equipment... But also a bunch of encrypted data."

"How long until we know what that was?"

"A few hours at worst."

You nodded. The star destroyer plans could be a problem. The encrypted parts were, of course, much more worrying.

The meeting with the council didn't take long. Kylo still exchanged a few words with some of the officers as two stormtroopers carried the limp body of General Domaric Quinn away.  
"My medbay.", Kylo ordered them, then finished up the discussion before turning around. The Knights and you followed him along the dark corridors to Kylo's meeting room.

LZ-3 was happily awaiting your arrival but disappeared under a log the moment he saw the Knights. He hadn't really warmed up to them yet.

"We will hunt the scavenger. Rey. We do not know her location yet but it won't be long.", Kylo paused and scanned everyone briefly, his eyes lingering on you for a bit longer than the rest.  
"Prepare everything for immediate departure so we won't lose time.”, he straightened his back, “Leave. Everyone apart from Vornskr."

"Can't I stay? I'd love to watch.", Cardo grabbed his throat as Kylo lifted him a few feet into the air, gurgling slightly.

"Cut the comments. Mistakes will not be tolerated. You will follow my orders and only those. If it isn't directly from me, out of my mouth you will ignore it. Loyalty and trust is what I need. If you even think about betraying me, I will make you wish you were never born."  
You flinched as Kylo dropped Cardo onto the floor. Mainly because some of Cardo’s weapons didn’t exactly look trustworthy. Who knew if they couldn’t just...explode.

"Yes, Supreme Leader.", Ap'lek said. The rest followed shortly after. You didn't say anything, Kylo hadn't directed his speech to you.  
They left the room and you took your helmet off, placing it on the table next to Kylo. He was trembling slightly, barely keeping himself together.

You wanted to remove his helmet but he grabbed your hand.  
"Don't."

"Alright.", you lowered your arm.

Regardless of how worked up he was right now, you still had to get something off your chest. Wrapping bad news in nice packages to make them easier to handle, wasn't exactly one of your strong suits. You didn't like anyone doing it to you either. So you opted for the better version: Just outright saying what was on your mind. Kylo was one to follow the 'shoot the messenger' mindset, but unlike most other messengers...you kind of had a special place. A very special place that you would use to its full extent.

“Two things: Sidious has been planning this for decades. Do not underestimate him. He will have a plan for any situation.”, that was the easier part. You let him search through your head so he’d understand what you meant fully. Now to the harder one...

"The Knights mean as much to you as my squad on Weih meant to me.", enough diplomacy. You had to get to the point, "Regardless. They are loyal to you, but Sidious might influence them. Convert them so to speak."

Kylo just nodded, "I am aware."

That went over smoother than expected. It was good to know that he had thought of it himself. It probably wasn't an issue but if Kylo already thought of the possibility of it happening it might become one within time.

"Do you trust them?"

It was a loaded question. If he would have asked you that about your squad you would have been insulted. Of course you trusted them. You relied on them for everything, placed your life in their hands and they placed theirs in yours. It wasn't any different for the Knights now. Kylo had been with them for...how long? You didn't actually know. A long time for sure.

"For now.", he answered. He didn't say much, but it answered any follow up questions you might have had.  
"I do not trust the Sith Eternal. The cult around Sidious.", he moved away from you, turning towards the giant glass front of your lizard's terrarium,"They see me as their new leader, they have apparently 'tested' me in the past to see whether or not I'd be fit for it."

"Fit to be the emperor?", you asked.

"They will want me as their new puppet.", his voice was...defeated almost. There was more on his mind than he let on. He kept up the appearance. Standing straight, arms behind his back, doing everything in his power to seem confident. The keyword here being 'seem'. He wasn't. He was the total opposite. Compared to how he usually kept his shoulders they were just slightly more slouched forward. Sinking into himself. He had kept the mask on too, hiding behind it. Using it as a shield to keep his emotions hidden, or more in check.

His posture made you want to walk up to him and just hold him. To support him. But this wasn't just anyone, this was Kylo Ren. The Supreme Leader of the First Order and more than well known around everyone to be a tad...impulsive. He knew it too and he absolutely hated being called or seen that way. If you'd let him know that you'd realized his insecurities...

"Every voice I've ever heard.", he suddenly broke the silence, turning back towards the table and leaning onto it, "Snoke's...", he wiped over a fingerprint someone had left on the shiny black surface, "Vader's."

He paused and leaned onto the table with both hands again, staring at his helmet's reflection in the almost perfectly polished top.  
"It's all been Sidious.", he continued, "He's tricked me. I thought I had a connection to them."

He tried to wipe the fingerprint away, but only spread the stain further, "I listened to them. Trusted them...Relied on them and...and...", he smashed his fist onto the table and you instinctively took a small step back, "THEY WEREN'T EVEN REAL!", he turned back around to you, "Do you understand what that means! Do you understand that?!"

You didn't reply.

"Am I...am I really connected to the dark side?"

Again, no reply from you.

"Sidious is just going to use me to get Rey and make her the new Empress.", he continued and faced the table again,"They'll throw me away. Use me as a puppet, a means to an end. He just wants Rey. I'm nothing but a marionette already!", he smashed his fist on the table again. And again.

"Nothing I ever did was of any significance because they put it all in my path! Everything! Everything is controlled by them! Everything was just a test, a way for them to make me find Rey!"

"What?", you threw in, "No. No that can't be right. If they can control so much, why would they need you to find Rey?", you immediately placed your hand in front of your mouth.

"Because of that STUPID connection we have!"

You raised your eyebrows, "Connection?"

"YES!", he shouted, igniting his lightsaber and slicing the table in front of him in two.

What did he mean by connection? Emotionally? What? You didn't want to say anything further, he was after all destroying a solid metal table in front of you. Your bones were hardly a challenge. You stepped further back, not even realizing you were doing it until your back was against the glass panel of the terrarium. It wasn't so much Kylo you were afraid of more the pressure and the pieces of tables currently flying through the room.

A hot, half molten metal splinter landed on the fabric seating of a chair and ignited it. The fire was hardly more than a fist tall when you already jumped over and extinguished it with the pillow of another chair.

"FOR FUCK'S SAKE, KYLO!", you shouted and threw the still smoldering pillow at him. He stopped it mid flight, not even giving it a proper look.

He turned around, still heavily breathing. Kylo's eyes scanned you quickly before they stopped at the pillow hovering in the air.  
"You tried to stop me with that?", he asked, the absurdity of someone throwing a pillow had wiped away most of his anger.

"You set fire to the chair!", you pointed at the black stain on the grey fabric.

"I did.", he put his lightsaber away and let the pillow fall to the ground, "We need to talk."

"We already are.", you replied, not hiding your own anger one bit. Losing control was one thing, but losing it in such a delicate situation was another. Given he finally removed his helmet, he had probably heard your thoughts.

"Rey and I are connected through the Force. Sidious made that connection. I always thought it was Snoke. But Sidious is Snoke.”

He sighed.

Once again, you didn't reply. Not because you didn't want to upset him further, different reason this time.

"I can talk to her no matter where in the galaxy she is."

This only got better. 

"That’s all Sidious created but it is more. It's a Force Bond. A dyad. I can send her objects, take objects from her."

Still no reply from you.

He sighed, "You're just going to stay silent?"

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why do you have that bond with her?"

He shrugged his shoulders, "I do not know. Maybe because of our grandfathers? It's the only thing that would make sense. I've asked myself this for years."

You scoffed and picked up the pillow just to throw it at him again. He didn't even flinch.  
"Do you love her?", you blurted out, only realizing what you had said after the words had already left your lips.

"Of course not!"

You nodded, "Good.", you eyed him skeptical nevertheless, "Does she...?"

Kylo didn't immediately reply, he just sighed and picked the pillow up.  
"I don't know. She wants me to be my old self. A jedi."

You raised your eyebrows. This only got more confusing. First he had some awkward connection with her. Whatever a ‘dyad’ was supposed to be. Now he was...now he used to be a Jedi?! Whether or not it was the 'old self-jedi' part or him not knowing whether or not she loved him that got you so confused wasn't clear.

"Okay.", you said, shielding your mind and thoughts from him. You shoved the whole dyad-connection into the back. No matter how furious you were at Kylo having a special bond with someone other than you...you couldn’t change it now. It was a Force bond, at least it was just a Force bond and not an emotional one.

No way to change that now, however. After all....you could still break the bond up...in a bit.

There were a few other problems. The first and most obvious being that you had no idea what he meant with 'old self'. Well, he did mean Jedi, he said as much...but what else did it mean? Obviously not with the First Order. He had always been the grandson of Darth Vader, he'd always stay that as well...but if Rey wanted him to be his 'old self' she definitely wanted him to be on the Light side.

A major part of you didn't agree with it. It was something you couldn't identify with at all. Never had either. The Resistance and everything associated with the Light side had done too much harm to you to make you care about them.

There were dozens more questions inside your head about what exactly it meant to return to his old self. All of them mattered but there wasn't enough time to ask them, to make him explain.

"Okay.", you repeated, "First of all...", you looked over to Kylo who was sitting in a chair, watching you carefully, "No matter what happens. I'll always be on your side."

He opened his mouth to say something but you stopped him.

"No. Shush. She wants you to switch sides, you want her to switch sides. One of you will succeed. No matter what happens I'll join you.", you took a deep breath, "Even if I'm not really made for it."

He nodded.

"Second: I know who you are now. I do not know who you were...I'd ask you to tell me more about it but we do not have the time. So instead: Anything that's important for me. Tell it to me now. You should have fucking told me about the connection earlier!"

"She can get into my head."

Into Kylo’s head? This was going to be a problem. A massive problem. No plan was safe from her if that was true.  
"Anytime?"

"No. It isn't easy."

"Alright.", you sighed loudly. At least that. One less liability. "Do you think you can succeed?"

He nodded.

You nodded.  
It's all you had to know for now. If he thought he could win her over then you would trust him.  
"What next?"

"I'll talk to her. Figure out where she is so we can track her down."

Annotation:  
I am not entirely sure how to end this yet. Light side or dark side...


	34. Transporter

This whole situation was a giant nuisance. Tracking some scavenger girl on some remote desert planet just to try to convert her to the dark side. Kylo could just go with the usual tactics of the First Order and simply blow the whole planet to pieces, that would solve so many issues. So many different issues.

Especially the one regarding their weird connection. What kind of connection was it again? A droid? No. Dryad? Dyad! It was called a dyad. You refused to actually remember it properly. Simply for the sake of it. Maybe not acknowledging its proper name would make it a bit less real.

The more you thought about it, the more you were left alone with your thoughts...the worse it got. You realized pretty quickly that it wasn't healthy to stay alone. Whenever you got a minute to yourself your thoughts wandered back to her. What she meant to him and what he meant to you.

He was yours. No one else's. You had thought that there was a connection between you and him. A special bond, one of trust. Now there was another bond...a bond that could seemingly defy distances given he had just taken a weird and rather ugly looking necklace from her...literal lightyears away.

Fantastic.

You shook your head and looked over towards the rest of the Knights, currently sitting in their ship. Kylo was flying ahead in his TIE Whisper while your job currently just was to...also be on the planet and help track down that girl. If you were fully honest...you hadn't exactly listened to Ap'lek when he had explained it. Your thoughts were spiraling too much around the whole dyad problem.

"Miss?", Vicrul asked and sat down next to you.

"Mhh?", you turned your head, almost hitting him with the beak of your mask, "Sorry."

"It's alright.", he crossed his arms, "You're quiet."

"Yes."

"That's fine and all but you're kind of exhausting all of us..."

You blinked a few times under your mask, "What?", you only now realized that you had subconsciously drained the Force from the surrounding area.  
"Oh fuck, I am so sorry. I did not mean to...", you did your best to redo the damage you had already done and increased your presence as much as you could.

You could hear one or two of the Knights exhale loudly out of relief.

"Thank you."

The Night buzzard landed a bit further away from where you had seen the scavenger's ship. Two transport ships had already landed a few minutes earlier. The stormtrooper crew was slightly uncomfortable with the Knights’ presence but did their best to hide it. Funny...only a few months ago you would have reacted the same way, after all you had more or less been in their shoes. Now you were part of them, had worked your way up and some...some girl threatened to destroy it all. Take it away from you. Take him away from you.

You looked down. There were already a few grains of sand on the tip of your shoes. Almost like stars in space. Kuruk took one look at the sand and made a noise only to be interpreted as a mix between scoffing and sighing. He hated it already. His ship would be horribly dirty afterwards.

You closed your eyes and searched for Rey's presence. It wasn't hard to find. Unlike the Knights' it wasn't cold however. It wasn't hot either. Lukewarm was the most fitting. Like water that had been left out in the sun for too long on a hot summer day. Not quite the surrounding temperature but incredibly unpleasant. Instead of refreshing you and cooling you down it would just remind you more of the unbearable heat. 

"Vornskr?", Ap'lek asked as you started walking into her direction. 

"I have different orders.", you simply said, not explaining them any further. He nodded. Ap'lek knew why, you were the only one Kylo could tell anything to without risking Rey getting into their head. 

You climbed up on one of the nearby rock formations and took your position. You could see Rey pretty clear now, not just feel her unpleasant presence. She was walking alone in the desert, seemingly without any clue where she was heading to. Could she tell where Kylo was herself? Force users could sense others, most certainly different to how you felt them though.  
"I have a clear view.", you told Kylo.

"Understood.", is all you heard back from him. You transmitted the coordinates and waited for him to arrive.

He hadn't told you his entire plan either. He had ordered the Knights to capture one of her crew members and with a bit of trickery he'd show her the dark side...how exactly he had planned it, you didn't know.

Everyone had their own role to play. Yours was to locate her and inform Kylo. For now, other than that you'd fulfill your usual job as a medic or sniper in case things went wrong.

Even though the name of Kylo's newest toy was TIE 'Whisper' it was everything but quiet right now. Flying only a few meters above the ground and towards Rey. Directly...towards her?   
Did he plan to stop? Or did he...was he about to make some grand entrance or did he actually plan to run her over?

"Kylo.", you called him.

He didn't respond.

"I thought you wanted her to join you...not to turn her into roadkill?"

No comment from him.

"For fuck's sake.", you said, only transmitting the first half of the sentence. His decision? It was not like you’d oppose him when it came to killing people. After all you yourself had shot a woman for merely touching him. Most people would have called it an ‘overreaction’. You heavily disagreed, if you’d have tortured her for that...that would have been overreacting. 

Rey started running away from the craft, towards you, as if that'd do anything...and in a straight line too. Even bunnies and rabbits knew that if you wanted to escape a bird of prey you did not run in a straight line. Her lightsaber was already switched on and you hoped that she'd trip and accidentally stab herself...oh how great that'd be...maybe it was good that Kylo made an attempt to hit her? She jumped up and with a single swing from her lightsaber severed a part of Kylo's TIE whisper.

Time almost stopped, passing incredibly slow as you watched the rest of the craft roll over the ground and explode. Without even properly realizing it you had gotten up on your feet and jumped down a 3 meter drop, sliding down the rest of the dune into Kylo's direction.  
You increased your void, searching for his presence within the burning remains of his craft. Nothing.

You shot. Only once, Rey fell down on her knee as the laser hit her leg.  
"Fuck.", you whispered. The sighting on your rifle was not properly adjusted, probably because of the fall. You never missed your target, especially not one that had ju-

"Don't.", you heard Kylo over the speaker system within your helmet. You could finally feel his presence again.

You didn't reply, just lowered your rifle, staring at Rey. She looked over towards you, wondering how you had managed to hit her before her focus changed towards Kylo.

Oh how much you wanted to shoot her again. It would be so very pleasant. You lifted your weapon up slightly again. Kylo threw his helmet in the sand and you quickly made your way towards it. Rey got up and you could feel her focus shifting between you and Kylo.

Her presence was still the rather unpleasant lukewarm that it had been before. It was far more invasive than Kylo's had ever been.  
He suddenly turned his head towards you, shaking it and you lowered your rifle again. When had you raised it exactly? She was like a black hole, drawing your shots towards her...if only Kylo would allow you to shoot.

You grabbed his helmet and placed it under your arm. She was making you uncomfortable. If he hadn't planned to draw the dark side out of her you would have cut her off. Shown her how pathetic she was without the Force. Doing that to her now would go against Kylo's wishes however and that had a higher priority than your brief satisfaction of making her feel defenseless.

You still couldn't really help yourself. For a split second you had been convinced that Kylo was dead...she had cut off his wing, causing him to crash. That was not something you'd forgive easily, or ever. No...if it would be your choice you'd just...do what Palpatine wanted and shoot her right there and then. Easy.

A screaming man shifted your focus. He was running towards her, obviously distressed.  
"THEY HAVE CHEWIE!"  
Chewie? It was hard to understand from how far away you were but you assumed that was the name he meant.

A smile crept over your face. The Knights had been successful then? Great. Her friend pointed up towards the sky as a transport ship was starting to leave the planet.

Rey extended her hand and the transporter stopped in its tracks. Just stayed in the air, unmoving but obviously trying to make its way forward. It was shaking and slowly moving back down to the planet’s surface.

This...Kylo had been right. This was raw power. How was a girl with so little experience with the Force so powerful? Stopping a transporter from moving even an inch forward...unbelievable.  
Kylo extended his own hand. It was like a game of tug of war. Just using the Force instead of a rope.

Her presence was now hot but gradually getting colder until it was below Kylo's usual temperature. The pressure almost made you drop to your knees, standing so close.  
You concentrated on your breath to not fall or show any sign of weakness. Lightning erupted from her hand and you fell down on one knee. The transport exploded.

Fuck.

Kylo lowered his arm while Rey started shouting. So did the man behind her. You slowly got up, dusting yourself off really quickly and picking Kylo's helmet up again that you'd dropped in the sand.

You watched the pieces of scrap metal falling down. From how heavily parts of it were burning the sand would probably get molten into glass. You watched the horrified expression on her face. The realisation of what she had just done settled in. She hadn’t just killed her friend...she had used the dark side of the Force. And not just slightly either, no...she had used one of the most advanced techniques just like that...no effort required.

As much as you hated her for being so talented in something without any proper training you were still impressed. Jealous, obviously...but impressed. It wasn’t enough to make you like her however, no...she had too much going against her for you to change your opinion.

"WE GOTTA GO! THEY ARE COMING!"  
They are coming? They as in... the First Order? The First Order was already here. Had been for a while too. 

"REY COME ON!"

You had almost reached Kylo.

"WE GOTTA GO! THEY ARE COMING!"  
How creative. You'd think that she'd have gotten it by now. You handed Kylo his helmet and raised your rifle, Kylo placed his hand on it and shook his head.

"I'll tell the Knights to follow them.", you said, half asking. He just nodded and you quickly shot a message over to Ap'lek.

Rey and the man were running back to their ship and you scoffed, disappointed. Too easy. It would have been too easy. If your rifle's sighting wouldn't have been screwed up she'd already be dead. Admittedly the sheer power she had frightened you...if only slightly. You made a mental note to not underestimate her.

"Miss?", it sounded through your helmet. You turned sideways.

"What is it?"

"Cardo accidentally injured that hairy dog."

"You mean that girl exploded him?"

"No. He's in a different transport. But he's hurt, you might want to look after him."

"I'll be there immediately.", you turned back to Kylo who was still watching Rey, she'd almost reached the ship.

"That hairy thing you wanted us to capture is still alive."

Kylo didn't say anything, just watched their ship take off.  
You mustered him before continuing to speak: "He's injured. I'll take care of him. The Knights have a tracker on her ship, they'll follow them immediately."

No answer from him.

You started walking in the direction of the transport, neither of you speaking a word. Kylo wasn't unhappy with the outcome, but something was certainly on his mind. You decided to ignore it...for now.

Before taking care of the prisoner you changed into your normal black tunic. There was no need for him to know that you were a Knight of Ren. The stormtroopers would keep their mouths shut as well. After all...they knew all too well what would happen if they'd betray the Supreme Leader.

You finished braiding your hair and were about to enter the cell when Kylo grabbed your arm and pulled you away.

"Take care of him."

"Of course, that's my job.", you said, slightly perplexed at his sudden concern for a prisoner. Let alone one that had always been affiliated with the Resistance and the Rebel alliance before it.

"He...", Kylo looked away, still not letting go of your arm, "He knew my d-", he stopped and looked back at you, "He's important. He can't die."

You narrowed your eyes slightly, "He knew who?"

"Unimportant."

As if.

"And next time.", he straightened his back and stared down at you, "Don't shoot if I am not telling you to."

You raised your eyebrows, "Excuse me? I thought you were DEAD."

"Don't shoot at her."

You pulled your arm away and pressed the button so the door to the cell would open.

"Say you won't do it."

The Wookie started growling and Kylo took a step back to be out of his sight. You didn't reply to what he had asked of you. It was ridiculous. Completely irrational.

"I can't trust you. You'll stay with Chewbacca."

You marched inside and punched the button. It hurt and you immediately regretted it. Especially because unlike normal doors you couldn't slam them shut, no instead it just closed the same way it always did, even if you'd have only mildly touched it. Frustrating.

How useful were doors really if you couldn’t slam them shut?

"What.", you hissed at the Wookie, now staring at you. He made a sound. Howling, growling?  
"I don't speak wookie.", you replied and massaged the hand you'd punched the button with.

He howled again. Great. If this was everything he was capable of saying then it would be incredibly entertaining. Hopefully he wouldn’t actually ge any louder when you’d fix him up.

You walked over towards him and took a look at his leg. The blood had dried, sticking to the fur and creating a thick crust of sand and blood. A sigh escaped your lips and you got up again to get your medical supplies. You put on your gloves and knelt back down. At least the wookie was strapped to the wall.

"I'm sorry. This is going to look bad.", you smiled awkwardly and started cutting away the crusted up hair around the wound. The wookie growled at first, then howled. You'd howl too given how bad it was going to look later. You weren't a hairstylist and given he was going to miss a huge patch of hair on his leg later...it was going to look rather obscure. Entertaining for you right now, but not very pleasant for a wookie.

Nevertheless he didn't protest much. You didn't know much about wookies, they were sentient, IQ roughly that of a human. However their anatomy didn't allow for them to produce vocals like most other sentient species did. Other than that? Incredibly strong (once again, you were glad he was strapped to the wall), very prideful and very capable fighters. Not to be messed with, in short.

You shaved away the rest of the hair around the wound and once again gave him a pitiful smile. After numbing the area you disinfected it again and quickly stitched it together, making sure it was able to drain properly.

"Almost done...", you said, crossing your arms, "I'm sorry for...", you nodded towards the bald spot on his leg, "I'll bandage it up for you so it doesn't look as bad."

He grunted back and looked towards the door. Was he searching for something? Someone? Given how both of them had reacted and what Kylo had said... 'He knew my d-'...oh.  
The wookie knew his dad?

It had to be that, there weren’t exactly a lt of other options that started with ‘d’ and made sense.  
You looked up at Chewbacca's face, he was staring down onto you. You continued bandaging his leg.

"Do you know the Supreme Leader?", you eventually asked as casually as possible. It was probably for the better if the wookie didn’t know your relationship with Kylo. 

Chewbacca howled. A yes? It did look like a nod for sure.

"Oh this is getting annoying.", you sighed, "You understand me, right? If you do...nod."

He nodded.

"That's great. So I don't understand you. I'll get a protocol droid once we're back at the star destroyer. Your name is Chewbacca, right?"  
From how he behaved he seemed to be a rather okay guy. You hoped you were right. Apart from that...if he really knew Kylo you could find out some things. Normally you wouldn’t have asked but he had pissed you off, so you didn’t exactly care much about his privacy at the moment.

Chewbacca growled. Or howled. Then he nodded.

You nodded too, "MD-2442. I'm the Supreme Leader's personal physician...", you sat down in a chair and leaned back, shoving the sleeve of your tunic back to inspect your arm. It was slightly bruised from the fall earlier, "It's a very unforgiving job."

Annotation:  
Once again, I am greatful to all of you being so patient with me :)  
We've recently hit over 10000 hits on this and honestly...I can't believe it! Never thought that this story that I started writing would gain so much attention.   
Thank you all for the lovely and kind words you always leave below my (very inconsistent and slow) chapters!


	35. Hostage

Kylo didn't show up for the rest of the flight. So you spent it with Chewbacca, he was very pleasant company. At least from the way he behaved, after all you couldn’t really understand him. Unlike most Wookies you had seen so far, he wasn’t as angry. Or maybe it just was because he was chained to the wall. He certainly was interested in you, given the little fall out you had with Kylo Ren earlier.  
You tried communicating with him by showing him random objects and asking what it meant in wookie. The growling sounded always the same though. Once you'd have a translator droid you'd be able to ask him a few more things about Kylo.

"Looks like I'll be staying with you for a while.", you complained to Chewie who howled back something, "The Supreme Leader", your voice was half mocking his title, "has assigned me to stay with you."   
You lifted your data pad up, Kylo had told you to watch over him. Until he’d need you again. He couldn’t even tell that to you in person? What was his problem now...

You scoffed and just wrote an: "Alright." back. Of course you weren't allowed to join the Knights in their search for Rey. Not after...not after you'd almost shot her. It had been a mistake but Kylo didn't seem to understand that you had thought he had died. The absurdity of the situation still hadn't really settled in yet.

The doors to the holding cell opened and a few stormtroopers removed the wookie from the wall. You followed them.  
Hux greeted you in the hangar. Even though greeting was a bit of an overstatement, he mustered you from top to bottom and then proceeded to just walk off into a direction, probably expecting you to follow him. Which...you did, you were supposed to stay with Chewbacca and he was taking the prisoner somewhere after all.  
Wasn’t this a great way to show off your power? Of course it was! Staying silent and just expecting everyone to know what you wanted was the best way to gain respect! It totally wasn’t annoying at all. 

"How come you're always with the Supreme Leader?", the tone of his voice was horrible. Talking down and mocking you at the same time. He probably would have looked down on you too, if you weren’t as tall as you were. At least you had that. If you’d be wearing heels you’d probably be taller than him. And definitely more intimidating. Maybe you should try it?

"Because I'm his personal medic."  
A simple answer for a stupid question.

He scoffed, "How did you end up as his medic? You're hardly any better than the others. There are a lot more fitting staff on hand for that job..."

"Dr. Escyle for example?"  
It was a wild guess but from the minimal change in his facial expression you weren't entirely wrong with your assumption.   
"The difference between me and him is...that Kylo can take me into battle. I won't start screaming like a baby. I'm a combat medic. Not a plastic surgeon."

"You aren't the best combat medic either."

"I'm the best for him personally."

This could go on for a while and neither of you wanted to engage in a childish fight. You had to give that to Hux at least, he knew when to stop...sometimes.  
Escyle and Hux were close, you had suspected it for a while, now it was clear.  
You didn't like this one bit, especially because Escyle and Rosie were dating. Rosie could usually keep her mouth shut but she didn't do it around people she trusted...hopefully she kept your secrets safe from him.

Well. No way to change it now, you could only hope. Apart from that, there was a full blown war going on and you had better things to do than worry about which gossip had reached your former superior's ears.  
Well, theoretically he was still your superior. Practically he really wasn't.

Pryde met you in the corridors. Staring at Hux and Chewbacca, only briefly looking at you.

"The beast used to fly with Han Solo.", Hux said the pride in his voice was more unbearable than the colour of his hair. He hadn't captured it. He hadn't even been on the planet when he got captured. Why was he presenting the Wookie as if it was his personal merit?

Regardless...Han Solo?

Chewbacca growled loudly and ruined Hux's hairstyle. Perfect. Pryde's facial expression didn't change. It was just as condescending as it had been before.

"Take it to interrogation six.", he commanded.

"Move it.", the stormtrooper next to you said and they shoved Chewbacca along the corridors, you quickly following them.

He'd been assigned to you, so you'd stay with him...or at least around him. It didn't matter if you'd already done everything you could for his wound.

Boring.

But. Han Solo? Was Han Solo Kylo's dad? That...that explained many things. Leia was his mother then...but wasn't Han Solo dead? He'd...he'd killed his own father?

Images of your own father appeared in your mind. Blood. Blaster shots. No...you...you would have never been able to do that. In theory you knew that not everyone had as great of a relationship with their dad as you had but...you couldn't understand it. He had been your whole world for you. Everyone you'd looked up to. Your idol. Your protector. How anyone could have the hatred within them to kill...

You shook your head slightly, pushing away the thoughts. It wasn't up to you to judge Kylo's relationship with his family. Neither with his mother or with his father. Easier said than done, but that didn't mean you wouldn't try.

"24!", it sounded from behind you.

"Yes, Sir?", you said out of reflex and turned towards the voice, "PK-2333! Where's your brother?"

It had been a long time since you had seen either of the twins. You had to stop your training lessons after all. Nevertheless for the time being they’d been a great company. 

"He's in the surveillance room. I haven't seen you for a while?"

"I know, it's been a rough time to make it short. All the same for you?"

"All the same for us. Want to join us?"

You watched the other stormtroopers take Chewie away. His wounds were taken care of, he'd just need time to heal. Theoretically your job was done. It wouldn’t hurt to join the twins briefly, would it?  
"Sure. I'm assigned to the Wookie, but I can see him from your room, right?"

"Always."

You followed PK-2333 to the surveillance room. It'd been a while since you'd been talking to the twins. A long while...back then you were a mere medic that had gotten the chance to work with the Supreme Leader. How times had changed. They hadn’t really, they were still the same. You weren’t. Too much had happened.

"Wait. What was that?", PK-2334 interrupted the conversation. He switched the view to the hangar. The picture was frozen, but in the last frame there was an all too familiar ship. Not a First Order ship either. Resistance.

"Why's it frozen?", you asked, intensly staring at the screen before getting your datapad out to look through reports from other stormtroopers. Red alerts...literally anything.

"I don't know. It's either a bug or someone is overwriting it."

PK-2333 started swiping through different cameras, trying to see if any of the views or different angles would show what was happening.

"Stop.", you commanded and pointed at a screen. The scavenger. Two stormtroopers were pointing their blasters at her, she stepped forward and moved her hand. They lowered their blasters.

"I'll alert the bridge."

"No.", you watched the picture in the camera freeze, it turned black. Then a second later it showed an empty corridor, "As far as I can see there isn't an alert yet...by all means it should have already happened. Someone wants them here..."

You got up from your chair and crossed your arms in front of your chest. Eyes darting from screen to screen for anything suspicious.

"It seems someone is overwriting the signal. It's encrypted, I don't have-"

You handed one of the twins your datapad, "Plug it in. Use my security clearance.", you crossed your arms again. 

"As if that'd be-”, he stopped and looked at various functions and menus popping up that hadn’t been there previously,”Oh.”, he stopped and scrolled through the various new options,”Oh shit. You have the highest?! How did that happen!"

"Doesn't matter, who is doing it?", you watched him open a few submenus until he was where he wanted to be.

"A level below you...your level is higher than General Hux's?"

"Is it Hux?"

"Yes. It's General Hux."

"I fucking knew it.", you unplugged your datapad again and subconsciously started pressing your teeth together. A few of the streams didn't turn back on and just stayed black. They'd probably shot them. It's not like you could tell it with Hux overwriting it. Some of the other streams just showed empty corridors. Others were frozen. Some weren’t accessible.

Your datapad buzzed, showing a simple message that intruders had been spotted. Nothing about them being with the Resistance. Nothing about it being Rey, the scavenger...Hux again, probably.

"They want to free the Wookie. I'll give them another five minutes before they reach us. You two stay in here, I'll...I'll risk something.", you took a deep breath, "Tell Kylo that I have it under control. He'll understand. Also...", you grabbed a blaster from PK-2334’s holster, "I'll borrow this."

You went out of the room, into an area where the cameras couldn't see you and unplugged them. Continuing to do so until you'd reached Chewbacca's cell. You placed a finger over your mouth as you entered his cell, pulled out your silenced blaster and shot a camera inside his room. As far as you knew, you weren't visible on any of the streams. Perfect.

"Your friends are here to get you.", you walked up to him and freed him from his restraints, "I'm with you."

He growled low. You couldn't really tell if he was happy or not. Did he believe you? Well it didn't matter. They'd free him soon any way...like this you could pretend to be on their side. Maybe it'd help you.

"But...", you handed him the other blaster, "The First Order can't know I'm with you. I...", you took a deep breath and looked down, doing your best to be as genuine as possible, "I've...I have a sister. If they know they'll-"  
It was best to stop the sentence right there. With a bit of luck he'd believe you. With a bit of luck he'd think you were on his side. To be fair, you hadn't really thought this plan through.

All you knew was that his two companions would have freed him within a short time anyway. If you or the two stormtroopers would have posed any threat towards them, you'd all end up dead. Obviously you could have shot them too, but you weren't exactly a good marksman on short range with a blaster. Good enough, but from how those two shot you were definitely worse.

Hiding in the surveillance room? Another option, obviously. But how would that look? Cowardly and idiotic. That's how. Now by freeing the wookie, which any way would happen very soon you'd at least get some bonus points. Next time you'd meet he'd be friendly. Or at least the chances that he was instantly going to shoot you were less likely.  
Given how many stormtroopers they had already killed you really didn't want that to happen.

He watched you for a bit, taking the blaster and nodded. Then without a warning he grabbed you by the waist, easily swinging you over his shoulder.

"What!", it escaped you and you tried to get off of him...needless to say it didn't work. Even though you were relatively tall, he was much taller and much stronger.  
No. No. No. This was...you'd just wanted to free him because he'd be free soon anyway. You didn't want to join him! Staying here was far better. Now...now he'd what? Take you with him? Is that what he thought you had wanted? You wanted to scream, but only did so internally. Not according to plan. This was not according to plan.

The thoughts were racing through your mind, searching for the best way out. Should you try to escape? Not an option. 

Before you could protest any further he was already storming out of the cell, running towards the blaster shot sounds from his friends. He growled loudly and you decided to just play unconscious, hanging lifelessly off his shoulder. It was the best option. He'd not be thrown off by your squirming...it would make your fake sister story more believable. The First Order would anyway think that he’d knocked you out. Fuck.

No matter how hard you tried to make this situation better in your head than it was...you failed. It wasn’t an ideal situation. Not at all. Did he plan to take you with them? How would that go? How would Kylo know? You’d just be gone? With everyone believing you had been kidnapped by the Resistance? 

You shifted your weight slightly. Good, your datapad was still there. If you'd plug be able to secretly plug it into whatever ship they were planning to flee with then you could tell Kylo.

"CHEWIE!", they both said at the same time.

"Who is that?", the white one asked.

Chewie growled. You really needed a droid soon, this was getting annoying.

"She's with us? Why'd you knock her out!"

"Not knocked out. Just pretending to be.", you whispered as the other guy lifted your arm to see if you were still alive.

Chewie howled out loud.

"Okay. Later, Finn. We've got to leave!"

You didn't really have a long time to think about the massive mistake you just had made by freeing the Wookie before their killing spree of innocent stormtroopers came to an end. You heard a scream, presumably from the white guy. You'd seen his picture somewhere? Was it Poe?

Poe screamed, chaos ensued and within less than a minute you were surrounded by stormtroopers all pointing their blasters at you.

"Put her down!", one of the stormtroopers commanded and Chewbacca carefully placed you on the floor. You groaned quietly as if you'd just been waking up.

"Who's that?"

"MD-2442.", another one said, moving your arm away with his blaster to take a look at the name tag on your chest. You slowly opened your eyes and blinked a few times. There was nothing you'd have wanted to do more than strangle said stormtrooper. Was he completely and utterly retarded? Pointing his blaster at someone clearly with them?

"I know her. She's the Knight's personal medic."

"And the Supreme Leader's...", one of the others noted quietly.

You used the slight moment of distraction to grab the blaster by the barrel, moving it away from your chest and quickly taking it from the stormtrooper.

"What were you thinking?", you groaned. Their blasters were now pointed at you. You slowly got up and hit the stormtrooper on the helmet with the handle, "If you ever point a blaster at me again I will kill you."

"I'm sorry, Ma'am."

"You better be.”, you said and looked over at Chewbacca. He looked worried, if something with that much hair could ever actually look worried. You smiled weakly, hoping he would still believe that you were on their side.

Anyhow! It was a surprising but welcoming turn into the right direction! Not getting abducted by the Resistance because they believed you were one of them.  
How had you gotten yourself into this mess again?

"Allegiant General, the scavenger is not with them.", a stormtrooper said as they proudly presented their prisoners to Pryde. Unlike Hux earlier the Stormtrooper had actually participated in taking them into custody.

Pryde looked about as condescending as he always did. He probably just had a resting bitch face. Or his facial muscles were paralyzed? After all, you had never seen him smile.  
"Why are you here?", he asked you. He'd have looked down on you if you weren't as tall as you were.

"We found her. The Wookie had taken her hostage.", a stormtrooper answered for you before you managed to open your mouth. You threw him an angry look.

Yes. Hostage. Exactly.

Pryde grunted in disapproval of what the wookie had done. Or that you'd gotten yourself captured. One of the two, didn't matter which one. 

"Take them away.", he said, mustering the Wookie, "Terminate them."

"No.", you blurted out. Far too quickly and far too commanding for your rank. Pryde knew that Kylo and you were close but the way you had spoken to him now still wasn't adequate for your rank.

"No?", he asked. 

Hux, who was standing next to Pryde, made himself slightly taller, looking down on you. Of course he'd be happy with you stepping out of line. There was even a slight hint of a smile on his face. It made sense why Kylo disliked him so much. You were very well aware that you had done something wrong, there was no need for Hux to rub it in.

"I'm under strict command to watch over the Wookie. By the Supreme Leader, Allegiant General.", you straightened your back and took a step forward, so you wouldn’t be half standing behind a stormtrooper. 

Hux squinted his eyes slightly. You smiled about as faintly as he had before. It was enough to wipe his own smile off his face. Pryde didn't care much for the little shenanigans between you two.

"Just the Wookie?", Pryde asked and you nodded, "Terminate the humans then."

"What!", Poe shouted and started squirming, trying to get away from the stormtroopers.

"NO!", Finn screamed, you could feel his helpless stares on your back. Chewie growled loudly. Fuck.

What was that on Hux's face? Was he worried? It was either that or discomfort from having eaten something wrong. You could almost see the gears turning in his tiny brain.

"I'll see that it is properly done.", Hux said to Pryde, while he was already turning around to tend to some more important business.

You took a few stormtroopers with you and went into the opposite direction of Hux. Chewbacca was howling loudly, doing his best to try to turn back to his friends. Nothing to be done now. At least you weren't involved in this mess anymore.

"Wait.", Hux shouted and you stopped in your tracks, turning around to look at him.

"What is it?"

He turned a faint pink of anger at you, once again, not addressing him properly. Playing these games was simply too much fun to just stop. His personal hell...not getting addressed properly. How pathetic.

"Make the Wookie watch.", a smile crept over his face. You looked up to Chewbacca, he stared over at Finn and Poe. Cruel.

You sighed loudly and motioned them to turn around and follow him.


	36. Escape

Hux had sent all but three stormtroopers away, one was staying next to Chewbacca the other two a good two meters behind Finn and Poe. Something was off and you did not like it at all, out of reflex you grabbed your own silenced blaster, holding it in your right hand. Finger straightened out and away from the trigger.

To be fully honest, you could care less how Hux handled his executions but this went completely against protocol. Especially because he only had one other soldier guarding the Wookie. One for such a massive creature. You'd have gotten at least five. Then again, it wasn't your call right now, you just had to watch over him. Kylo's orders after all.

The two stormtroopers lifted up their blasters when Hux interrupted them.  
"Actually. I'd like to do this myself."

You looked over to the Chewbacca’s guard, he was standing a good meter away from him. Reasonable, he didn't want to be thrown around the room in a fit of rage. At least they'd chained his shackles to the wall so he couldn't do that much.

You placed a hand on the Wookie's arm and squeezed it slightly. Having his friends executed right in front of him...nothing you'd want to experience.

Hux moved his hand slightly, ordering the two troopers to step back. Two shots. Bodies hitting the floor. Neither of them were with the Resistance.   
Another shot. This time from the Wookie’s guard. Chewbacca gave you a kick, sending you flying across the room. Another shot from Hux, hitting the last living stormtrooper before he himself fell to the ground. You quickly got up and darted over to him.

You pressed your hand on his wound, stopping the bleeding as much as you could.

"I'm the spy.", Hux coughed.

"You?!", Finn and Poe said simultaneously.

"Yes.", Hux replied, he stared at you. Neither of you were happy with the situation and none of the others present were realizing what was going on. From the way your body was positioned they couldn't see it easily either. Your blaster was pointed straight up at his head. Hux’s was only lying a few centimeters to the side.

Mutual assured destruction. It was the only strategy that'd work right now. A wrong word or move from him and he'd be dead. He had the benefit that he could tell them you weren't actually a spy or working for them. But you had the advantage on him in terms of position. After all he’d be dead before he would be able to finish his sentence. 

"The hangar is close. The millenium falcon is ready to take off any second.", he spat out, breathing heavily. He was barely able to keep his eyes open from the pain.

"I'll take you.", you said calmly. Increasing the pressure on Hux's wound slightly. He inhaled sharply but didn't say anything.

Poe was freeing Chewbacca while Finn grabbed a medkit hanging on the wall and handed it to you.  
"Open it.", you ordered him, not taking your hand off Hux's wound and not moving your blaster away either.

"Let me bandage him up. Then we can leave. We just gotta let them think you've taken me hostage again."

"Ag-", Hux wheezed and you increased the pressure slightly again.

"Otherwise they'll execute my sister.", you said quietly, "Finn give me the syringe and tha- No one to the left. It'll ease his pain slightly.", you turned your head towards Hux, "He'll pass out from it otherwise."

The General stared up at you, the hatred wasn't hard to miss. You had the upper hand currently, he knew as much. It was the only thing stopping him from revealing your true identity.  
He wouldn’t be able to move his arm fast enough to grab his own blaster before you’d have blown his brains out.

"She's no-", he already started to say when you attached your own blaster to your belt. He closed his mouth again, trying to figure out what your intention was.

"She's what?", Finn asked and you shook your head. Taking the syringe from his hand and administering its contents.

"Her sister. She's not on this shp.", Hux pressed out in between pained breaths. You raised your eyebrows and quickly grabbed the cauterizer. Good boy. He wasn’t doing anything stupid now, was he?

"I'm sorry.", you whispered, "Leave! He's probably gonna scream. I'll follow you immediately. Just run along the corridor, take a turn left at the end. The hangar is close."

"Why?", Finn asked Hux, "Why would you help us?"

"I don’t care if you win. I need Kylo Ren to lose.", Hux said quietly. Poe and Chewbacca were already running out of the room, Finn followed a few seconds later.

"You're hard to get rid of."

"Save your breath, this will hurt.", you lifted the cauterizer up and were about to switch it on when he moved your hand away.

"Be honest."

You put the cauterizer down and sat down next to him, staring at the gaping wound in the middle of his abdomen. If you looked straight at it you could see the floor through it.

"I understand.", Hux sighed, "All of this for nothing."

You didn't reply, just grabbed another syringe with morphine and pushed it into his arm.

"I know everything.", he started, carefully watching you, you didn't look up, just pulled the syringe out and threw it next to you, "You're hardy. There is no killing you. You're stronger than Kylo Ren with your stupid powers."

You pressed your lips together. How did he know? He smiled, probably being able to read the question on your face.

"I wiretapped Rosie's place. Escyle did the rest. I did so much...but you got through it. It is frustrating.", he watched you get the med kit. You put it under his head to make it a bit more comfortable, "I know of LZ-3. Why you kept him. How his former owner died."

You could feel the blood leave your face as he mentioned your brothers.

"I put you on that planet. I hoped it would kill you...", he laughed, coughing up a bit of blood in between. You grabbed a bandage and carefully wiped it away, "I should have known. I should have known you'd get out of it. You're a great shot."

"Thank you", you whispered, wiping away a bit more blood from his mouth, "You too."

He smiled, "We were a good team. Remember the rooftop?"

"Of course. You almost got yourself killed!", you smiled back.

"You threw yourself on top of me. And now you're doing this. For me. I've tried to kill you so many times and yet...", he tried to sit up. You carefully dragged him to the wall and helped him sit, once again putting the medkit under his head. It was easier to breathe for him now that the blood wasn't filling his lungs up so rapidly.

"I didn't mean to call you a bloody idiot.", you joked and he tried to laugh but just ended up coughing up blood again. Quickly kneeling down, you wiped it away again.

"End it.", he whispered and grabbed you by the collar, "Please."

He had betrayed Kylo Ren, the First Order...sent you down to literal hell in order to kill and get rid of you. His hatred for Kylo wasn't really easy to understand for you but given he left behind all his principles for that…

You got up, grabbing the blaster from your belt and pointing it at his head. 

"Thank you for your service.", you pressed the trigger.

You looked away as the millenium falcon hit a few stormtroopers on its way out of the star destroyer. Neither side could really complain about war crimes. Alright, the First Order might be the only ones shooting civilians but the Resistance didn't have much regard for human life either. Yet they always pretended to have the moral high ground.

You sat down on the floor in the back of the cockpit and pulled your knees close. What had happened? Were you really on a Resistance ship? Did they really believe you were with them? If this...if there was a single bit of doubt within them then you'd be as good as dead. A dead man walking. That's what you were right now. It was just a matter of time until they'd find out and expose you. What if Chewbacca hadn't believed you? What if he knew you were on the First Order's side? What if you actually were their hostage like Kylo would believe within the next hours.

It could have gone by so smoothly. After killing Hux you could have just left the room, went into the opposite direction and alerted the First Order. But no, that hadn’t worked because the moment you had stepped out of the room they had pointed their blasters at you from the end of the hallway. Literally taking you hostage. 

"Are you alright?", Finn asked, kneeling down next to you.

"Yes.", you replied quickly. He didn't believe you from the look on his face, "Overwhelmed and worried.", you added. It was the truth.

"Because of your sister?"

"Yes."  
Of course. Your sister. Your fake sister, she was obviously still on another ship. You'd have to think up a name for her soon. Hopefully this would work out. Hopefully that brat called Rey wouldn't be able to read your thoughts or get too suspicious of your lack of presence within the Force.

"What's your name?", he placed his hand on your arm and squeezed it lightly. You inhaled sharply as he pressed on the bruise you'd gotten a few hours earlier, "Oh. I'm sorry! I didn't realize you were hurt!"

Chewbacca growled. Finn turned around to look at him then looked back at you.

"It's nothing. You just startled me.", you gave him a weak smile before straightening your back, "It's MD-2442."

"I'm Finn...you need a proper name. I use-"

"No time for that Finn! We have to get Rey!"

Finn smiled then quickly got up and ran towards the entrance to the ship. You didn't want to help, just sat in the corner and debated your options once they'd eventually realized you were lying.

"There's Ren. That bastard.", Poe scoffed beneath his breath and you jumped up on your feet.

It took every fiber of your being to not run past Finn and try to get to Kylo. To shout. To do anything in order to get back to him, but you couldn't. He definitely saw you and you could see the expression on his face change. A mix of worry and anger.

'I'm fine. I'm fine. They think I'm part of the Resistance. I'm sorry. I didn't want this.', you thought repeatedly in the hopes of him reading your thoughts, 'I'll come back. I'll be fine.'

Then the millenium falcon left and you could feel Kylo's presence die off within the blink of an eye. You felt sick. Just wanted to curl up in a ball and wait for him to get you.  
There were so many thoughts inside your head it was hard to fish out any that made sense. It was a mix of despair, anger and hopelessness. There was nothing you could do.

"I don't know why they're not following us but I don't trust this.", Poe said quietly and pulled you out of the mess of thoughts inside your head.

Chewbacca growled, either because he agreed or because he was unhappy with the situation.

Nothing you could do...as if? You looked around the cockpit. If you'd be able to plug in your datapad you could transmit your location. Theoretically even messages, they'd just take a long time to arrive. It would be possible though.

"The landing gear is busted? How busted?", Poe asked Chewbacca. How had he understood that? It was literally just the sound an angry dog made. Impressive.

"Once you have time I have to fix that arm of yours, Poe.", you said. It wasn't a question. He was slightly irritated by your commanding tone. When had that changed? You had been so careful in the beginning. Power did change a person after all, eh?

"The med kits are in the back.", he replied.

Good. Just as you had hoped, a reason to leave the cockpit and explore the ship a bit. A golden droid walked in and you almost crashed into each other.  
"Oh. Hello. My nam-"

"Later."

"Oh. Okay."

Some people got really attached to their droids. You hadn't really interacted much with them, so you didn't fully understand it. To each their own, after all you had an acid spewing lizard at home. Hopefully you'd get to see him again.

"-keep telling me that they know me. I'm afraid no one does."  
You heard Rey speak a bit further away.

She came around the corner and froze in her tracks like a statue. The confusion from having a First Order medic on board that was just wandering around was somewhat understandable. You couldn't really help yourself to not find it entertaining, however.

"Who are you?", she asked, almost hissing. She moved her hands slightly along her belt, ready to open her lightsaber and cut you in two any second.

"MD-2442. I'm with the Resistance.", you stayed where you were, straightening your back slightly. Feet together.

"Finn! Who is this!", she shouted and Finn stormed around the corner but relaxed the moment he saw you.

"She helped us escape. She freed Chewie.", Finn nodded towards you and went back to where he came from, "Ask him about her."

Rey's tension disappeared almost instantly.  
"I'm Rey."

"MD-2442.", you repeated, still standing as straight as before, "Where are the medkits?"

"Down the hall, it's a mess though.", she mustered you. Unsure of what to think at the moment. She was clearly tense from the conversation she just had, be it with Kylo or with Finn. What did she mean with 'no one knows her'. A bit dramatic, wasn't it? You'd keep it in your mind.

"Thank you, I'll find it.", you walked past her. Introductions later, you first had to find a place to hide your datapad so you could send Kylo a message.

The medkits weren't hard to find, a few half opened boxes. Their contents lying either on the floor or in an absolute mess within said boxes. Horrible. You looked around. There was a round table with black and white tiles in the corner. Clearly for playing some sort of game, however you didn't know which one. The galaxy was huge, new games popping up on every corner. There was no way you'd be able to keep up with the various options.

You patted your medical tunic to see what you were still carrying. Scalpel in the right pocket. Datapad in the other. Cable for it too. Alright. Now where could you plug this in?  
There were a few outlets behind the table. Too visible however...if you'd just plug it in normally they'd see it for sure.

You went over to the boxes and grabbed a few, placing the contents on the round table and started sorting through them. It was better if you'd have some sort of barrier between you.  
You closed your eyes and carefully created a void, only a small one to see whether or not you could feel Rey. It was easy to do that, but there wasn't just Rey on board. You could feel someone else, from how close he was it must have been Finn. Interesting.

You collapsed it again and increased your presence as much as you could. It was incredibly uncomfortable to do so, it was not like you had a choice, however.

You quickly plugged in your datapad and moved two boxes so you could hide it between them if anyone would come around the corner.  
It would take a while to send messages in hyperdrive, but you reckoned that it would still work.

Without much hesitation you switched on the tracking function. A message popped up as your pad linked itself to another device.  
Of course. The First Order wasn't dumb. There already was a tracker on his ship, hidden somewhere safely. Properly. Capable of tracking through hyperspace even. A grin appeared on your face and you opened your messenger.

'Safe for now. I'll make her join you.'

You stopped typing and stared at the letters.

'I miss you.'

You added and quickly sent it to him before unplugging your device again. After safely storing it in your pocket you started sorting through various bandages and different types of medicine.

It wasn't hard to tell when Rey came towards you, you still pretended that you weren't able to feel her or sense her throughout the whole ship.  
Her presence was uncomfortable. Warm, too warm in your opinion, but it wasn't constant either. There were cold waves in between sending shivers down your spine. Not because of the coldness. The cold was pleasant, your natural environment after all. The warmth felt sticky. Made it hard to breathe, as if the humidity was too high.

"Hey.", she said after standing in the doorway for a good five minutes watching you.

"Oh! Didn't see you there!", you said, faking your surprise incredibly well. You were proud of yourself.

"I noticed.", she smiled and sat down next to you.

Why was she being so friendly? She had no reason to, didn't know you at all. All she was aware of was that you were part of the First Order, or had been. She thought you were with the Resistance after all. Hopefully it would stay that way.

"MD-2442? That's hardly a name.", she pointed at the name tag on your tunic. It was usually white but now stained red with Hux’s blood. You really needed to exchange this soon. The fabric was stiff from the dried blood and even darker than usually.

Maybe not so friendly after all.

You shrugged, "Been that for a while. I like it."

She mustered you. There was clearly something on her mind, she didn't trust you as easily or just wanted to probe you. At least she wouldn't be able to read your thoughts.

"MD? You're a combat medic?", Finn said. He actually surprised you, Rey's presence had masked his very well.

"Not just. I'm the Knights and the Supreme Leader's personal physician.", you automatically straightened your back. Maybe you should stop doing that? It probably wasn't best to show that you were actually proud of having that post.

"I know.", Rey said, still observing you closely, "Chewbacca told me."

"What else did he say?", you asked, staring at her with no intention to back down.

"That he hurts you.", she touched your arm slightly and you immediately froze, blinking in confusion.

"What? Who?"

"Kylo.", she attempted to roll up the sleeve of your tunic but you pulled your arm away, "It's okay."

What was okay? What did she mean? Kylo had thrown you around, yes but he hadn't done anything like that for a while. He'd watched out.  
He cared for you and didn't want anything to happen to you. He wasn't abusive.

You let her pull up the sleeve of your tunic, mostly because you were too confused to actually realize what was going on.  
Oh. That. Right. There was the bruise from earlier, but that hadn't been Kylo. If anything it had been Rey's fault because she'd made his ship crash. It was a bruise from falling not...not from him.

You withdrew your arm again and rolled the sleeve back down.  
"He didn't do it.", you whispered. It was stupid of you to say it. They would believe you more if you would just agree but you couldn't take them stepping on him. Thinking he was something he actually wasn’t.

Rey and Finn exchanged looks. They didn't believe you, even though you were telling the truth.

"What was your name before you were part of the First Order?", Finn asked. How did he know so much about ranks and that you did have a different name before joining?

"You weren't abducted as a child?", Rey asked in surprise.

"No. Combat medics are doctors that get stormtrooper training. There's not that many of them. Most just work as doctors for the First Order. Theoretically she used to be a stormtrooper."

Both of them were so friendly. Too trusting in your opinion. From how Rey behaved she probably wasn't used to someone not liking her either. Maybe it was just you being cynical and defensive because she was part of the organisation that had killed your father. And maybe because she threatened to take Kylo away. He was yours. Not hers.

"And mudtrooper.", you added before quickly changing away from talking about Weih, "I'm the Knights' personal combat medic. Which is why I was with Chewbacca on that sand planet."

"There's a new Knight. A woman. She managed to shoot me."

You wanted to smile but suppressed it in order to not be suspicious.

"Vornskr. She's been with the Knights only since a short while."

"I don't know how she managed to hit me.", Rey repeated, clearly looking for an answer that wasn't her own failure.

Hit you? If it wouldn't have been for your sighting being fucked up from the fall you would have killed her right there and then. Done what Palpatine wanted. Maybe you would have taken a seat on the throne instead.

"Do you want me to take a look at the wound?", you asked her, putting on your most worried face. It was hard to pretend to actually care.

"No, thank you."

Finn left both of you alone without saying another word. At least that.  
You sat there in silence for a short while before you picked up the conversation again.

"You're so friendly. I'm not used to that."

Playing the pity party game for a bit. Even though it was true. The First Order was ruthless, especially if you wanted to be part of the higher ranks. You needed a thick skin to be able to endure the verbal abuse from the other officers. And a thick skull too to actually get what you wanted.

"You're safe now.", she said, as ensuring as she could, "Your sister will be too."

Safe? You were safe now? It was the complete opposite. You were on the complete wrong side. You weren't part of the Resistance, you were part of the First Order. A devoted follower too. No one on this ship was safe from you, if Kylo would send a message to destroy the crew and the ship you'd do it without giving it a second thought. Even if it would mean you'd lose your life.

She placed a hand on your shoulder and squeezed it slightly, "Don't worry."

You looked at her, "You think no one knows you. I'm sorry, that's the only thing I overheard from your conversation before...but it isn't true."

She removed her hand but didn't say anything, clearly put off by what you said.

"I know Kylo. Better than most. You're similar, if anyone understands you it's him."

A blatant lie. They were like night and day, of course they had their similarities. Both were self absorbed and could use the Force. Other than that? No. There was nothing they had in common. Well, maybe there was and you yourself just did not want to see it.

There was a spark of hope on her face but it disappeared quickly, "You're wrong. Kylo Ren and I don't have anything in common. Ben Solo and I do."

Ben...Solo? Was that...was that his actual name? For being so close to him you sure hadn't talked about his past a lot. It made you furious that this random wannabe jedi knew more about it than you...but it wasn't anything you couldn't change.

"Ben Solo and Kylo Ren are the same person. There isn't a black and white difference between them, it's a gradient. In the end they make up the person we both know. The good and bad. The dark and the light. It's a grey area and you have to find the middle to truly know who someone is."

You could see the gears turning in her head at what you had said. Deep down she knew you were right but you suspected that she wouldn't want to change her opinion out of spite.

You smiled, "You're the same.", you poked her forehead with your index finger, "Incredibly stubborn. If you want to have him you just have to find common ground. He won't go all the way, neither will you."

You were surprised at yourself for being able to make things up this quickly. Maybe your mom had been right by calling you 'manipulative'. You were in your element. You just had to give her enough to think about, give her a slight push into the proper direction, get those gears in her thick skull turning. Then you'd have to wait. Let her make up her own mind.

It would give her enough to think on her own and because you were the one to tell her about it she'd come back. She'd come back to you and tell you what she thought one she'd understood. Then you would contradict whatever went into the wrong direction and praise her for what you wanted her to think. You couldn't contradict everything immediately though, only the things that were blatantly wrong. Slight wrongness could be excused.

Too bad you didn't have that much time. Operation brainwashing had begun.

She watched you pack a few more medical supplies into the right packages but didn't say anything more. You could feel her presence, the hot and cold waves of pressure. Eventually you started to weaken the hotness. Whenever it got especially bad you drained the Force from the area. If it'd get cold you'd retract yourself, giving her more space.

Whether or not this would work you didn't know. It was worth a try however.

"They're not the same. Ben Solo wouldn't..."

"Execute civilians? Kill natives? Be part of the First Order?", you shook your head, "No, he wouldn't. But you can't separate Ben Solo from Kylo Ren."

You sighed and took her hand, "I joined the First Order out of my own volition.", you watched her pupils dilate at your words, "Because they secured my planet. Saved it from pirates. The outer rims are full of criminals. Those criminals killed my father, he died in my arms."

"Are you saying the First Order is good?", the muscles in her hand tensed up slightly, her presence got hotter. Fuck. Wrong words. Not good, not good at all.

You shook your head, "Of course not! They...the few good things they do don't outweigh the evil."

Wrong. You'd rather execute innocent civilians if it meant that the other rims were saved from pirates. It'd ensure a proper way of living, criminals were nothing more than scum.

"Kylo wants nothing more than for you to join him. You want nothing more than for him to become Ben Solo. You won't join the dark side, and he won't join the light. You both want the same. Peace for the galaxy and to kill Palpatine.”, you paused,”Maybe...No it's stupid.", you pulled your hand away and put a few more of the medkits away.

"What is stupid?"

You didn't say anything, Rey placed a hand on yours. Almost, if she’d try more then you might actually tell her.

"Please."

There it was!

You sighed and looked at her. One one thousand...two one thousand...three one thousand...you had waited long enough, you could speak again. It'd seem sincere, "Have you ever heard of a gray jedi?"

You hadn't heard much about them yourself, hopefully she hadn't either.

"No."

Fantastic! It meant you could bullshit your way out of this situation.

"They are Jedi who can use both the dark and the light side without falling for the dark...I've seen what you can do. And I've been with Kylo for a long time. Just because you can use it doesn't mean you have to surrender to it."

She nodded and continued to watch you pack away medical supplies for a while before she eventually left without saying a word. You leaned against the chair and exhaled loudly. It was hard to constantly counter her Force. For now you'd just suppress the light side and allow her to have her unpleasant lukewarm presence.


	37. Landing

A few times during the flight you could feel Rey's presence coming closer, then stopping abruptly and leaving again. Turning around...then still deciding against coming to you. The struggle was real. Your words were like a butterfly on the top of a mountain. It had landed on the wrong stone. The stone starts rolling down. It hit another one, slightly bigger. Two stones rolling now. They hit a few more. More and more. The only question was whether or not they'd get stuck before the avalanche got too big to stop.

Nevertheless. They were stones. They were unaffected and no matter what someone else would stay...you couldn't put them back into the places they had been in before. They had been moved, or were still moving. It wouldn't go back to normal. No matter what Rey would try...your words had set something loose inside her. Perhaps it would be enough to free her from her preset way of thinking. Maybe she'd become her own person...unaffected by what others thought. Finally following only her own set of ideals and not the set she'd adapted at random.

You laughed quietly. Of course that wouldn't happen. If it did, your whole plan would stop working.

Eventually she showed up. She had been standing in the room for a good five minutes before finally convincing herself to talk to you again.

"They don't fall for the dark side?", she asked and sat down in the same place she'd sat in before. You lifted up the last box of medical supplies and neatly stacked it upon the rest before taking your own seat.

"No.", you sighed, "I am no expert in gray jedis...let me be clear about that."

"Mhhh.", she made, eager to hear more.

"But...", you stopped and looked at her, "Have you ever...ever in your life done anything that could be considered to be part of the dark side?"

She nodded, reluctantly, staring down at her own hands, "I thought I had killed Chewbacca. I used the dark side to destroy the transporter..."

And kill a bunch of stormtroopers in the process. Everyone always forgot that they had friends too. No one cared enough for the one or other man or woman hidden behind a mask in white armour. Uniforms gave you a feel of connection to one another but they also took away every bit of individuality you had. You were just part of a whole, a collective. One alone didn’t matter and did about as much damage as an ant. But even ants had close friends...to Rey they all looked the same, but they weren’t.

You shook your head, "No. Why did you use it?"

"I wanted to save him. It was an accident!"

You smiled and grabbed her hands, "That's not falling for the dark side. You have merely used it.", you took a deep breath and tried to recall what you had read a few minutes ago, "It takes a lot to fall. The dark side itself is neutral...a tool to use, nothing more. To actually fall for it takes a truly despicable act. Gruesome. Horrifying."

She tilted her head slightly.

"The Sith have yellow eyes. Not even Kylo has those."

The heat in her presence flared up. Fuck. Wrong again.

"So he can be saved!", she blurted out.

"Not the point."

She nodded and pulled her hands away, staring at them for a bit longer. You placed your hand on her shoulder.

"I have no connection with the Force...so I could never understand you properly", that was half wrong. If only she knew, "Neither Kylo or you are part of the dark or the light. You're both torn in between the two. Maybe...maybe you shouldn't decide. That's all."

No. No. No. No. No.  
You repeated in your head over and over again as the planet's surface came closer and closer. Too fast. This was too fast.

Within seconds the planet's curvature had disappeared and all you could see were oceans and grasslands. It didn't matter that the water was a bit softer than dirt. Not at the speed you were currently flying. Somehow neither of the other crew members were bothered by this.

"24! You have to calm down! We can land this!"

You didn't reply to Finn's statement. Wrong statement. There was no way in hell that they could land the millenium falcon.

"I can feel the dark side's presence...", Rey noted. 

Never again. You were never again going to fly with this mountain of junk. You'd rather stay on this planet and never leave it.

The grass came closer and closer. The falcon crashed into the dirt, sliding along for a good thirty seconds before it finally came to a stop. You had pulled your legs towards your body, shielding yourself, it had worked. The seatbelts had probably saved you too.  
You carefully touched your legs. Abdomen, shoulders...head. Still there. They were still there.

"See I told you it wouldn't be a problem!", Finn joked and patted your shoulder.

"Shut up."

"It's so cold.", Rey said and slowly got up after Finn and the others had left. 

"Really?"  
Oops. That was probably because of the void you'd accidentally created.

"Very...it makes me...feel..."

"Weak?", you threw in. 

She didn't reply, you probably weren't wrong though.

Somehow it satisfied you. To have her this weak at your hands. Without you even trying to do anything. Then again...Kylo had warned you about her. She was not to be underestimated. It would quickly turn into a possible fatal mistake on your side if you should do so. You still had the high ground now with her having no idea about your powers.

You thought about telling her about the cold. How it basically represented the dark and light side...but she might start fighting against your constant manipulation techniques.

"Let's go. We have to find that pyramid thing Finn told me about earlier."

You shielded your eyes from the bright sun and stepped onto the grass. When was the last time you’d been anywhere this beautiful? It had been so long you couldn’t even recall it. Not since you had joined the First Order. You’d been on quite a few planets but none that even looked remotely as beautiful as this one. 

The grass left small wet stripes on your boots, wiping away the dust you had picked up somewhere. Tiny wet tiger stripes. Adorable.

Rey was marching past you and towards the edge of a cliff. Your eyes followed her movement and got locked on the Death Star, visible in the distance. Much smaller than Starkiller Base has ever been. Impressive nevertheless.  
It was a mere husk of its former beauty but you couldn't help but feel proud. Proud that you were part of the First Order. A successor to an empire so great it built literal steel planets.

You stepped forward, next to Rey who was currently holding up a dagger into the air. They'd been talking but you hadn't really listened.

"The wayfinder is there."

"Head's up.", Poe half-shouted and turned around quickly.

A sound similar to a broken engine got closer and as you turned around a group of...locals had been getting close to you. Riding on a mix between pigs and horses. Horsepigs? 

It didn't matter who or what they were. You'd already drawn your blaster and if any of them would dare to draw their own weapons they'd be dead before they'd even managed to find the trigger. That's what you hoped at least, after all it was short range.

"Rough landing.", their leader spoke. A black woman with a mane about as fluffy as the horses' fur. 

"I've seen worse.", Poe answered, pointing his blaster at her face. He was holding it up far too high. Shaking and not really aiming well.

"I've seen better."

So had you. Anyone here had. That landing was terrible.

You grabbed your blaster with both hands, scanning the group for the one who seemed most capable of killing you in an instant.

"Are you Resistance?"

"That depends.", Poe shot back.

"We've picked up a transmission from Babbu Frick."

"Babbu Frick? Oh he's one of my oldest friends.", the golden droid noted. Odd creatures, those droids...why was he even here? He didn’t provide any actual intel.

"He'd said you'd come. He said you were the last hope.", the woman stared at Rey. Most of the other men were staring at you...kind of obvious because you were still in a black medical tunic. It didn't really fit into the picture. Black wasn't a colour of the Resistance. It was a colour of the dark side...and frankly...your favourite.

"We have to get to that wreck. There's something inside that we need.", Rey spoke. How easy they'd just decided that they were part of the same group. It was a surprise no one else had infiltrated them yet. If you’d had more say in what the First Order was doing all day long you’d have ended this war years ago. This was pathetic. Didn’t they have anyone with common sense? Either side?

"I can take you there by water..."

"Have you seen the water?", Finn asked. You would have turned around to look at it but unlike the others you weren't 100% convinced they were part of...well you didn't trust them yet. You weren't part of the Resistance either after all.

"Not now...too dangerous. We can go first light tomorrow."

"We can't wait that long. We don't have the time.", Rey replied and stepped forward. The others had put down their blasters already. Stupid. There was no reason to trust them. 

"Or the choice. Let's go get that ship fixed.", Poe turned around again, "Do you have any spare parts?"

"Some."

Rey put her hand on top of yours and you lowered it slowly.  
"They're with us.", she said quietly while you continued to watch them carefully.

"I don't trust them."

She almost laughed, "But you trust me, right?"

No.

"Yes."

The others already started walking back to the ship while you and Rey stayed behind. She was staring at the Death Star again. 

"You want to kill Palpatine.", you said. If you were honest you weren't exactly sure if she really did want to do that. It was a guess, hopefully you were right.

"Yes."

Good. Let the hatred flow through you.

"We don't have time to wait a full day.", you put away your blaster but kept your hand on it. 

"No, we don't."

You looked down at the water. The waves were crashing down against the cliffs. It was suicide to try to take one of the skippers to move accross the water now. 

"What I wouldn't do for...", him. You added in your head and sighed loudly, "Rey. I can see it in your eyes. And no. No you will not go over there now and get eaten by a bunch of alien fish."

She didn't say anything.

"Not without the proper preparation.", you pointed towards the death star, "That thing is a wreck. Let's get some ropes and climbing gear. And...", you took her hand, "Also a sandwich because I know you haven't been eating throughout the whole flight."

Apart from that you needed to go back to inform Kylo about what they had planned. Maybe he could give you a heads up. Maybe he knew something...

You gave her a careful tuck and pulled her towards the Millennium falcon. She was quiet. From the reaction on her face earlier she was glad someone would accompany her but that wasn’t all that was on her mind. 

"I won't tell the others. I promise. They won't know until we're already halfway there.", you ensured her. She nodded.

"I should go alone. You'll get hurt."

You scoffed loudly, "I've been serving with the Knights for a while. I'm a combat medic. Don't underestimate me, this is nothing.", you laughed and she gave you a worried smile, "No. I'm serious. I'll be fine."

"I have to kill Palpatine. He's...he's killed my parents."

You could feel her presence getting colder. Was that...oh yes. Hatred. Beautiful cold hatred. The easiest way to actually fall for the dark side. By far the easiest. 

"I know how you feel...", you whispered back. Hopefully she'd remember you telling her about your father.

"We have to get to the death star."

"We will. Let us get some stuff, alright?", it was like talking to a little kid. So utterly stubborn. You pointed towards the sky, at Endor. The gigantic gas planet seen in the distance "This planet is a big moon, the water should get calmer at least around the coast in a little while. Rising tide and all..."

She looked a bit confused at your vague explanation but nodded. Right. She grew up on a sand planet, didn't she? Horrible. Absolutely horrible. Your planet hadn't even had a moon, there'd been another planet so close to it though that the high and low tides were even more extreme than here. Always entertaining to see how the gravitational pull affected other planets.

"I'll ask if I can help so they won't know I left as quickly."

"Good call. I'll get the rest."

It took you a while to find what you were looking for, it took you even longer to send Kylo a brief message. Rey had gone to Poe to ask him. They had had a brief argument about something, you hadn't been close enough to listen.

Both of you were about to leave together again as you heard Finn.

"Okay wait. You were First Order?"

Rey stopped in her tracks, mainly because of you freezing.

"Not by choice.", the woman answered.

Rey and you were now both listening, you handed her the bag with the climbing gear and walked to where Finn and the woman were sitting.

"We were conscripted as kids. All of us. I was TZ-1719. Stormtrooper."

"FN-2187."

"You!", she shouted.

You? What? 

"I never knew there were more!", Finn stopped and looked over towards you, "Until MD-2442 helped us escape.", he nodded in your direction.

The woman turned around.

"MD-2442. First Order combat medic...", you stopped, "Or well, ex First Order now."

If only they knew that you were still a part of the First Order.

"A medic?", she was flustered. She knew just as well that you had joined out of your own volition. Hopefully Finn would explain it to her later. Better to avoid any confusion right now. You didn’t want to end up face first in the grass with a blaster in your back. 

"Not just.", you crossed your arms and leaned against the door frame. Rey placed down the bag in the corner and got closer.

"Medic to Kylo Ren and the Knights.", Finn said. His voice was a mix between pity and disgust. Neither of which were appropriate. You were proud of it. There was no need to pity you...still for now the pity was what you wanted from him. The damsel in distress. Maybe he’d white-knight for you enough so you could allow yourself a few mistakes. 

The woman's jaw dropped down to the floor.  
"Are you sure she's with us?"

Finally someone was asking the right questions! She seemed to have the most brain of everyone present! Too bad though...if there’d be an opportunity for you to get rid of her you’d take it. You couldn’t allow anyone to continue doubting the role you’d taken on. 

"Yes. She saved us by helping with our escape.", Rey answered, she had moved closer to you. How useful she was being! It seemed to soothe the woman enough for now. For her sake you hoped she’d believe it. 

"All of us were stormtroopers.", the woman continued speaking and turned her head towards Finn again, "We mutaneed at.."

"I'll get the rest ready.", Rey whispered and disappeared.

"...They told us to fire at civilians...We wouldn't do it..."

Wouldn't do it? Clearly they had been part of a failed squad. Hadn't been taught the importance of the First Order properly enough when they were children. Indoctrination was the key to a loyal soldier. Usually it worked too...not with these apparently.

"We laid our weapons down.", she continued only to be interrupted by Finn.

"All of you?"

"The whole company!", she was so proud of failing her training. Embarrassing.  
"I don't even know how it happened. It wasn't a decision...it was like..."

"An Instinct! A feeling!", Finn bursted out, the joy sparkling in his eyes like stars in the night sky. Admirable, if it wouldn’t have been for the wrong cause.

"A feeling.", she repeated, dumbfounded but agreeing.

"A force. The Force brought me here..."

You closed your eyes and tried to feel their presence. It wasn't exactly easy with Rey being so close. At least her presence wasn’t hot but the very unpleasant lukewarm. Her hate for Palpatine had certainly cooled her down.  
Finn...where...ah there he was. A weak presence but there nevertheless. Same with the woman. Finn's was a bit stronger but not by much. No wonder they had deserted, it was as if the light side was pulling on them. Fueling them with energy. Different to Rey, she wasn't really that connected to the light side. Not as much as those two were.  
Rey wasn't really as guided.

"Are you okay, 24?", Finn asked and you quickly opened your eyes.

"What? Yes...", you scratched your head, "Just...thought-"

"They forced you to kill civilians too, didn't they?", the woman got up and walked over towards you, "I can see it. You have that same look on your face as some of the older stormtroopers had."

What did she mean? That you had gotten wrinkles?! Oh no. You better not have gotten any! You were still young! Stress was definitely not good for you. 

"You said you had been a mudtrooper too, right?", Finn asked and slowly got up himself.

Why were they so concerned? Couldn’t they just leave you in peace?

You nodded, "I was sent into battle, I guess they had suspected I was working for the Resistance and wanted to test me. It was...", you stopped talking as you felt your throat close up.

"It's alright."

You recalled Weih. Acid rains. Mud. Blaster shots. Civilians. Rounding them up. Kylo throwing you around. The hatred and disappointment. How you'd just gotten used to it. From not wanting to press the trigger to shooting an innocent woman on a street because she had looked at the Supreme Leader the wrong way.

What had happened? What had changed within you?

"I can still see their faces.", you whispered, "We were told to reach a village by a specific time. There was only one way, I lost most of my squad. My brothers. I-", you stopped again and awkwardly shifted around the collar of your uniform. A hopeless attempt to make you feel better, "They didn't even know why we were there."

The woman placed her hand on your arm and you quickly pulled it back.

"We had to round them up. Went into their homes, pulled them out of their beds and outside.", you tried to remember what had happened. There had been kids and women. Their terrified faces at seeing you in the emotionless mudtrooper uniform.

"There were children."

You hadn't seen them as children back then. Just Resistance supporters. You had erased everything good and innocent about them and had replaced it with a political cause. In the end they were nothing more than the rest of the Resistance. Who cared about their age? What they had done? If they actually understood what was currently happening. They’d all been the same.

"I couldn't even hold my blaster straight.", you whispered and leaned back against the wall, slowly letting yourself glide down onto the floor, "My squad leader pulled me aside. Told me to stand straight. He didn't let me out of his sight. My hands were trembling so much I think he was worried I'd shoot another trooper.", you laughed coldly.

Or worried about you shooting before you were told to.

"I wasn't even a proper mudtrooper. I hadn't signed up for it. I was lost...the others had watched out for me for almost a month. They'd been killed. There were children and women. I was at the brink of collapse and then...one of them tried to run. He was instantly killed. His...I don't even know what she was to him. She was kneeling over him."

Instantly killed...by you.

"Kylo wanted to kill the rest. Told us to execute them. I pleaded him not to...he threw me against a ship and forced me to shoot.", your breath was rattling, "It was a bloodbath."

"You don't have to tell us this...", Finn said and the woman nodded.

"It's clearly...a painful memory."

You vehemently shook your head and quickly got up again, holding onto the wall, "No. I had to tell you. So you know who I am. You deserted.", you looked at the woman, "Not just you. Your whole company deserted. You didn't shoot the civilians. Finn. You didn’t either."

You took a deep breath, "I shot. I just shot them."

"You said you pleaded with him not to...", the woman said quietly.

"I did. I shouted at him. He didn't care."

"So it was your life or theirs...you made the right decision. Without you neither Chewbacca, Poe or Finn would be here.", Rey suddenly said from behind you.

"Children. I-"

Rey made a motion with her hand and Finn nodded. She carefully grabbed your arm and the bag and lead you outside, slowly walking into the direction of the death star.

"I'm sorry for what happened...", she said quietly, "It wasn't your fault."

"Innocent. I should have died instead of them.", you whispered back and she grabbed your shoulders firmly.

"No. Who would go to the death star with me then?"

You took a deep, shaky breath, "True..."


	38. Water

The closer you got to the ocean the more dangerous it got. Instead of watching the waves crash against the cliff sides from above they were now getting awfully close to devouring you. Rey didn't seem to mind and just stormed down the small pathways. You didn't have much of a choice and as much as you'd have liked to take your time with carefully taking one step after another you couldn't.

In the end it wouldn't make much of a difference either. There were only two options: Falling down now or getting swallowed by the waves later. You couldn’t back out of this anymore. Hopefully the Force would be strong enough with the young wannabe jedi now eagerly preparing the skimmer for departure. At least she had determination?

You finally reached the flimsy looking boat thing and fastened your equipment to yourself before helping Rey maneuver out into the waters. There had been a few people that had used similar skimmers on your homeplanet. For the people in the cities it had been a sport, much less dangerous than here. The tidal difference might be vastly different but you seldom had had waves as high as they were currently.

"I hope you know how to drive this.", you said, holding onto the sides.

"Of course!", Rey smiled. It wasn't as assuring as she assumed it to be.

"I don't even want to know how.", you commented and just let her do her thing. You'd just be a nuisance, having no idea how to handle one after all.

The first few minutes of Rey fighting against the waves you were fighting against the urge to throw up. How she didn't get sea sick, you couldn't understand. Then the waves got higher and you didn't have the time to feel sick because you were too worried about not dying.

By the time you finally arrived at the death star you were drenched. You stepped out of the skimmer, carefully placing your feet on the ground to test whether or not it was slippery. It wasn't.

"My sweet, sweet ground...", you mumbled, grabbing the bag from the skimmer, "You must really hate Palpatine to risk your life like this."

Rey didn't answer, she was immediately looking for the entrance.

"So determined.", you commented, more to yourself than to her. It was one thing you couldn’t hold against her.

Whenever you just mentioned his name her presence got colder, the hatred worsened. Exactly how you wanted it to be. If she’d continue being this malleable you’d have an easy time turning her to your side. However, there were far too many factors you couldn’t calculate into the equation to make an educated guess whether or not you’d actually succeed. 

Before entering the Death Star you turned around and carefully checked the skies for any sign of Kylo. He said he'd come. It'd take him a while to reach the Endor system but you had transmitted your signal for the whole ride. He should already be on his way. Hopefully he'd not break apart what you had awakened in Rey. One wrong word from him and it could all be for nothing...

Rey had enough Faith in the Force to just start scaling the walls without any equipment. You didn't, if it would go bad she would not be able to catch you reliably. Then again, it wouldn’t be much of a problem. There was a reason you had brought equipment with you after all. It wasn’t quite the same you had used when you were climbing up mountains and trees as a teenager on Chirna but it was close enough. You’d be able to handle yourself just fine.

While you were more than capable of keeping up with her pace it still took you a good two hours to get to where you had to.  
The moment you felt the slightest presence of Kylo you got excited. Rey didn't seem to notice he had landed nearby. After all, the Dark Side was seeping through the cracks of the wreck, tainting everything around it and making it more or less completely impossible for her to distinguish his signature from Darth Sidious' and Lord Vader's before.

Rey extended a hand and pulled you up to the top.

"Thank you.", you managed to press out in between heavy breaths. You cursed yourself for having neglected your stamina training in the past. Letting yourself fall down on the floor, you stretched your limbs out and gave your body some time to relax.

"It's so cold.", she noted and gave you a minute to get up.

The presence of the dark side was weighing down on you. It was unlike Kylo's or the Knights'. Like a deep sea fish you had become so familiar with his that you felt like you were falling apart every time he was gone. As if you would just melt into the floor because the shape giving pressure had been lifted.  
This one wasn't as familiar though. It was much stronger and you first had to get used to it. The restriction on your chest made it hard to breathe but you reckoned that it wouldn't hinder you as much as it would have a few months back.

Rey and you both stared at the broken down throne at the end of the room. Neither of you said a word but from her reaction you could tell that she was scared. Not necessarily of the throne but...something else.

You frantically listed up the options in your head. Scared of what it represented? No, she would have had the same reaction to the Death Star, arguably it represented the Empire better. Of Palpatine, her grandfather, sitting on it? No...her presence wasn't cold, it was a turmoil as if she was fighting with herself.  
Was she...?

"You're afraid of yourself, aren't you?", you asked quietly, still sitting on the floor.

Rey looked down on you, then back at the throne before nodding.  
"Yes. I don't want to..."

"Follow in your grandfather's footsteps and be a proper Palpatine...", you said, gathering the climbing gear you had used and securely attaching the cables to it. The wreck was stable enough to not crash down onto either of you any time soon, but you weren't exactly fond of falling to your death. So it was best to make sure you could use the gear at any time.

"Yes.", her voice was quiet.

You got up and took her hand, walking her over towards the throne. You kicked it.  
"Blood is strong, you know?", you let her hand go and ran your fingers over the cold metal, "Look at Kylo...Vader's grandson..."

She watched you walk around the throne, you leaned onto it.  
"But also Leia's son. I do not know much about your parents but...given you didn't grow up with Sidious they weren't like him. They must have defied him. Hated him even."

"No. They weren't, they were protecting me from him. They hid me and..."

"He killed them for it.", you finished the sentence. It wasn't hard to guess what he must have done, "Ren has been doing his best for years to fully embrace the dark side...but...he continues to fail."

The temperature dropped, even if only a bit. Kylo probably wasn't too far away. Oops. You just hoped he trusted you enough to not go batshit insane at your words. Especially because they were lies, you had never felt his presence shift temperatures.

"A lot of words for something simple...", you continued, "What I meant was...you'll never be like Sidious. Never."

You waited a bit for the words to settle in. She seemed to have calmed down at least slightly.

"Don't be afraid of yourself falling to the dark side...you won’t. You made me feel at home, just took me in without asking questions.", arguably that had been the greatest mistake she had made in years. If everything went as planned she'd be the reason the Resistance would fail, "You're too good-hearted."

You turned your head towards the throne, "Unlike Sidious.", you lowered your voice, "He is evil. He is the Dark Side and nothing else. He has been consumed by it after mindlessly following it for generations."

Rey's presence got colder. Perfect.

You took a deep breath, "Regardless. This is a pretty throne.", you took a step back and patted the back of it, "Take a seat! You don't get to just walk around in the ruins of a Death Star any day! This is a once in a lifetime opportunity!"

Rey was flabbergasted at your sudden change in tone, she chuckled nervously.

"Come on! I'm sure it won't eat you!"

"We don't have time for this, 24..."

"It's thirty seconds! Please! I just imagined how furious Sidious would get if he saw his granddaughter on his throne. His non-sith granddaughter!"

Rey sighed but quickly stepped over to take her seat. You walked around the throne, putting your hands on your hips, "Oh this is fantastic!", you jokingly bowed, "Empress Rey."

"No!", she laughed, "Don't call me that!"

"I'll bow to you any time. Not to Sidious though.", you said and took a step to the side, allowing her to get up.

A mechanical hiss startled you enough to quickly jump towards her. Rey got up immediately , lightsaber already ignited.

The time of truth had come.

"The wayfinder. I can see it.", she said and carefully walked through the door that had just opened. You didn't make any attempt to follow her.

"Be careful.", you said, taking a step forward. The doors closed again behind her.

"24!", she shouted and hammered against the metal. You could barely hear her from outside. A muffled banging and shouting, nothing more.

You turned around, a big smile on your face as an all too familiar figure stepped forward. His hand was still raised, holding the doors shut from afar.

"Hey there.", you said quietly, walking over to him. He grabbed you by the waist with his free hand, pulling you closer.

"I missed you."

You put your arms around his neck and smiled before pulling his head down to kiss him. He tightened his grip on you, not allowing you to move a single inch away.

Rey's screaming interrupted both of you.

"She's annoying.", you whispered and tucked away a strand of hair that was sticking to his face.

"You have her wrapped around your finger."

"At the cost of my sanity.", you sighed and turned your head to get a better look at the door, that was keeping the nuisance of a scavenger away "So far so good. Her presence is nice and cold."

"Hopefully mine is too."

You chuckled quietly and gave him another quick kiss on the lips, "I had to say it wasn't, it'd have been impossible otherwise."

He nodded, clearly slightly offended at you pretending he wasn't fully on the dark side.

"The moment of truth. Let's see if it worked.", he let go of you and hid between the rubble again. You didn’t want to see him leave again, even if it would only be for a very brief amount of time.

The chamber in which the Wayfinder was hidden had been constructed by Palpatine. What exactly he had done with it you didn't know. You just knew what it did, it showed a Force User their deepest fears. If all had gone well Rey would have seen Palpatine. That'd give her enough incentive to join Kylo and you on your mission to kill him.

The doors opened and Rey stumbled outside, lightsaber still in hand. Searching for something that wasn't there.

"Sidious. I...where is he! I saw him!", she turned around and you quickly walked over to her.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't know what to do!", you placed a hand on her back, showing your fake support. Should you feel bad about manipulating her like this? No, not really. After all you had to defeat Palpatine and this was the only way. 

"He's not here.", she stared inside the room again, "I saw him. I saw what he was doing to my friends. To the Resistance!", she paused, "He wanted to stop me from...", she lifted up her left hand in which she was holding the wayfinder.

It flew away and into Kylo's. She turned towards him and you barely managed to jump back to not be hit by her flailing lightsaber. Jeez. This thing was to be treated like a gun and not like a broomstick she could just wave around.

"You've seen it too.", Kylo said, stepping over a bit of rubble to get closer to both of you, "You've seen what he can do. What he will do."

"Give it to me.", Rey hissed, lifting up her lightsaber.

"We have to defeat him, Rey. Together.", Kylo stretched his hand out.

So far so good. You hadn't expected Kylo to actually step down from his 'you must join the dark side' trip, but he had listened. He had put his trust in you even though he hadn't seen much of what you had done. He'd only read the brief messages you'd sent him. Nevertheless he had put his pride aside and instead of expecting Rey to fully surrender to the Dark Side he had made peace with the idea of only going halfway.

You took a step towards Kylo. Rey's presence was cold, gradually getting colder, too. Perfect. This could work out, all she had to do was take his hand and-

"Never."

Nooo! Rey! What were you doing! You had made it so easy for her! Why couldn't she take his stupid hand!

"The only way you'll get into Exegol.", Kylo started, lifting up the wayfinder, "Is with me.", he crushed it and as the shards fell down onto the floor Rey let out a melodramatic 'Noooooooooooo'.

You wanted to bump your head against a wall. Why...Kylo why did you have to do this? Apparently there was no going half-way for Kylo. There wasn’t even a diplomatic Kylo.They both had to behave like children. Couldn’t either of them put their pride aside and do what had to be done?! Only until Sidious was dead? Apparently not.

Rey swung her lightsaber at him and Kylo quickly moved out of the way, giving himself enough time to ignite his own. 

"STOP IT!", you shouted and before you had any chance to get to them Rey extended her arm sending you flying through the room. Oh great. Now you had been thrown around by almost every force user in the galaxy. It didn’t get more pleasant the more it happened!

You pulled your arms upwards, shielding your head successfully from the impact of the steel framing that was holding the last pieces of glass in place. 

Sparks were flying through the air as their weapons clashed against each other. Faster this time, stronger.   
At this rate he'd surely kill her, she was stumbling back, barely managing to defend herself. You used the throne to pull yourself onto your feet.

"KYLO!", you shouted in a hopeless attempt to stop him from turning Rey into minced meet. This was not what he wanted. Killing her would only fulfill Palpatine's wishes. He knew it. He glanced over to you, briefly enough to make sure you hadn't been hurt.

Rey used her chance and won a bit of ground back in the short moment he'd stopped focusing on her. She pushed his saber down, both of them cutting into the floor. Parts of hot glowing metal were flying through the air as Kylo pulled his lightsaber away. He jumped back and used the force to throw a broken down monitor into her direction. While she was still busy cutting the monitor in two to not get hit square in the face, Kylo launched himself at her.

Within a split second he had crossed the ten meter gap between them, swinging the saber over his head. Rey ducked away, protecting herself only barely.  
It couldn't even be called a proper fight at this point anymore. She wasn't attacking, she was defending herself. He was toying with his prey, clearly enjoying his superiority over her. She fell to the ground and crawled backwards, doing her best to evade him.

He wasn't even trying to do anything fancy. Using his pure strength he overpowered her. With each hit from him it got harder and harder for Rey to hold onto her weapon.

Then without a warning he stopped. What...what was he doing? You could see his fingers losing the grip on his lightsaber, and you weren't the only one.

It wasn't a decision you actively took. It just happened. Without giving it a thought you jumped forwards towards both of them and pushed Kylo out of the way. At the edge of your vision you could see Rey grabbing the handle and swinging the saber around in an attempt to hit Kylo.

You slid along the floor until you crashed into a pile of rubble. 

All three of you were sitting on the floor, processing what had happened. Rey had dropped both lightsabers and was now kneeling. Why did they stop? For seemingly no reason? It hardly made any sense.

"Leia.", she said quietly.

Oh. Did she- No it still didn’t make much sense.  
Kylo was slowly getting up after you had thrown him over. He plucked out a piece of glass from his arm, staring at Rey.

"She's dead.", Rey whispered, "Leia's dead...I could feel it."

Kylo didn't reply. You moved slightly so could get a better look at them. That's why he had stopped, wasn't it? He had felt it earlier than Rey had. It was Kylo's mother, not Rey's that had died, why was she making such a fuss about it.

You made an attempt to get up on your feet but they didn't move.

"Shit.", you mumbled as you looked at yourself. There was a huge gash in your abdomen. From Kylo's lightsaber...that Rey had grabbed and hit you with. Even though a ‘hit’ would mean that she had stabbed you, or maybe scratched you. This wasn’t a ‘hit’, she had almost cut you in half. No wonder you couldn't move your feet.


	39. Death Star

"DOC!", Kylo shouted and sprinted to you, helplessly moving his hands around before helping you sit up slightly, so you'd be a bit more comfortable.

You grabbed one of his hands and made a quiet shushing sound to calm him down. With the amount of adrenaline in your blood you couldn't feel the pain one bit. 

"No. No. No.", he whispered. He didn't know what to do, he wanted to help but it wasn't a normal wound you could press your hands on to stop the bleeding. You hadn’t really processed what was going on yet. She had severely damaged your torso and given how it looked you didn’t give yourself more than ten minutes to live. Maybe fifteen, if you were lucky. Or unlucky? There was no pain now but once it would start to settle in you’d just tell Kylo to shoot you, or do it yourself. After all it hadn’t been your arms that were severed.

"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!", he shouted at Rey. He was the complete opposite of calm, unlike you.

She only turned towards you now. The blood immediately left her face as she saw you. Served her right. After all this was her doing!

"I- I'm sorr-", she stood up and got closer. Kylo was on his feet immediately, his lightsaber back in his hand. It had happened so fast you didn't even catch a glimpse of it flying through the air.

"I. Will. Kill. You.", he pressed out between his teeth and took a step forward.

"It wasn't my fault! I didn't mean to!", Rey whined, grabbing her own saber. She had almost died earlier. She was well aware that she wouldn't survive for more than a minute if Kylo would attack her now. 

"Kylo.", you said firmly, however not very loud. He looked down at you. He was so helpless. So enraged and worried at the same time. A mess of emotions.

So was Rey, she was still mourning Leia. Also afraid for her own life. You hoped that somewhere she'd at least feel guilty for causing your death in the next few minutes. Didn't matter. She didn't matter, the only one that did was Kylo.

"Please. Both of you stop.", you continued, wheezing slightly "Kylo...you want to defeat Palpatine. You can't do it without her. And you", you looked over towards Rey, "hate him more than Kylo does. You want to see him just as dead. So for once can't you stop fighting? Put your differences aside? It's one thing you have to do together and then you can go kill each other again."

You whinced loudly as the pain finally settled in. Kylo was immediately kneeling next to you.

"I should have never left you alone.", he whispered, "I should have sent you with the others. Or kept you on the ship."

"Too late now.", you stretched out your hands and he sat down, carefully moving you into his arms.

"Why did you have to be stupid?", his voice was breaking down and he pulled your head against his chest.

"I'd do it again. I don't regret anything.", you smiled and listened to his heart beat. It was going so fast. With every passing second yours got faster too, given your nerve endings were currently overloading. 

Rey had put her own lightsaber away and was watching both of you from a few meters away. How much you'd like to be able to hear her thoughts now, she was so confused. Until now she had believed Kylo had mistreated you. How he was reacting and treating you now wasn't something she would have ever suspected.

She carefully got closer, Kylo pulled you more towards him. You squeezed his arm slightly so he'd understand that it was okay. As much as you wanted to put a bullet in her brain, Kylo still kind of needed her to defeat Sidious. Maybe he could kill her after? In your memory? That’d be nice.

Rey sat down next to you, still watching both of you in disbelief.

"I didn't know that..."

"I told you he hadn't hurt me.", you said and moved a bit closer to him, making it slightly more comfortable for you. If that even was possible while your guts were half spilling out on the floor. 

"You've never surrendered to the Dark side, have you...Ben?"

Seriously? That’s what she got from this?  
Kylo's muscles tightened slightly as she spoke his former name. You understood it all too well, there was a reason you preferred a number to what you had been originally called.

Regardless of that, she was wrong. His presence was unbelievably cold. What Rey failed to see was how the Dark Side worked...the Dark side wasn't inherently evil. It was a tool. The easiest way to access this tool was through emotions, strong emotions. There were only two that had led people to the Dark Side in the past. One was hate, easy to fuel and keep up. Love, however, was the other one. Her precious light side was just as much of a tool as the dark. It’s why the Jedi hadn’t been allowed to have wives, husbands or kids. They were paths to the dark side, after all you’d ideally feel a strong emotional connection to them. What she was seeing right now wasn’t proof that Kylo was Ben, or was in any way switching sides...it was the complete opposite. He couldn’t have given her a better proof that he wasn’t absent of emotion. It had taken Kylo a good minute to explain this to you, how come her precious Luke or Leia never had? Maybe she was just dull.

She moved her hands towards your abdomen. Nothing happened for a few seconds, then your intestines were regrowing and arteries moved together.

"Kylo!", you whined and grabbed his hand. It hurt. It hurt far more than getting cut by the saber. You weren't made for the light side but said light was currently flowing through you. It took all your willpower to not just disappear from the Force entirely.

"It's alright. It's alright.", he pulled your head closer and held you tightly, allowing you to grab his arm as tightly as possible.

Your breathing got heavier and your whole body felt as if it was burning up. You didn't have the breath or strength to scream, just keeping yourself in existence was hard enough. 

Kylo's POV  
"Stop!", Kylo said vehemently, moving Rey's hands away. The Doc was lying in his arms, barely able to stay conscious. She was doing her best to not disappear from the Force entirely. 

"I wasn't done! She's gonna die!", Rey tried to put her hands on the Doc's body but Kylo grabbed them.

"She's burning up.", he said, calmy. "Here."

He moved his one arm away just enough for Rey to be able to feel the Doc's temperature. The Doc groaned quietly as Rey put her hand on her forehead.

"You've done enough.", Kylo looked down at the wound. It wasn't closed up but the organs had mostly been restored. At least it was a lightsaber wound, the edges were still cauterized so she wouldn't lose any blood,"We have to get her out of here."

Rey nodded and Kylo carefully lifted up the Doc, carrying her in arms towards the edge. It wouldn't be easy to get her down, but he had to try it.

"Can you hear me?", he asked quietly and the Doc nodded, "We'll get you down, alright?"

"I can jump down and you can move her with the Force.", Rey suggested.

"No. I'll carry her. It's safer.", he jumped down the first drop and landed as softly as he could. The Doc didn't make any sounds of pain.

It took them a while to get down, Rey insisted that they should just float her down but Kylo vehemently disagreed. Eventually she gave up on asking and just helped him move her. The Doc's temperature dropped slightly and by the time they had finally reached the bottom she was able to communicate again.

"Thank you.", she said quietly and made an attempt to leave Kylo's arms.

Rey chuckled, "He won't let you go."

She was right for once. Kylo wouldn't just set her down and watch her trying to walk to the ship. That sounded like an incredibly bad idea.

"Put me in the water. It's cold."

Kylo looked over at Rey. She stared at the water and shrugged, "Let me see if there's a pool inside."

Rey disappeared back into the wreckage while Kylo waited outside. The waves were crashing against the broken down pieces of metal, showering everything and everyone with water.

"Are you better?", he asked and the Doc nodded. From what he could tell she had completely disappeared from the Force. No trace of her. 

"Ren.", someone said from behind and Kylo turned around to see the traitorous stormtrooper stand a good fity meters away from him.

"Is that...Let 24 go!"

"No.", Kylo simply said. Where was that scavenger girl when you needed her? She had to sort through this misunderstanding. He didn't want to put the Doc down, what if she got washed away? But staying like this made him very vulnerable to blaster shots.

"She left you for a reason! Why did you hurt her!"

"She's mine."  
That guy was getting annoying. He couldn't wait until the'd have the cloning power of the Sith back just so he could avoid traitors like him in the future. Something in his training had to have gone wrong.  
Too bad he couldn't hold Hux accountable for it any more.

"Finn! It's alright!", Rey said and waved Kylo inside the wreck, "Come! I found a spot!"

"Rey!", Finn shouted, happy to see her.

"He always says the same things, doesn't he?", Kylo whispered to the Doc. She made a sound that he identified as a chuckle.

He carried her inside, past the two. Their faces were a show of their own. Very entertaining if he wouldn't be holding a half-dead person in his arms. With anyone else he'd be worried about the lack of presence he could feel but with her he couldn't be happier.

Rey showed him the spot and went towards the two newcomers while Kylo walked over to the pool of water. The Death Star was so broken down that this was probably a direct connection to the ocean.

"Are you sure this is fine with your wound?", he stepped into the water.

"It's saltwater. It will desinfect it.", the Doc mumbled and held on tightly to Kylo as he moved further into the ocean until it had reached his hips and he could let her float savely.

"Rey!", he shouted and moved the hair out of her face. She was looking much better than before. Not good in any way, but much better. 

The scavenger ran towards them, the other two following her. She kneeled next to the edge of the pool and Kylo moved the Doc closer so she could reach her.

"You're going to be alright.", he whispered and nodded.

Rey placed her hands back on the Doc's abdomen. Nothing happened for a few seconds.

"It's...it's not working.", Rey said, flustered.

"Give it time.", Kylo wiped over the Doc's forehead, "Doc. Please..."

He could slowly feel her come back into existence. She wasn't just a bit of nothing anymore. The edges of the wounds were growing towards each other again. The water was doing a great job at stopping her from overheating.

Kylo stopped Rey a few times to give both of them a bit of rest. It was clearly exhausting them. Rey probably felt as if she was draining her lifeforce into nothing, which was partially true. The Doc's face, distorted in pain, was not something Kylo would ever want to see again.

Eventually the wound was gone and the Doc could finally disappear from the Force again.  
"We will leave in a few minutes.", Kylo said in a commanding tone to the scavenger.

She nodded and got up to talk with her friends. They weren't exactly quiet about how much they hated to have the Supreme Leader of the First Order around, even though Rey constantly insisted he was 'Ben' now and not the leader of the Knights of Ren. She was wrong, but it was better to let her believe it...for now. The Doc was right, it was best to defeat the common enemy first, then he could...either kill her or convince her. He certainly wouldn't need her anymore. That pesky long distance, galaxy wide telepathy would hopefully disappear too.

Doc's POV  
Your body still felt as if someone had set it on fire. Or put you in an oven, or left you out naked in the dessert with no shade or water. But it was getting better. Both the Death Star and Kylo's presence helped. Instead of weighing you down they protected you. Kept you secure from the Light.

The water's high saline content kept your body afloat. You closed your eyes and allowed the ocean to cool you down. It didn't even feel cold even though you knew that it must be. After all it had been when you had arrived at the Death Star. Now? Now it was just pleasant, you didn't feel it. You might as well be floating in zero G.

"You're gone.", Kylo mumbled and moved you a bit closer to the edge of the pool so he could get you out easier.

"It's more comfortable.", you replied.

If you weren't present in the Force you wouldn't have to endure the unbearable heat from the light side. Not that Rey was currently emitting any...on the contrary. Finn and the other woman though...It hadn't been much earlier but now you could feel them so well. Suspicious.

You took a deep breath and stopped lying in the water like a dead man, instead you moved so you could stand next to Kylo.  
He smiled and grabbed you by the hips.

"I still feel like I am burning.", you said quietly, "Jeez Kylo get the fuck out of here, you're as cold as ice! You're going to get hypothermia!"

He opened his mouth to protest but you just shoved him back against the wall.  
"Out. Give me another minute or two."

With each passing second it the burning sensation slowly faded.  
Kylo jumped out while you swam into deeper waters. He watched you carefully and got closer, just to make sure he could drag you out in case something happened. 

Rey, Finn and the woman finally came closer.

"I'm Finn.", Finn said, clearly unsure about the situation at hand. He wasn’t comfortable with it, or incredibly socially awkward. Probably both.

"Jannah.", the woman said. Oh that was her name? Good to know, maybe you should have asked earlier.

Kylo didn't reply, just kneeled down close to you. Some part of you was disappointed he hadn’t introduced himself. What would he have said anyway: ‘Your ex-boss. Kneel before me?’

"How will we get to Exegol?", Finn asked.

"I have a ship parked outside. We will take that.", he emphasized the 'we', hinting at neither of the ex-stormtroopers joining.

"No. We won't leave Rey alone.", Jannah protested.

"Yes, we're coming with you!"

You chuckled quietly, "That will be your death."

"You were the one that almost died today, not us."

Oh well, look at that. Another reason to dislike Finn. You wanted to shoot a comment back, but it probably wouldn't have been the best idea. For now you still had to play the 'left the First Order' role. At least until you were on the ship. Probably until you had reached Exegol. From how close you were to the Supreme Leader and given how much he cared for you they’d anyway be suspicious enough.

You stretched a hand out, Kylo grabbed it and swiftly pulled you out of the water. While he didn't say anything he looked somewhat worried. You wish you could have told him that you were fine, but it wasn't exactly the most private situation.

"Let's go then. We have a planet to find.", you wanted to leave but Finn stopped you.

"No. I don't understand this situation. Rey and the Supreme Leader, Kylo Ren...you have just decided to work together?"

"He's not Kylo Ren.", Rey threw in and stepped forward, "He's Ben Solo."

Oh no. She actually believed that? Well this would be a surprise. Kylo didn't react, just stared everyone down. Easy for someone his height. Given you enjoyed staring down at people quite a bit yourself, you understood his sentiment.

"And he's with us. We will defeat Sidious.", Rey continued, somewhat proud of herself. What for? That she had ‘turned’ him to the Light by almost cutting you in half?

"But he's with the dark side!", Finn protested, pointing directly at Kylo. How rude, didn't his mom- Of course, his mom couldn't teach ihim that because he had been taken from them when he had been a child. Pity.

"He isn't! He isn't on either side! Just like me!"

Oh look at that. The indoctrination had worked. The seed had started to grow and by now its roots were so deeply attached to Rey's mind that she wouldn't be able to get rid of it again. At least, not without causing any damage.

"You're a light side user! A Jedi! Just like Luke Skywalker!", Finn was almost shouting in frustration by now.

"I am not! I've always been drawn to the dark side! I am a Palpatine! But I don't have to choose. I...you wouldn't understand.", she took a step away from them and in turn one towards you and Kylo.

Oh yes, come here sweet child. This is where you belonged. If only she could feel the world like you did, she would have realized in an instant that she was taking a step into the wrong direction. Good thing the Force void was an exclusively Dark Side ability.

Finn and Jannah exchanged looks, "We will come with you. I trust you, Rey. But we're not leaving you alone."

Annotation:   
We are slowly but steadily approaching the end!


	40. Exegol

The Upsilon class shuttle was parked on one of the few accessible surfaces of the Death Star's wreckage. Given Kylo Ren hadn't arrived with his TIE whisper he must have read the message you had sent him earlier. Finn and Jannah were staying behind and you could feel their stares on your backs. They didn't trust either of you, which was the smart thing to do. Too bad Finn hadn't done that earlier. If he wouldn't have trusted you from the start you wouldn't have managed to get Rey as far as she had gotten.

Kylo entered the shuttle and sat down in the cockpit, Rey on the chair next to him.  
You waited until Finn and Jannah had entered before excusing yourself briefly under the pretense to find an intact shirt. This one had been ripped apart after all. 

You grabbed a data pad and went to the supplies Kylo had brought. After making sure none of the Resistance fighters were watching you, you wrote a message to Pryde.  
'I have managed to put a tracker on the Millenium Falcon. Follow him to find the Resistance. It is currently on Kef Bir but if they leave they might lead you to their main base. The Supreme Leader is with me. For security reasons do not contact us.- MD-2442.'

Hopefully this would give him enough information to wipe out those pesky cockroaches once and for all. Pryde wasn't hotheaded either so he should only blow up specific planets, not just any. Hopefully.

You locked the datapad, making anyone but you unable to access it and started looking for clothing you could wear. There were a few black pants and shirts. You even found some that could fit Kylo. Without much hesitation you changed into them and reentered the cockpit.

"I've got some non-wet clothing for you", you stopped, you didn't want to call him 'Ben' it just did not fit.

"Rey?", he asked and she nodded, taking over command of the ship.

The moment both of you had left the cockpit you could hear the two ex-stormtroopers whisper to one another. Very subtle, guys, very subtle. Good job.

Kylo threw his shirt in the corner and stripped out of his pants. Your eyes got fixated on the scars visible on his abdomen. Not just the scars, however...but that wasn’t something you’d admit.  
You gave him his new set of clothing and stepped closer, running your hand over the white lines.

"Remember?", you asked quietly and traced over them with your fingers. You lifted up your own shirt to reveal the scar on the side of your abdomen, "You stitched that up."

"You hadn't watched out. You scolded me for moving too much and weren't able to help yourself afterwards.", he smirked and pulled you towards him.

"Embarrassing.", you chuckled. Kylo placed his hand on your abdomen, running it across.

"I don't know what I would have done if I had lost you.”, you wanted to reply but he continued talking, "You're still very cold."

"I don't feel it."

Kylo nodded and turned around briefly to make sure neither of the others were watching you before leaning down to kiss you. You closed your eyes and enjoyed the warmth of his skin. You weren't freezing but that didn’t mean you didn’t enjoy his warmth.

"Cold.", he mumbled and let you go.

"If you weren't a necrophiliac before, now you are.", you joked and handed him his shirt.

He scoffed and grabbed it. You watched him put it back on.

"Don't look at me like that. After this is over I can leave it off all day.", the grin on his face only got wider.

You felt your blood shoot into your cheeks and quickly turned around. Had you really been staring at him that obviously? It had not been your intention. Fuck. At least he wasn't able to hear your thoughts anymore.

He moved closer and gave you a brief kiss on your head before walking back into the cockpit. Damn him. Why was he being so smug about this. You searched for a few towels and followed him shortly after you didn't feel like your head was a tomato anymore.

You handed it to Finn, Rey and Jannah.  
"Dry yourselves off, you'll need your fighting spirit."

You slept a bit on your way to Exegol. Occasionally getting woken up Jannah or Finn. Either because they weren't trying to be quiet or because they were just really bad at it. Didn't matter. From how they behaved they weren't exactly happy with the Supreme Leader and his medic staying in the cockpit. Eventually you allowed them to have some time alone, only to go back to where your data pad was hidden.

Oh, that was interesting. They had managed to transmit your location to...you couldn't tell because it was a random string of letters. Alright.  
Another message to Pryde then.  
'This might be Resistance related.', you already wanted to hit send but you still felt the need to add it 'refrain from blowing up planets unless you absolutely must'.  
You hoped that would do it. He wasn't called 'Pryde' for nothing, you guessed that if he felt insulted he might irrationally decide to destroy an entire ecosystem with all its inhabitants.

Exegol was now mere minutes away, you could already see it through whatever cancerous growth was concealing it. How Palpatine had planned to leave the planet with his fleet of massive star destroyers you didn't know. Perhaps there was another way? Maybe he could remove hazards? It kept Exegol safe, but how was anyone supposed to leave it again?

You leaned against Kylo's seat and stared down at the grey surface Exegol's. The only thing that illuminated it slightly was whatever you had been maneuvering through. The closer you got the clearer you could see the star destroyers. Hundreds of them. Thousands. Hovering slightly below the atmosphere, ready to depart at any moment now.

It was so still. They weren't moving one bit. There wasn't any wind either that could be moving the few clouds scattered between them.

"I don't like this.", Finn commented.

What a wimp. This was pure power. So many ships, all looking the same. A sense of unity. They weren't randomly placed either but stationed like soldiers before a battle.  
Chills ran down your spine. Not from being afraid. You were proud that you had joined the First Order. It had arguably been the best decision you had ever made.

You glanced over at Rey. You had thought that you couldn't be more different from one another. But you were wrong. You were the same, always having looked for something to belong to. If the Resistance wouldn't have caused the death of your father, you wondered if you'd have still ended up with the First Order? Probably. After all they had secured your planet. And you were really fond of their uniforms.

Kylo landed the Upsilon class shuttle and stood up.

"Doc.", he said and pointed to a corner, "Brought you something. It is brand new, special ammo."

You nodded and walked over, immediately starting to grin as you saw what he had brought for you. It truly was brand new. Not all parts of it, looking at the additional ammunition that was available. Perfect nevertheless.   
"Thank you, Sir.", you shouldered your rifle and nodded, "Ready, everyone?"

"I've never been more ready.", Finn said and took a deep breath.

He was trying so hard...admirable, almost. If only you could stand him a bit more.

Jannah nodded. How she intended to fight Palpatine with only a bow...you didn't know. To each their own? While the arrows couldn’t be blocked by lightsabers they were far too slow to be effective. 

You stepped out of the shuttle and took a look around. A barren landscape with nothing but grey dust was lying in front of you. How dreary and bleak...nevertheless you felt at home. The Dark side's presence was almost unbearable for Finn and Jannah, given both were shivering. Not for you, though. On the contrary, it finally seemed to have a proper temperature.

With every step more dust got kicked in the air, making it uncomfortable to breathe. At least nothing had gotten into your eyes, yet. Kylo led you on a seemingly random path through the desert until you finally reached a circle. If you wouldn't have looked closely you would have missed it entirely. All five of you stood on it and it slowly started moving down into the ground.

A blue light was illuminating the massive caverns underneath. And within the dim light you could make out the faces of the huge statues towards your sides. They were wrinkled and old. Masterful craftsmanship, however, given that one of them was probably over 50m tall. If not more.

Chains were hanging from the ceiling with seemingly no purpose, an odd choice of decoration. Impressive nevertheless. The clothing of each of the statues was so realistic a part of you was fearing for them to move. That would hardly be a fair fight, you would be nothing more than flies to them. Then again...it wasn't much different for Palpatine.

Jannah and Finn were periodically turning around while the rest just marched on forward, with Kylo in the very front. Rey was a meter behind him and you were in the middle. The worst position for a sniper to be in. Any position that wasn't a few hundred meters away was a bad position though. So in the end it didn't matter much.

"Shit.", Finn said and you turned around.

"Oh.", you made and gave Rey a slight push forward, "Go! We'll handle this!"

Rey and Kylo turned around simultaneously. Kylo made a disapproving clicking sound but pulled Rey into Palpatine's direction. He looked at you, trying to figure out whether or not this really was the right decision.

You nodded, he turned back around and started running. You sighed and hid behind a huge stone, using it to support your rifle.

There they were. You couldn't say that you hadn't expected it, but you still were surprised. The Knights of Ren had betrayed their Master. You didn't have to eliminate your presence within the Force, you still hadn't appeared back into it. So you closed your eyes briefly and created a void, just big enough to figure out their exact positions. One, two...it was probably Ap'lek and Vicrul in front. There were number three and four, Trudgen and Ushar. Then there was Cardo, number five.

One missing. Of course, there'd be one missing. Where was that bastard? You opened your eyes again and used your scope to scan your surroundings. Kuruk would be hiding somewhere in the back.  
He certainly knew you'd be hiding somewhere too.

"Hey Miss. It's hard to see through my mask. Come out.", Cardo shouted.

Finn started shooting at them without any hesitation. A smart decision given most of them were melee fighters and they were currently still quite far away. Then again. They were still your friends and you didn't really appreciate anyone shooting at them.

You heard screaming and shouting from both sides but couldn't be very concerned with it. There was still one Knight missing and he had to be found first before you'd even dare to leave your current cover.

You exhaled slowly and looked around again, extending your void like tendrils. They crawled around, over the walls and deeper into the dark than your eyes could see. You covered your scope with your hand to eliminate the possibility of Kuruk spotting you because of a reflection and continued searching.

You could almost feel the surface of the walls and ceiling because of the Dark side's presence. This wasn't just any location, it had been Sidious' hiding place for decades. It was embedded into the very fabric of the planet, completely tainting it.

It suddenly felt as if one of your invisible tendrils had hit a wall. You carefully moved it along the bubble that was surrounding Kuruk to properly make out his location. Given how far away he was there was no possibility you could just cut him off of the Force. You moved your finger towards the trigger and pulled on it just enough so you wouldn't have to move more than a millimeter to actually shoot.

You did not want to kill him and you couldn't tell exactly where he was. He was just a ball of more dense force. It wasn't like him either, it felt...different than usual.  
You exhaled again, effectively slowing your heartbeat down, adjusted your position and pulled the trigger. The bubble of dark side moved away, slowly. You hoped you hadn't hit him fatally.

"24 FUCKING HELP US!", Finn shouted, moving his arm out of cover and roughly shooting into the Knights direction.

Jannah jumped out of her cover and hid behind another rock, firing an arrow.

"Yes, Miss! We want to play too!", Cardo shouted and you could swear you could hear Ap'lek telling him to shut up.

"Fuck off!", you shouted back and shot into their direction, purposely not hitting any of them by aiming far above their heads, "Why are you betraying Kylo!"

"He left us! For that scavenger girl!", Trudgen's deep and booming voice echoed off the walls. He had gotten a lot closer, but it was hard to see him with all the dust floating in the air.

Fuck. You couldn't reply with a 'no he didn't' because you were still with Finn and Jannah. Why did you bring those two annoyances with you again!

"His name isn't Kylo! It's Ben!", Finn shouted, only making matters worse. This wasn't going to work out for long.

"And 24 here has left you too!", Jannah added.

You wanted to bash their heads together. They...why would they say either of that! Couldn't they just keep their mouths shut and shoot?

"Oh really?", Ushar replied. The Knights had stopped firing. He started laughing, "Tell me...Miss. Have you told them who you are?"

"Ushar I will take Kylo's lightsaber and shove it up your fucking ass!"

Finn and Jannah were staring at you. Expecting you to answer. The worst of possibilities were already playing in their head. Finn stopped shooting and adjusted his position. He wasn't even trying to aim at the Knights, instead he held his blaster awfully close in your direction.

You jumped up on top of the stone you had been hiding behind and lifted up your arms.  
"Come closer if you dare. Any of you."

"Get the fuck down! They are going to kill you!", Jannah was on her way to jump and shove you down back behind covers but Ap'lek's voice stopped her.

"It's Five against One, Vornskr.", he came close enough that you could make out the shape of his mask properly.

"Vornskr?!", Finn said in disbelief, staring at you, "You're the seventh Knight!"

"And now..it is seven against one, Miss.", Cardo proclaimed, "You shouldn't have betrayed us."

"Sidious has all of you under your control. I can feel it.", you said, doing your best to ignore Finn waving his blaster around. He couldn't decide whether to point it at you or the Knights. He should point it at you, but he didn't. Bad decision.

"Feel it?", Jannah was staring at you, about as indecisive as Finn was.

"He's corrupted you...", you took a deep breath to give yourself time to think. This was not an ideal situation. The Knights wouldn't let you go easily, Kylo wasn't on their side currently, because they were on Sidious'. Ren was merely on the Dark, but not even that was entirely certain for them. Then you still had Jannah and Finn with you. Regardless, there was one important thing you had to figure out, "Does he know?"

"Sidious? About what?", Ap'lek asked and you jumped down from your stone. There were roughly twenty meters between you now. If you'd go much further then you'd walk past Finn and Jannah.

"This.", you said and raised your arm, the invisible tendrils that you had been extending wrapped themselves around Cardo's connection to the Force. You closed your fist and simultaneously his connection. He grunted, falling to his knees and unconscious.

"What the-", Finn made.

You hadn't hesitated to cut off Cardo. Him being more or less a walking armory made him the biggest threat.

You opened your hand again. Ap'lek scoffed and nodded towards Trudgen and Ushar who started walking forward.  
Trudgen was a horrible enemy to fight hand to hand. He wasn't, however, very skilled in using the Force. It was as if his powers were stunted because he hadn't taken care of them properly when he was young. While he was the worse to fight in melee he was the easiest to cut off.

Ushar stopped and waited for Ap'lek to give him another command.

"I guess we are down to three, Ap'lek.", you joked. Your temperature had only mildly dropped but not enough to cause any harm, yet.

Neither Finn or Jannah knew how to react to what you had just done. She had probably never seen the Force in action. Finn had, but he didn’t understand what you were doing. It was new. He couldn't tell what other abilities you had and he couldn't tell whether or not you were still on his side. Jokes on him. You never had been.

Ap'lek grunted, "You can't keep this up for long. It will kill you."

You laughed coldly, "Even if it does. You're gone first."

Ap'lek was hesitating. He didn't order Ushar or Vicrul to step forward. What a peculiar situation it was. Three parties and none of them knew who belonged to whom. Arguably you were off the worst. The chances that both the Knights and the Resistance would attack you simultaneously was rather high. Then again, you were the only thing standing in between them. Finn hopefully had enough of a brain to realize that.

Your tendrils wrapped themselves around Ap'lek's connection but without cutting him off.

"You didn't answer me.", your voice was stern.

You raised your arm up again and extended your fingers, the more you limited him the more you closed your hand. Totally useless to do, but it emphasized your power just enough. Apart from that you could fool both Jannah and Finn into believing you had to use your hands. It made it more... 'Force-ish'.

Ap'lek's breathing got visibly heavier. Vicrul tightened the grip on his weapon and from how he moved he was ready to jump forward any minute now. Right now you still had the upper hand, you wouldn't give it up.

"Last chance."

"He doesn’t know."

You smiled, "Good for you."

You closed their connections off simultaneously and all three collapsed on the ground. A beautiful synchronization! Your void broke down just as quickly and you felt a chill crawling up your bones, cooling you down. Given what you had just done it should have been far worse. Then again, the dark side didn't really have anything to affect, after all...you were unreachable for it.

Finn stepped forward and stared at the Knights. Jannah kicked one of them. They didn't move and their breath was so shallow it was hard to see even for a trained eye like yours.

"We have to leave. They probably need us.", you turned around and started walking, not waiting for them to react.

"No! You're not with us! You're a Knight! That's your proper name, isn't it? Vornskr!", Finn shouted. You didn't have to turn around to know he was pointing his blaster at your back.

"You can hold me accountable later. We have the last Sith to defeat.", you tilted your head backwards and turned just enough so you could see them, "Apart from that.", you grinned widely, "What makes you think I can't do the same to you?"

Jannah stared at you, then over to Finn. He lowered his blaster and followed you without saying another word. What a good boy. At least they had believed you, cutting Finn off might have been an option but Jannah? Her presence hadn't been much to begin with and the dark side was just making it smaller and smaller. Much more difficult to find and reach. Maybe she would even be fine without having her connection to the Force. You didn't want to risk it.


	41. Sidious

Kylo's POV  
Could the Doc take on the Knights? Hopefully. After all she had managed to knock him out at one point. Apart from that, the Knights were relatively weak compared to him. While they were all skilled in combat neither of them could use the Force well.

She nodded and Kylo turned around, grabbing Rey's sleeve to run where Palpatine would be. It wasn't like either had much of a choice in this matter.  
Kylo passed the gigantic tanks with Snoke swimming inside and finally entered the arena. The ranks were filled with followers of the Sith Eternal, he himself didn't know much about them. Their currently still quiet chants gave the whole place an eerie atmosphere.

"What a surprise.", Sidious' voice echoed off the walls and the machine pulled him higher up like an ugly puppet on strings, "So you have chosen to betray me."

Kylo didn't reply, he grabbed his lightsaber without igniting it yet. Rey followed his lead.

"My grandchild! Has come home!", he loudly proclaimed, opening his arms in a welcoming gesture, "I never wanted you dead. I wanted you here. Empress Palpatine."

Rey glanced over at Kylo.

"You will take the throne. It is your birthright to rule here. It is in your blood", he stretched his hand out, "Our...blood."

Kylo walked a few meters ahead, tightening the grip on his lightsaber.

"I haven't come to lead the Sith!", Rey shouted, "We will defeat them!"

"We?", Sidious asked and paused briefly before erupting into cold laughter, "Two failed Jedi want to defeat me?", he continued laughing, "The Jedi who trained you both almost killed Kylo because of a bad dream. He did not want to help you because he knew who you are. What...you are."

The chanting of the Sith eternal got louder.

"A Palpatine. MY granddaughter.", the crane moved his body slightly out of the way so the throne was more visible, "You belong here."

"NO!", Rey shouted.

"Strike me down. Take the throne, Rey.", he took a deep breath, "Your hatred. Your anger. You want to kill me. That is what I want.", he spoke louder and moved in front of the throne, "Kill me and my spirit will pass into you as all the Sith live in me! You will be empress. We. Will. Be. One!"

Rey glanced over at Kylo again. He shook his head. He could see Rey falter, unsure of what to do. If she'd kill Palpatine would she really have his spirit within her? She did not want to risk it. She was still more connected to the Light Side of the Force. He hoped that she had enough faith in him to actually go through with it and not...No. She didn't have any other option but to kill him now. What else would she do? Turn around and leave? Knock him unconscious? A permanent coma? There was no other way.

Rey nodded and they ignited their lightsabers simultaneously, storming ahead and towards him. He hoped she had heard what he had wanted to tell her telepathically.  
Palpatine moved his body back, Sith guards appeared and started shooting. Kylo reflected one of the blasters and stopped another one midair so it wouldn't hit Rey. She sliced the guard to her right in half and had killed another one before his torso had fallen to the floor.

Kylo turned around, swinging his lightsaber at a guard who barely managed to jump back. As he blocked the next incoming strike he catapulted a stone into another one's chest. With a quick move forward he stabbed the guard and moved to his right to evade a few blaster shots.

Rey deflected more of the incoming shots and moved until she was back to back with Kylo. It didn't take them more than ten seconds to hit the remaining guards with their own fire or throw them so far up that they'd break their necks coming down.

"Stand together. Die together!", Palpatine shouted and lifted them up, catapulting their lightsabers out of their hands.

He moved them closer, bringing them down. The stone flooring tore open Kylo's knees and he felt as if someone had sucked the life right out of him. Sidious gasped and stopped, staring at his withering hands. Kylo wanted to move, but he couldn't. He was stuck, as if someone had paralyzed him.

"The life force of your bond...a dyad in the Force.", Sidious spoke,"A power like life itself. Unseen for generations. And now...", he stopped and opened his arms. The chanting of the Sith eternal got louder and louder, "the power of two restores the one...true...emperor."

His laughter resonated in Kylo's bones. The last thing he saw was Palpatine stretching out his hands before the world turned into bright, unbearable pain. As if someone had dropped him into freezing cold water, for a brief moment it was simply cold before all that remained was the pain. Time itself passed unbearably slow and whether or not it had been seconds or years stuck in this state he couldn't tell.

Doc's POV  
The chanting of whoever was staying in the emperor's room got progressively louder. You sprinted through a doorway and past a few tanks filled with green liquid. As you finally entered Palpatine's 'room' you had to correct yourself. It was much bigger than anticipated. The sheer size probably allowed an entire star destroyer to fit inside without any issues.

The sides were filled with robed people, you assumed, that were still cheering for...Oh hell no.

"The power of two restores the one...true...emperor.", laughter erupted from within the wrinkled old man and he stretched his hands out.

You lifted up your rifle and shot at whatever ugly puppet was currently holding Kylo, and Rey, in his death grip. He screamed out with a voice far more high pitched than you had anticipated and turned the crane holding him to face you.

"Congrats, now he's gonna come for us.", Finn said and all of you dispersed like bugs under a log after someone had lifted it up. Right now you were nothing more than mere insects to Sidious. However, even mosquitoes could annoy an elephant for long enough to make him lose his mind. You only had to be consistent in your pestering. 

Jannah ran towards cover, continuously shooting arrows at the big bad. Finn went into the opposite direction, also firing at him.  
You stopped in your tracks and stared at what you assumed to be the emperor. He definitely looked the age he was, not a day younger. His skin seemed to straighten out with every passing second, he’d probably fueled his life force with Kylo and Ren’s. 

"I see...you have brought your friends.", he said, still laughing, "Too bad...for them."

In the corner of your eye you saw Finn flying through the air, then Jannah on the other side. He moved his hand towards you and upwards but you did not even feel a pull, or push. Nothing.

You calmly raised your rifle, put the finger on the trigger and fired. He deflected the blaster. He had stopped laughing, mostly because he didn't know what was going on. 

"Sorry!", you shouted and flipped a small lever slightly on the left side of your weapon, "Wrong ammo!"

You pressed the trigger again. The recoil was much stronger than with the other setting, and you had pulled the barrel up slightly thus missing where you had wanted to hit him. But not your target.  
He shouted again and stared at his hand that now had a hole in it. Blood was trickling down onto the floor. The wound was already closing itself again, even if it was only slow.

You adjusted your rifle, gripped it tighter this time and fired again. Hitting him straight in the chest. Weren't old fashioned bullets amazing? Much faster than blasters and there was no reflecting them. Through the scope you could see his face turn into a grimace out of anger, pain and frustration.

"Enough is enough!", he shouted and ripped the rifle out of your hand. You tumbled forward onto your knees, the smile not disappearing from your face. You grabbed one of the stones, got up and threw it at him. He easily deflected it and tried to push you out of the way again, "What-"

An arrow hit one of the cables he was hanging on and he was forced to detach himself. You could see Rey move slightly, then her lightsaber flew into her hand. She got up and took a swing at him, a very weak one but the will is what counted, right?

Palpatine, still stumbling from walking for the first time in decades, barely evaded it by throwing her down. Clearly whatever power he had drawn from both Kylo and Rey had given him enough strength to stand. His skin was reforming by the second, wrinkles disappeared and his back straightened. Plastic surgeons couldn't have done it better.

Rey got up again and charged at him. Lightning erupted from the tip of his fingers, but Rey blocked it. Kylo was moving slightly.  
You ran to his lightsaber and threw it towards him the moment he got up. He nodded and turned around, assisting Rey.

Finn and Jannah were starting to fire again. It was enough of a distraction for Sidious to stop his endless stream of lightning bolts. He threw the pesky little Resistance fighters around, making sure they wouldn't get up so easily this time. The moment he shifted his focus back to the two Force Users you decided to piss him off. He had thrown your rifle too far away, but his lovely red guards had been using blasters themselves.

He deflected the shots, which was a bit of a problem, but it would have to do. He catapulted Rey and Kylo back and took a step forward in your direction. Alright, you had his attention. Now what? Another step forward. In the corner of your eye you could see a boulder moving towards you. Fuck. Even if you created a void the momentum from getting thrown wouldn't stop it. You ducked away but the boulder never reached you. It hovered in the air. Rey was holding her arm up, then moved it sideways to launch it at Sidious himself.

He cracked the boulder in two and dragged Rey towards him, close enough so he could try to fry her with his lightning again. She held up her lightsaber, absorbing most of it. Her screaming echoed through the entire arena. You started shooting again but not for long. Something hit you from behind and you fell face forward onto the stone.

"Get off of me!", you swore and tried to push away the corpses of the guards that Sidious had thrown onto you. Needless to say the poor, and dead, guys didn't intend to move on their own. You rolled sideways, less pushing them off and more distributing their weight to different areas so you could free yourself.

You quickly got up again. Kylo and Rey were now both absorbing the impact of the bolts with their sabers. Rey was a bit closer to Sidious. She took a step forward, Kylo one back. She'd now have most of the attack's power on herself.  
Rey took another step forward. She screamed, holding tightly onto her lightsaber. It flickered and you guessed that she wouldn't be able to take it much longer.

"Fool.", Sidious laughed.

You shot a few blaster rounds into Sidious' direction. More watching out that you wouldn't friendly fire than that you'd actually hit him. An arrow came flying his way.

Kylo took his chance and jumped upwards, past Rey and directly at Palpatine. With one swinging motion he had cut off his hands. Landed on his feet and cut diagonally upwards. Palpatine fell forward, and backwards. 

The impact of the two body halves hitting the floor was the only thing you could hear. The crackling of the lightning bolts had stopped. His unbearable laughter. Even the chanting of the cloaked figures sitting on the ranks.

Palpatine stretched his arm out, trying to grab Kylo’s boot. He couldn’t scream or say anything, his lungs had been severed. Black blood was flowing out of his aorta and vena cava, while the lightsaber had cauterized all of the small arteries, it hadn’t managed to do so with the bigger ones. The black liquid built up into a small puddle and eventually disappeared into the cracks of stones. 

Kylo took a step back and watched the pathetic, withered old man in front of him. He turned his lightsaber around, lifted it up and impaled Sidious’ head. The head stayed in place for a few more seconds before sliding down the blade and hitting the floor.

He closed his lightsaber as Rey collapsed on her knees, visibly exhausted from the fight. You stared at the lifeless body of the 'one true emperor' before you, carefully taking a few steps forward, still unsure whether or not it was true. But he didn’t move, as much as you expected him to...he didn’t. 

His personal cult started chanting again. You stopped in your tracks and watched them. It didn't sound like grief. On the contrary...

Similar to Rey before Kylo fell forward on his knees. It wasn’t exactly the same though, it wasn’t because he was exhausted. You sprinted towards him, jumping over a few more dead guards and kneeled down at his side. His breathing was heavy and his whole body started to tremble.

It didn't feel like Kylo. Something was off. Sidious' overwhelming presence hadn't vanished, instead it had gotten stronger. You placed a hand on Kylo's back and closed your eyes. Palpatine had tainted Kylo’s being much like he had done it with the Knights earlier. It was worse in his case. Not just part of the Emperor, no the Emperor was now invading his mind. Or soul, rather. Whatever it was. 

You didn't cut Ren off but severely limited his connection, keeping most of Palpatine away, only allowing small parts to enter. Kylo's trembling didn't get any better. His back muscles were so tense they'd cramp soon.

"What's happening?", Rey asked, also placing her hand on yours, "You're freezing!"

You shook your head, "He's fighting Palpatine. I'm...", you took a sharp breath as the temperature suddenly dropped, "helping."

Rey opened her mouth to ask but was interrupted by Kylo screaming in pain. The sound almost tore your heart out. You wanted to help him, you couldn’t leave him like this! He fell forward, barely managing to stop himself from hitting the floor and was abruptly pulled backwards into the air.   
You watched him, suspended by an invisible power but closed your eyes again quickly. Sidious's entire being was swarming him like sharks would a dead carcass. It wasn't only Palpatine however, there were more than just one Sith. You shielded Kylo, wrapping him into a bubble of nothingness with only a tiny tunnel to the Force.

You heard him fall down onto the floor, but didn't move. Rey was already by his side. The pressure from every single Sith being released was getting unbearable. Your thorax was essentially unable to expand, making breathing almost impossible. What did a human need oxygen for any way? It was too complicated, who understood that? In med school you had successfully avoided ever studying this specific topic.

You counted the seconds, desperately trying to focus on not skipping any. If you were lucky you could hold this up for three minutes. It was more likely it’d be something closer to one, maybe one and a half. Concentrating without being able to breathe in properly wasn’t something the brain was made for, after all.

One by one the Sith entered your bubble and with each disappearing you felt the pressure lifting. As the last one finally entered you opened your eyes, watching Kylo's body relax. You carefully 'unwrapped' him, allowing him more room to breathe. His skin was ashen, all colour had drained from him. Rey didn’t look much better, she’d been sitting in the same void. Hers came back a lot quicker though than it did for him. 

He...he didn't feel like Kylo did. You didn't move closer, watching him from a few meters away. Something had changed. If you probed him, stuck part of your void tendrils into where he was you could still feel the others. They hadn't disappeared. He hadn't defeated them. Had they taken over? Infected him to the point where he was no longer who he used to be? If he’d talk now, would you hear his voice or...or would you hear Sidious’?

You slowly got up without making any attempts to get closer to him. Palpatine was in that mix, if you'd search a bit longer you could probably find him. But where was Kylo? Where was the specific part that felt just like him? The one you knew. The one you needed.

Rey moved back as Kylo exhaled. His breath was crystalizing in the air as he slowly got up on his feet. Her lightsaber was immediately in her hand and you raised your hand up, signaling her to not attack him.

"Ben?", she asked and you shook your head. Wrong name, sweetie. He for sure wasn’t a ‘Ben’ anymore, you just hoped he was still a ‘Kylo’ and hadn’t turned into a ‘Sheev’. 

You tilted your head, observing him. His breath was still visible, then again...so was yours. You took a quick look at your hands. The nails had turned an unhealthy...grey? It wasn’t even blue or purple. It was just grey. Your fingers were white, not ashen because there wasn’t any colour...not there wasn’t much blood in them. Of course they’d be white.

Kylo’s breath was slow and shallow from what you could tell, standing a few meters away. You stretched out your invisible tendrils again, running them through his Force presence. 

The realization of what had happened hit you like your bullet had hit Sidious earlier.  
You walked up to him, he turned his head to look at you. A smile appeared on your face as you finally understood.   
He hadn't defeated them. He had merged with them. You could still feel their seperate beings but they were all embedded in his. He was still fighting with them internally. Making sure that even though they were slowly dissolving they wouldn’t completely taint his being and replacing him. 

He stretched his hand out and removed a strand of hair from your face before turning towards Rey. That was all the proof you needed. He was still present, weak...but he was here. That was all that mattered. 

"Ben?", she repeated, "Are you...?"

"I'm still myself.", Kylo spoke and turned towards the throne. He took your hand, walking towards it. You took the first few steps, then let him go so he could take his rightful seat on top of it. Only now did you realize the smile that had snuck its way onto your face. This is what he had wanted. This is what he had been fighting for all this time...and now he finally had it. It wasn’t just in his reach anymore, no...it was his. 

He had defeated the Emperor. He had claimed his throne and he had ascended. He wasn’t a dark side user anymore. He was a Sith. No, he was the Sith. He had become the one true Emperor. And as much as the throne and title was his...he was yours.


	42. Void

The Sith eternals ever louder chanting pulled you out of your thoughts and back into reality. Why were they here any way? Did Sidious only create them to get a chorus of Yes-sayers? It seemed like it. From what you could tell there wasn't a single one that was Force sensitive. Then again, you couldn't really 'feel' the whole arena, or your limbs. But from how they behaved they had to be the most loyal following you could get. It was a cult, after all. Who didn't want religious fanatics by their side that would do your every bidding because you were 'their chosen one' or 'one true emperor' or...whatever fancy term one would come up with.

"No.", Rey said quietly, "No. No. No! You were supposed to join the Light! Not fall for the Dark!"

Kylo didn't reply. He stretched his hand out in your direction, inviting you to get closer. You gave him a big smile, taking his hand and a few steps higher towards him before letting it go and turning to Rey.

"You told me he was on the Light side! You said he was struggling with the Dark!", her voice was desperate. In disbelief about what had happened mere minutes earlier. 

"I lied.", you said simply and gave Kylo a brief look before taking a step down, "He might have struggled before, but since I know him he's chosen his side. You on the other hand...you're still sitting on the Fence, unsure of what to choose."

Maybe you could still turn this around? She was incredibly skilled with the Force after all. She had healed you too...you kind of owed it to her to at least try. There was some hope left.

"No! No!", she shouted. 

Kylo stood up and stretched his hand out, "We will rule together, Rey. Palpatine and Skywalker. An alliance reforged."

"Don't do this, Ben. Please don't do this.", she pleaded, almost breaking out in tears.

"We can make this better. We will bring a new Order to the Galaxy.", he took a step forward, "It doesn't have to be this way. We can join Forces. The Resistance and the Final Order."

You glanced over at Kylo, if everything went as planned this wouldn't work out. If Pryde had listened to you, the Resistance's headquarters would already be destroyed...that and the entire planet. Hopefully Rey didn't know that. 

You looked back at Rey. There was no way that you’d be able to convince her to join you if she figured that out. You cursed yourself for having told Pryde about the tracker. Maybe there would have been a happy end to this? The First, or Final, Order ruling side by side with the New Republic? With the Resistance? Creating an entirely new ruling class, that’d bring peace and prosperity to the galaxy. Not anymore. And the only one that could be hold accountable for that was you. Not even the big bad Sidious, or the Supreme Leader...after all you hadn’t even asked him if you should tell Pryde. Your heart felt as if it had been frozen and shattered at the realization of what you had done. 

A part of you started reasoning with yourself. That Kylo would have agreed nevertheless. That it was all going to be fine in the end. That the Final Order and New Republic would have never in their dreams joined Forces because two Force users on a distant planet, hidden by space cancer, had decided it would be that way. Rationally speaking you had made the right decision. Kylo most probably would have agreed. Pryde probably would have blown up more than just one planet in his search for the Resistance. But...but maybe you had ruined it all? The what ifs were just too grand to ignore.

"No. No, Ben...I can't do this.", Rey shouted, turning around and staring at her own hand. She closed and opened it a few times before facing you again, "I can't join an alliance with someone who rules over the galaxy with an Iron Fist! Executes innocents! Destroys entire planets because they don't bow to his will!"

No, they wouldn’t ever have agreed to work together. Their morals were far too different. The Final Order had an ‘Ends justify the means’ mentality while the New Republic was far too focused on delaying progress with bureaucracy. Your hate for paperwork almost justified ordering the elimination of who knew how many people and the destruction of an entire ecosystem by blowing up a planet. Almost. Not entirely but it did make you feel slightly better about what you had done.

She vehemently shook her head, "I want to take your hand...if it were Ben's.", she took a deep breath, "But it isn't Ben who's hand I'd take.”, tears started forming in her eyes,”I'm not even sure if it is still Kylo's."

Jannah had gotten up and closer, you could see Finn struggling to stand up somewhere further back. Sidious throwing him around the room clearly hadn't been beneficial for him.

"I'd have to betray my entire being to join forces with you.”, tears were starting to stream down her face,”Everything I stand for. You are all the Sith together. The embodiment of Evil. And me...I'm a Jedi.", she shook her head again.

You shook yours too and lifted your left hand up, stopping Kylo from replying. Whatever guilt you had felt for calling the destruction of a planet and its people had evaporated when Rey had spoken her last words.

"'The embodiment of Evil'?", you asked and took a step down the stairs, hand still lifted up and balled into a fist, "That's... what we are to you?”

You paused, waiting for her to take back her statement without avail, “Don't you realize how ridiculous you sound? You see the world in black and white. You see us as 'the embodiment of Evil' and the Resistance as what? 'The embodiment of everything good'? Are you truly making such an unbelievable foolish distinction?", you spoke fast, lecturing her without being condescending.

You took another step down and pressed your lips together briefly, shaking your head, "No.", you paused and mustered her, continuing to speak much slower than you had earlier, "No, Rey, you are wrong. I told you about my Father and how he was killed? It was the Resistance. Why? Because he supported the First Order."

"Bu-"

"But? He had every right to. In the outer rims the First Order are the only ones capable of saving you from criminals. Your precious galactic core is well protected, you don't need the help. But us...", you shook your head, "No. Without the First Order we'd be lost. And you. You, my dear Rey, completely ignore that."

You stayed calm, almost emotionless. All you wanted to do was inform her of what was happening, trying to make her understand that she was wrong with calling the First Order the literal reincarnation of evil personified. They had their weak moments, they weren’t always right...but they were being the way they were to do good. Whether or not they were wrong with what they did couldn’t be answered with a yes or no. It wasn’t binary, it was on a spectrum. Or at least, you first had to explain it before eventually deciding on either.

"But you aren't free! You take away our freedom!", Jannah shouted, "I didn't want to join the First Order! I was forced into it!"

"Mistakes were clearly made, we aren't perfect.", you said as calm as possible, if you had been in charge you'd have made sure Jannah wouldn't have betrayed the First Order, "The Final Order will clone their soldiers. Those mistakes will never get repeated."

"You execute innocents!", Jannah's voice didn't get any more quiet. Instead of acknowledging what you had said she brought up the next point. Not even trying to have a discussion, all she wanted was to antagonize you. There were few things you despised as much as someone incapable of listening.

"Innocents? Resistance supporters! The Resistance is nothing more than a terrorist organization funded by the New Republic! Its sole purpose is to destroy the First Order.", you looked at her, calming your voice down a bit, "You have no ideals. Nothing. The only thing you know is that you hate the First Order, but what if it's gone? Who is going to protect the outer rims from murderers, slavers and other scum? Definitely not the New Republic. No...they are far too focused on their own secure little system in the galactic core."

And paper trails. Never forget the damage done by delaying decisions.

Rey's struggle was all too visible. She wasn't stupid, she saw what you meant but she didn't agree. Unlike Jannah who completely refused to see your point.

"Rey...", you started, heightening your voice mildly to show your sympathy "I know why you joined them. You're good-natured. You just want to help.”, you smiled, “The only reason you joined the Resistance is because you thought you'd help more people that way but...", you shook your head, "You're destroying more lives by supporting them."

"That's not true.", her voice was quiet.

"Don't you see? Don't you see the chaos they bring upon us? The galactic core is tiny compared to the outer rims! You will destroy tens of thousands of planets by removing the single factor keeping them safe!"

"Shut up.", she looked down onto the floor and looked as if she was about to collapse any minute. She was blocking out any truth you spoke. For what reason? Why did she have to do that! You knew she could listen! She had done so before but now? Now she did not want to. She might as well put her hands over her ears, it would have been about as ignorant as she was being right now.

"Think! Rey! Think!", you half shouted. She was getting on your nerves. She was so hell bent on supporting the first cause that had come her way without actually listening to anything of what you were saying. To her you were evil, that was it. There was no grey area in between. Her stupid black and white thinking. You absolutely detested it. 

"Don't listen to her, Rey! She's a Knight of Ren!", Finn shouted. He was running towards you, limping. His shirt was stained in blood and as much as you enjoyed the lovely sight it didn’t make up for the stupid words he was spewing.

Rey jerked up her head to stare at you, "You were lying!"

You shot a death glare into his direction but wished it would have been a blaster instead. Or one of those good old fashioned bullets you had used on Sidious earlier. He was mildly Force Sensitive, after all.

"No. I am their medic as well.", you retaliated. Why did he have to come now? You had made so much progress. Maybe you would have even managed to convince her, now it would be much harder. If not completely impossible  
You looked at Kylo. His face was pale and his breathing shallow, the fight with the Sith's spirits clearly wasn't over yet. It’d probably still take a while, too. Taking the throne didn’t come without paying a price...but you’d make sure nothing would happen to him. None would even get close to hurting what was yours.

"And...and...", Finn supported his weight on his knees, trying to squeeze out words in between his heavy breaths, "They...they destroyed Ajan Kloss..."

Couldn't Pryde have waited a few more minutes to blow up the Resistance's base? Or maybe an hour or two? How did Finn figure that out any way? 

"NO!", Rey collapsed down to her knees and started crying. After all those tears had already ran down her face she still had some left for her ‘friends’. Or...you guessed the animals whose death you had caused too. If you were fully honest you regretted that far more than the fact one of the factions currently at war had been wiped out. This should have been done ages ago, it’d have made the war so much shorter. Far less casualties. 

Finn and Jannah were doing their best to support Rey.  
You took a few steps back, getting closer to Kylo. He wasn't looking good, his skin was ashen and he was slouched over, elbows on his knees. You kneeled down, placing your left hands on his leg.

"You!", Rey shouted and you turned your head to look at her, her voice cracking midway, "This is your doing!”, she got up and stretched out her hand, pointing at you, “You put a tracker on the Falcon!"

Oh smart little one, how did she find that out? It didn’t matter any more...they were all dead. Everyone who mattered to her. 

"I. Will. Kill. You.", she hissed and ignited her lightsaber.

You turned your head back to Kylo and ran your hands through his hair briefly before getting up. A smile crept over your face as you turned towards them.

"Rey...my dearest Rey...", you laughed, "Don't you realize that all this hate is only bringing you to the Dark Side?", you scoffed and raised your eyebrows up, giving her the most pitying look you could manage, "The Light is truly lacking its flair if you aren't allowed to have emotions."

She was breathing heavily, barely containing herself from jumping towards you. This could go very, very wrong with your head not being attached to the rest of your body any more. Especially with Kylo as weak as he was currently. Then again. While everyone that had mattered to her had been turned into star dust...the only one that mattered to you was currently sitting behind you. There was no way you’d let her do the same to you, that you had just done to her. Not very fair, but what in life was truly fair? The stronger one prevailed and you wouldn’t be the one to give up her spot at the top of the food chain.

"You joined the Resistance because you needed someone to hate. You hated the First Order, you hated Kylo Ren...and now you hate me. It is a burden I will gladly carry.", you bowed down mockingly. 

"Shut the FUCK UP!", Jannah shouted.

Honestly, if she would have said anything similar you would have shouted the same. 

"Hey...hey I tried to do this diplomatically.", you raised your arms briefly before letting them fall down. Then again...it was so much fun to make fun of them! It wasn’t the only reason you were antagonizing them, their focus would be on you and not on Kylo this way. It was better to lose your head than to have Kylo lose his.

Finn moved his hand to his belt. His blaster was missing. Good for you, very good for you otherwise this would have all been incredibly short lived. Literally for you as your lifespan would have been shortened by a few decades. You laughed again, more out of relief than anything else.

"I hate you.", Rey hissed, gripping her lightsaber until her knuckles were white. Cute.

You smiled at her then abruptly stopped it, raising up a finger as if you were trying to remember something, "Actually...Rey. You don't hate me.", you pressed your lips together and shook your head, "Not yet.", you stopped and dropped your hand again, "But we can change that."

A shot echoed through the gigantic hall. Silence. Then Jannah's body dropped onto the floor, the blaster had ripped away most of her face.

"NOOO!", both Finn and Rey shouted. They both kneeled down next to her lifeless body.

"Ohhhh...shouldn't have done that...really shouldn't have done that!", you said, more quiet than usually but not whispering, "Bad memories.", back to your normal voice, "Do you see that, Rey? DO YOU SEE THAT? THAT'S WHAT THE RESISTANCE DID TO MY BROTHERS!"

Rey looked up briefly then held tightly onto Jannah's shirt again.

"You blame ME! You blame ME for everything! While completely, COMPLETELY ignoring that it was YOU who created this!", you stopped and dropped your arms to your sides briefly before raising them again in anger and taking the last steps down, "You have brought out the worst in me! I played along for such a long time, you know that Rey? FOR SO LONG!"

You stopped and watched her wail over her dead 'friend' that she had known for less than 24 hours. There was nothing connecting them. No common memories besides being told that Poe's landing had been a catastrophe. That and maybe watching each other sleep for a bit on the way to Exegol. You had taken nothing from her, no one important. It might as well have been a stranger...no, it was a stranger. What the Resistance had taken from you, however...had been family.

"But I'm not the enemy, because you unleashed this upon the world.", your voice was quiet, "Why didn't you listen? Why don't you listen to us now? There is this ever consuming divide and you are just tearing it further apart."

Rey got up again and ignited her lightsaber once again, "Can you not just shut up for one single minute?"

"Honestly? I really like my voice and want you all to hear it, after all...it’s only hearing and never ever listening!", you put your arms behind your back, military style, and bent forward slightly to get a better look at Jannah's ripped apart face before quickly moving back again and shaking your head in disgust.

"What the fuck is wrong with you.", Finn's eyes were wide open. He couldn't properly comprehend the situation. The way you behaved much less than what you had done.

Rey stretched her hand out but nothing happened. She stared at it, unsure of what had just happened. It was more entertaining than seeing Sidious do the same earlier. Their whole world got thrown upside down whenever they couldn't solve something with the Force.

You raised your eyebrows and tilted your head. Wordlessly asking her if something was wrong. It was so much more humiliating than actually saying the words out loud.

She did it again and screamed in frustration. You weren't moving an inch.

"Doesn't work, eh?", you asked and gave her a pitying smile again. You sighed, "Leave. Just leave, make yourself a new home. I don't want to kill you, you're...you don't understand. You don't deserve to die.", you smiled again, this time genuine, "You just did what you thought was best. I can't really hold you accountable for that, I do the same."

"You just shot Jannah?!", Finn shouted, his eyes only got wider.

"To prove a point.", you said with the most innocent voice. It was the truth. Her death had purely been for illustration purposes. Arguably this had been her greatest achievement yet. Maybe her only one, actually.

"You're sick. You're mad. You're completely psychopathic."

"A big word for such a low ranking stormtrooper."

"You are worse than Kylo Ren! You enjoyed executing those civilians!", if he’d open up his eyes any wider they’d pop out of his head.

"Honestly, you're starting to get on my nerves. Last chance...take it or leave it. Or I guess take it and leave.", you moved your hands in front of your abdomen. In your right you were still holding your blaster, only emphasizing its existence by placing your left hand on top of it.

"Rey. Be smart and go. And take Finn with you or we'll have another body to clea-"

"SHUT UP!", she shouted and swung her lightsaber at you.

You jumped backwards, evading the deadly strike. Two shots. A scream from Finn. A 'Finn!' from Rey.

"Do you really want to stab me again! The first time wasn't very pleasant at all!", you laughed coldly and took a few steps backwards, getting a bit of distance between you and Rey. This would be fun. This would be so much fun! 

You were like a cat, playing with its prey. For now you'd make her believe it was the other way around. But this setting was just too boring...mhhh. Apart from that you were at a disadvantage in the open. And in case it’d go wrong, you didn’t want Kylo to see you die.

"You don't want to do this, Rey.", you switched up your tone from mocking to being genuine, "I don't like you, but you're good. You really are, you're just doing your best. If you want to leave you can."

You turned around and walked towards the exit, "I'll show you out, too."  
A boulder came throwing your way again and you sprinted ahead, leaping forward and sliding below one of the gigantic tanks. The impact cracked the glass but didn't break it. You crawled out from below the tank and ran forward, hiding behind a pillar.

You closed your eyes, she was getting closer, but seemingly unaware of where you were hiding. The image of being face to face with a Vornskr appeared in your mind. Its eyes being illuminated by the moon. Its teeth ripping out your brother's throat...you finally understood them. How they saw the world. You could sense Rey the same way they had sensed your brother. Maybe you’d rip her throat out too?

"You made the wrong decision, Rey.", you spoke and immediately scurried away to the next tank, staying out of sight.

She stopped, turning into the direction where you had just been. She wouldn't find you, she wouldn't even be able to hear your steps. The void you created didn’t just drain colour but also sound. You shot one of the lights that was illuminating the area.

Rey stopped, confused by the sudden change in lighting but continued on rather quickly. Still searching for you. She needed her eyes. You could sense her without them.

You climbed up on one of the tanks and watched her get closer to you for a while. She eventually reached your tank, but didn't think about looking up. You pointed your blaster at her and pulled the trigger, hitting the ground next to her on purpose. There was no need to end it so soon. 

She jumped back, her eyes darting in between your face and the blaster. Why hadn't she sensed it? You smiled.  
She threw the tank over and you only barely managed to jump upon the next closest one. The glass shattered, but the sound was muffled. That wasn't fair! Just taking away the ground below you! What an ass! You tried to pull yourself up, but it wasn’t hard for Rey to knock you down. Your fingers had never been extraordinarily strong to begin with, but with the cold freezing them it was even harder for you to hold on.

The fall knocked the air out of your lungs and you desperately tried to get some back in, failing hopelessly. When you finally managed to the air was ice cold, almost freezing your insides. She had knocked you off your high horse and facing reality was quite painful.  
You regretted not immediately shooting her. Playing was fun, but only if you had the upper hand and weren’t gasping for air on the floor. You weren’t a cat playing with a mouse, no you felt like a fish out of water. Rey being the cat.

She came closer, watching you lying on the floor and shaking her head. She turned her saber in the air so the blade was facing downwards. Oh no. Oh hell no. This wouldn’t end the same way it had for Sidious earlier. She pushed her weapon down. Instead of impaling your heart it just flickered pathetically and the blade disappeared. Rey stared at the hilt in her hand, still in disbelief of what happened.

"What ARE you?!"

"Nothing."

You grabbed her hand and pulled her down to your level, throwing her to the side. Both of you got up at the same time. You delivered a high kick to her head. She blocked it just in time. You jumped up and kicked her abdomen with your right foot before you had even put the left down.  
The moment both your feet were back on the floor you moved in, punching her solar plexus. She tumbled onto the floor, stopping her fall but earning herself a few glass shards in her hands. It hadn’t been as powerful as you had hoped for. 

"I am a void. I don't exist within the Force and the Force doesn't exist around me.", you said, moving back and giving her a second to breathe.

She recovered quickly, greeting you with a friendly kick to your torso which you didn't manage to evade at the cost of your ribcage integrity. Pain soared through your body, Rey only making it worse by hitting the side of your head with her lightsaber. The cracked rib, hit to the head and onsetting hypothermia painted a beautiful picture of nothing but pain. 

She tried to lift up one of the bigger pieces of metal to throw it at you, but the void you had created stopped her from being able to do so. It gave you enough time to throw another punch. She pushed your hand away, the momentum spinning you around and her kick sent you flying into the shards of the broken down tank nearby. 

You groaned, not being able to hear it yourself, and got up on your hands and knees, immediately deeply regretting your decision as the shards but buried deeper into your flesh. You had trouble even staying like this, with every second it felt as if your body got heavier.  
Rey was immediately by your side, dragging you up by your arm only to grab your hair and smash your head into her knee. You fell down again, wincing in pain.  
You got back up on your knees and vomited. In the corner of your eyes you could see Rey take a step backwards, clearly not wanting to get in touch with it...and completely ignoring that she was standing in the same soup that Snoke had been cooking in for who knew how long. 

She kicked you again, by now you couldn’t tell any new pain apart from the old. You pressed your eyelids together, doing your best to stay conscious as you slowly felt your mind slip away. You didn’t try to get up immediately.

"Time out.", you said, making a 'T' with your hands, "This isn't fair. I'm just a doctor, you grew up in a junkyard you probably had to fight rats my size when you were five."

She scoffed, "Your power is useless."

"Is it?", you asked, and slowly got up. Alright. The adrenaline in your body was the only thing allowing you to move your limbs. The cold was creeping up your bones, severely restricting your movement. You spat away blood that had gathered in your mouth. It wasn't warm, like it should be.

"Let's end this.", you mumbled.

Similar to Kylo earlier you wrapped her in a bubble, closing off her connection. She fell down on her knees, still conscious. Images of your father dying, the Resistance fighters standing over him with satisfaction in their eyes...your brothers getting shot one by one. Kylo collapsing, her almost killing him...You forced yourself to live through every horrible event again. Similar to pouring gasoline on a campfire it fueled your hatred. Not just, however. There was also fear, fear to lose Kylo. Fear that if you'd be defeated now that she'd just end his life five minutes later.

His laughter, the first time he had carried you from the interrogation room to his med bay. How he had stitched up your wounds. How he'd allowed you to sleep in his room after your deployment on Weih. Waking you up every single time you had nightmares. The woman who had tried to touch him and the surprised but satisfied look on his face after you had shot her. His anger after you had overdone it again. His lips touching yours. The way he had greeted you in the Death Star and how he had held you over water.

In the end the hatred was so miniscule you might as well not have given into it. All you could see was Kylo's face as the black hole absorbed everything Rey stood for. The walls were closing in on her. Every time she tried to escape that part disappeared out of existence the moment it got in touch with you. You compressed her into a tiny ball, suffocating her by taking away the very thing she was dependent on.

She fell to the side, unconscious. She was still fighting, desperately trying not to destroy any more of herself by accidentally moving into the void. Commendable. If only she would have listened...you sighed loudly and swallowed her whole, erasing her being from the very face of the Galaxy. Her skin was grey and you watched her for a few minutes, still keeping her inside the black hole. You had to make sure she was actually gone and that she wouldn't ascend to the Light Side. But she didn't. There was nothing left of her pathetic existence.

You collapsed your void and fell on your knees as the weight of the dark side hit you. Her skin didn't get any colour back, even though the rest of the place around you did.

"There she is.", a familiar voice sounded from behind you.

"Hey, are you still alive, Miss?"

"Doing fantastic over here.", you mumbled as Ap'lek lifted you up. You didn’t have the strength to protest even if you would have wanted to.

"Let's bring you back to him, alright?"

Ap'lek carried you towards Kylo. You poked his abdomen, signaling him to let you go and slowly walked up the stairs. Ignoring the pain was impossible, but your pride to get up those stairs on your own was much stronger. 

Kylo stood up and took your hand, helping you up the last few steps. He took a seat and pulled you on his lap.  
He carefully lifted up your head. His smile made the bruises, cold and pain worth every bit. No matter how much you had been through, you knew that you’d do it again without hesitation. There was nothing you wouldn’t do for him. And there was nothing he wouldn’t do for you. He was yours and you were his.   
This was everything you could have ever hoped for. What you had always wanted.   
You ran your hand through his hair and pulled him closer until your lips touched. 

Annotation:  
Oh man, this has been a wild ride from start to finish. It was supposed to just be maybe two chapters of the reader meeting Kylo...I guess I've written an entire, albeit not very good, book about it. Two chapters was all I wanted to do in the beginning. Then it turned into three...four...ten...twenty and now over forty chapters and 370 pages. 

Never expected that to be fully honest...so if any of you notice any inconsistencies, plotholes or me forgetting about parts: Please tell me!   
I wrote the last chapters in one go (writing something about 4000 words/day) to avoid any mistakes there, nevertheless: they happen. Criticism is always welcome! I know some people say that and only expect positive comments but seriously hit me with all your complaints. Any of them! I will appreciate them because it is the only way to improve.

I wanted to thank all of you who've been through this ride with me. Your comments really kept me going even though it sometimes took ages for me to update. Thank you so much for your patience and still continuing to read even though I couldn't get off my lazy ass. Special thanks go out to those who’ve been leaving their lovely messages under basically every chapter!

Not entirely related but I’m super grateful all of you were so understanding when it came to my mental health. It’s been a struggle and honestly I’m still not 100% recovered but it’s gotten much better. Thank you for that, it really meant a lot to me.   
So just in case any of you have exams coming up: First of all..why the fuck are you reading this? Shouldn’t you be studying? Just kidding, breaks are needed! And you’re totally spending it very well by reading this lol  
Also sleep is important. Atleast six hours! And I mean six hours per day and not six hours per two or three days like I did it...shadow people aren’t fun my friends. They aren’t fun.

Last but not least: I feel like I have to address this...I am not advocating for totalitarian governments. Or that you should just execute civilians etc etc. I think it is common sense when it comes to the latter but these days I feel like I should address it separately.  
I'm actually on the opposite end of that political axis and personally completely against authoritarianism. In my opinion freedom is the greatest human right and it has to be protected at all cost. It was actually kind of fun, albeit difficult, to write the opposite side of the spectrum. If I did get something wrong, same thing again...please tell me. 

So yeah, I wasn’t trying to make this political...it’s a fanfiction (emphasis on fiction), it is not correlated to our current political systems so please don’t see it as me trying to convince you of either side. I personally hate it if someone brings up politics in something that isn’t politics itself, that’s why I wanted to say it.   
(The only side you should be convinced to follow now is the dark. For Kylo…...and sorry...it’s just much better than the light :P Debate me, I fucking mean it!)

I think that's all? I mean I guess I could go on and on here...I’m super happy that this story got as much attention as it has! I have never expected that...it astounds me everytime. Don’t even know how to put that into words.  
So once again: thank you so much for staying until the very end and, hopefully, enjoying the story that developed out of a brain fart I had one night.  
I wish you all a lovely morning, midday, evening or night whenever you should finish this and stumble upon this comment at the end.  
Thank you :3

**Author's Note:**

> Hey!  
> This is my first fanfic, I hope you like it :3  
> I'd love to have some feedback, tell me things I can do better or in which direction you'd like to see this go!  
> I hope you have a lovely day!


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